Disclaimer: I own absolutely no part of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Angel (I wish I did but…) The song is A1 ‘Caught In the Middle’
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Summary: Buffy and the gang head to LA to fight a demon. They stumble across Caritas and Willow forces Buffy to sing with her. Unfortunately the song Willow chooses is a little close to home and guess who happens to be there at that exact moment.
*************************************
“Well demon slayed home.”
“Buffy.”
“What?” I turned round curious as to why Willow had called my name like that and why no one had followed me to the car.
“We’re in LA.”
“Yeah?”
“Major party fun town, can’t we stay and well party.”
“We can party at The Bronze.”
“Buffy you used to live here you know what it’s like, we want to stay a few days, have some fun.”
“But I…”
“Come on, look we don’t even have to move very far, there’s a club right there.” I turned to look at where she was pointing.
“I don’t know Will something feels wrong about that place.” Unfortunately for me though it seemed the others were all in agreement with Willow. So we went into ‘Caritas.’ I could feel my Slayer sense tingling and something else, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. The thing I had once named my ‘Angel’ detector. We walked in and stopped. The place was crawling with demons. “I told you something was wrong about this place.”
“There’s people here too.” They just didn’t care, these were the things we fought everyday and yet they wanted to stay here. As they made their way to a table I followed behind and noticed that Anya seemed to be saying hello to a lot of demons, she really did get around in her demon days. I then heard the most awful sound, I spun to find the source and found a stage with a demon singing very, very bad karaoke.
“Oh cool this place has karaoke.” Willow ran to the stage and brought back the book which told people what songs the place has. “Wow they have my most favourite song ever. Buffy come up and sing it with me.”
“No way Will.”
“Oh go on Buffy live a little.” I turned to glare at Riley but as usual he seemed completely oblivious. Willow grabbed my arm and pulled me up.
“Willow I really don’t want to do this.” She continued dragging me up on the stage. The music was starting and I looked at the crowd. “Willow do you know who is out there?”
“Yeah Tara, Riley, Xander and Anya.”
“No I mean over there.” I pointed to a spot near the bar and she looked.
“I see a green demon talking to…Angel.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Buffy he left you and now you are here out having fun with your friends and your boyfriend, you can just show him that you healed after that hurt he gave you, you’ve moved on and you’re happier now than ever were before, cos you are.” I nodded my head in agreement. Trouble is, none of that’s true. I haven’t moved on I’m not having fun and I’m definitely not happy with my nice normal relationship.
“You said that love was just a state of mind
A puzzle made of pieces you can't find
And for me you never really had the time
I was blind.
And everything that you meant to me
Is written in the pages of my history
But it's over now as far as I can see
Suddenly
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Even though I’m with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle” My hand unconsciously slid up to clasp
the ring I had on a necklace.
*
I’m trying to focus on the information Lorne divulged to me before he turned his attention to the singing but I can’t. I recognise the voices that are singing and I have the tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach that I get when she’s near.
“So this is your Slayer.” I shake my head to clear my thoughts when Lorne interrupts them.
“That’s Buffy.”
“Wow what did you do to her?”
“What?”
“Listen to the words, the song was definitely not her choice
but her friend’s. Too close to home for her to have chosen it.” that certainly
gave me something to think about as I continued to listen as she sang. When the
words reached me it was like we were the only two people in the room.
“Moving on he brings me brighter days
Thoughts of you are in my mind always
Like a memory that I can't erase
It's here to stay
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Even though I’m with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
So different
It's so different
So easy
So easy
But I can't get over you
I can't get over you
So different
It's so different
So easy
So easy
But I can't get over you
And I can't get over you
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Even though I’m with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Even though I’m with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now I’m caught
And now, I’m caught in the middle
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I’m caught
Caught in the middle
Even though I’m with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now, I’m caught in the middle” Finally finished I snapped out of my
happy daze and the rest of the room came rushing back, including the tall blond
guy who went over to her and kissed her. Lorne went over to her. I could see
her wary to see a demon approach, the Slayer in her. Willow looked excited though
after he spoke. First he took Willow away to speak with her. Buffy was playing
with something on the chain round her neck. Then I saw it. It was the ring I
gave her. Lorne came back and took Buffy away, I just wished I knew what he was
saying to her.
*
When the green, horned demon had come over to us I had thought he was going to start a fight instead he was going to divulge some information and stuff he got from people singing. Willow had seemed very happy about it, I on the other hand just desperately wanted to get the hell out of here.
“Well Slayer.”
“You know I’m the Slayer?”
“Read it, it gives you strength, not enough but strength.”
“What do you mean not enough?”
“You’re Caught in the Middle.”
“Willow chose the song.”
“Yeah but she sang it, you just put your feelings and life story into words.”
“I saw you talking to him, does he sing here a lot?”
“Not usually sing but he does come a lot.”
“When he does sing, is there anything of me there since you’re obviously picking up him in my singing?”
“Yeah there is. And yes I am picking up him. Any fool can see you don’t love that guy out there, he brought your heart here with him to LA. So you’ll never love anyone else until you get it back.”
“How do I get it back?”
“You won’t. Wasn’t it Spike who said ‘you’ll be in love til it kills you’?”
“Yeah.”
“He was right sweetie.”
“No he wasn’t. Angel and I are very unmeshable things.”
“Why cos of his curse? You just didn’t try hard enough.”
“I’m not the one who gave up.”
“No you’re the one that stayed in denial about your situation, like everything would work itself out. He took action, now it was the wrong action but it was action. Your friends and your boyfriend are idiots, they haven’t noticed you still wear his ring. Another mark of his, this one however is by choice. You’re not strong enough to tell them the truth.” He walked away and I stayed, contemplating his words.
*
Lorne walked out but Buffy didn’t, was what he saw that bad?
“Is she okay?”
“No, but you should know that. You left her and she hasn’t been okay since. That song she thought when she found someone else she’d get over you and now she’s stuck. Cos that relationship her friends approve of, unlike yours but she doesn’t love him. She is stuck between love and duty to her friends. And you’re the one who put her in that position.”
“I left to…”
“Angel you’ve sang I’ve read you I know why you left. But until now I never really guessed the full thing, her side so to speak and her side well it tells me you never tried hard enough. Go to talk her, she’s finally ready to face it.”
*
I can sense him, then he walks behind the curtain with which I’m still hiding from my friends. He sits down in the seat the demon had vacated. He doesn’t look at me.
“Hey.” My voice is a little shaky when I finally speak to break the awful silence. He looks up then.
“Hey.” I look up and am able to catch his eye if only for a second.
“Demon guy just speak to you, is that when you’ve come to speak to me?”
“Lorne. Yeah he did.”
“So shoot, speak, then maybe I can get the hell outta here, back to my normal life and my normal boyfriend that you desperately wanted me to have.” I could see the hurt look flash across his face but it was gone again just as soon as it appeared, he always was a master of hiding his feelings.
“Buffy I…”
“You what?”
“Love you.” Okay now that I wasn’t expecting. “And I’m sorry
I left.” If I wasn’t expecting to hear him say he loved me I definitely wasn’t
expecting him to say he regretted leaving me. Was I dreaming or something? He
was staring at me waiting for me to respond. And I did the truly Buffy thing to
do.
“I’m not.” I got up and walked away, I hurt him, again. I remember how much I
hurt him when I threw Riley in his face at the police station, god was that
really only 3 months ago, it seems like a lifetime. A lifetime without his face
looking down on me with pure love in those soft pools of chocolate. But he
would never look at me again, not now I said that. But I stop, I can’t let him
think that. I was a bitch, a complete bitch. I thought I’d grown and matured but
obviously not, well now I am making myself do the mature thing. I’m less than a
centimetre from leaving his life and going back to the hell of mine when I stop
and turn. Maybe he isn’t as good a poker player as I once thought because I can
see everything he is feeling now displayed on his face. I must really have hurt
him for him to not even bother to hide his feelings.
“I didn’t mean that.” I walk back and sit down again. He looks up and tries to re gain his poker face, but he can’t and I’m glad. Now there isn’t going to be any secrets between us. This is it. “I shouldn’t have said that. When you came to Sunnydale to apologise and ended up beating up my…Riley. You shouldn’t have because you didn’t need to. I was the one who needed to apologise. But you were wrong, that I’d moved on and that you were the only one hurting when we saw each other. My shiny perfect new life was a lie. He doesn’t even know. That he’s a replacement, one that falls very far short. And I hate myself for doing it to him. Because he truly loves me. Why is it love hurts? Our love broke us and his love for me is breaking him. Maybe it’s not love that breaks people, maybe it’s me. Cos no one else has that problem.”
“There is nothing, wrong with you. You’re perfect.” His hands slid across the table to grip mine.
“What do we do? Because if I’m honest I’m not sure I can go back to being happy bright Buffy, if I’m not with you. It is so unbelievably hard to paint on that happy smile, be the Buffy they want me to be. And it just gets harder and harder every day. And one day it’s gonna get too hard and they’re gonna see the real Buffy. And I can’t let them see her, because they don’t like her and they don’t want her.”
“Be who you are no matter anyone else wants.”
“What do you want me to be?”
“Besides yourself…my girl.” I smile at him through my teary eyes.
“I once told you that I always was.”
“I was afraid it didn’t still stand?”
“I’ll be your girl, we’ll be in love til it kills us. I don’t think that if someone had told me that I would say that Spike was right that I would have been able to stop laughing but he was.”
“I know and just like I’ll love you until it kills me, when we’re not together, that kills me too.”
“So where do we go from here?”
“To a library.” I look up into his eyes very confused, a library is not exactly where I thought we’d be going. He smiles at my expression. “We need to research binding spells don’t you think?”
“Binding spells?”
“Well if you can bind things together there must be a binding spell somewhere that can bind a vampire and his soul.” I smile at him and we leave through the backdoor. I forget about my friends and about Riley who are probably worrying at me. I am going to get my angel back and right now that’s all that matters.
****************************
It’s been four long days and nights of nothing but research. No one knows I’m here, hell they don’t even know where I am. They’re probably worried, no in fact I know they will be worried. Frantic even, they might even have thought I’ve run away again but I only stop researching to eat and take a few hours sleep. I can’t waste time calling and explaining to them. Angel tells me to but I don’t listen, maybe I should but… When I say no one knows I’m here that’s not strictly true, Cordy and Wes know I’m here as does Angel’s new friend Gunn. I like Gunn he’s cool. Down-to-earth and fun. But I’m not here to have fun, not yet anyway. Everyone jumped to help, except Gunn who helps a little but mostly brings us food and deals with Cordy’s visions and nightly patrols sometimes. When I say he deals with Cordy’s visions that’s if they aren’t too bad, if they are Angel goes. We haven’t really spoke a lot, we’re just mainly focused on finding something to help us. I’m very tired now and need some caffeine. I go into the huge kitchen and pour myself a cup. I lean against the work surface to relax a little while I drink. My eyes slid shut and I am powerless to stop them.
“We need to talk.” My eyes snap open again.
“What about?”
“About Angel.” Is there a touch of concern in her voice? I guess I should trust Angel’s judgement more, he was right about Faith and it seems he was right about Cordy changing.
“Talk.”
“This is a forever thing right?”
“On my part.”
“Even if we can’t find anything, you’re not just here promising all this only to leave again to go fuck your boyfriend if we don’t find anything.”
“He was the one that left Cordy.”
“Yeah for good reason. But my point is you destroy him. He’s finally dealing and then you come back and mess him up again to the point where he broods pretty much all day every day. Like at Thanksgiving and with Faith.”
“I was a bitch and I regret the things I said to him. He was right that I came here to get revenge not to help him. I feel awful about throwing my relationship with Riley at him when truth be told it’s the complete 180. My perfect relationship isn’t the one with Riley but the one I am working night and day to get back. And I don’t care if we don’t figure it out that way I will find a way for us to be together. No matter what, I love him and quite frankly life without him isn’t worth living.” Cordy seemed to ponder it for a minute.
“Okay. Buffy one more thing, I’m sorry for how I was in high school but you have to realise that I had a very different view on life than I do now and I realise you were the one in the right and I was wrong.” That I definitely didn’t expect. She has definitely changed.
“Maybe we could try and actually be friends this time. I mean as Angel’s, hopefully soon to be, girlfriend and you as Angel’s friend we should get along.”
“Soon to be?”
“He hasn’t asked yet.” I grinned at her and smiled back. The smile soon vanished though and her hands flew to her hand and I caught her just before she hit the floor. I haven’t actually seen her while she has a vision but I assume that this has to be one.
“ANGEL!” In a matter of seconds Angel, Wes and Gunn were in the kitchen. Angel lifted Cordy from my arms and took her into the lobby. When she finally looked up Wes handed her some pills and a glass of water.
“What did you see?” I can’t imagine what this sort of thing does to her. It looked like all the pain I’ve ever experienced in my Slayer life all crammed into one mind numbing head explosion, and she doesn’t even have Slayer abilities to help her cope. I figure that must be one of the things that changed her most, seeing the world’s pain like that, I mean it’s a vision but surely once it’s gone she can’t exactly forget.
“A really old book. It’s called the Neotrubaium. I couldn’t really make anything out on the page it turned to but I think one of the words was ‘soul.’” Now that got my interest, was it that the Powers were showing us where to look. Although Angel was comforting Cordy from the pain of her vision he did manage to look up at me and I could see some hope in his eyes for the first time since we started to research. When Cordy had recovered a little he left. Said he knew someone who might know where the book was. Wes and Gunn continued to research and I went upstairs with Cordy. She had been told she was to lie down by Wes but she refused so I had been given the task of making her. She laid down on a bed in a room she used when she stayed over.
“How long have been getting them?”
“About a year now, ever since Doyle died.”
“Do you still miss him?”
“Everyday.”
“You were more than friends.”
“No we were on the verge of something and then…”
“Do you hate him for giving them to you?”
“Honestly no. I’d take the pain they give me because I can use them to help Angel to help people. You know how you wanted rid of the Slayer thing at first, well that’s how I felt about them but now they’ve become a part of me and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.”
“When I first met Riley, well actually when we first found out about what we both were, he said it was fun, playing the cool guy with the gun who saves people from vampires.”
“He sounds like a total…”
“He is. I told him it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t this cool job, it was my life and right then I hated that fact. But then after a few kills I realised it’s who I am. Buffy the Slayer. There is only one person in this whole world who doesn’t think Slayer the minute they hear my name and that’s Angel. He’s probably the best part of being the Slayer, if I wasn’t if it had been some other girl I never would have met him and I would still be the spoilt rich girl living with her daddy in LA with all the old high school gang following her like sheep.”
“Like I was up until we lost the money and I gained the visions.”
“Maybe this whole supernatural thing isn’t as bad as we thought it was, I mean it made us both better people.”
*
Angel had been gone for over 5 hours and I was now frantically pacing the lobby. Wes and Cordy were researching and Gunn had just gone out to get us some food. He walked in and for an instant I wished he hadn’t his skin was black and burned and he was bleeding from more wounds than I could count. I rushed over to help him as did Wes and Cordy. When Wes approached he handed him a book. I could see the flash of recognition on Cordy’s face. It was the Neotrubaium.
“What the hell happened?”
“They don’t let just anybody took that book, you have to prove yourself.”
“How?”
“Sunlight, crosses, holy water, demons.”
“It wasn’t worth that much pain Angel, we would have found another way.”
“No we wouldn’t and it was worth it, it will be worth it when we can be together.”
“You’re stupid.”
“As a high school girl once said ‘love makes you do the wacky.’” I managed to curb my instinct to give him a playful punch and just smiled at him. I accepted the First Aid kit Cordy handed me and tried to be gentle with him.
*
After Wes had read and reread the passage on what to do about a million times I went out with a shopping list. I collected all the things we’d need. It was a simplish spell that Wes said he could do, granted Willow could probably do it easier but I didn’t really want any of them involved just yet. It was in fact a pretty simple binding but the words were the things we were missing, we could have done one of the regular old binding spells but they wouldn’t be strong enough to hold a soul. After Wes had completed the spell the gang said their goodbyes and left us. Sunlight was just coming. And I knew I should go home, they needed to know I was okay and Riley needed to know it was over.
“I’m gonna go back and tell them, you sleep and heal today and I will be back by nightfall.”
“But you came with Xander.”
“I’ll get a bus or something.”
“Take my car.”
“Are you sure, I mean the little of the driving of mine you saw wasn’t exactly great.”
“It’ll get you back quicker.” I kissed him gently on the forehead and left.
******************************
I walked into my home and found the whole gang was gathered in my front room. I had spent the trip here working out my story. My mother jumped up and was soon followed by everyone else.
“Buffy I thought you’d run away again.”
“Was it what the green demon said to you?”
“When you didn’t come back from your talk with him I was so worried.” I was bombarded with people talking to me.
“Guys, he just told me the Powers wanted me to go to this apartment, it was in fact Cordy’s. I had to help out with a vision. It’s a good job you chose that place Will and made me sing cos Angel is too pig-headed to have called.” They were all quiet for a while and then started talking, they weren’t even angry. I guess my story was good. After a while I went to the kitchen to get and drink and Willow came in. I’m glad I saw her on her own first cos my plan is to tell her first and her being the only one who really accepted my relationship with Angel in the first place she should be okay.
“Riley was so worried about you, Buffy I have to tell you something, he asked me not to, he wants it to be a surprise but I can’t not tell you. He’s gonna propose.” OH MY GOD! My world has just stopped turning. She actually seems happy about this fact. What do I do now, he’s going to propose, it’s more serious than I thought. How do I end it now?
**************************
I left a message with Cordy that something urgent had come up and I wouldn’t be able to get back until the weekend. The rest of the week went by so slowly, it wasn’t really like the first week back after I ran away, everyone accepted what I had told them and things were pretty much normal. I was trying to be a bitch to Riley in the vague hope he would change his mind about proposing but Willow gave me the daily updates about it and she said he wasn’t. He was so in love with me. When the weekend finally came I managed to come up with a good reason why I was going and made my escape to LA and my angel. We spent the first few hours talking, I explained about Riley and he was upset, but not devastated because as I pointed out to him, he had me, Riley didn’t. We spent the rest of the weekend pretty much engaged in his bedroom, well I say bedroom is was more like anywhere we could find. This behaviour carried on for a few weeks when one particular visit I walked in and he jumped me straight away. He had dismissed his employees early and so we had the place to ourselves. Unable to control ourselves we were in the middle of our passionate lovemaking when someone walked into the lobby. And that someone was Riley.
“Buffy?” I stopped on hearing his voice and frantically tried to grab anything to cover ourselves up with. Angel eventually pulled his duster from the chair and laid it over us. We sat up and I held it close to me. Angel had also managed to find his pants and slipped into them. He held the duster round me as I threw my clothes back on. Riley’s face was a rather strange shade of purple. When we were both dressed again I shifted awkwardly not looking at Riley. He looked as if he was about to start yelling and Angel, thank god, slipped his hand into mine. I turned my head and silently conveyed a message of thanks to him with my eyes.
“How long?”
“About a month, Riley I’m sorry. When I came back I was going to tell you but then Willow told me about you wanting to propose and it confused me and I didn’t know how to break it off anymore.”
“So you just screwed a vampire into the ground, an evil vampire no less.”
“Angel’s not evil.”
“No but after sex he turns evil so how long will he be around?”
“Actually those days I was away I was here but it was less about helping Cordy’s vision and more Cordy’s vision helping us. We bound Angel’s soul. We still love each other and we decided that this whole living apart thing sucked.”
“What about us?”
“I’m sorry Riley but there isn’t an us.” I’m not really sure what I expected him to do but it was to grab a stake from his waistband and rush at Angel. I stepped in the way and easily blocked his attempts. I threw him against the wall after a few useless attempts at getting at Angel. I turned to my love. “When will people learn that I’ll never let anyone touch my boyfriend?” He smiled at me and I kissed him. I pulled back and turned back to Riley. He was already leaving. I relaxed into Angel’s arms. Problem solved, well at least one of them.
*
When I got home the gang was waiting for me.
“I’m your best friend why didn’t you tell me?”
“How could you?”
“You’re putting the world at risk.”
“Riley was such a nice boy.”
“Thank god, you took your time.”
“I’m bored.”
“Maybe we should talk calmly about it.”
“GUYS!” They all stopped talking and finally looked at me.
“Yes I know Riley is nice but I don’t love him, I never did and I never will I love Angel. We’re not putting the world at risk because we found a way to bind his soul. I was going to tell you all but then Willow told me about Riley wanting to propose and I freaked and tried to figure out a new approach.”
“You and Riley were so perfect for each other.” I turned to Willow, the person I’d hoped would understand my decision.
“Will she was never really happy with Riley and as long as Angelus can’t come out to play she should do what makes her happy.” Now Xander saying that I didn’t expect. I guess his biggest fear was Angelus, plus the whole jealously thing isn’t there anymore. I never thought I’d think this but thank god for Anya. I had two people in my corner. Anya would either not care of side with Xander. Willow the person I thought I could count on was actually against me.
“Well I suppose it’s okay if it makes you happy but Buffy you really should have been more honest. And if the Powers were willing to send Cordelia a vision to help then it must be right I suppose.” That’s 3. Tara is staying pretty quiet which I can only hope means she agrees with the whole happiness thing but doesn’t want to upset Willow.
“I’m sorry, I really am. But I love him.”
“No you don’t, he does something, muddles your brain. You and Riley were happy.” I won’t win with her. I just know this is going to hurt our friendship but right now my mind is full of my angel and the world doesn’t really matter.
*******************************
5 YEARS LATER
Here Angel and I are at Xander and Anya’s wedding. This is the first time I have seen Willow in 4 years. As I thought our friendship was ruined because she couldn’t understand my love for Angel. Angel is here today, well the reception anyway cos it’s night, he obviously couldn’t make the day ceremony. My mom and Dawn are here and they are sat with Giles. My mom is reluctant but Angel’s knowledge of ancient art is helping to win her round, at least they have something to talk about. Cordy and Wes came down with Angel. I think there might be a little spark there, maybe not but I think there is. I figure that we all seem to have to have relationships with people who know about vampires and things otherwise it’s just too weird. That’s why it’s good my angel is a vampire really. We’re so well suited.