Disclaimer: I own absolutely no part of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Angel (I wish I did but…) the songs are Barry Manilow Mandy and LeAnn Rimes How Do I Live
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Summary: What if Buffy had been in Caritas in the 1st episode of the 2nd season of Angel because the gang wanted to find out Dracula’s hold on her. She hears Angel sing ‘Mandy.’ After he leaves she sings and the host tells her about a vampire’s hold on her, just not the vampire she wanted to hear about.
A/N: Judgement happened exactly the same up until the moment in the bar where Angel sings. This happens just before that. Buffy vs. Dracula is pretty much the same but instead of Buffy going with Xander when the gang are at Giles’ having just found out about Buffy getting bite by Dracula, Willow reveals she knows of a place where Buffy can go to find out what power Dracula has over her. The only problem is this place is a demon karaoke bar in LA. After the gang, not Xander, keep pushing she finally relents and goes.
*************************************
Buffy walked into the bar. She couldn’t believe her friends had managed to talk her into this. Though in all fairness it had really been to get away from Riley and his fixation on vampires. It was beginning to scare her now, his obsession with her and Angel. It was very unhealthy. But still she didn’t want to be here, she didn’t need to be here. She was looking round the place that made her Slayer senses tingle. So many demons and vampires. The clientele reminder her of Willy’s on a grander scale, the place wasn’t as much of a dive either. But her gaze stopped when it hit two people. Cordelia Chase and Wesley Wyndham-Price. They were staring intently at the stage. When she’d walked in she’d heard singing but never really paid attention to it. But now she did.
“Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
I'm standing on the edge of time
I walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
Yesterday's a dream I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
the pain is calling, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy” Buffy was speechless. Angel singing wasn’t
something she’d ever thought she’d see. As the man, well green guy with horns,
took Angel away Buffy guessed he was the Host. She went against her better
judgement and followed.
“Just one thing Angelcakes why ‘Mandy?’ And don’t lie cos I’ll know.”
“Well I kinda think it’s pretty.”
“And?” Angel sighed, it might be for a good cause but that still didn’t mean that he liked this.
“It sort of applies to my life in a way.”
“What way?”
“There was a girl, she knows what I am. I always said I wasn’t good enough for her. But she gave me everything and asked for only one thing in return, for me never to leave.”
“And you did and broke her heart.” Angel nodded. “And yours?” Angel really didn’t want to go into this now.
“Where’s the Tribunal?” Buffy slipped away to process this information. He knew he’d broken her heart, but even more surprising was the fact he cared. Before Buffy knew it the Host was introducing her. She stepped into the spotlight and accepted the microphone he handed her.
“How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I....
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live
without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?” Lorne took the blond slayer to the side.
“Now firstly honey
eavesdropping when I’m with my other clients is against the rules.” Buffy
blushed and looked down. “But I’ll make an exception considering your
connection. So ask.”
“What hold does the
vampire have over me and am I strong enough to overcome it and put a stake
through his heart, kill him like someone else should have done by now?”
“Well now you’re
feisty for a Slayer aren’t ya. His hold is strong. It’s unbreakable. You’ve
tried I know. But you’ve given up now you deny it, bury it deep. But it’s
there. Your friends ignore it, your boyfriend pretends it’s not real…but it is
there, it’s always going to be there. Your hold on him is just as strong but
whereas his hold on you is the only real hold there is his guilt is a strong
contender with your hold on him and unfortunately his guilt is winning. You’ll
never be able to put a stake through his heart. As for Dracula his hold is
minimal, he can’t hold you since another already is doing. Which is a fact I’m
sure your boyfriend will soon be learning, even his denial can’t be that
strong. You can beat Dracula. But one more piece of advice, embrace and
confront it.”
“What other vampire
and embrace and confront what?”
“The one who you
were spying on and your feelings for each other.”
*
Angel had just been
leaving to save the woman when he’d heard her voice. He’d felt her while he’d
been singing and talking to the Host but he just figured it was because the
song he’d chosen was close to home with them. But then he’d heard it. He knew
he should go and save the woman and her child but he couldn’t leave. He turned
to look at her. Cordelia was pulling at his arm and they were both talking to
him but he wasn’t paying any attention. He was staring at her and listening to
her only. He heard her words and he saw her heart, on her sleeve just as it had
been the first time he saw her in this very city. He saw it was broken. He
knew, he just knew that when she had flung Riley at him she’d been lying. Her
heart was broken and it was broken because of him. He could hear her voice
breaking as the song reached it’s climax. The lost and lonely girl coming out
as she sang the question how do I live without you? She was asking him and he
knew it. But he couldn’t answer. His duty…he had to go. He left before she came
offstage where the lights weren’t blinding and where she could see him staring
at her.
****************************
“Buffy!” Cordelia opened the door to her apartment wider to let the slayer in.
“I heard that he was here cos of the blown up office thing.”
“Yeah.”
“Buffy?” Angel stepped from the darkness into the light of the lounge. Cordy left. Buffy began to pace. Neither spoke.
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“I was at Caritas today, do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Need me today?”
“I need you everyday.” He didn’t want to jump to conclusions although he knew he wasn’t jumping. “How are you going to?”
“Going to what?”
“Live without him in your life, you know. Your boyfriend Riley who I assume must be leaving to make you sing that.”
“Liar.”
“What?”
“You’re a liar. You know why I sang that, I’d thought you’d left.”
“How did you?”
“I didn’t. I put on a smile and add some more plaster to my broken heart and hope that’s enough to fix it. But it isn’t. Riley’s obsessed with us. You and me, our relationship. It scares me sometimes. He told me I have to confront and embrace it.”
“What?”
“The Host.”
“Embrace what?”
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“Buffy we can’t…”
“I heard what he said to you, you broke my heart and you know you did. And if the other stuff was true, about breaking yours as well then you won’t say we can’t. You’ll find a way. Call me when you find the answers you need.”
*********************
Buffy had been back in Sunnydale for two weeks now and had tried to do the nice happy relationship again with Riley but it was becoming increasingly difficult. She gave her friends the edited version of what had happened. Then she staked Dracula. Xander stopped acting weird and they guessed he was under Dracula’s thrall. The gang was at the Bronze. Buffy was distracted as usual. Willow elbowed her and she started to try and pay attention to what Riley was saying. But something over his shoulder grabbed her attention. She got up and walked to it.
“What? Finally got an answer?”
“No, I don’t have an answer. I just know that we’ve tried it, apart and it’s killing me. So what if I don’t have an answer, maybe we don’t need it.”
“So what are you saying?”
“You know what.” Buffy turned and walked back to the table.
“Riley we both know this isn’t working. I’m sorry.” She grabbed her jacket and walked away. Angel had assumed that since she walked away she didn’t want him anymore and was making his way through the alley back to his car.
“Angel where the hell do you think you’re going…without me?” he turned back and stared at her.
“I love you.”
“You said that last time. Then you left.”
“I’m saying it this time too, but when I leave, you’ll be coming with me.”
“I love you too.” she caught up to him and they walked to his car holding hands.
*
They passed the sign informing them they were leaving Sunnydale. The night air was blowing Buffy’s hair back. Angel drove with one hand and held her hand with the other. They drove through the night, leaving their past behind them.