Forbidden
By: Silver Star
Ano...I'm new but I really like the Xel/Filia pairing. Anywayz, I started
two one-shots about Xel and Fi but personally, I think it's not that good.
Anywayz, I finished the one that's in Filia's POV. Here it is. It's not
too good, like I said, but please give me any suggestions or comments. My
email's [email protected] PLEASE, no flames. Arigatou! ^_^
I never meant to fall in love with you.
But then again, no one really meant to fall in love with anyone, did they?
Just as Lina never meant to fall in love with Gourry, or Zelgadis never
meant to fall in love with Amelia. But unlike me, they have a chance.
Their loved ones at least loves them back.
You're a demon, a Mazoku, the Alpha of your pack. And you were the one who
destroyed thousands of my kind. How can I ever love you? And how can you
really love me back?
You have no soul, no heart; you're not made to feel feelings like love,
hope, or maybe even friendship. A simple sentence like "Life is wonderful,"
could reduce your powers down to half of the original amount. You thrive on
fear, pain, and anger. You kill without a second thought, sometimes just
for the fun of it. After all, you killed thousands of the Golden Dragons
during the war, and perhaps more humans than we can ever count.
I'm one of the Golden Dragons, a priestess of the Golden Dragons in fact.
I can't love you. I'm forbidden to love even one of my own kind, let alone
a demon that killed so many of us.
I tried to deny it in the beginning. I called you raw garbage to hide the
feelings I had for you, even to myself. But I can't do that any longer.
It's all too much for me. I had crafted a cup to hold the emotions back and
found my emotions over flowing, impossible to hold.
Sometimes, I wondered why you hadn't killed me already. I certainly was
being quite annoying and hostile to you. It's not like I can defeat you if
you ever decided to kill me. You, who had killed thousands of the Gold
Dragon with one blast, how hard can it be for you to kill a lone Dragon
Priestess?
There was once I fancied that you actually did love me, or at least liked
me, and that was why you spared my life. But I no longer hold that illusion
anymore. I'm just a plaything at the moment for you. Once the thrill of
annoying the hell out of your enemy is gone, you probably wouldn't hesitate
to kill me.
I've been meaning to ask you, why were you following Lina? Is it
because...because you love her? I certainly can understand why. She was,
and still is, one of the most powerful black sorceresses in the world. She
had defeated many dark lords, prevailed against unthinkable odds, and yet,
she was still the happy-go-lucky girl that fires a Dragon Slave for the
smallest faults.
There was nothing to bar your way; you and her are not the bitterest
enemies, after all. Perhaps the only thing that bars your way to her would
be...Gourry. Lina never leaves him, and he never leaves her, sometimes I
wonder if it's possible to separate them at all. They follows each other
like puppy-dogs, yet, they hide their feelings from each other that it's
painful to watch.
Do you ever feel pain while watching them, like how it hurts me when I
watched you? So near, yet so far away...
Even if you do love me, impossible as it is, it simply would not work. The
Elders would never let me. The Demon Race and the Dragon Race had always
been enemies. Not one day went by without the Dragons cursing the existence
of your kind.
Perhaps...perhaps I could at least tell you of my feelings? And then what?
You'd probably laugh in my face and embarrass me in front of the others.
No, I won't loose my pride along with the heart that you took away from me
without knowing. It's the only thing I had left. I had broken my vows to
the Fire Dragon God, and nothing will ever restore that. All I had left now
is my pride and myself.
And I will clutch that pride and held myself high, even as I watch my heart
being crushed in your hands. I will not loose my dignity and give you the
chance to gloat in my face as you reduced my heart to dust.
