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Summary: First in a series. I felt Angel’s grief and pain was too short lived and unrealistic considering the fact Buffy is meant to be the only woman he has ever loved in his 250+ years of life. So this series of mine is basically a rewrite of Angel season 3 and probably some rewrites of Buffy season 6 to fit in with it. This is my world of Buffy and Angel instead of the Jossverse, which we all know means Buffy and Angel have to be together in some way.
A/N: This is going to start from when James crashes into the subway train.
*************************************
Angel suddenly yanks
Cordelia out of the way as James crashes in feet first through the window where
Cordelia was just standing. The people on the train scurry backwards as James
heads for Angel who steps in front of Cordy.
“This is a new twist in an old snake, is it possible you care about someone who isn't you?”
“Don't worry about her.”
“But if you've changed . . . if you're not the same man who screwed Darla and couldn't care less what happened to her...”
“Where'd you hear..? Oh, you mean back in the day, right.” Cordelia speaks up from behind Angel.
“He has changed, a lot. He has a soul now and he cares about people.”
“So you might feel something when I snap her neck.”
“It's not like he's losing sleep with the caring…”
“Lucky me, now I can kill the woman you love.”
“No you can't.”
“Are you forgetting who's the invincible one here?”
“The woman I love is dead.”
“Who are you talking about?” There is a brief pause before Cordelia answers.
“It happened three months ago, we try not to say her name too much.”
James looks a little sweaty and pale, even for a vamp.
“You loved someone?” Angel nods “With all your heart?” There is another pause before Angel answers.
“Yes.”
“No. You didn't. If you had you wouldn't be standing here playing games with me. You wouldn't be able to, because when she died -- or when some bastard killed her -- it would have killed everything in you.”
“I wouldn't be able
to go on living.” Angel says this more to himself than to James as the full
weight of the last three months comes crashing down and he realises that she is
really gone and not coming back. James rips on of the subway one-seater benches
out of the floor. Angel crumples to the ground. Cordelia stares at him and
James pauses in mid-swing. It’s then he realises that Angel does in fact love
someone, with his whole heart. But it doesn’t stop him. He continues his swing
and hits Angel. The impact knocks Angel backward. Cordelia rushes to his side.
“Fight Angel, you
have to fight.” He looks up at her and he has tears in his eyes.
“I can’t fight, not
without her.” The look on his face almost breaks Cordelia’s heart but she then
remembers the situation they’re in and shakes Angel’s arm trying to get him to
fight. She is practically begging him. Meanwhile James has snapped some wood
off an old man’s walking stick and is moving towards Angel. Cordelia notices
it.
“Angel you have to
fight, if James kills you now then there will be so many people that you won’t
be able to save.”
“I can’t, not
without Buffy.” James is stood over them now. Cordelia finally loses her
temper. She stands up and places her hands on her hips.
“GOD DAMN IT ANGEL, SHE WAS THE FUCKING SLAYER! We all knew she wasn’t going to have a nice long life. But she left this world fighting and I know for a fact she would hate you for just giving up. She’d see exactly what you saw in yourself all those years you were with her, she’ll see exactly why you left and exactly what you saw in yourself to think yourself unworthy of her. A waste of space. If you stop fighting now she won’t even be able to look at you again, and you think that by giving up you’ll be worthy of her, ha. Come on Angel what part of Slayer don’t you understand. You have to fight, for her.” James brings the stake down and Angel stops it less than a millimetre from his chest. Cordelia lets out the breath she was holding. Angel kicks James back.
“It's not real unless it kills you? This your idea of love, James?” Cordelia demands. James is quite sweaty and pale now, looking real unhealthy. James looks at her and then back to Angel, who still hasn’t gotten up.
“What's yours Angel?
"It's fun as long as it doesn't cost me anything?" You don't know
what love is. You think you won 'cause you're still alive? You're such a loser,
- I lived, you just existed.” James' headd lowers and goes to dust.
*
The next night Angel descends the stairs. Cordelia looks up from behind the desk.
“How's Fred?”
“All right, considering. We talked over what happened and I think she'll be coming out of her room any decade now.”
“And how are you?”
“I'm o –“
“Don't tell me
"okay", Angel, please, I know you and ever since you came back from
your grief-trip I can tell something's not right. And obviously it's not --
Buffy's
dead, I don't mean to diminish that. I miss her, too, we weren't all that close
but she saved my life about a kazillion times and I can't even imagine what
you... I just want to say: I know that James with all his Romeo and Juliet
madness opened up a lot of wounds for you, but what happened on the train…Angel
you are in the business of saving lives, don’t give up. She’d never forgive you
if you did.” Angel looks up at her.
“I’m going out
Cordy.”
“Angel…” He turns
back to her.
“Just promise me
you’ll be back before sunrise.” He pauses and looks as though he is seriously
considering what she said.
“I promise, for
tonight anyway.” He walks out and Cordelia looks very worried. She goes into
the inner office where Gunn and Wesley are talking. They look up.
“How is he?”
“I don’t know if
he’ll survive without her.”
“Our man is sound,
he’ll be okay.”
“Gunn you weren’t
there yesterday you didn’t see him. If I hadn’t played the Buffy would be so
disappointed card I don’t think he’d have stopped James from staking him.”
“Yes Cordelia that
does sound quite bad. But why so suddenly?”
“I don’t know. Maybe
it’s finally gotten through that it’s forever. I mean it’s not like he’d notice
after a couple of days considering they didn’t see each other, maybe it just
took him a while to accept it. You know what he has to do to really accept it
though don’t you?”
“Go to her grave.”
“Okay how you plan
on getting him there Doctor Laura?” Cordelia sighed and sat beside Gunn. She
looked up at him.
“I have no idea.”
*
A Mexican looking bar containing a few lonely tables and booths. Nearly deserted. A man's rough hand carries a Tequila bottle, couple of shot glasses with limes, through the bar. Moves up to a table, sits.
“Sorry it took so long.” Darla is revealed to be the woman he sat with, she looks as though she’s been on the road for a while. He slides her a piece of paper. “He’s very difficult Shaman to find.” Darla glances at the paper, pockets it.
“You can go.”
“No, I thought we'd have a drink to celebrate.” He removes the limes, pours two shots. “No thanks.”
“Don’t be shy, little one, you get to know me, I'm a very nice man. How much can one little drink hurt?” Darla looks at him for a beat, deadpan.
“Depends on who's doing the drinking.” She smiles, slightly. He smiles.
“I thought you might have a surprise or two in you.”
“Well you know what they say...” Darla suddenly vamps and chomps into the guy's neck. The man slump to the floor, dead. Darla wipes blood from her mouth, bites down on the lime as a chaser. “Life’s full of surprises.” She stands giving us our first full body shot of her, she is pregnant. She walks out of the bar.