So Tired
By Kamui
Zel rolled over for the fifth time in as many minutes. He grumbled in desperation and tried smushing his face into the pillow. Nothing worked.
I'm so tired...
L-sama, it had to be at least 2 in the morning. He was exhausted from a long day of killing things, running around, listening to Lina yell at Gourry and having to deal with Xellos. All day long he'd looked forward to an inn, and a nice, comfy bed. But fate had other plans for him.
I haven't slept a wink...
He couldn't sleep a bit. His body was telling him he was tired in it's usual manner-everything hurt. So why weren't his eyes staying closed? Maybe it was the fact that his roommate, Gourry, was in full-snoring mode, and murmuring a certain name over and over in his sleep. Maybe it was the was the fact the room was freezing, and again, Gourry, who'd been ill recently, got the benefit of the warmer quilt. Or maybe...although he wanted to blame something else on the swordsman...it was the cause of someone else...A face he kept seeing each time he tried to drift off.
I'm so tired...
Stuffing his head under the pillow, he tried not to think of anything except darkness...
My mind is on the blink...
And failed utterly. There was that face again. Those stupid eyes that made his heart beat just a little faster when he saw them. That stupid smile that made him want to smile too. Those stupid emotions...Emotions he'd never wanted to feel, never wanted to have any part in. Dammit.
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink? No, no, no...
Pulling the pillow off his head in disgust, he sat up, debating about whether or not to sneak into the kitchen and make himself some coffee.
"Idiot," he chided himself. "Coffee's to keep you awake.."
Still...The hot black beverage did tend to calm him down.. Quietly, he got up and left the room, reveling in the blissful silence of the hall until he crashed into an ornamental table in the darkness. He swore, and limped to the stairs. Good thing no one else was up.
I'm so tired...
After he'd made his coffee, the chimera slumped at a table and stared into the dark liquid. Steam rose in lazy curves, and he sighed. All he wanted was sleep. Instead, he got her.
I don't know what to do...
He was at a complete loss. He'd never had insomnia so badly before. And he certainly didn't know what to do about her. This was never meant to happen, he reminded himself. She was just supposed to be someone he traveled with, nothing more than that. A friend, that's all. Just a girl.
I'm so tired...
He sipped his coffee slowly, feeling the dull warmth in his stomach.
My mind is stuck on you...
Swearing again, Zel folded his arms on the table, and rested his head in them. How could he have ever been so careless as to...to fall in love? And with her, of all people.
I wonder should I call you, but I know what you would do...
He toyed with the idea of going to her room, knocking on the door, and just flat out telling her. He laughed bitterly to himself. That would certainly surprise her, but it might not go too well.
You'd say I'm putting you on...
She'd probably laugh, then get that look on her face, that upset look, and tell him not to play with her feelings like that. After every moment of trying to convince her he didn't feel anything for her, she certainly would think him playing a cruel game if he ever were to tell the truth. Especially so late at night-When all normal, sane people were asleep...
But it's no joke, it's doin' me harm...
But just to say it and get it out. Say it so someone would know and he wouldn't have to keep it so closely anymore. Say it so he'd stop going crazy.
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain...
Just for one little moment of peace. And then maybe his brain would let him calm down and sleep.
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane...
Rubbing his eyes with his fingers, Zel remembered the instant three weeks previously when things had suddenly dawned on him. They'd known each other a few years, and they were friends...Maybe she wanted something more but he'd always pushed her back, kept her at arms length. Until that stupid moment when she had to go and look so stunningly beautiful as she cast a very simple spell...And his heart melted completely. Since then, he hadn't been able to concentrate as well on daily business. But it had never kept him awake like this.
"Dammit!"
You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind.
"If I could just tell her..." he mumbled into his arm as he reached for his cup again. "Then I'd be able to sleep.."
I'm so tired...
His hand closed around the cup, noting that it?s color reminded him of the way she dressed, and that in turn led to him thinking about her other attributes and... Oh L-sama this was awful..
I'm feeling so upset...
"I must be absolutely losing it." he muttered, half to himself, half to someone who wasn't there. "It's the middle of the night, and all I can think about is you."
"Who?"
Although I'm so tired...
Zel whirled, fell out of his chair, and looked up to see Lina staring down at him strangely.
"What're you doing down here?"
I'll have another cigarette...
"I couldn't sleep..." he climbed back into his chair with some difficulty as she sat down across from him. He reached for the coffee pot and poured the rest of it into his cup. "I thought I'd have a drink."
"Doesn't one normally drink coffee to stay awake?"
"Yeah, well, I'm not one of those people, and this is a different situation."
"People problems?"
"You could say that." He leaned back, trying to regain his cool exterior.
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh, he was such a stupid get...
"Mm...hmm..." Lina nodded slowly, then yawned.
"What are you doing up?"
"I heard you crash into that table a while ago. It took me a bit to get out of bed."
"I see."
"So who are you thinking about?" she grinned.
He shuddered. He'd hoped she wouldn't go back to that. Setting down his mug, he folded his arms across his chest, and gave her a cold, Zel stare.
"No one. Nothing. You wouldn't understand. No one would."
You'd say I'm putting you on...
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. It's a secret."
"For someone who hates Xellos, I wouldn't expect you to use his line."
"I told you I'm tired!"
"Sure." Lina reached for his coffee cup and took a long drink before he could stop her. "Lemme guess...Our chimera is in love!"
"Of course not." He hoped the darkness would conceal his blush.
"Oh, yes you are!" She giggled in an overly girly way, and spooked him a good deal by doing so. "Feel like telling your good friend Lina who?"
"Nobody important."
But it's no joke, it's doin' me harm...
"It must be important if it's keeping you awake..."
"I'm awake because Gourry snores and has the warm quilt, okay?" he snapped.
"Is it me?"
"You've already got someone who-" he stopped himself before he betrayed a secret he'd sworn to keep, even though he guessed she already knew. "No. You're my friend. It wouldn't be right."
"Is it...Sylphiel?" She smiled, and traced the edge of the cup with her index finger.
"No. Gimme my coffee." He reached for it.
Lina held it up above her head, smiling teasingly.
"Is it Filia?"
"She wants the fruitcake, for L-sama knows what reason...Gimme!" The chimera lunged across the table, missed, and hit the floor again.
"Ah-ah-ah...Is it Amelia?" He could tell by the sound of her voice that her grin was huge.
"NO! Of course not!" He said a little too loudly.
"It is, isn't it?" Lina leaned over in her chair and looked him in the eyes. "You like Amelia!"
"I do not!"
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain...
"Oh come on, Zel! I should've realized it before! Who else would have you up in the middle of the night? The little justice freak!"
"It's not her..." He moaned unconvincingly, rising to his knees and reaching pathetically for his cup. "Pleeeaassse gimme my coffee..."
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane...
"I always thought you might have something for her. How long have you been accepting it yourself?"
"Three we--Never!"
The sorceress laughed.
"It's so easy to get answers from you when you're tired.." She decided to take pity on him and handed him the cup.
"Here.."
"Thank you..." He drank happily...or would have. "You drank it all?!"
She shrugged.
"AAAAAAAGGGHHHH!" He slammed his head into the floor, then found himself in a very uncomfortable headlock.
"Shut up, you don't want to wake up the whole inn, do you?"
You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind...
"Lina, if you don't let go in two seconds..."
"Calm down, Zel." She loosened her hold, then scooted around to his face. Her expression was one of complete seriousness, and he was taken aback.
"Zel, I promise I won't tell Amelia or Gourry or anyone, alright?"
"Really?" He raised a slightly doubtful eyebrow.
"Really. I promise. I abused it out of you, and it really wasn't fair, since it is the middle of the night, and I drank your coffee too."
"This isn't the real Lina. Who are you?"
She laughed softly.
"I mean it, Zel." She patted him on the shoulder. "You're one of my very best friends, and I know it took a lot for you to tell me that. When you're ready to let her know...well, that's your business."
Zel let himself smile a little, and finally rose, dusting himself off.
Lina leaned back and grinned.
Give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind...
They looked at each other for a little while, then Zel yawned, and his eyes suddenly felt very heavy. It had worked- telling someone had let his mind settle down. Thank. L. Sama.
"I'm going to bed." He turned and headed for the stairs. "You probably should too."
"Sure." She walked up beside him.
"Uhm..."he rubbed the back of his neck absently. "Does Amelia talk in her sleep like Gourry does?"
"Not really..."she said thoughtfully as she reached her door. "But I'm usually not awake enough to notice." She looked at the doorknob, then at Zel who looked as if he were about to fall asleep against the wall. "What does Gourry say?"
"Basically repeats 'Lina' over and over. Hugs his pillow some...you know..."he yawned again, and entered his room.
"He...he does?"
"Mm-hmm. Good night."
The door shut. Lina entered her own room and sat down on her bed, pondering. Amelia loved Zel, Zel loved Amelia. And Gourry...Gourry was...Or was he? And she...did she...hmm...
I'm so tired...
It wasn't long before Lina found herself unable to sleep, and wandered back downstairs, filling Zel's empty coffee cup, a certain blond swordsman heavily on her mind.
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