WORLD OF OUR OWN
Summary: Angel, Spike, Xander,
Gunn and Oz are in a band (Westlife.) Buffy, Spike and Xander grew up together
in LA. Buffy and Angel fall in love. There is more than that but don’t wanna
give it away.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the
Buffy/Angel characters also the songs are all by Westlife, except the one that
was by Busted. The band is based on Westlife obviously. I used the name
Westlife for the band as all (but one) of the songs used are by Westlife and I
couldn’t think of an original name that didn’t sound stupid.
A/N: I know that timeline wise it
may be a bit off. Also the songs I used are as accurate as possible but as they
were not written just for my fanfic they don’t always fit with every word. Also
whether a band does or does not do what the band in this does is irrelevant for
the sake of my story they do now! So yes before anyone points it out yes I know
it’s not completely true to life.
World of Our Own
Buffy held her arms out and felt a wave of pure happiness
wash over her as her two best, and oldest, friends stepped into them. The
fierce hug she gave was returned two fold by the friends she realised she had
missed more than she had known. It had only been two years since she’d left her
hometown of
“I’ve missed you guys so much.” She drew back to take in
her friends. She began to shake her head. “God Spike what did you do to your
hair!” she grinned at her friend while staring at what had once been his brown
locks that were now peroxide blond.
“Well Xand and I missed you so
much, I figured I’d bring a bit of Buffy back by becoming blond.”
“As sweet as that bullshit is, if I was that blond I’d kill
myself.” She smiled at her friend and felt the familiar feel of his hand
messing her hair.
“Your hair looks great long.” She turned her full attention
from one of her best friends to the other. She flung herself into his arms and
clung to him as if her life depended on it. True the three had grown up
together and they were all close, but what Buffy felt for Spike didn’t compare
to a certain part of what she felt for Xander. Xander had been the one who had
saved her life, literally. She had drowned and he had been there and performed
CPR, saving her and she was eternally grateful to him for that. Xander had
always been like that though. Although he was extremely sarcastic and was prone
to strange and obscure humour he did have a mature streak in him and had very
much protected her, she didn’t mean to say Spike hadn’t but Spike was more
relaxed, he liked adventure.
“Xander.” She could say no more words, how could words
possibly describe what she was feeling. She finally moved from his arms and
stared into the faces of her now more mature best friends. Tears were
threatening and she knew if she cried she would never hear the end of it, that
was one of the things Spike and Xander had in common, they loved to tease her.
Mercilessly. “Guys these are my friends. This is Faith and
“Cool, hey.” Xander’s interest was roused at the mention of
anything remotely musical. Spike flung his arm round Buffy’s shoulders and
nodded greetings to her friends.
“And Buff these are the other members of the group. This is
Gunn and Angel should get the hell out of his car soon, he’s just talking to
Giles our manager.” Buffy turned towards the car after shaking hands with Gunn
just as Angel emerged. She felt her heart skip a beat and she knew she’d never
seen a more beautifully made body in her life, and his face wasn’t half bad
either. He was in fact the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on. He made
his way over to them followed by a very British man.
“You must be Buffy, the guys talk about you all the time.”
“Hi.” Buffy could have kicked herself for how the simple
greeting came out. God what a nerd she’d been around guys before, hell she’d
been with enough to know that needy was not a big turn on.
“So Buffster showing us round?”
Buffy blinked a few times before turning to Xander.
“Sure, although that will take you know like, 5 minutes.”
She laughed and Xander walked over to her wrapping an arm round her waist. As
she slipped her arms round her two best friends she knew she hadn’t felt this
happy in years.
* * *
“Buffy?” Buffy flung open her door and found her best
friend.
“Hey Xander, what are you doing here.”
“Can’t a guy come see his best friend.” She shook her and
head and stepped aside motioning for him to come in. He went in and looked
round for a few seconds before sitting on the bed. “Nice place.” She nodded
before going and sitting by his side.
“I didn’t mean it like that but…no one ever comes here.
Hell they don’t even know. But I’m glad you’re here.”
“I wish I’d come before. I should have done, should have
came when it started…” Buffy placed her hand softly on his arm and he turned to
look into her eyes.
“Xander no, I told you not to come for a reason. I’ve spent
my whole life running away from my problems and my responsibilities. And we
both know if you had been here you’d have done what you always do, help me.”
“Buffy that’s what friends do, they help each other. I mean
you’ve helped me out before.”
“Xander it’s not the same, besides if you had come, it
would have been both of you. And you’d have gone round and…” Xander placed a
hand on hers.
“I know, I just…wish I could help.”
“Being my friend is enough.” They hugged, the moment of
tenderness passing neither by and Buffy felt sure of her friendship in a way
she had never before known. True their friendship had been through a lot,
lasted long but she knew without doubt that she and Xander would be in the old
folks home together recounting their youth. He’d always be there, she knew
that. Just as he knew she would.
* * *
“Hey Buffy.” Buffy spun round to face the owner of the
voice. She relaxed visibly upon seeing who it was.
“Hey Spike, how’s everything?” Spike fell in step beside
her.
“They’re good, in fact they’re great. In a way we need to
thank you. Oz is working out great, he has a real head for music. And Angel and
him they write the best stuff.”
“Really? Didn’t know writing was Oz’s thing.”
“Well words is Angel’s department but tune, sound that’s
Oz. we all kinda just, sing.” He grinned at her and they linked arms as they
walked.
“I’m glad you came here, that you’re gonna be based here.”
“Me too. I never thought about it before. The three of us.
The three musketeers. It’s only been two for so long now. I mean I know we talk
but being here is so different. All together again. I mean I know things have
changed drastically these past two years, in ways we never would have
predicted. But I need you to know that not coming when it…it wasn’t because our
friendship wasn’t important to me but…Xander and I, we got the feeling from
your mom that…we shouldn’t come…that you didn’t want that. I regret not coming
and helping, even if helping was…anything to make it better.”
“Spike it’s ok. Really it is. Our friendship is one of the
most important things in my life. The three of us, things maybe aren’t as
simple as they were when we became friends but it doesn’t matter. We will
always be friends. For better or worse.”
* * *
“Buff I got a present for you!”
“Hey to you too Spike.”
“Hi, present!” She grinned as the rest of the band caught
up with Spike. He held something out to her and she took it. She looked at it.
A CD. The words on it were ‘Westlife Fool Again.’ “You are the first person to
have a copy of our first single!” She grinned.
“Thanks guys, and I may be the first but there will be
millions more. Congratulations guys.”
”It’s out on sale tomorrow but we all wanted you to have the first.”
“Thank you guys.” She hugged her two best friends and
grinned at Oz and Gunn, she was unsure whether to hug Angel or just smile as
after spending much of her time with the band in the two months that they had
lived here she still felt tense around him. But the choice was taken out of her
hands as he swept her into his arms.
* * *
The screams coming from the house was enough to assure
Buffy that the guys had indeed reached number one with their first single. She
entered the house not bothering to knock, well she surmised that house was
probably the wrong word. The place the band had purchased was in fact the huge
old mansion on Crawford Street. She walked into the main room and found the
group minus Oz who was on the phone in the corner jumping about insanely. Spike
was the first one to notice her and he grabbed her hand pulling her right into
the middle of it all. When calm had finally been restored by Giles, the group
was sprawled in various places over the large room. Buffy was sat between Spike
and Xander.
“Now this doesn’t really mean anything, true I suppose this
is the first hurdle, people will know of you now. But in this business it means
nothing, there are many people fail after this, they become one hit wonders.
This is merely a stepping stone, you have not ‘made it.’ What follows now is
appearances everywhere getting your aces about and continuous hard work
producing the next hit. As soon as we have three hits under our belt we’ll
start producing the album. After the album is made and in stores that is the
time to tour, get yourselves publicity so people will go out and buy the album.
Now this may or may not happen, if the next two singles bomb then we are over,
never out stay your welcome in this business or the critics will slaughter you.
However as we have made this step I am going to start looking for a
professional psychiatrist to help you through this transition period, as I very
much doubt any of you have any real concept of what is going to happen to you
and you will need a professional’s help.”
“What about Buffy?” Buffy looked up and across at Angel. “I
mean she’s just qualified and we all know her, why can’t she be our
professional I mean we’d all comfortable with her right.”
“Yeah but she’d have to leave here, maybe that isn’t a good
idea.”
“Not that we don’t want you but…”
“Well I never really thought about it. I mean I guess Giles
has final choice right.”
“Well I think Angel’s idea is actually fairly good, after
all you are known to us all and your presence therefore will be less…awkward.”
“It would be good for me career wise, and travel broadens
the mind. Obviously I’d have to sort things out here first before I went
anywhere tour wise but that’s not for a while right?”
“Correct.”
“Well then I accept the job.”
* * *
Giles had been right in warning the group, but his warnings
had in fact fallen on deaf ears as the band all felt sure they were the next
big thing, but as it turned out, luckily, they seemed to be just that. The
band’s name seemed to be on the lips of all the critics, though a few had
something to say, most words said about them were good. The band was starting
it’s first tour. And the first stop was Los Angeles. It was the first time
Buffy had been back to L.A. since leaving almost 3 years ago now. And while the
band attended various press conferences and such she visited her old
neighbourhood. She even saw her father. Leaving their old house, with his new
wife kissing him goodbye. His new wife who seemed barely older than herself,
holding a baby. So she had been replaced. She turned away unable to watch the
scene, so like the one she had partaken in when she had been young as he left
for walk. She walked away, the car passed her slowing as it did. Then it
stopped abruptly and the man climbed out of the car.
“Buffy?” She looked up into the face of the man who had
ruined her life. The man who had cheated on her mother, ending their marriage,
sending them both to a new town where…
“Hank.” A look of hurt flashed briefly across the man’s
strong features tainting them before disappearing.
“How are you? What are you doing here?”
“I’m fine, I’m in LA because of work and I’m here because I
was taking a walk down memory lane. But I’ve found some memories I wished had
stayed hidden. Goodbye Hank.” She turned and made her way through the park,
fully aware he was watching her. She wandered about aimlessly for hours, until
the ring of the cell phone she’d been given brought her from her thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Hey Buff where are you?”
“The past.”
“Huh?”
“Doesn’t matter what’s up?”
“We have dinner plans.”
“Oh god I didn’t realise it was that late. I’ll be back at
the hotel soon.” She hailed a cab and went to the hotel running through the
lobby and catching the elevator just as the doors were about to close. She
managed to get ready in the space of five minutes and when she reached the
lobby the others were waiting.
“Sorry about that, went to see the old sights and well time
disappeared.” She smiled hesitantly before breaking into a grin, returning the
one her friends threw her. They made their way from the hotel to the
restaurant. After the meal Xander, Spike and Gunn decided to hit the town,
however Oz decided he’d rather return to the hotel and call Willow. Giles took
a cab with him while Buffy had elected to take a slow walk through the bright
lights of LA back to the hotel. Angel, worried over her safety, decided to
accompany her. They walked at a sedate pace.
“Do you miss it?”
“Miss what?”
“L.A.”
“Yes, when I first arrived in Sunnydale it was a little,
quiet. But now it’s home. I don’t know, I guess I’ve just got used to it. I’m a
different person to who I was when I was here. But for another part of me,
being here will always feel like coming home. What about you? Have you been to
visit your family?”
“No. I love being back here but I haven’t seen them. My dad
thinks my choice of career is wrong and, it just goes along with what he’s been
telling me all my life. That I’m a disappointment. He’s an alcoholic and yet
I’m the disappointment. I didn’t exactly grow up in the same area as you did. He
didn’t work regularly, and when he did he spent it all at the bar. My mother
left when I was 13. My little sister, she felt it worse. Because when my dad
came home, he always wanted a warm body in his bed. So when she left, my
sister…god she was only 11. But he didn’t care. I couldn’t stand up to him. I
was 15 when she died. And my other two sisters and brother were lost. She was a
mom to them. My brother was 9 and the girls, twins were 11. Just the right age
for him. Kathy used to cry, scream and shout until he’d beaten her into
unconsciousness. But Abby, she just survived it. She never made a sound. Only
the ones he told her to. When I was 17 I stopped it, but for Abby it was too
late, he’d destroyed her. There isn’t a lot of chance for people where I come
from. She couldn’t stay in that house with him. She was 13 when she left. And
she did the only thing she could, the only thing she knew because of his abuse.
She’s a prostitute. So one sister died, the other became a prostitute and the
other a shell of a person, all because I couldn’t stop it.” Buffy placed a
soft, compassionate hand on his broad shoulder. Her heart bleeding for the pain
of this man.
“Why didn’t you go to the police?” he let out a harsh
chuckle.
“We were poor white trash, no one cared about us. It was my
job to protect them.”
“No it wasn’t you were a kid, you couldn’t stand up to a
man, you did it when you could and that’s what counts. What happened to you all
after Abby left?”
“We survived, Adam was 11, he didn’t really understand.
Kathy was so lost and so withdrawn. She only really seemed to want to be around
me and she was, whenever I wasn’t there Adam was, it wasn’t enough but we had
to do. So I tried to always be there. That went on for 5 years, I was 22 when
my father drunk himself into a stupor and walked into traffic. It killed him.
My mother must have read about it in the paper of something because she came
back. She sobbed and sobbed, saying she hadn’t wanted to leave but if she’d
stayed he would have killed her. She was devastated about Laura, swore she’d
find Abby and make her ‘normal.’ She moved back in, for Adam it was easiest,
all he knew was his mom was back, and his evil father was gone. Kathy just
stayed the same, always this look in her eyes, like she was searching for him to
come back and hurt her. I loved my mom, still do but her leaving it changed
everything for us, for my sisters. I guess I find hard to accept she’s back and
forgive her. That’s why I don’t visit. I left there when the band went to
Sunnydale, haven’t been in touch with any of them since. My worst regret is
Abby. She’s 22 now, well will be in two days. It’s their birthday.”
“Angel you feel a lot of guilt over what happened, parents
are meant to love us and protect us, and yours didn’t and that’s not your fault.
What happened to your family is because of them not because of you. I can
understand why your mother left. It must have been hell to stay, to watch what
he did to you all, her beloved children. It must have been the worst pain she
ever felt to tear herself away. But you should go and see them, and maybe even
try and find Abby, for her birthday.”
“I don’t know why I told you all this, Gunn’s been my
friend and partner for almost 8 years now and he never knew any of it.”
“I’m your shrink, I’m meant to listen.” She smiled up at
him and for the first time felt truly comfortable in his presence. She slipped
her small hand into his big one and they walked the next few blocks to the
hotel in a serene silence.
* * *
Buffy opened the paper and as usual saw Angel leaving a
club last night with a blonde on his arm. The band had been touring for almost
4 months now and every night they didn’t have a gig they guys were in some club
and Angel always came back to his hotel suite with a different girl. He was
becoming the world’s biggest playboy. After that night so long ago he hadn’t
said anymore about his family, though she knew he’d gone to see them. He’d not
told her what happened and she didn’t push. That wasn’t her job, it would come in
time she knew. But professional wonderings aside she herself was desperate to
know what had happened to that man she had spoke to and the one there was now.
There was a knock at her door and she answered it to an extremely hung over
Angel.
“Got any aspirin?” She widened the gap and let him in. he
almost collapsed into the chair she had just vacated. She went over to the mini
bar and pulled out a bottle of water before grabbed her bag and pulled some
aspirin out. She took two from the tub and handed them and the water to Angel.
He took them thankfully and swallowed the tablets with the water. He groaned
and held a hand to his pounding head.
“She’s a pole dancer in the club. However she used to be a
hooker.” Buffy couldn’t help but wonder why Angel should need the services of
an ex-hooker. After all he had thousands of girls throwing themselves at him
everyday. “She knew my sister. Gave me the address of the place she knew she
was last at. Once I get cleaned up, will you come with me?” So she didn’t know
what had happened, but he was reaching out and asking her for support, there
was no way she’d refuse.
“Sure sweetie, as soon as you’re ready.” Two hours later a
clean shaven and showered Angel clad in his trademark black, including shades
and a summery Buffy left the hotel. The tour itself was poorly done, but the
need to continually be in L.A. to record new things meant that the band often
would have needed to fly from one destination to L.A. and to the next. So the
tour was set up so they went in various places, scattered throughout North
America in no particular order so when they crossed over, they landed in L.A.
for a day. They were leaving for their next destination in 4 hours, Buffy had
planned a quick trip home, in fact she would probably be there right now had it
not been for Angel asking for her to go with him. They arrived in the rather
seedy street the address was and Buffy was grateful she had been as blessed in
life as she had been, up until the age of 15 she’d had the perfect life. She
was glad for that. Angel was about to enter when Buffy turned and saw a girl
stood on the corner of the street. The girl had the same brown hair as Angel,
the same chin, the strong jaw line. She touched Angel’s arm and he turned
looking at what she was. He took in a deep breath before going over.
“Abby?” the girl turned.
“Angel.” Shock covered the girl’s features.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“I can’t. I’m behind with my rent, Nick’s using the money I
earn to get coked up and I’ll get kicked out if I don’t pay and Nick won’t be
happy. I have to work.” The big bags under her eyes though heavily covered with
make-up were still clearly visible, as was the bruising and the ripped flesh on
her breast. The ring mark on her cheek.
“I’ll give you $1000 dollars to come with me for a talk.
Just two hours.” They all knew she’d never earn that much in two hours and so
she nodded. The three sat in a booth in a small diner a couple of blocks away
that Abby often drank a quick cup of coffee in between customers. The place was
small and inconspicuous which suited Angel.
“So big brother, heard about the band, congratulations
you’re doing well.”
“Abby let me help you, like I should have done before. Let
me find you a proper place to live, a good job.”
“No Angel, I’m not a desk job person.”
“In clothes store, something other than this, selling
yourself for someone else’s addiction. Let me buy a decent place, good clothes
and food, please let me help you.”
“Money doesn’t solve everything.”
“But it helps.”
“No Angel, there’s nothing left for me.”
“I’ll open a bank account, don’t tell anyone. $1000 a week
in it, just for you. No one else needs no let alone have that money. Work
when….don’t work. Please.”
“Okay. I won’t tell Nick, I won’t let him feed his
addiction with your money, just mine. Thank you Angel. And just so you know I
don’t blame you for what’s happened. This is his fault and no one else’s. So
hate him, not yourself.” She got up and left. She turned at the door. “You know
where I am…” And she disappeared from the diner.
“Why won’t she let me help her?” Buffy got out of the booth
and slide in next to Angel. One hand came up to cup his cheek.
“She’s a grown woman, and because of things out of her
control, and yours, she doesn’t know anything other than this. So she’s scared
of leaving it. This is her life you can’t just rip her out of it. Give her time
and when you’re here spend time with her. Talk to her, about anything and
everything. You’ve got to re-evaluate your relationship, you’re both different
people to who you were when you were kids, you need to realise that and you
need to get to know each other again.”
“I’m glad you’re the band’s shrink.” Buffy couldn’t explain
why but what was supposed to be a compliment felt like a shot through her
heart.
* * *
“Hi my name’s Laura and this is my boyfriend Riley Finn.”
Spike was used to the fans coming over when they were out in clubs, he had
stopped paying much attention except for this one. He turned.
“Hi Laura and Riley. So where you guys from?”
“I’m from right here, good old LA, like you. And Riley is
from Sunnydale, like Oz.” Spike turned as if he had lost interest, Riley was
shocked to say the least when he turned back planting his fist in his face.
Spike continued to pummel the very confused guy, his girlfriend almost
screaming the whole place down. Angel, Gunn, Oz and Xander hurried over, and so
did their manager. The guys managed to pull Spike away though he was straining
to get to the guy who was being helped up by his girlfriend and Giles. Spike
whispered something to Xander. Xander dropped his hold on Spike and went over.
Everyone was almost floored with shock as peacemaker Xander laid into the same
guy. The bouncers came over and they were all pulled apart. The group were led
from the club with Giles following, apologising profusely to the man and
everyone in the club. Once they were in the limo headed back to the hotel the
silence was soon broken by Gunn.
“Man Spike you really went to town on that guy. And Xander
what the fuck crawled up your ass and died cos man you creamed the guy. I mean
you guys could have put him in hospital. This is like totally not you…” Giles
interrupted Gunn’s praise.
“Shut up.” Once the group arrived back to the hotel Angel
went in search of Buffy, Oz decided to go call Willow and Gunn tagged along
with Angel. Xander and Spike followed Giles to his suite. They got inside and
stood side by side, as though united against what they knew was coming.
“What the hell did you think you were doing? Millions of
kids, teens, hell even adults follow you and your music. You’re new in this
business, cos a year aint long. Doing something like this, to a fan no less it
could ruin everything the whole thing, not just for you but for those guys too.
Spike really I know you have wild tendencies but god couldn’t you have chosen a
better way to deal with whatever the hell it is you took out on that guy. And
Xander god knows Spike was a hard enough job keeping track of, I thought you
were more sensible I thought I could trust you. I want you both to apologise
publicly to that man. And I want you to apologise to your band mates for
possibly ruining their careers.” Xander stepped forward.
“We’ll apologise to them, but no way in hell will we
apologise to him. He got what he deserved.” Spike stepped next to his friend.
“He got less than he deserves.” Giles stared at the two.
“Get out my sight the both you. Go and apologise!”
* * *
Buffy opened the door and found Angel and Gunn standing
there. She motioned them in clearly confused.
“What happened to the all night partying?” The guys sat and
Buffy opened the mini bar. She grabbed three drinks and handed them round
before perching herself on the chair.
“Spike and Xander got in a fight.” Buffy’s eyebrows shot
up.
“But we’ve never fought, ever we’re best friends we don’t
fight.”
“No no darlin’ they didn’t fight each other. They kicked
the shit out of some guy at the club.” Buffy’s face was a mask of pure shock.
Just then her door was opened and the two men in question entered. She stood up
and went to them.
“What were you thinking?” Spike stared into her eyes and
gave a slight shake of his head. “Bathroom, now.” Spike and Xander headed into
the bathroom and Buffy followed throwing an apologetic look at Gunn and Angel,
who in turn stared at each other very confused. “Spill it.”
“This chick comes over, babbling fan. She dragged her
boyfriend with her. She introduces him as Riley Finn.” Buffy sank onto the edge
of the bath and placed her head in her hands.
“So you beat the crap out of him, both of you!” the guys both
take a perch beside her and wrap an arm round her tiny shaking shoulders.
“Buffy, we never knew him. We knew what we were told. But
we know he deserves worse.”
“God I bet Giles is going spare.” Spike gave a little snort
of laughter.
“Could say that.”
“Did you tell him why?”
“No, it’s a three musketeers only thing.”
“Thank you.”
* * *
“Hey guys. We still on for dinner?”
“Yeah but we’re in the studio so it will be when we can,
and we don’t know when so come with.”
“Ok then. I’ll just get my jacket. Buffy joined the band
and Giles in the limo as they made their way to the studio. She found herself
next to Angel and they fell into a light hearted conversation.
“So how was your night?” Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at
him.
“Ok.”
“Aw and here I was thinking you had a guest.” He gave her a
look.
“I did, but you know.”
“Not bored are ya?” She let out a small laugh, the idea of
Angel being bored of his playboy lifestyle was simply ludicrous. Angel didn’t
answer. She was left pondering this as they all made their way through the
studio to the recording room. Buffy had luckily grabbed a magazine before
leaving the hotel, because the band were to spend hours working on their new
track.
Late last night I had
a dream
And it was then I seen her
She didn't need no diamond rings
Fancy cars, Versace things to please her
She's my perfect girl
And I call her my imaginary diva
Every girl she passes by
Just can't deny that they would love to be her
All the guys comparing sizes
Tucking shirts in, fixing ties to please her
She's my perfect girl
Exclusive to my world
No you can't get her
She's my imaginary diva
Shine on imaginary diva
Shine on into this world
Join us in our imagination
Help yourself believe in all you have heard
All you have to do is close your eyes
Forget real life and fantasies
Erase bad thoughts start to replace
Create your own amazing place
She's a real time girl
In my imaginary world
Take a good look at her
She's my imaginary diva
Shine on imaginary diva
Shine on into this world
Join us in our imagination
Help yourself believe in all you have heard
So listen up this so called classy lady's
Sipping fizz in VIP bars
She could teach a thing or to
To you, your outfit, attitude and visa
She's my imaginary diva
Shine on imaginary diva
Shine on into this world
Join us in our imagination
Help yourself believe in all you have heard
Buffy, Xander and Spike did manage to grab a quick
lunch before the guys had to go back to work. Buffy decided not to return with
them but to go for a walk. Unwittingly her feet had carried her back to her old
neighborhood. There in her yard was her, she supposed, step-mother and
step-sister and whatever the baby was. She couldn’t help but stand and watch.
The girl must have been about 8, which shocked Buffy as it meant that her
step-mother must have been roughly 15 when she gave birth. But then why should
that surprise her, she had known since she was 13 her father had been having an
affair. It was then she looked up.
“Buffy? You’re Buffy right?” She froze. Somehow she
managed to nod her head at the question. “Come over, meet your sisters.” She
started to walk across the street to her old house. “This is Dawn, Dawn sweetie
this is your big sister Buffy. And this is Ellie. Would you like to hold her?”
Buffy took the bundle being held out to her. “He told me about the other
morning. When you were here.”
“I have to go.”
“No don’t, stay for a while, we could talk. He’ll be
home soon.”
“Then I definitely have to go.”
“Buffy please? It can all be solved.”
“God what are twelve, living the land of all can be
fixed. It doesn’t work like that!”
“Actually I’m 26, and I’m living in the land where
your visit shook up my husband so badly, that he couldn’t even…” Buffy held the
baby out and it’s mother took it. She walked away. She wandered back to her
hotel suite, where she found Angel sat on the floor outside waiting for her.
“Hi Angel.”
“Hey, imaginary diva.” She was confused for a split
second before understanding.
“Good song.” She opened the door and they both went
inside.
“I didn’t mean it like that. When I wrote that song,
she really didn’t exist, she was imaginary. But then I realized, she wasn’t
imaginary at all. She was a real person. She was you.”
“Angel?”
“You asked if I was bored, I am so bored of it all.
The woman. I love you and I don’t want meaningless sex with other people. I
want to be with you and I want it to be special.” She began to shake her head.
“I can’t believe you. What is this? You ran out of
willing females so you decided what the hell I’ll see if I can give her line or
two and get her into bed. Sorry Angel but I don’t fall for lines anymore. I
thought we were friends, but obviously I value our friendship much more than
you do. Get out.”
“Buffy it’s not a line, I mean it.”
“Get out.”
* * *
Buffy grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair,
grabbed her cell phone from the table and was just about to leave the hotel
suite as the phone rang. She spun on her heel and grabbed it.
“Hello?”
“I’m so glad you haven’t left yet.”
“Giles? What’s wrong? Has something happened to the guys?”
Buffy’s mind began working at great speed, imagining all the possible things
that could have happened to the guys during their journey from the hotel to the
radio station.
“No, no Buffy nothing’s wrong but the guys said you haven’t
heard their new single yet and so I thought I’d tell you to tune in. Angel
requested that I ask.” Angel? They’d hardly spoken since the argument, since he
had ruined their friendship. Why should he want her to listen? “Buffy?” She
shook her head to throw any thoughts of last month from her mind.
“Sure I’ll listen, now?”
“Yes.”
“Ok then, I’ll see you later Giles.” She hung up and
dropped her cell, keys and jacket on the table before going to turn the radio
on. She tuned in just in time to hear the DJ announce the song.
“Here it is the new single World of Our Own out next week.”
*You make me feel funny
When you come around
Yeah that's what I found out honey
What am I doing without you
You make me feel happy
When I leave you behind
It plays on my mind now honey
What am I doing without you
Took for granted everything we had
As if I'd find someone
Who's just like you
We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you
Well I guess I'm ready
For settling down
And fooling around is over
And I swear that it's true
No buts or maybes
When I'm falling down
There's always someone who saves me
And girl it's you
Funny how life can be so surprising
I'm just realizing what you do
We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you
Well it's feeling right now
So let's do it right now
Praying that some how
You will understand the way
It's feeling right now baby somehow
I won't let this slip away
We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you*
Buffy sunk into the chair and let the words wash over her.
Was it true? Did he really want more than just another conquest? Her cell began
to ring and she answered it, not really focusing on what she was doing.
“Buffy?”
“Angel.” Was that really her voice?
“Did you listen?” she nodded her head and it took several
seconds for her to realize he couldn’t see the movement
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What do you think?”
“It’s a great song Angel, same as all the songs you write.
You and Oz really have it down.”
“Buffy I didn’t mean it like that and you know it. Every
word is true. I was going out there and all these women were throwing
themselves at me and no matter how much your job got involved, how much you
told us all that it was going to happen, how we’d react I didn’t listen. To be
honest I enjoyed it. I mean yeah I’ve never had a huge problem attracting girls
but so many, and all so beautiful. But all the same after a while. You know
I’ve been living that life for 3 years now. I’m 27 years old. That’s not what I
want anymore. I want someone that I love, that loves me. I want to come home to
find someone waiting there for me. I want someone to talk to, someone to
listen. Someone just to understand and to be there. I want a relationship. I
want you…Buffy?” She took a deep breath. She liked Angel, no it was more than
like. She knew that deep down what she felt for him was more than friendship.
“There is no one in this world that knows me like you know me.” But she
couldn’t let it happen, she’d fallen for a guy’s line before.
“I’m your shrink, that’s my job.” She forced her voice to
be cool and controlled, the opposite of what she was feeling. Her insides were
churning making her feel like vomiting.
“No Buffy, it’s not like that. You have to feel what I
feel, it’s too strong to be one-sided. You have to know what I’m talking about.
Even now, I miss you. I mean god you travel with us but for the short hours
we’re apart I miss you. I know instantly when you walk into a room. I can tell
your mood. I know….there is just this feeling inside of me and I know I will
never feel like this about someone else. Could never feel this for someone
else. I love you Buffy. I don’t just want another notch on my bedpost. I’ll buy
a new bed if it makes you happy. But please believe me, you’re not just another
girl. I swear it.” Oh god how she’d longed for him to say that. Wanted for him
to come to her declaring love and renouncing his playboy image, for her. But
now it was happening it seemed too good to be true, and the last time something
had seemed too good to be true it had been. The sound of the hotel phone
ringing brought her from her thoughts.
“I have to get the phone.” She hung up her phone wishing
she knew what she should do. She grabbed the hotel phone.
“Buffy are you ok?”
“Hey Xand” she heard a shout in the background. “And Spike.
I thought we were meeting for lunch in like an hour.”
“We know Angel wrote the song about you. And we know
exactly what you’re thinking. But Angel is nothing like that guy and you know it.
You know him inside out, yeah he has a rep for being a playboy, but you know he
would never do something like that if he didn’t mean it. We’ve seen the way he
looks at you, just give it a chance. There is something between you guys, don’t
let fear stop you. Please we’re begging you.”
“Yeah Buffy, you can’t let the past ruin the present and
what is going to be your future.”
“It’s not that simple, the past is here with me everyday.
Angel might not be able to accept that and I can’t tell him. I don’t know how
to find the words.”
“Buffy me and Xander we know that this gotta be hard so
don’t tell him just try the thing and find out if you guys are right about how
you feel about each other before bringing anything else into the picture.
“Where is he?”
“He’s headed back to the hotel.”
“Rain check?”
“You go girl.” Buffy hung up on her friends and flew from
her room, she was waiting in the lobby when he walked in. The girls and press
were stopped at the doors and his bodyguards finally gave him room to breathe,
even more so when she began to walk over. She didn’t even let him speak, didn’t
let reality hit her. This was now and she just did it. She placed her hands on
his shoulders and pushed herself up so her lips were against his. Although he
was surprised at first his arms soon wrapped round her waist and lifted her
from the ground, she wrapped her arms round his neck and her lips opened
letting his tongue gain access into her mouth. After what seemed like an hour
of their tongues duelling she had pulled back gasping for air and he returned
her to the ground. She knew the bodyguards were staring, heard the snapping of
the press cameras outside and the screaming of agony from the many female fans
but none of that registered with her, she was in Angel’s arms after just having
the most amazing kiss of her life.
“Wow.” Angel’s mouth twitched and broke into a smile,
dazzling her.
“I second that wow. I don’t know what happened between you
hanging up on me and me getting here but whatever the hell it was I think I like
it.”
“Xander and Spike called. Told me to go for it, to forget
the past and not let it ruin my future.” The couple suddenly became aware of
all the attention they were attracting and Angel grabbed her hand dragging her
to the elevator. He pressed the button, almost frantically until it reached the
ground floor and he dragged her in closing the doors before his bodyguards even
had chance to get in with them. No words were spoken as the two entered Angel’s
room. Buffy wanted to place her hand on Angel’s shoulder, but for some reason
couldn’t bring herself to do it. Doubt filled her whole being and she was
suddenly aware of the uncomfortable silence between them. Angel’s sudden
movement caused a halt to her train of thought.
“I do love you. I’m not just saying that to get you to
sleep with me. I just love you.” She was then the one to turn away, needing to
process this. Trying to fight the raging feelings inside of her. She was torn,
she knew she needed to answer him but what should she say? Could she ever really
be sure of him, ever really know if it was the truth…unless she took the risk?
But she had sworn long ago she would never take that kind of risk again. Could
never take it again after last time?
“Angel I…” she turned to look at him, unable to finish the
sentence. “I…I…I don’t know if I can try this and I won’t know until I can
finish the sentence I started. I know you can’t understand this but…” He cut
her off.
“No I can understand it, my reputation proceeds me. And you
of all people know the truth of how I’ve been in the past. Of course you’re
unsure you have every right to be.”
“Angel I don’t care about your reputation. You’ve shown me
so much that others don’t get to see. And I know that the things you’ve told me
aren’t things you need to share with me in the professional capacity.” She
heard the words she was saying, but wasn’t completely aware of them , all she
knew was the tingle on her lips from their kiss and Xander and Spike’s words
rushing through her head, before she even realized what was happening she was
in Angel’s arms, her body crushed to his and his lips against hers, their
tongues duelling. She drew back and looked up into his chocolate brown eyes.
“I can finish the sentence. Angel I want to try this,
whatever this is.”
* * *
She hung up, after reaching his answer phone for the fifth
time that night, she let out an exasperated sigh. Two hours ago they’d had a
reservation for a nice quite dinner, kind of a 3 month anniversary thing, and
he was no where to be found. She’d tried calling, now she reserved herself to
the fact that she would be spending the night alone. She was surprising herself
with the fact she wasn’t mad, not even a little. She was just disappointed. It
was the third time he’d done this to her, always coming to see her the next
morning, or calling her pleading and begging for her forgiveness, and she
caved. The phone rang, bringing her from her thoughts with a jump. She glanced
at the display, it was Angel. She grabbed her phone, and switched it off. She
shrugged herself from her new dress and pulled on her favourite pyjamas. She
crawled beneath the covers, and she let one lone tear slide down her cheek
before banishing herself to a restless sleep. She was not particularly pleased
when banging roused her in the early hours of the morning. She pulled her tired
self from her bed and opened the door of her hotel room. She was faced with an
extremely apologetic looking Angel. He burst through the door and she merely
followed listening to his flow of apologies. She stood leant against the frame
of the door leading to the bedroom. He turned to her.
“I’m so sorry, we were writing and the time it just
disappeared, I called as soon as I realised but it was too late and you were in
bed.”
“Angel what does the number three mean to you?” He looked
confused and she continued. “Well to me the number three is how many months
we’re been together, three is how many men have disappointed me, hurt me and
three is the number of times you’ve done this to me. I’m not gonna let it be
four.”
“Buffy sweetie I am sorry I really am. Give me one more
chance I won’t disappoint you.”
“Disappoint me! God Angel you have no idea what you’ve done
to me! I don’t ever want to have to go through last night again, sitting there
waiting for you in that restaurant, sitting here calling you and getting no
response, leaving messages at reception. But the worst thing was the
disappointment in me. Because I was stupid enough to think that YOU were
different to any of the others, you’re not you’re scum, like all men. Get the
fuck out of my room now.”
“I’m sorry if work just made time disappear but I’ve
apologised.”
“That’s it an apology, it doesn’t make it alright. Just
leave.” Angel’s furious face tore across her vision for hours after he’d
slammed his way out of her life.
* * *
It was two days since they had fought, two days of sitting
about agonising over every detail of their argument and wishing she’d never
said what she’d said. But then she’d think how justified she was. She was sat
next to Giles staring at the band as they performed the first of their shows on
tour. Spike and Xander as usual had rallied round her, over loading her with
their time and love and as usual she felt more grateful than words could say.
But she still felt a deep down sadness in her soul that Angel’s last words to
her were full of anger.
“This song is a late addition to the show, it was written
in the space of about a day, yesterday in fact and I want to dedicate this to
the band’s friend and loving confidante, Buffy.” She could hardly believe that
Angel could speak such words about her, when only two days ago, he had looked
as though he hated her.
Lately I'm so tired
If I took it all on you
I never meant to
If I left you outside
If you ever felt I ignored you
No my life is all you
So put your best dress on
And wrap yourself in the arms of someone
Who wants to give you all the love you want
Tonight, I'm gonna make it up to you
Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I missed you, baby
Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you
Tonight, I'm gonna be a part of you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I missed you
And I miss you so
I don't wanna act like
I know that you'd be mine forever
Though I hope it's forever
Don't want you to feel like
I take you for granted
Whenever we are together
So put your best dress on
And wrap yourself in the arms of someone
Who wants to give you all the love you want
Tonight, I'm gonna make it up to you
Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I miss you, baby
Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you
Tonight, I'm gonna be a part of you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I missed you
And I miss you so
Oh yeah
So put your best dress on
And wrap yourself in my arms of my love
Tonight, I'm gonna make it up to you
Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I miss you, baby
Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you
Tonight, I'm gonna be a part of you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I miss you
Baby
Tonight, I'm gonna make it up to you
Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I miss you, baby
Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you
Tonight, I'm gonna be a part of you
Tonight, you're gonna know how much I miss you
And I miss you so
She swallowed, stood and waited for the applause to end,
for them to come to her, as she knew they would. She loved them all of them,
Spike and Xander were her oldest friends, the best friends and she loved them
more than almost anything else in her life. But what she felt for Angel, the
love she’d held for him as her friend was changing so fast and so much she felt
the breath was constantly being knocked out of her, like now. They came
bounding off stage, as per usual. Her friends hugging her and screaming their
delight at the thousands of fans. Gunn and Oz sharing their delight in their
mild manner as usual. Angel, however, hung back. She walked past the jubilant
group to him. Her face was like stone, displaying no emotion for him to read.
“If you think that every time we fight you can just, write
a song and I’ll forgive you then let me tell you, you’re damn right.” His face
broke out in a loving smile as he swept her into his arms.
“Buffy I really am sorry, and I swear I will never do it
again.”
* * *
The sounds of the party in room 218 could be heard through
the entire hotel. The band had won 3 awards at the Smash Hits Poll Winners
Party, and this was their celebration. Buffy was sat quietly sipping her drink,
she couldn’t say why but something just didn’t feel right. She smiled though,
congratulated her friends. Said all the right things at all the right times,
but unlike previous celebrations, her heart wasn’t in it.
“Hey blondie.” She looked up.
“Least it’s natural.” Spike flopped down in the seat next
to her.
“Some party huh, I can’t believe that it was only what 3
years ago we were struggling to eat and now this. It’s amazing.”
“Yeah it is, but you all deserve it. You’ve all worked so
hard. And I know that this is what you’ve been dreaming about since you were a
kid. Always giving performances for the rest of the neighbourhood at the street
corner. I’m glad you got this.” Xander’s head popped round the door.
“Buffy glad I found ya, there’s a call waiting down in
reception for you.” Buffy looked mystified. She made her way through the party,
her head feeling kind of light and fluffy from the amount of champagne she’d
drunk. It wasn’t a bad feeling though, it felt nice. She reached the reception
and took the phone being held out to her.
“Hello?”
“Buffy?” Willow’s tear filled voice greeted her.
“Will what’s wrong?” the sound of tears filled her ears and
instantly the fluffy headed feeling disappeared.
“Buffy.” Faith’s voice greeted her, sounding old, and
hoarse. Like her throat was stuffed full of something she couldn’t get rid of.
“I’m so sorry.”
“What, what is it?”
“Buffy your mom is dead.” She started to laugh then, a
strange laugh that sounded hollow in her head where the words Faith had spoken
were rushing round like the blood pumped, except she felt cold, as if all
circulation had stopped. She felt a hand on her arm. One of the hotel staff,
though she failed to read the name tag through her blurry vision. She didn’t
know how long it was that she stood with Faith’s desperate cries in her ear,
with her own laughter filling the now silent lobby. She felt the phone being
taken from her hand, she felt herself being led somewhere, though she had no
idea where. Then as the hand fell across her face in a sharp slap, everything
came back into focus, into reality. And she wished that it hadn’t. Her mommy
was dead, she was gone forever. She’d never be able to pick up the phone and
call her whenever she was homesick and just feel more peaceful upon the sound
of her voice. She’d never feel her loving arms surround her, protecting her
from whatever it was that troubled her. She looked up and found herself facing
Spike. She had long stopped laughing, but the tears that she felt were expected
just didn’t come. She felt like she was frozen.
“Buffy sweetie…” It was at that moment the door to her room
was flung open and Angel came over to her. He pulled her to her feet and
wrapped her in his arms. But still she felt numb. She didn’t hug him back,
couldn’t find it in herself to do anything, to move.
* * *
It had been two days since her mother had died. Two days in
which she felt people moving around her, wanting to be there when she crumbled,
yet she didn’t. The phone rang and she grabbed the receiver, knowing exactly
who would be on the other end.
“Hi Willow.” She sunk down onto the bed.
“Buffy, how are you?”
“The same. What happened?” Angel walked into the room and
saw her on the phone.
“No, I’m sorry I should have I didn’t want anyone to
know…no no no no no no.” And it was then the tears finally came, it was then
she finally broke down. Angel caught her slight form before it fell forward off
the edge of the bed and took the receiver. He merely told Willow that they’d
talk soon. Buffy’s screams of no became louder, bringing Xander and Spike in
from the room they had been in next door.
“What the hell?” Angel shrugged, looking at them
helplessly. Buffy was still in his arms. She then became more violent with her
screams. Lashing out at Angel with her fists. Spike rushed forward grabbed her
and turning her to him. He whispered something in her ear and she seemed to
calm a little. Yet she repeatedly said no, it was quieter now, sounding all the
world like a lost little girl. Angel stared on helpless as Spike seemed to
reach Buffy in a place he had yet to be let into. Xander sensing that what
Buffy had to say needed to be said with Angel gone, reached out his arm lightly
touching Angel’s shoulder before leading him from the room.
“Buffy what happened?”
“Willow called, said my mom had some kind of brain tumour
thing. The doctor said she wouldn’t have felt anything. But she found her, and
she didn’t know what to do. She was stuck that house for 8 hours before anyone
else came.” The tears were falling fast and Spike’s arms slipped round his best
friend as she buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed.
* * *
“I don’t understand! What has this changed?”
“My mother is dead it changes everything!” She turned away
from him. The last 6 months had been some of the most amazing of her life, she
knew without a doubt that she loved Angel with every fibre of her being, but
she couldn’t stay with the band, she had to go home.
“Yeah so things have changed, there is no one and nothing
in Sunnydale for you.” He reached out to her, placing his hand on his shoulder.
She shook it off and turned to him tears glistening in her eyes. “Go home yeah,
but just settle the estate and come back, the band needs you.”
“That’s a lie and we both know it, they haven’t needed me
in months. It’s just an excuse for me to stay. I’m going back to Sunnydale. I’m
going to run my mother’s gallery.”
“But you’re a shrink!” she covered her face with her hands
trying to draw strength.
“Angel I’m going back to Sunnydale. For good.” He grabbed
her arms and pulled her close to him.
“Why are you leaving me?” Buffy took a deep breath wanting
for all the world to wipe the pained expression from his face.
“It’s not working Angel, and I cannot even contemplate
working with you, after it’s over.” He swallowed a few times.
“Buffy I love you. These past 6 months have been amazing.
How can it be not working?”
“Because I don’t love you.” His grip on her loosened and
she pulled herself away fleeing from his hotel room, leaving him staring after
her for a split second before falling to the floor wishing the earth would just
swallow him.
* * *
Buffy hugged her two best friends. She was leaving, going
home to the place she belonged. Giles and she had become so close over the
years she’d travelled with the band and she couldn’t bear thinking she wouldn’t
see him everyday. He was like a father to her. The father Hank Summers had
never been. He stepped forward.
“Don’t worry as soon as the tour’s over we’ll be heading
back for the house in good old Sunnydale.” She smiled a watery smile at him. He
pulled her into a tight embrace.
“You’re a dad to me, I love you Giles.” He placed a feather
light kiss on the top of her head.
“You’ll be my daughter in my heart and I promise I will
keep in touch if you need anything just call.” They pulled apart and Buffy said
her goodbyes to Gunn and Oz, promising faithfully to Oz that she would send
Willow his love and tell her he’d be back by her side soon. Again she returned
to Xander and Spike. This was possibly one of the hardest moments on her life.
She was leaving the life she knew and returning to a house that she knew would
be cold and empty without her mother in it. She felt she hadn’t even had the
time to grieve for her mother before the rest of the world had pushed so much
more onto her. She was leaving her best friends and the man she loved.
“I hope the rest of the tour goes well. I sure as hell hope
it finishes fast and you guys come back to me. I need you so much right now.”
“We know Buffy.”
“We love you and we’re only a phone call away. We’ll look
after him for you.”
“I don’t want to go but I…I…have to. I wish I could stay, I
love you both so much. It hurts!”
“We know baby.” Spike was stroking her soft blond locks while she sobbed to her
friends. She pulled apart from her friends and stepped into the cab that would
take her to the airport and to a totally unsure new life. As she turned back
she saw a glimpse of Angel. He was stood watching her leave, she wanted to
smile, or wave but knew she couldn’t. She wished they could have a proper
goodbye, but that wouldn’t work with the illusion she had created.
* * *
Willow flipped the radio on in the car, watching her best
friend beside her. The two were greeted with the opening chords of some song,
which was followed be Angel’s voice.
Along she came, with her picture,
Put it in a frame, so I won't miss her,
Got on a plane, from London; Heathrow,
It seems such a shame, yeah..
I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,
Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,
And sharks swim through my veins now, that she's gone,
I'm sleeping with the light on.
Heard she's engaged, but to her best friend,
No ones to blame, here's where it all ends,
And I feel the pain, 'cause I'm without her,
I feel the pain.
I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,
Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,
And sharks swim through my veins now, that she's gone,
I'm sleeping with the light on.
I see the sight, with a different light,
Words cannot describe the way I'm feeling,
'Cause I've been searching in my head,
For the words I thought she'd said,
For too long.
I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,
Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,
And sharks swim through my veins now, that she's gone,
I'm sleeping with the light on.
I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,
Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,
And sharks swim through my veins now, that she's gone,
I'm sleeping with the light on.
I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,
Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,
And sharks swim through my veins now, that she's gone,
I'm sleeping with the light on.
“Buffy…”
“It’s okay, I hurt him. I know I did. Not just by leaving,
but in my grief I turned to Spike and Xander, not to him.”
“I still don’t understand why it wouldn’t work.”
“You know why.”
* * *
It had been almost 3 months since Buffy had walked out of
his life. The pain he felt tore at him everyday and he dreamt that when she
called she would ask for him, but she never did. He grabbed the paper from the
side and stared dumbstruck at the front page.
Xander and Spike were sat in Spike’s room when Angel burst
in interrupting their conversation dangling the newspaper in front of their
faces. The headline that faced them read ‘Pop star Angel’s ex…But who’s the
kid?’
“Who is the kid?” Xander and Spike looked at each other.
Spike was the one to find his voice first.
“She might just be babysitting.”
“NO there are a lot of pictures on lots of different days.
Of her picking this kid up from school and shit. The kid lives with her. Tell
me.”
“When we first started this thing remember in that club. I
kinda beat shit out of that guy for no apparent reason. And Xander stopped me,
then I said something to him that made him do the same. That’s cos the guy was
Riley Finn. Riley and Buffy knew each other. Buffy had just moved to Sunnydale
and she was very vulnerable, she’d just left us, her home, the only life she’d
ever known, her father. She was new and her parents had just divorced, she met
Riley he was in college. He was really nice to her, for like a month. They
slept together he didn’t wanna know. He didn’t even bother using protection.
She got pregnant. He again didn’t wanna know. Knocked her up and let her down.
The kid is hers. That’s why she had to go home when her mom did, cos Joyce the
saint she was looked after that kid while Buffy was with us. All the times
Buffy was upset and wouldn’t talk about it, she was missing her little girl.
Don’t get her wrong she loves her daughter, she hates Riley but she loves her
daughter. Kayla really is the sweetest little thing, an exact replica of her
mom. Just because Buffy was with us doesn’t mean anything. She just wanted to
get a name for herself in the shrink business so she could provide a good life
for her daughter. Make sure she didn’t want for anything. The only thing she’s
lacking is the same thing Buffy didn’t have and that’s a father. That’s why
Buffy has such a problem with relationships and stuff.” Angel sunk into the
chair and placed his head in his hands.
* * *
“Mommy!” The small blond haired girl ran across the lawn to
her mother’s open arms. Buffy welcomed her daughter into them and not for the
first time since coming home wondered how she had ever prised herself away from
her daughter. She swung her up and carried her indoors.
“Hey Wills, she been a good girl.”
“Isn’t she always?” Willow smiled at her friend. When Buffy
had come home she found her daughter being looked after by her friends. When
she’d got the call about her mother it hadn’t really occurred to her who would
be taking care of Kayla. Her friends hadn’t known about her daughter, hadn’t
wanted them to know. It was hard enough knowing how Riley had treated her
without her friends knowing too, plus she felt…weird. Her friends were
incredibly supportive though and since Willow’s internet company was so successful
she was able to collect Kayla from school and bring her home and watch her
until Buffy got back from the gallery.
“You want a coffee?” Willow nodded. Buffy placed her
daughter on the ground and went into the kitchen to make the coffee. Returning
home after her mother’s death had been so hard. She had so many memories of her
in this house. She had considered selling, but she realised that after her
grief she would be glad of being close to her. It still hurt to think of her at
times, and she still cried at times. But she knew deep down that her mother had
been ill, in pain and yet she’d died happy. Seeing her daughter after so long
had been so strange. She taken pictures and sent them home so her daughter
would still recognise her but despite all of that Kayla had run into her arms
on first sight sobbing her heart out because she couldn’t find grandma. Her
friends had felt it was Buffy’s place to tell Kayla about her mother’s death.
She still thought of Angel and the love she’d walked away from. The tour would
be over in two months time and she knew the band would be heading back to
Sunnydale. She wasn’t sure how it would be, but she knew having Xander and
Spike back would help her. And plus she knew Willow would be thrilled to have
Oz home. She went back into the room and handed Willow her coffee, she had just
sat down when the door was thrown open and Faith burst in.
“Have you seen the papers?” Buffy gave Faith a quizzical
look and Faith shoved a paper into her hands.
“Oh god.”
* * *
Buffy had left the gallery early to pick her daughter up,
wanting to protect her as best she could. The papers had all been full of
pictures of her and them both and she wanted to know how they’d been taken
without her knowledge. When she got there Kayla’s teacher told her she’d
already been picked up and Buffy knew she should have called Willow first, but
she hadn’t realised she was really late. It was as she started the car she saw
Willow arrive. Panic spread through her as Willow made her way over. After a quick
explanation Willow jumped in the car and they speed through town. Buffy really
had no clue where to start and prayed Kayla would have run away from the
stranger and gone home, so that’s where she headed. She walked in the door with
Willow at her heels and her daughter ran to her, a smile covering her face.
“Mommy. I’m glad you’re home, we gots a man here.” Buffy
was cautious and grabbed her bag, planning on taking her pepper spray out,
however all thoughts of killing the man who had taken her child left her head
when she saw him.
“Your daughter’s lovely.”
“Angel?” her vision swam with images and she felt sick. She
opened her eyes, thinking she must have been dreaming, instead she found Angel
staring at her with such concern on his face and her daughter crying and
squirming in Willow’s arms.
“Kayla sweetie don’t cry.” Willow let her down and she ran
to her mother and was swept into the safety of her arms. Buffy managed to get
herself into a sitting position with her daughter on her lap.
“You’re meant to be on tour.”
“I left, they’ll just have to go without me. I saw the
papers, demanded en explanation from Xander and Spike. This is the first time
since you came back here that I understood why. I never believed you didn’t
love me. It was impossible to feel what I was feeling to someone who didn’t
return it. I was surprised though. I mean your daughter is lovely but she just
came like she knew me or something.”
“Yeah well our relationship was never really low-key was
it. That weekend right after we got together, before the madness of the press,
I came home. I told my mom. She was happy for me. Happy that I’d finally let
someone into my heart. She saw the papers, the pictures. She showed Kayla.
Always happy to see pictures of mommy right?” The girl nodded her little blond
head.
“Hey Kayla, me and Auntie Faith were thinking how about we
have a sleepover and invite just one special guest, you. Would you like that?
We can stay up all night watching TV, eating candy and ice cream.”
“Yeah! Mommy?”
“Sure go with Auntie Willow and get your things together
honey.” The girl hopped down and ran to Willow, grabbing her hand and dragging
her upstairs. Buffy smiled her thanks to her friend before turning back to
Angel.
“I’m sorry about just taking her, I never planned to, just
wanted to see her but…when she saw me she came running over shouting my name
like she knew me or something and…”
“It’s okay, I was gonna kill you but then I found out who
you was. So this explanation of theirs, what was it?”
“Some guy, the guy they beat up in the club that time, he
was nice to you when you first got to town, slept with you and didn’t wanna
know. All the time we were here and we never knew. Never saw her.”
“It’s not cos I’m ashamed of her, she’s the only part of
this I’m not ashamed of. I’m ashamed because I fell for Riley Finn’s act.
Because I let myself be used. I came to Sunnydale, when I was in LA I knew who
I was. I was Buffy Summers and that meant something. I hung with Xander Harris
and Spike, William the Bloody. Don’t ask how he got that nickname. I was so
weird, paradox. I was head cheerleader, homecoming queen all of that and yet I
hung with the two roughest guys in school. The fighters, the trouble causers. I
was Buffy, feared. And I get here and I’m the new kid whose parents are
divorced. I met Cordelia Chase, she was me, well me if I hadn’t had Xander and
Spike to ground me. She thought she could be an actress, and so being from L.A.
meant I was cool enough to be allowed to hang with her. She invited me to The
Bronze. She was seeing this college guy called Richard. He was with a friend of
his, Riley Finn. That was the first time I met him. He started talking to me,
asked me out. I said yes. We had a couple of dates, not many. He was just so
nice to me. Cordelia and her friends were…they didn’t like me hanging around
with him, especially after Richard dumped her. I had to choose and since he was
nicer to me, I chose him. It seemed like such a, smart choice. There was a
party at his house, Richard was there, I only knew the two of them. So when
they were being nice to me and talking to me. Giving me drinks. Then Riley took
me to his room. My head was spinning he said it was best if I lay down. So I
did, I never expected him to lie next to me. But he was so nice, I thought he
just gonna make sure I was okay. Then he started to kiss me, and I was so drunk
that…I let it happen. I let him undress me, and I passed out. I don’t remember
much more, just that when I woke up Richard was there. Riley, in his rush, had
totalled my clothes. Richard lent me a sweatshirt and some bottoms. He gave me
cab fair home. Riley didn’t call me for about a week. So for a week I was
friendless. Then I found out I was pregnant, I prayed I was wrong. But I
wasn’t. I went to his place to see him, he was with another girl. I ran out and
Richard had seen me, he went after me. I told him, he swore he’d tell Riley and
get him to call me. Three days later the phone rang, it wasn’t Riley it was
Richard. He said Riley didn’t want to know, said that if I was willing to have
sex with him, he was sure there had to be other candidates. I called Spike and
Xander, told them made them promise not to come, them coming and beating shit
out of the guy wouldn’t make it better. Then I told my mom, she was so upset.
Said I was stupid, but after she calmed down we talked. I decided I couldn’t
get rid of it. I just couldn’t kill a child. I went away for the last 4 months,
when I did start showing though I just started wearing baggy clothes, no one
knew. I came home, it’s not like my friends would have realised there was
suddenly a baby in the house, because I didn’t have any. I had to have another
student tutor me cos I missed so much and that student was Willow. She became
my friend and in turn introduced me to her friend Faith and her boyfriend Oz.
They became my friends. But I never told them, because I was too ashamed of my
own stupidity.”
“You weren’t stupid, he was just a jerk.”
“Well now you know, Angel when I left you guys what I said.
I never meant it. I do love you and have missed you more than I can say.”
“Buffy, I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell
me. But I love you too.”