| Procedure in case of fire |
| IN CASE OF FIRE (WELL, NOT IN CASE, - WHEN FIRE ACTUALLY HAPPENS!) OFFICIAL OFFICE PROCEDURE 1 SPEND FIVE MINUTES DEBATING THE CAUSE OF THE STRANGE LOUD NOISE WHICH CAN BE HEARD. HAVING DISMISSED THE JUNIOR'S PERSONAL STEREO AND A DODGY PHONE AS POSSIBLE CAUSES, DECIDE THAT IT MAY POSSIBLY BE THE FIRE ALARM. 2 CALMLY AND METHODICALLY TIDY DESKS, LOCKING AWAY CONFIDENTIAL FILES, PLACING UNANSWERED NASTY LETTERS AND INVOICES AS NEAR AS POSSIBLE TO THE SOURCE OF THE FIRE, AND BACKING UP ALL COMPUTERS. THEN LOCK AWAY ALL DETACHABLE ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT. 3 GATHER TOGETHER ALL YOUR PERSONAL POSSESSIONS AND PACK THEM READY TO TAKE WITH YOU. READ THE FIRE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE ROOM AND ARGUE ABOUT THE INTERPRETATION OF THEM WITH COLLEAGUES. 4 PUT ON COATS AND SCARVES, LIFT BOXES AND CRATES OF PERSONAL POSSESSIONS, SWITCH OFF REMAINING ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT, AND DECIDE WHICH FIRE EXIT TO USE. ARGUE ABOUT THE QUICKEST ROUTE TO IT. 5 STROLL TOWARDS NEAREST EXIT, LEAVING ALL DOORS CHOCKED OPEN. ELBOW ASIDE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO OVERTAKE. 6 FOREGATHER WITH COLLEAGUES WITHIN HALF A MILE OF THE MUSTER POINT. HANG AROUND FOR FIVE MINUTES, THEN DECIDE TO NIP OFF TO THE NEAREST SHOPS FOR A FAG BREAK. LEAVE JUNIOR ON WATCH TO SIGNAL WHEN IT IS TIME TO GO BACK INTO THE BUILDING. 7 UPON RETURN, MEET UP WITH JEANNIE WHO DIDN'T HEAR THE ALARM AND HAS BEEN IN THE TOILETS/FILING ROOM/PHOTOCOPIER ROOM THE WHOLE TIME. |
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