Disclaimer: I own absolutely no part of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Angel (I wish I did but…)
Feedback: IF I DINT WANT FEEDBACK I WUNT POST THE STORY! (But if you carnt take the hint n r still saying dus she want feedback it wud be a HELL YES!!!!!)
Summary: Angel comes to town on Buffy’s birthday and gets stuck in the Summers house with everyone else. (This is a rewrite of Older and Far Away the way I think it should have happened.) Something really bad happens something so bad even Buffy can’t forgive him for. She tells him to leave and during her recovery she realises she had been using Spike in the beginning just like she told Tara she had but she begins to wonder that since she can’t stop could there be something more.
Author Notes: I know I usually do happy Buffy/Angel stuff but this story could have gone two ways and well…I just had to write both cos the other one was a good end too. I love Buffy/Angel together (Angel and Cordy just do not go and I don’t believe for one minute that Angel would just realise he loved someone else. Considering all we ever heard him say to Buffy was how she was the only woman he had loved in his 250 years of life I just can’t see it as realistic that he would fall in love again only 3 years since he left Sunnydale) But anyway for all you Buffy/Angel shippers check out the other story, pretty much the same up to a point and then it is Buffy/Angel fluff. This story however has a Buffy/Spike ending to it so if you really can’t stand the idea of Buffy and Spike getting together and Buffy sorta blowing out Angel then don’t read any further and go to the other story. Or any of my other fics cos all but one is a happy Buffy/Angel story.
Buffy screamed in the mist of passion as Spike drove his fangs into the old scar on her neck. Nearing her orgasm Buffy screamed as they came and the blood flowed from her to him. Exhausted they both collapsed onto each other, panting. Spike didn’t really need to pant but he did it anyway. They drifted into slumber, for Spike it was peaceful as it always was after they’d had sex but for Buffy it was never peaceful.
Buffy bolted upright and stared at the face of her watch. It was 7.30! Dawn! Buffy grabbed her clothes that were scattered round the crypt and tried to make herself look less like she’d been rolling about in a crypt with a vampire. She didn’t waste time waking Spike to tell him she was going she just left.
“Angel!” Angel shifted his weight slightly in the doorway, he still didn’t know why exactly he’d come here, well no he did know but it was just he didn’t know why he needed to tell her.
“Hey Dawn is Buffy home?”
“You came for her birthday! That is so sweet.” Dawn continued telling him how sweet it and he was while he silently cursed himself for not only forgetting but for deciding to tell her something like this on her birthday. He knew how much Buffy dreaded birthdays because for her they usually turned out bad. “Well we’re throwing her a party but right now she’s in the shower, she just got back from patrol. But you can come in and wait for her.”
“No Dawn I’ll just go for a walk give her time to get ready and everything.” Angel flashed a smile at Dawn before he disappeared into the night.
Buffy looked at the girl reflected at her in her dressing table mirror and silently contemplated when it was exactly she became this. Yeah she’d been through a lot, coming back from heaven was the worst but had she really been Buffy before that. When did she really stop feeling. It didn’t just happen, she didn’t just wake up one day and not feel. She felt when her mom died. She didn’t feel when Riley left, not really. She’d run after him knowing it was too late. Why did she run after him? She definitely didn’t love him. In the end she didn’t even like him, he was just convenient. He was there, someone to turn to. She thought back about the things in her life. She felt in high school, that much she was sure of so when did it start to happen, when did her feelings start to slowly trickle out of her. Was it when Angel left? No. At one point she knew she’d have said yes to that one but now she didn’t. Was it when Parker used her? Was it when the gang started drifting apart? Was it when Dracula came? No it was before that. She was sure of that it was before Dracula came? Maybe that’s why he’d been able to get her under his thrall, even if it was only for a short time. So it was definitely before her interlude with Dracula but it was after her scene with Parker and the beer and things. It was before Riley. She never felt, the whole time she was with him she never felt, it was like something had ripped part of her heart out and the only part left was slowly following it. Thanksgiving, she’d felt then. She’d felt so much anger when she found out about Angel. She went to LA and then came back and everything seemed wrong. So yet again her life boiled down to Angel. Why did it seem that everything in her life no matter how small came back to him? She was feeling now though. She felt while she was in heaven. That was her heaven being able to feel again. And now she was here again and she wasn’t feeling, didn’t feel for a long time. When Spike was with her she felt, but only when Spike was with her. It didn’t even matter what they were doing as long as he was there.
Buffy went down the stairs not feeling too great after her long reflective stare into the mirror she was not in the mood to party. She went into the kitchen to help Xander and Anya with the food.
“So Buff any other friends coming?”
“Sophie,” Noticing the looks given to her she continued, “From work. Hey I’m not one of those people who can’t make friends outside from the little group. In fact we hit it off straight away.”
“Really, what’s Sophie’s last name?” Buffy looked slightly less convincing now. “Xander and I have invited a friend, from his work.”
“Richard.”
“He’s very nice and he’s a man for you.” Buffy’s eyes widened. She was searching her brain to find something to respond with when Dawn came in.
“A man for Buffy? You’ve invited a man for Buffy?” The door sounded and Dawn practically jumped. “Buffy you should get that.” Buffy gave Dawn a look but went to the door anyway.
“Tara hey.”
“Happy Birthday Buffy.”
“Thanks I’m glad you came.”
“Is Spike coming?”
“No, no.” Willow chose this point to come down the stairs saving Buffy from any further probing about Spike. Buffy made a quick exit to the kitchen. Xander came in right after followed by a man Buffy assumed had to be Richard.
“Hey Buff Richard wants to know where to park.”
“Oh that’s easy it’s…”
“Yeah you show him.” Xander practically shoved Richard into her before fleeing with Anya. Tara came in quickly followed by Willow. The backdoor was flung open revealing Spike and a demon.
“Hey Slayer.”
“Spike and a…”
“Hey we met once before.”
“Yeah hi. Spike how did you…”
“Red told me.”
“I have to show Richard where to park.” Buffy grabbed Richard’s hand and pulled him out behind her. She opened the door and her heart nearly jumped out of her chest.
“Angel?”
Angel loved the way she said his name, no one else said it that way and he really didn’t want them to because it would take something away from the specialness he felt when she said it.
“Happy Birthday Buffy.” During his quick walk he’d managed to make his feet take him to a small store where he bought a card and some flowers and chocolates. He held them out to her. She made a small noise almost like a sigh.
“Oh Angel they’re beautiful, my favourite. But then again you’d know that.” Buffy stood in the doorway for a minute flower, card and chocolates in one hand and Richard’s hand in the other. Angel shifted uncomfortably and for the first time noticed the man stood with her. He regarded him before his eye caught on a bleached blonde in the doorway to the kitchen. Spike. Buffy had told him briefly about Spike but had never expected him to be at her party, in her house unless absolutely necessary. Buffy finally shook herself out of her daze enough to drop the man’s hand and step aside. “Come in.” Angel stepped over the threshold. “I’ll just go put these in water, Dawn can you show Richard where to park.” Buffy’s look showed him how much he still affected her, which was good, would be good if he was here for any other reason than why he was here. She rushed away. Dawn went outside and Richard followed.
Angel stood in the doorway feeling very awkward.
“Angel hi why don’t you come and sit down.” Angel smiled gratefully at Willow. She was really the only one of the group that could stand being around him. “Angel you know Anya and this is Tara. You know him too.” Angel didn’t even turn to know where her finger was pointing.
“Spike.”
“Poof.” Spike flounced out of the room.
“So the great big poof is back.”
“What Spike you jealous?” Spike advanced on Buffy.
“I think he’s the one that needs to be jealous.” Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled in away from her.
“Spike not here.”
“Oh yeah the great bloody poof gets to be around you in front of them but I fucking can’t.” Spike stormed towards the door but bounced back from it. “Bloody hell.” Buffy walked towards the door and felt a resistance stopping her going any further.
“Oh no.” She was trapped in a house with her ex vampire boyfriend, her secret vampire lover and a guy her friends were trying to set her up with, this could not be good. She went into the living room. “We might have a little problem.” Spike had followed her and leaned casually against the doorframe. “There is a force field-y thing around the door.”
“A what?”
“We can’t get out, we’re trapped.”
Buffy had led Angel up to her room to have a seriously needed talk, or so he told her. She flopped onto her bed.
“So I’m guessing it’s not my birthday that brings you here.” He sighed and sat next to her.
“Buffy last year I went through a really bad time, I fired Gunn, Cordy and Wes and just went insane. The evil law firm that’s always on my back, brought Darla back, but human. She haunted me for a while, but then she found out she was dying from all the disease that was killing her the first time round. She wanted me to change her and I wouldn’t. Then she accepted that she was going to die and she was embracing it looking forward to the rest in peace.”
“Know the feeling.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“We were in her room and Wolfram and Hart burst in with some vampires, they held me down and they’d brought Drusilla to turn her and they made me watch. I tried to stake her before she woke but I couldn’t. It got really bad and just before I had my epiphany we slept together.”
“You slept with Darla! Psycho, evil vamp bitch!” Buffy jumped up and Angel reluctantly stood.
“Buffy I wasn’t me, I wasn’t Angelus but I wasn’t Angel. I was more like Angelus but not quite.”
“But you slept with her.”
“Yes but it was meant to be.”
“Meant to be, meant to be! How the hell was it meant to be?”
“Because we had a son, she staked herself and he was there on the ground. Because she was a vampire she couldn’t give birth normally so she killed herself so it would like. It’s human. His name is Connor.”
“Is he good?” Angel nodded. He knew he’d had to do this but still he didn’t know why. Buffy felt numb like it wasn’t real. Angel had a child and it wasn’t hers. She’d dreamt of Angel’s child but it had always been their child and now he’d gone and fucked an evil vampire that should have been dust and had a child with her. “Okay since you’ve decided to come clean about that and since we’re going for brutal honesty here what happened in LA? When I came to see you after Thanksgiving what happened?”
“You know what happened.”
“No I don’t. I left here feeling and got back not feeling. I know we saw each other but a 5 minute visit just doesn’t explain why I haven’t been feeling since then.”
“The demon that attacked, the first time it attacked I didn’t kill it, we tracked it and it’s blood mixed with mine and made me human. We spent an amazing day together and then Doyle told me that I hadn’t killed it. So I didn’t wake you up and we went to kill it, it almost killed me and then you showed up and killed it, but before you did it said the end was coming and together we were strong alone we weren’t. So I went to the Oracles and asked them to change me back. They swallowed they day and the only person who remembered it was me, because I had to stop the same thing happening.”
“Yeah well they didn’t do their job very well did they! Fuck it!”
“Buffy!” Angel had never heard her swear. Buffy realised he didn’t know her, to him she was still the stupid teenager that was perfect. Buffy placed her hands on her hips and tossed her head back, this used to be a lot better before she had her hair cut. But the scarf she had round her neck dropped to the floor revealing what she hoped Angel wouldn’t notice. No such luck. “Buffy what happened, who did that?”
“It doesn’t matter Angel.”
“You got bit and it doesn’t matter? Tell me who did it and I will kill it.”
“No you won’t, I let it happen.” Angel seemed to freeze before her eyes.
“Why?”
“It wasn’t a fight, I let it happen.” Angel sniffed slightly and he smelt it.
“Spike, you let Spike bite you!”
“Yes.”
“And fuck you.”
“Yes.”
“You disgusting, revolting…
“Hey buddy don’t throw stones cos at least the vampire I slept with doesn’t kill people and in fact wasn’t going about killing people while we were together.”
“But Spike!”
“Yes Spike, he cares about me.”
“This has got to be some side affect from being in a hell dimension.”
“You don’t get it, how long was I dead for?”
“About 2 months.”
“How many days?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s the point you don’t know, he does. I was dead for 47 days and he knew. Angel when I was dead where was I?”
“Demon dimension, hell.”
“No he knew something was wrong, he knew. He knew if I’d have been in hell I’d have been different, he knew I wasn’t in hell.”
“Where were you?”
“Heaven.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when we met up?”
“Because you didn’t give me chance. All you spoke about was how glad I was back and how much you missed me and how hard it had been for you. That’s all you did you YOU YOU!”
“Buffy he is evil, the only reason he knows the days is because he was probably thinking this is great 47 days without a slayer.”
“You don’t know him Angel! You know what he was doing while you were up in the mountains coming to terms with your grief. He was dealing with his and he was helping Dawn deal with hers. He was protecting her and he was out protecting Sunnydale. That’s what he was doing. He told them they shouldn’t have brought me back because it was too dangerous and that he should have been told. You never said that you were happy I was here. When he found out her was furious for 2 reasons because it was dangerous and because they didn’t dig me up. They left me 6 feet under in my coffin and never dug me up. I had to claw my way up, just like a vampire. When he saw the first thing he did was treat my hands that were bloody and dirty and scratched from clawing to earth again. You wouldn’t have done that. If he’d have known he would have told them not to, no matter how much he cared. But you wouldn’t you’d have helped.”
“It still doesn’t change what he is, he has no soul. He is evil.”
“You know what our relationship is so different to what I’ve had before. It’s different to what you and I had and to what Riley and I had. He doesn’t treat me like china that’s about to break. It’s not sweet, tender and gentle lovemaking, it’s raw, animalistic sex.” Angel’s features shifted from his angelic features to his vampiric ones.
“You want raw animalistic sex.” With one swift swoop he was on her. Even with her slayer strength she was unable to curb the demon that raging inside of him. He tore away her underwear and quickly disposed of his bottoms. He entered her roughly causing a whimper of pain. She was determined to not let him know how much he was hurting her, she refused to give him the satisfaction. Then he claimed her again. He sunk his fangs into the not fully healed wound. She screamed in agony as he sucked hungrily at her.
“Buffy!” Dawn’s scream from the doorway brought Xander, Willow and Spike running, Angel also snapped out of his anger and pulled himself from her. He covered himself up quickly pulling his clothes up. Dawn ran to her sister alternating between gasping for air and calling her name.
“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?” Dawn spun to face Angel as Spike hurried to Buffy and lifted her gently from the bed. Her dress fell back just in time to cover her exposed skin. The group hurried downstairs Angel followed meekly, disgusted with himself. Spike rushed to the door but the force field stopped him.
“Dawn whatever the hell you did undo it now!”
“I don’t know how, all I did was tell my new guidance counsellor how everyone ignored me. I just wished that would not leave all the time.” Anya approached Dawn.
“Did this new counsellor happen to have a blue stone round her neck?”
“With red flecks.”
“HALLIE GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!” A demon appeared. “Hallie is a vengeance demon for children who have been wronged by their parents.”
“Anyanka.”
“Hallie undo the spell.”
“No this girl was in pain, everywhere I went in this town I heard her cries but none of you did.”
“Hallie we have got two people dying here undo the spell.”
“No Anyanka.”
“Please.” Dawn’s meek voice sounded up from behind Anya.
“No they must suffer for hurting you.” Hallie then tried to leave. She looked puzzled and tried again.
“Hallie it’s the curse.” Hallie looked briefly angry and then disappeared. “It’s lifted.” The gang ran out.
“Doctor we need a doctor!” Several doctors rushed out at the sound of the commotion. They ushered him into a room where he placed Buffy gently on the bed before ushering him out again. They’d been at the hospital for 3 hours now. Xander had gone back to get Anya and Tara. Willow and Dawn were asleep and Spike was pacing waiting for news. He didn’t know what had gotten into the poof or where the hell he’d gone since they’d taken his car but once he knew Buffy was okay he’d make it his business to find out.
“Mr…”
“Spike.”
“Mr Spike we’ve managed to stabilise Miss Summers condition though she lost a lot of blood. She’s still unconscious but you can see her if you want.” Spike nodded and followed the doctor. Once inside her room the doctor left.
“What the hell did you say to make him do that? Don’t think I don’t know what he was doing, I’m a vampire and I’m not stupid either. I should never have…I didn’t see it, forgot about it. But that was Angel’s mark on you his claim and I…”
“Bastard.” It was only Spike’s vamp senses that allowed him to hear her. He dropped to his knees beside her and gripped her hand.
“Don’t speak it’s probably not good, well that’s what they say on the telly.” She managed a weak smile.
“His *mark* on me, he gave it to me just before he left. The bastard marked me and then left me.”
“Maybe when he did it he didn’t know he was leaving.”
“It was after he broke up with me.”
“Maybe he did.”
“Spike I’m sorry.”
“What for pet?”
“For using you. I’m sorry. But on the bright side if I’d have never used you I wouldn’t be getting my feelings back again and if I hadn’t got my feelings back I wouldn’t feel sorry for using you and I wouldn’t know that lately it’s been more than just using you.”
“Buffy!” Dawn’s joyful voice sounded from the doorway. “You’re okay, that’s good, very good of the good.” Spike stood up.
“Hope you’re better soon Slayer.” He left.
Buffy had been out of hospital for a week now and Spike had not been to the house. She was taking her first patrol since Angel had attacked her 2 weeks ago, the doctor had made her stay there for a week, a week that was hell for her. She heard a rustling and felt vampire, but it wasn’t a threat. She’d got pretty good sensing that too. Spike?
“Buffy please don’t run and please don’t scream.”
“Angel.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Have I lost my touch cos I’m pretty certain if you had lost your soul you wouldn’t be saying sorry?”
“I could never be happy if I was causing you pain.”
“Then why the fuck did you do it? You almost killed me!”
“Buffy I’m sorry, I never meant for that. I should never have come here.”
“Damn right, what did you want? What did you think you’d achieve by coming here? Why did you think I needed to know?”
“I just thought you should know, deserved to know.”
“I deserved to know you had a son but I didn’t deserve to know that we spent one wonderful day together and you erased it.”
“How do you know it was wonderful?”
“Cos I remember. I always keep my promises. I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget. Remember?”
“You weren’t meant to…”
“I didn’t but I came back and it was there like some strange dream and then I saw you and…it was so vivid. Then I realised about the whole feeling thing so it made sense. I just needed you to clarify it.”
“I thought you’d scream at me, fight me.”
“Angel sit we should have had this talk a long time ago.” Angel complied and she sat beside him. “Angel you left and you said you wanted me to move on to better things. I didn’t. Parts of me did but my heart never it was never in anything that I did. Angel we had this amazing bond and I know you left because you couldn’t take me into the light and I know Spike can’t either but I’m not a light person. I tried it with the normal guy and it just doesn’t work so it’s either darkness or loneliness and I chose darkness. Angel what we shared was great but even if we wanted to it would too hard. Besides the curse there is the fact that I belong in Sunnydale and you belong in LA. As much as I hate to admit it we’ve grown apart. I am not the stupid high school girl you knew. I wish I was but I’ve grown up and away from that person. I’m trying to find my way back to where I lost her but it’s hard and granted that girl hated Spike but she grew up and he changed too and they both grew together whereas her creature of the night boyfriend and her changed and grew apart. It won’t change what we had, nothing can change that and if you ever need me I’ll come running but now it’s time to close the book on Buffy and Angel.”
“You don’t hate me for what I did.” Buffy cupped his cheek with her hand.
“I could never hate you, no matter what you did.” She kissed him softly on his lips and went to leave.
“Buffy if you need me call. And Buffy if he hurts you I’ll kill him.”
“I know, Angel I do still love you but I love him too.”
“I know that’ll never change for either of us. And Buffy I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m still kicking and fighting and living so no harm done. Goodbye Angel.”
“Bye.” Buffy had gone and he sat again. He knew it would happen, had known it was right and yet hated it. The fact that she still loved him meant nothing compared to the fact she loved someone else as well, but isn’t that what he’d wanted for her. Maybe Spike couldn’t show her the light but at least he could show her love. He hoped.
“Spike you home?” he appeared from the darkness.
“Yeah.”
“You haven’t been to see me.”
“Yeah sorry I didn’t wanna intrude but it appears that the thing I thought I would be intruding on is not what I really would have been intruding on.”
“Meaning?”
“I saw you kiss him in the graveyard.”
“Spike don’t ask me to hate him. Even after what he’s done cos really I was the one who sent him to hell so what he did doesn’t compare. And that kiss was a goodbye kiss. I finished it all of it. We’re friends sort of if either of us needs the other than we’ll call them but the Buffy and Angel story is finished. And also I wondered if you’d come to the magic shop, the whole gang’s there.”
“Oh right so you need me to fight a big bad evil.”
“Nope no evil on the cards right now. I just thought since they’re all there together it would be as good a time as any to tell them that we’ve been…and to tell them that Buffy Summers has another creature boyfriend of the night, a boyfriend who she loves.” Spike’s eyes widen with the realisation of what she had just said.
“You love me?”
“At the hospital you left before I could finish.” Spike swept her into his arms and gave her the most tender kiss he ever had. “So we gonna go, I will warn you they won’t like it and Xander will try to stake you Dawn will be happy, Tara knows. Anya will support Xander and Willow will remain neutral.”
“Good thing for the niblet then.”
“Yeah she’s great.”
“Buffy how went patrol?”
“It was okay. Quiet even. Guys I think you deserve to know the truth and the truth is I have a new boyfriend. He’s outside and I was wondering if you wanted to meet him.”
“A boyfriend!”
“Wow Buff sure.”
“Okay you can come in now.” Xander’s jaw dropped down to his ankles.
“SPIKE! You’re dating SPIKE!”
“Yes and don’t shout we can hear you.”
“Buff Spike is the vampire who was once your arch enemy.”
“I know but there’s more, we’ve been sleeping together for a few months now. And I love him.”
“Willow what spells have you been doing cos we all remember the last time they were in love.”
“Xander it’s not a spell this time. If it was we’d probably be necking in front of you planning our wedding.”
“I can’t believe this again Buffy what the hell is wrong with you? You’re the slayer and yet your relationships consist on mostly vampire ones. I thought Angel was bad but Spike has a chip not a soul.”
“So what Xander. He’s an ex-demon same as Anya don’t judge me. Let’s face it you wanted me to get with Riley, to you guys he was perfect for me. Well guess what he let vampire whores suck him. He wasn’t that fucking perfect either so don’t judge any of my relationships, especially you. Let’s look at this collective history. Willow and Malcolm and a werewolf and a witch. Xander the bug teacher, the mummy girl, Cordelia, Anya the ex demon. Dawn the vampire.”
“Buffy that’s cold.”
“I just mean it’s blatantly obvious to me that none of us are ever gonna have a normal relationship, we’ve all tried. It won’t work so why not just go for what makes us happy.”
“Cos…he’s dead.”
“Well if wanna get technical so am I. You brought me back once. And that was different cos it was normal way to bring to someone back to life but this time using magic to resurrect me doesn’t class me as completely human.”
“We just want what’s best for you.”
“Isn’t that what makes me happy.”
“I managed to survive Angel and on the plus Spike’s chip is permanent and Angel’s soul wasn’t so…”
“Thank you, we have to go talk stuff over cos this is pretty new to us to and I should call Giles. Dawn don’t be late. Now we’re out in the open more time at Casa de Summers and so we can have nice sister bonding with my boyfriend there too. Bye.”