Stimulie and Response
A Sick Fic
By Stacy
"Coffee! It's what's for Dinner!"
One running leap plus a flying tackle equaled a bruised princess on top of a stunned, stony swordsman.
"....you wanted a word, Amelia?"
"Yes."
"About...?"
"Don't you play innocent with me Zelgadis Graywers!!"
"I'm sure-"
"Pick!"
"What are you-"
"PICK!"
"But-"
"PICK ONE NOW!!!"
Dead silence lay in a murdered shroud about the couple. Sharpened ears cut through the sounds of her breathing and her heartbeat. Sensatized nostrils took down the braid of scents, composed of one part sweet soap, one part floral shampoo, and one part....!! One visible eye widened. The covered one probably did too.
"You didn't....!"
"HA! I did TOO!"
"Dirty pool! Dirty pool!!"
"DEAL with it, Zelgadis- san!"
"But- but- but-!!"
"I don't recall seeing the three of them in the running! PICK!!!!"
A catchy rhythm tapped against the floor as he beat the stone of his head against the equally stony floor (who thought Zel was something of a puss as far as rocks went; this granite figured if you'd never been molten you were just the cubic zirconian equivalent). Next door a young woman began to dance; it really was a snappy tempo.
Amelia, crown princess of Saillune, white mage, and Sword of Justice, did something down right nasty. She rolled her hips, slowly, suggestively, grindingly against his lower back. Zelgadis' optic nerves were seriously considering filing a union suit and walking.
That scent was driving him crazy..
Amelia's good nature flipped the world off and left. A deep inhalation and a nice strong stree-eetch.. followed by nerve-nibbling heat on his ear..
"Not fair Amelia!!"
"Well DUH."
Desperation had almost kicked a .. could it be..? a whine into Zel's voice?! "What would your father say?!"
"'Stop touching my baby you pervert'."
"Well, yeah but I meant on the principle of things!"
"CHOOSE! And I suggest you remember how happy you were before me!!"
"Well, I love you both-"
"NO!!!"
"And you both have your good sides-"
"PICK!!"
"Why can't we all just be friends??! I need you both!!"
"BECAUSE!!! I've seen you two! When you think I'm not LOOKING!! The greedy look in your eyes.. open expression!! Heated glances!! The way your traitorous hands trace those curves...! ONE OR THE OTHER!!!"
A thought -or SUMthing- struck Zel. "..Amelia.. are you wearing a bra?!!" Shack dilated his pupils to different sizes. Not that you'd know it to look at him.
"No."
"You're NOT?!"
"NO! I'm not wearing a shirt either!!"
"So you're laying on top of me in just your pants?!"
"NO! I have my cloak too! And my talismen!"
Zelgadis had nightmares about things like this.. Chosing between the loves of his life..
"I'm gonna count to three you rocky bastard!!! Now CHOOSE!!!"
"I am a dark swordsman!! I cannot be bullied! Even by bouncy topless girls!!"
"ONE."
"I am the master of my own fate and captain on the ship of my destiny!!"
"TWO."
"I- I- YOU'RE MEAN!!!!!" And he burst into tears.
"FINE!! CRY! DON'T LOOK AT ME FOR COMFORT!!!" Anger (sans her tee) pushed his face into the floor, and spurned indignation shoved Amelia and all her jiggly bits off of his protesting back.
"NO! DON'T GO!" She was TOPLESS! TOPLESS! Those were BREASTS under her cloak!!
"Is it me?"
"I-"
"Or is it..."
"I CAN'T CHOOSE!!"
"..is it..."
"WAAA-AAAA-AAH!!!!"
"Is it.. the CUP?!!!"
"I love you AND coffee!! Lemmie have 'em both!!!"
"HA! YOU CLUTCH THAT MUG LIKE IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S BREAST!!!"
"How about we compromise?!!! I'll trash the cup!!" Suspician gave a lovely sparkle to her cobalt orbs.
"...you swear??!"
"I swear!!" The home- wreaker brand coffee mug was flung away. "Okay? Okay??!" Zelgadis stared hungrily at his lover and her deliciously.. caffeinated.. pulse points.
"Very well. Come slave!!" The little woman grabbed the coffee pot and turned on her heel, her cape snapping authoritative cloth fingers demandingly.
"WOOO HOO! I'M GETTIN' LAID!!!" And he happily scampered after Amelia, both spending an enjoyable afternoon licking Starbucks off each other's exciting bits.
Somewhere, in an inn, a coffee mug, parasitic in it's need for men and Folgers, fumed.
