Disclaimer: I own absolutely no part of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Angel (I wish I did but…) The songs are Meatloaf ‘I’d Lie For You and That’s The Truth’ and Mariah Carey ‘Whenever You Call’
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Summary: Sequel to Buffy’s Baby Mistake. Set 5 years after.
A/N: The Gaelic used at the end is very roughly translated from a site I found on the net so it might not be completely accurate.
*************************************
The alarm clocks incessant beeping rouses me from my sleep. I snuggle back into the broad chest behind me and the arms around me tighten. Even after 11 years of waking up to this I still can’t believe it’s real. My life is perfect. I love my kids, I love my job, I love my husband. My husband understands me completely. The Slayer itch has grown less since the hellmouth was closed but since I’m still needed it’s not completely gone.
“Morning love.”
“Please tell me that I don’t have to get up.”
“Well that all depends on whether or not you want your kids to be late for school and if you want to be late for work.”
“If we’re all late does it mean that we can stay like this for a little longer?”
“Maybe.”
“Then in that case I vote for being late.” Angel laughs and presses butterfly kisses to the back of my neck. His lips are soft and sweet and so unlike the lips that woke me each morning in Iowa.
*
“Liam where are your gym shorts?”
“I don’t know, maybe in the drier.”
“Well go check.” It was a typical Monday morning in the Hyperion. As much as I protest every Monday morning that I don’t want to get up in truth I love it. The rushing around getting ready, just like a normal family. We are a normal family and I love it.
“Ally don’t play with your breakfast eat it.”
“LIAM!” My son comes running in and hands me his gym shorts, which I shove, into his bag. “What you looking at sweetie?”
“It’s the mail.”
“Well let me tell you when you get to mine and your dad’s age you will see that bills aren’t as interesting as they might seem now.” He laughs and places the mail on the breakfast bar. I notice as he takes the top one and shoves it in his pocket but don’t say anything. It’s probably just some stupid mail order thing he’s sent for again. Last time he sent for moondust. Angel walks in then holding Sadie’s hand as she walks. She only started walking a few months ago but has mastered it pretty well. I take a break from getting everyone else ready to kiss my daughter and my husband. I love Sadie. She seems so tiny and fragile. She was about 3 months premature. She is definitely the apple of her father’s eye. Angel is also holding the newest member of our family James. He’s only 1½. Sadie is 3 next month. I don’t have time for this dawdling though and rush Ally. She’s starting kindergarten today and doesn’t want to go. Liam is out on the balcony and seems ready to go. Angel sees me watching him and raises an eyebrow.
“Later.” I smile at him and he smiles back. I grab Ally’s hand and take her to the bathroom and clean her teeth. She can do it herself but at the rate she’s going we’ll still be here tonight waiting for her. I go back to the kitchen.
“Right everybody ready?” I herd everyone out the door. Angel is last and he leans back to kiss me. We’re always doing things like that. It’s like he needs to be reassured just as much as I do that this is real. We step into the elevator. After I got pregnant with Sadie Angel converted the whole 3rd floor of the hotel into a huge apartment for us all and had the elevator fixed so it was easier when we used the pram.
“Hey guys you’re late today.”
“Hey Cordy and thanks for noticing. I hope you all have a good day detecting.” I kiss Angel again and then wave to Gunn, Fred, Cordy and Wesley as I leave. “Bye sweetie.”
“Yeah see ya honey.” I grin at Gunn as he shouts.
“Very funny.” It’s just another normal Monday morning. I stop the car outside Liam’s school and he gets out.
“See ya after school mom.”
“Bye sweetie.” I stare after him for a few moments and thank god for the fact he takes after me. I drive on to the kindergarten. When I pull up outside Ally starts to cry and scream that she wants to stay at her home with her father and her aunts and uncles and little brother and sister still and not come here. I’m firm with her and take her hand and practically have to drag her into the place.
*
I walk into work and am amazed that I haven’t got anything on my baby blue Donna Karen trouser suit.
“Hey Buffy.”
“Morning Claire any messages.”
“No Buffy but Mr Gregory told me he wanted you to go to his office the minute you got in.”
“Oh great. Okay hold my calls for the morning.” I grinned at her and she smiled back and laughed. I dropped my things in my office and then made my way through the grand building to my boss’ office.
“Morning Susan.”
“Morning Mrs Summers I’ll let Mr Gregory know you’re here.” She pressed the button down on the intercom system. “Mr Gregory Mrs Summers is here.”
“Send her in.” I smile at Susan and walk in. He gets up.
“Ah Buffy sit down.” I sit and feel butterflies in my stomach. My boss rarely ever calls anyone to his office. “I have just called you in to tell ask you how the new fall line is coming along.”
“Oh it’s coming along great. A few alterations have to be done but then the first few designs will be complete.”
“Good good, how’s that family of yours?”
“They’re great. Well Ally isn’t but everyone else is. It was her first day of kindergarten today and she wasn’t happy about it.”
“How is your husband’s business coming along, still thriving I hope?”
“Yeah it’s doing great.”
“Could you please set up a confidential meeting with him for me.”
“Um yes.” His secretary made all his appointments so this was obviously something that she wasn’t meant to know. But then again it might be something his wife wasn’t meant to know considering Susan was her sister.
*************************************
I walked into the hotel and flopped down on the couch.
“Hey Buffy.”
“Hey Cordy.” I yawn and close my eyes and rest my head back.
“Hard day?”
“Yeah starting very early when I had to prise my daughter away from me.”
“She wasn’t happy I take it.”
“Nope.”
“James is upstairs asleep and Angel has gone to pick up Liam and Ally.”
“Where’s Sadie?”
“She’s back here wondering about and grabbing everything in sight.” I smile and get up and go behind the desk. I pick up my youngest daughter and kiss her softly on the head.
“My little princess.”
“Isn’t she everyone’s?” I smile.
“Yes.” Sadie gets special treatment, none of the other children are allowed behind the desk when Cordy is filing except for James when he’s asleep in his bassinet. Angel comes in then and Ally is close behind.
“Is Liam here?”
“No why?”
“We waited outside his school for 20 minutes and he never came out I thought he must have been here, got out early or something.” I run out of the hotel with Sadie in my arms. It was that letter he stole this morning, I just know it. Call it mother’s intuition or something but I just know. I go to the park. I used to bring him here as a child. Just like I used to bring Dawn here, except I really did bring my son here. I see him sat on a swing and I walk over. I sit on the one beside him.
“Why didn’t you wait for your dad to pick you up?”
“Wanted to come here and think.”
“About?”
“About the letter I took this morning and didn’t tell you about.”
“Why did you take it?”
“Cos I didn’t want you to know about it until I’d read it.” he pulled a crumpled envelope from his pocket and handed it to me. He took Sadie out of my arms and began pushing her on the swing while I read the letter.
It’s been so long since you last called or wrote I was
worried about you. I know that you’re probably thinking it’s the same for me,
which it is. Your grandpa died two months ago. I would have written sooner but
I just couldn’t face committing the words to paper, admitting he was really
gone. It’s so lonely here now, ever since your mother destroyed your father. I
know what she’s like. I know it’s hard for you darling but it will get better.
Just a few more years and you’ll be able to come back here where you belong,
get out of the reach of that brazen little hussy. I understand that she’s
probably poisoning your mind against us but don’t let her. She’s evil. Riley
told me all about it. A girl like her, enjoys being with killers like that
vampire she’s living with now. It’s a disgrace. If he even comes near you call
me and I will come and I will bring you back here safe from them. It’s not
normal or natural. Your daddy said to say hello. He’s such a mess without you I
hope you’ll come and visit soon. Don’t listen to her stories about him, he does
really love you. He is the best father in the world and that fiend isn’t a
patch on him. Well I better go now your uncle’s coming over for dinner and I want
to make his favourite. You call me the minute you get this letter just so I
know they haven’t hurt you.
All my love
Grandma Jean
That bitch. How dare she say those things about me to my son? I keep my feelings about her and Riley to myself, well not exactly to myself, my friends know a little as does Dawn and my mom and Angel knows everything but never once have I said anything to my children about it.
“Liam.” He grabbed the swing Sadie was on and picked up his little sister.
“Why does she hate you so much?”
“She thinks I got pregnant on purpose, to catch her son because I thought I was onto a good thing.”
“So it’s my fault.”
“No sweetie.”
“Why did you marry him? I’ve heard the story of you and dad a thousand times, but that’s just a story I don’t know the reasons. I don’t know why he left you. I don’t know why you married Riley. I don’t know why you left him. I know you and dad love each but I don’t get the rest.”
“Liam ever since you were old enough to know the truth I haven’t hid it from you. You know what Spike is and you know what Angel was. But what you don’t know is everything. The brief and less painful explanation is that when Angel experienced true happiness he lost his soul. It was because of me he did and I had to send him to hell. He came back eventually but things were different. We loved each other so much and yet it was dangerous for us to be around each other because we could release the demon again. Angel wanted me to be happy and be able to have children and get married and to be with someone who could take me into the light so he left. When I met Riley I wanted a nice safe relationship. Then I got pregnant.”
“So I’m the reason you were so unhappy.”
“No baby I love you. I made the choice to marry Riley just because I was pregnant didn’t mean I had to marry him, but I did because I was scared of someone else leaving me all alone. I still loved Angel though, always did.”
“How did you end up here?”
“Well that’s a long story and not something you need to know.”
“How?”
“Well your father got drunk one night and he hit me, a lot around the head. I almost died. Angel brought us back here. Then when he became human we got married and you know the rest.”
“He almost killed you and yet she has the nerve to call you names. You hid it from me so I didn’t hate him when you didn’t have to yet she blatantly shows how much she hates you. It’s wrong.”
“I know but that’s just how she is. Besides when all said and done he is your father it’s not right to make you choose between us.”
“No my father is your husband, the man who loves me and who raised me and the man who loves you enough to take your child with another man who he hates because that man almost killed the only person he’s ever loved and love him like his own. That man is my father. It doesn’t matter about blood, just like you and grandpa Giles.” I got off the swing and enveloped my son in a hug. Sadie squirmed in his arms and so I let go. He placed her on the ground and clasped her hand. I held his as we walked back to the hotel.
*
“Buffy! Liam where the hell have you been we were so worried, don’t you ever scare us like that again boy you hear me!” Liam looked down guiltily. Angel then swept him into his arms and a bone-crushing hug. “I love you too much for my own good you know that.”
“I love you too dad.” Angel placed Liam back down and looked between the two of us. He picked Sadie up and went to the apartment. I sat down and Angel sat beside me and rubbed my aching shoulders.
“He got a letter from Jean.”
“Oh, is he okay?”
“I don’t know.”
*
“Dad the holidays are coming up in a while and I was thinking about going to Iowa.”
“What? I mean you have every right to meet your dad.”
“No he’s not my dad. You’re my dad. He’s just my father.”
“There’s a difference.”
“Yeah a father can be anyone, he’s just the guy who gets the woman pregnant, a dad is the one that loves you and takes care of you.”
“You are so like your mom. She said almost exactly the same thing to her father when he wanted to give her away on our wedding day.”
“Grandpa Giles gave her away.”
“Exactly.”
“You do know I love you right?”
“Sure and I love you. Have you told your mom?” Liam shook his head. “Oh great you want me to have the fun talk with your mom.”
“Did I ever mention how glad I am you’re my dad?”
*
“I love Friday nights, we just get to curl up together and forget the world.” I leaned back in bed against my husband. I was completely exhausted but tomorrow was my relax day and then Sunday was our family day. Then all too soon it started again. Who am I kidding, I guess most of the reason I like the rush during the week that family causes is because once I was finally old enough to realise I wanted a family I was told I wasn’t allowed one.
“Well I have to bring the world back.” I tilted my head
upwards and pouted. He leaned down and kissed me gently. Then pulled away.
”Angel can’t it wait?”
“Liam wants to go to stay with Riley in Iowa in the school break.”
“He wants to go where with the who and the what now?”
“Buffy he has every right to meet his father.”
“No he doesn’t. Riley hasn’t had anything to do with him in 11 years. Why start now?”
“Cos Liam wants it to start now.”
“He has you.”
“He wants him and it’s his choice.”
“You want us to let him go?”
“If we don’t he’ll only hate us.”
*
“You gonna miss her?” Liam looked up from playing with Sadie at the sound of my voice.
“Dad told you.”
“Yeah. Do you have any idea what you’re doing to him? How much this is hurting him?”
“Yes.”
“Yet you’re going?”
“Mom remember when you found the prophecy about the Master and you wanted to run away, but you faced it because you knew it was something you had to do even though you really didn’t want to, well this is how this is for me.”
“I am just scared that…”
“Nothing they say will stop me loving you, you’re my mom. I have to love you.” He grinned at me and I sunk to the floor and wrapped my arms round him.
*
“If you don’t want me to go just tell me and I won’t.” He spun round from looking out of the window at the plane.
“It’s something you want to do and I don’t want to stop you and have you hate me for it in 5 years time.”
“Just cos I’m going to see him doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”
“I know. See ya kid.” I flung my arms round him.
“I’ll be home before you know it dad.” I’d said goodbye to Sadie, mom, Ally and the others at home. Only my dad had brought me here, basically cos it’s a nightmare getting all the kids ready on time and also because I don’t think mom would have been able to handle watching the plane take off knowing it was taking me to Iowa. We finally let go and I walked on the plane. It was the longest journey of my life and it would change me forever.
*
“Liam!” I turned round to have a woman grab me and hug me.
“Grandma Jean.”
“I’m so glad you’re here, it’s just a shame your grandfather isn’t here to see you but I’m sure he’s always with you in spirit anyway.” She guided me out of the airport and into a cab to take us through this town to the next and her and Riley’s home. She talked all the way about how glad she was I was here, about how glad Riley was I was here, about how much I’d love him, about how much he loved and missed me. I just sat back and thought about my dad.
“Riley’s putting up a brand new basketball net so he can teach you how to play.”
“I already know how to play.”
“Oh really well it’ll be different when your dad teaches you to when one of your friends does.”
“My friend didn’t teach me, my dad did.”
“Who did?”
“My dad.”
“That thing is not your dad, Riley is your dad. My son is your dad!” I have to learn to curb that instinct in me to call Angel my dad around here, not his biggest fans.
*
When I stepped through the door a tall, all-American farm boy greeted me. I found it strange looking at him knowing he was my father and yet knowing we have nothing in common, aside from the fact that I looked nothing like him he grew up here and I grew up in a big city. Plus the fact vampires and stuff were second nature to me, I found it hard looking at him to believe everything my mom had told me about him fighting vampires.
“Liam, my boy.” I inwardly winced when he said that and was completely shocked when he grabbed me and pulled me into a rough embrace. It was awkward and his arms felt strange around me, not like my dad’s. Maybe it’s just because they weren’t familiar.
“Hey.” So here starteth my journey into my life, my past and my family. It’s going to be an interesting ride.
*
Before I got started on my reason for coming here I figured I should learn about my family considering it would make them both happy. I learnt about my uncle Tim and his wife Elaine and their kids, my uncle Rob and his wife Julie. My aunt Tracey and her husband George and their kids and my aunt Annabelle and her husband Jeff. I learnt about them all and Riley when they were kids and I learnt about my grandparents. In fact my grandmother very rarely shut up. It was on a day when I really didn’t feel too great, I was missing my family a lot so I decided to escape and take a walk round town, the very little town there was. I looked across the street and at all the people around me. They all looked exactly what I imagined they would look like coming from here, except one woman. She looked like she was a few years older than my mother. I guess I must have been staring cos she looked at me. She even stopped in the street to stare. Her daughter stopped chattering to try and get her mother to snap out of her daze. I continued to walk a little creeped out.
“Liam.” I turned round, that woman had called me by my name. My mother and I looked alike and one could easily tell she was my mother but from what little I knew my mother hadn’t been out of the house a lot here and no one knew her that well. The woman started to jog to catch me. “Buffy’s son.” I nodded dumbstruck.
“Is she here?”
“No she’s with my dad in LA and my brother and sisters.”
“So you’re staying with Riley and Jean.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you busy now, Sophie and I were just on our way home would you like to come, you can see the house where your mom used to live, it’s right next door to our house.”
“Okay.” I started to follow the woman.
“By the way my name’s Gemma.” Gemma? That name sounded a little familiar but I figure it must be for some other reason. When we got there I saw a boy running round in the garden.
“That’s my little brother Alex. He’s a pain. You got any younger brothers or sisters.”
“2 sisters and a brother. Ally is 5 and Sadie is 3. James is 1 and a ½.” Sophie pointed to a house.
“That house has been empty ever since the man who lived there almost killed his wife.”
“Sophie go inside and get Alex cleaned up for lunch.” Sophie grumbled a little under her breath but went in and took hr brother with her.
“Is that my old house?”
“Yes. Why don’t you come in?” I followed Gemma into her house and stared at my old home. She pointed me to the lounge and I sat down. She came in a few minutes later with some iced tea. “Wow, 11 years. It’s gone by so quickly.”
“I’m sorry for staring out in the street but if you don’t mind me saying that you stood out. You don’t look like the rest of the people here.”
“I guess you could say my story is a bit like your mom’s. Got married to an Iowa boy and moved here to settle down. I was born in San Fransisco. We met in college. I suppose the difference is that I love my Iowa boy. I tried to convince your mom it got easier but everyone’s different. Of course it was always going to be harder for her since she didn’t love Riley.”
“She loves my dad very much. They told me a little about it, been in love with him since she was 16.”
“Angel?”
“How’d you know?”
“Doesn’t matter.” We sat and talked for a while. Gemma wanted to know all about life in LA and how my mom was. It turned out they were friends of a kind but my mom hadn’t kept in touch. Gemma pointed out it was probably because she wanted to forget this place since it had been hard for her. I told her about Sadie, James and Ally. She told me about her own kids.
“Mom can I go to stay with Becky please?” I heard a voice coming from the kitchen and heard the door slam about 5 seconds later.
“Honey I don’t like you staying with her while her mom is so ill.” A girl came in, she looked like Sophie but a few years older.
“But she said it was okay plus you’re letting Sophie go stay with Kylie.”
“Well Kylie’s mom is two things Becky’s isn’t, one she’s not ill and two she’s my sister.” The girl scowled and then stormed upstairs. “Sorry about that. Stacey always wants whatever Sophie has, I always thought it was the younger of the two that did that but…Sophie and Kylie were born the same week and are very close. I’m afraid Stacey is a home girl like her dad but Sophie is a city girl like me, can’t stand being here. Says she can’t wait until she leaves. Well she is forever going to stay with my sister and Stacey gets jealous because when she goes away she has to take on more responsibility with Alex. She can’t stand him. I don’t know why though.”
*
During the next week I spent a lot of time hanging out with Sophie, she had thousands of questions about what LA was like and I promised she could come and visit sometime after I went home. She promised to write and call and check in on my family for me. Of course I told her she didn’t have to do that. This visit had proved to me how out of place they were in my life. I spent a lot of time with Riley too. I asked him all about my mother and him. He told me he loved her and she cheated on him with Angel. She already told me about that and I know she didn’t. He said that was the reason he hit her and that he hadn’t caused as much damage as she said and that some of it was through fighting vampires. I went to see Gemma, she had to have some answers for me.
“What happened the night Riley almost killed my mother?”
“Liam I don’t think I should…”
“I know what my mom said and I know what Riley said now I want to know what you say.” She sighed and told me, she told me exactly what I knew she would.
*
“Angel investigations we help the…”
“Aunt Cordy it’s me.”
“Liam hey, how are you? Are you having fun?”
“Well let’s just say I’m getting what I wanted from the visit.”
“That’s good, your mom’s still at work but your dad’s here. He’s putting James to sleep but I’ll get him. I’m sure James can stay up a little longer if it means he can talk to you.”
“No! Is Sadie there?”
“Round my feet.”
“Put her on.”
“Okay.”
“Sadie it’s your favourite brother Liam.”
“Lee-am.”
“Yeah Sadie. I miss you so much and I will be home soon cos I can’t stay much longer cos I miss you too much.”
“Who are you talking to?” I spun round at the voice.
“Grandma! Um Sadie get Cordy.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll call you back I just remembered I have something I need to do.”
“Liam are you…” I put the phone softly back into place. My grandmother came and sat on my bed.
“Who were you talking to? You miss someone so much you’ll have to go home soon just to see them.”
“Sadie. Wait I have a picture somewhere.” I got off the bed and began to rummage through one of my drawers before coming up with our family picture. I sat back down. I pointed to Sadie. “That’s Sadie.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing’s wrong with her.”
“She just doesn’t look right. She’s too small and fragile, and she looks slow.”
“Sadie’s not slow! She’s lovely, the most perfect little kid ever!”
“I doubt that considering her parents.”
“What’s wrong with her parents?”
“An ex vampire and a little hussy.”
“Angel is a…was a good vampire and he’s a kind man. And my mother is not a hussy! There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of my brothers and sisters, especially Sadie! Now get out.” She looked at me for a minute and then left. I pulled the suitcase out from under the bed and began to throw my clothes into it. As if there could possibly be anything wrong with someone as sweet as Sadie!
**************************
I stepped off the plane and I’ve never felt so relieved in my entire life. I never told anyone I was leaving and never told anyone I was coming home, I figure it’ll be a nice surprise.
*
“Hello?” Cordy comes out from the office.
“Liam!” She runs over to me and hugs me. My dad comes running out and he just stares at me for a while. Cordy finally lets go and he walks slowly towards me. He’s angry I can tell.
“When you disappeared that day you got the letter what did I tell you, I told you to never do that to me again and you just did. God Liam what the hell were you thinking?”
“I had to get out of there.”
“You couldn’t have called us, told them!”
“No I thought it’d be a nice surprise for you if I just turned up and I didn’t want to stay there a second longer than I had to.”
“What happened to make you feel like that?”
“Dad it was awful there, they were awful. He tried to blame their relationship failing on you and he also said you were the real reason he almost killed her. He thought it was okay he did that. He didn’t even feel sorry and the worst part is he said he loved her. He can’t love her and do that to her, he just can’t. Grandma Jean said some horrible things about you and mom and Ally and James. And some really bad stuff about Sadie. I couldn’t stay there.” He sighed and pulled me into his arms. It wasn’t rough and awkward, it was how a hug between father and son should be. “Where’s mom?”
“She went to Iowa to find you.”
“She did what?”
“She went to find you.”
“Oh no. Dad I never went to get to know Riley. I went to get to know me. To prove to myself I wasn’t like him, that I couldn’t hurt someone. To prove to myself that I wasn’t just taking someone’s word. I did what you always told me to do, get to know a person before I judged them and now I know that they are horrible people. Call mom right now and get her back here, she shouldn’t have to deal with them.” He tightened his grip around me. I think I felt a few tears slip onto my shirt before he got up and went into the office. People then surrounded me. Cordy, Gunn, Fred, Wes, Ally, Sadie and Dawn and grandma Joyce. I dropped my suitcase and picked Sadie up before going to sit down.
*****************************
I don’t know exactly which part of this situation is making the butterflies in my stomach do the cha-cha but I wish they’d stop. Getting out of the cab I stare at the house for a while. When Riley had called and told me Liam was missing I hadn’t even thought about what coming here would be like, I just came. But now I realise what this is, when I came back here after my health problems everyone said it was facing my demons, but I wasn’t. Now I am. I hand over the money to the impatient driver and he speeds away. I wish I was in that cab with him. My cell breaks the silence around me.
“Hello.”
“Honey he’s here. He just walked in about an hour ago.”
“He’s ok?”
“Yeah, I’ll explain it when you get home.”
“Actually since I’m here I’m gonna stay a while. I should have done it sooner but…”
“Do you need me to come?”
“No I have to do this on my own.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Call me later.”
“Count on it.” We disconnect and I shove my phone into my bag. I smooth out an imaginary wrinkle in my cream suit. I look every inch the successful designer but inside I’m still the new wife of Riley Finn, the one who is scared of the silence and this place and hates her mother-in-law. Maybe it’s a weirdly okay thing about Angel being so old, his mother and I will never meet. My hand is poised ready to knock when the door opens.
“Buffy.” I swallow and stare for a minute before speaking.
“Riley.”
“I was just gonna go look for him but you should come in.” he steps aside for me and I take a deep breath before stepping over the threshold. He shows me into the lounge and motions for me to sit down. I do, he sits across from me. I rub my hands on my knees nervously and he keeps running his hand through his hair. He looks almost the same as the last time I saw him. There are deep rings round his eyes and they look a little haunted.
“Riley I thought you were…You.” I stand up and offer my hand out even though I want to hit her for the things she wrote to my son.
“Mrs Finn.” She stared at my hand for a minute before going to sit beside Riley. I sit back down and she glares at me, if looks could kill. “Angel just called me.” The minute I mentioned his name her lips turned into an ugly sneer of disapproval. “Liam’s at home.”
“His home is here but you’ve obviously poisoned him so much he is confused, the poor boy.”
“I never spoke to him about this place or you. Unlike you I don’t force my views onto a child.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the letter your mother wrote to Liam a few weeks ago. Calling me a hussy saying things about me and my family.” My voice is amazingly calm even though inside I’m trembling.
“Mother. Buffy look why don’t you go upstairs and freshen up after your flight. I can make up the guest room for you, unless you’ve got a flight back already.”
“No, thank you.”
*
The second I’d freshened up I left that place. I walked slowly through the very few streets the town had. Nothing had changed, all the same shops, owned by the same people. It’s like the place was stuck in a time loop. Unconsciously I’d walked to the house. It still had a for sale sign outside. I walked up the path and tried the door. Unsurprisingly it was unlocked. People never lock their doors here. I walk to the room where it happened. There’s a stain from the pool of blood that was on the carpet. I can see it all in my mind’s eye. Crawling up the bed to rest my aching head on the pillow after Gemma had left. Riley grabbing my hair and pulling me back by it. Slamming my head into the wall a few times. Smashing his beer bottle on the wall and poking me with the sharp ends a couple of times. Collapsing on the floor with the world spinning. Putting my hands up as I saw his foot coming, too late though. His boot was in my face. Then the statue his brother had given us. I couldn’t even fight back. The room was spinning too fast to get up. The edges of my vision going fuzzy and finally disappearing.
“Is someone here?” Gemma appears in the doorway. I turn to see her. I guess I have to thank her for saving my life. If she hadn’t called the police and got me to a hospital, if she hadn’t called Angel and my mom and friends…“Buffy.”
“Gemma.”
“Oh god you shouldn’t be here.”
“I had to come, lay my demons to rest.”
“Come have a drink with me.” She takes my elbow and leads me away from that place to her home. There’s a young boy on the floor playing with something and a teenage girl sat on the couch watching TV. Gemma guides me to a seat and I sit. She comes back later with some iced tea and homemade cake. I can’t believe this is the woman I met. A happy mother and someone who actually fits in. If I had stayed would this have been me. “I heard about Liam disappearing, I’m so very sorry.”
“He went home. I came here to look for him, maybe we crossed each other in the air. Angel called to tell me.”
“Why aren’t you on a plane then?”
“Things I had to do. I never wanted to come back. But now I am here I realise I needed to.”
“How are you, you look great?”
“I’m okay. Got 4 kids now. Wonderful friends, an amazing sister and mother. The perfect husband. Great job, great place to live.”
“Sounds great.”
“It is. I never thought I’d have it. I’ve loved Angel since I was 16 and I’m happy with him, happier than I ever could have been with Riley.”
“While Liam was here I saw him and he came round a few times, forever asking me about your relationship with Riley, what you were like when you lived here, what happened that night?”
“I couldn’t tell him, I couldn’t instil that hate in him.”
“Mom…wow.” A girl had just walked in the room. She was staring at me and making me a feel a little self-conscious.
“Sophie don’t stare.”
“It’s just you look so like him, I mean he looks so like you.”
“Sophie and Liam spent a bit of time together.”
“You’re here to find him?”
“Was, turns out he flew home.”
*
I shivered a little as I watched the sun go down over the fields. Riley came up behind me and sat down.
“I’m sorry.” He looked at me and I turned to look at him.
“You could have killed me.”
“I know.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why did you stay away from him?”
“Cos it hurt, loving you, knowing you hated me, he’s so much like you.”
“He gets his temperament from Angel though.”
“Angel’s not his dad.”
“Yes he is. Some of the most important and best parts of my character come from Giles, it’s not blood. It’s who is there.” I got up and walked back to the house.
“Buffy, I still love you.” I take a deep breath and turn back.
“No you don’t, you didn’t then and you don’t now. You don’t know me, so you can’t love me.”
“I do know you and I know I love you, always have.”
“No Riley you really didn’t and you really don’t. You never knew me.”
“Yes I do.”
“Riley what’s the Slayer?”
“One girl given a power beyond that of normal people, a girl chosen to protect the world.”
“That’s the technical. It’s so much more than that. It’s a part of me, a dark part. The strength of the Slayer comes from the same thing that she fights. My strength comes from evil, the roots of it are there. I am a creature of the night as much as they are. You never understood that. To you it was a job, not to me. It’s who I am.”
“That’s just a part of you though, I know the rest.”
“No you don’t Riley, you can’t know me. Because I don’t know you, and to truly know someone you have to let them know you. Plus you certainly can’t love me because you don’t almost kill someone you love.”
“So it’s alright for him to do it? It’s okay when Angel almost kills you?”
“Angelus almost killed me and I returned the favour, Angel hurt me once, by leaving.”
**************************
I pulled my son into my arms like I’d never let go. Maybe I’d only spent a day in Iowa but it had been a day I wanted to forget, a very long day of dealing with that year I lived there. After the talk where he explained everything he felt I went to my bed. I curled up on Angel’s side and relished the smell of him on the sheets and pillow. That smell of rain and sandalwood.
*
My head is resting on my hand and my elbow is propping me up. I watch my beloved husband as the first signs of today’s sun kiss his perfectly chiselled facial features. His eyes flicker and he reaches automatically for me. His eyes open and he just stares at me for a minute.
“Angel I love you.” He sits up and pulls me into his arms. He always knows what I need. He doesn’t say anything he just holds me. I can feel the tears at my eyes and they slide silently down my cheeks. I turn my body so I am facing him and bury my head in his shoulder, I cry the pain away.
*
My tears have stopped now after what feels like hours and I feel pleasantly numb. The only thing I feel is his love for me. It’s like a blanket all around me and it’s protecting me from the harsh world outside.
“I’m ready to talk now.”
“Are you sure?”
“As long as you keep holding me.”
“I’ll never let go.” I settle back into his chest and sigh. This moment would be so perfect was it not for the things I have to say, the things I’m feeling all because of Riley Finn.
“I lied, I said it’s easy. I tried to be someone else and I thought I did well but I didn’t. I said I was okay. That my life was perfect but just being there showed me I was wrong. Trouble is was it really lying when I never even knew myself. The time I was there it was the worst of my life. Nothing compares to it. Getting called, my parents’ divorce, Angelus, sending you to hell, you leaving me, finding out about Dawn, labour, it’s all meaningless compared to that. Those months I was in my own world. On the outside I was complaining about the walls closing in but on the inside I was so happy. I dreamt every night that I’d wake with you, that you were my husband and the father of my child. That it was your soft tender kisses that woke me and not the rough ones that he used. That it would be your arms that would hold me. And in those months, it was like a long lasting dream. We were a happy family, you, Liam and me. And even after all this time I am so scared that this is just a dream. That I’d wake up. That none of the things that happened after waking from my daze to find myself in Sunnydale, had ever happened. I thought if I pretended long enough I’d forget. Realise that I wasn’t dreaming, forget when I needed to dream. I never did. It was there, all the time. I learned to accept the Slayer when I was there. I realised it when I moved to Iowa. Because I wasn’t allowed to do it anymore. And this is me, LA me. Another part to the Buffy puzzle. I never accepted that part of Buffy. The scared, lost, lonely, frightened little girl. The one who cried because her mother-in-law said some things to her. That weak person. The weak person who let her husband almost kill her.”
“Let?”
“Angel I…”
“You never tried to fight.”
“Didn’t you wonder, how Riley could beat a slayer?”
“Gemma said you’d hit your head earlier, I just…”
“The amount of times I’ve hit my head in a fight and gone on to win, I can’t count them all.”
“You wanted to die.”
“If Gemma hadn’t realised, hadn’t called the police, I’d be dead. I couldn’t live anymore. I was so trapped, it was my son or you and my friends and my family. I couldn’t make the choice, it was too hard.” I broke off and his arms tightened round me as I sobbed. He was shocked that I was weak enough to let myself die. It was almost suicide. “That’s why I never called her, after my dream became reality I didn’t want to face what I had become. What they’d made me.”
“Buffy it’s not a dream. I’m here and I will never hurt you, ever. I’ll always be here. Forever. That’s the point.”
“I can’t survive without you. I tried and it literally almost killed me.”
“You don’t have to, I’m here always. And you know our love is too strong to break. We are one.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, my Buffy.” I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand.
“My angel.” I placed my lips on his and he held me tight. We were one. No matter what.
***************************
I stared at the card in front of me and then the pen in my hand. She came in behind me and kissed me.
“I never knew writing out wedding invites was so difficult.” She tried to joke but saw my serious expressions. She pulled out the chair next to mine. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m 21 years-old and I’m getting married.”
“Is this something I want to hear?”
“No it’s, I want to marry you and we are doing the right thing. It’s the rest.”
“The rest?”
“I’ve done everyone, almost everyone.” She picked up the invites and sifted through them.
“I can’t see anyone missing, there’s your mom and dad, James, Ally and Sadie. Your grandmother, grandfather, grandfather Giles, your aunt Dawn and your uncle Harris and your cousins, Willow and Tara, Xander, Anya and the kids, your aunt Cordy and uncle Gunn and their kids, your aunt Fred and uncle Wesley and their son. Faith. Who else is there?” I’m guessing she figured it out from my silence. “Oh, do you want him there?”
“He’s my father.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I don’t know.”
“What about Jean?”
“I don’t know.”
“His brothers and sisters?”
“I don’t know.”
“I can’t give you the answer.”
“Please.”
“Liam the only thing I can tell you is that I love you and this is our wedding, our special day don’t invite somebody you don’t want there just because you feel you have to. I’ll support you all the way.”
“I love you too Sophie. And I’m glad you knew the situation before we fell in love, imagine telling to someone else.”
“You’ll never need to.” I smile at my bride-to-be and kiss her. She really is perfect.
*********************
“Hey mom.”
“Hi honey, hi Sophie, how’s your mom?”
“She’s good, excited.”
“It’s a mom thing.” I grin at her and she smiles back, she seems preoccupied though.
“Is Sadie upstairs?”
“Isn’t she always when she knows you’re coming.”
“I’m favourite brother, what can I say?”
“That you’re big-headed.”
“Soph I’m hurt.”
“Yeah right get lost.” He kisses her before going upstairs. The simple act makes me smile. I’m not really sure what their love is like but I hope it’s as fulfilling and happy as mine and Angel’s.
“Buffy can we talk?”
“Sure.” We both sit down and she turns to me.
“He’s having problems, with the invites.”
“Riley.”
“Yeah.”
“What does he want?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“There’s not really much we can do then.”
“I want to help him, it’s killing him.”
“I know you do and that’s cos you love him, but only he can decide.”
*
“Hey Sadie.”
“Liam!” She runs up to me and flings her arms round me. I have to say she’s my favourite sister, favourite sibling even. She’s just so sweet and…well she’s just so fragile, it makes anyone who meets her want to protect her. The thoughts of my blood father’s family make me remember when my grandmother saw a picture of her and it renews the hate in me. I am not going to invite her, absolutely not. I have never met my cousins or aunts and uncles so I won’t invite them either. It’s just Riley I’m unsure about. Knowing Gemma the whole town probably knows so they must do. Will they expect an invite? Grandma Jean will. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just wedding things.”
“I can’t believe you’re getting married.”
“Me neither.”
“Liam can I talk to you?”
“Course.” She sits on her bed and I join her.
“I don’t know if I ever want to get married.”
“Why not?”
“I’m scared.”
“There’s nothing scary about love.”
“Yes there is. I’m scared that when I fall in love it won’t compare.”
“To what?”
“Mom and dad. I don’t think I’ll ever love someone like they love each other. Even now, they’re like getting old and yet they’re still all couply. No one else is like that, except aunt Dawn and uncle Harris but they’re younger.”
“Sadie you will find someone who you love as much as mom and dad love each other and when you do you’ll just know. I know it sounds really corny and stuff but it’s that sort of one look across a crowded room sort of love. You just know and you will find it.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“How?”
“Cos I found it. I think we all must just be blessed.”
***************************
“I can’t believe our little boy is married.”
“I don’t think he’ll be too happy if he hears you calling him a little boy.”
“He is my little boy.” Angel smiles at me and kisses me. Still needing the reassurance, we need it less ever since I came clean about everything but we still need it, I guess we always will, maybe now though it’s more about just loving each other so much we need to be touching. Because it’s true I still love him as much as the day we got married, the day I gave myself to him, the first day we met. We’re watching Liam and Sophie dance their first dance as man and wife. He’s only 21 and she’s only 19 but they’re married. I guess the thing that scares me most is the fact that Riley and I were their ages when we married. I’m scared for her too. I understand how hard it is, the change. I mean she’s been living here for 2 years now but…marriage changes things so much. I just hope they survive unlike me and Riley. But then again the couple to my right prove that it wasn’t really the fact I moved away from who I was, it’s the fact I never loved him. Not even half as much as I love the man beside me. When that song finishes Sophie’s father whisks her off and the first girl to get on my son’s dance card is of course Sadie. She looks beautiful today, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Angel takes Ally for a quick spin.
“Dance?” I turn round. I accept the hand held to me and we go the floor. We sway in time to the music. “I imagine you’re feeling much the same as I did when you married Angel.”
“Didn’t you feel like that when I married Riley?”
“No, I was giving you away, it’s different to when I let you go.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Giving is when you don’t want to but do even though the bride doesn’t really want to. Letting is giving you away and knowing completely that the person you are giving will be truly happy.”
“Giles considering you spend all that time with your nose in a book you’re not too good with the forming of sentences.”
“I just mean when I gave you away with Riley it was different to with Angel. With Angel it was marriage because of love.”
“The only kind of marriage that works.”
“Yes.”
“She’s a nice girl.”
“Yes she is.”
“Will it hurt more when it’s Ally or Sadie?”
“I don’t know.”
“I hope not cos right now it hurts like hell. I’m sorry I put you through this Giles.”
“It’s okay Buffy, you’re happy so I’m happy.”
“When I was setting everything up for my wedding, my dream wedding. I never saw
anyone walking down the aisle with me and giving me away other than you. You
were a big part of the perfectness that day was gonna be. I never told you what
happened when I spoke to my father. I told him he was my father and you were my
dad.”
“What’s the difference?”
“A dad is there and loves you, no matter what. A father
donates sperm.” He grinned. “Giles you are my dad and I love you.” We stopped
dancing and hugged.
”Buffy you’re my daughter and I love you.”
*
Towards the end of the night when things were slowing Angel
finally swept me into his arms. I glanced at Liam and Sophie, after their
initial dances with other partners they hadn’t stopped dancing with each other,
no matter what tempo the song was they just held each other close, stared into
each other’s eyes and swayed their hips to a soft, melodious song only they
could hear.
“Remind you of our day?”
“Yes. I hope they have as much love as we did.”
“Did, I thought it was still have.”
“It is, my angel.” I heard the start of a song. “Oh Angel.” I knew the song, this song, our song. The very first dance we had as a married couple was to this song. I looked over his shoulder at the other couples getting up. Xander and Anya, Willow and Tara, Gunn and Cordy, Fred and Wesley, my mom and Giles, Ally and Gunn and Cordy’s son Ben, Sadie and James. My friends and family and my extended family, Gemma and Bryan, Stacey and her boyfriend, Alex and some little cousin. Giles caught my eye and smiled at me.
“I still love you as much as I did that day, if anything I
love you more.”
“Angel you’re gonna make me cry.”
“Only tears of happiness I hope, cos I don’t like breaking promises.”
“You remember that.”
“My only pledge to you on our wedding day, how could I
forget?”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
I'd never tell you one lie, I'd never let you down
I'd never leave I'd be the one who'd always be around
Baby, give me a chance
I'd pull the sun down from the sky
To light your darkest night
I wouldn't let one drop of rain fall down into your life
Put your heart in my hands
Baby, believe me, I could never do you wrong
And I would never paint your world blue
And if sometimes it seems I must have lost my mind
I might be crazy, but I'm crazy about you
I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Do anything you asked me to
I'd even sell my soul for you, I'd do it all for you
If you'd just believe in me
Just take a look in my eyes
You'll see a love that's blind
Just take a hold of my hand, I'll take you to paradise
Ain't a star that's too far
Your every wish will be a wish
That I will make come true
And if you want the moon
I swear I'll bring it down for you
Let me into your heart
Believe me, baby, got your name carved on my soul
'Cause you're the only one that I'll give it to
Go let'em say that I'm a fool to act this way
'Cause if I'm crazy, I'm just crazy 'bout you
I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Do anything you asked me to
I'd even sell my soul for you, I'd do it all for you
If you'd just believe in me I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Do anything you asked me to
I'd even sell my soul for you, I'd do it all for you
If you'd just believe in me
I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I'd walk across the fire for you
I'd walk on the wild for you
If you'd just believe in me
And you will never see a day I'll ever break your heart
You'll see the sky fall down before it ever gets that far
I'll show you heaven every second that you're in my arms
Baby, I'm crazy, but I'm crazy 'bout you
I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I'd walk across the fire for you
I'd walk on the wild for you
If you'd just believe in me
I'd walk on the wild for you
Move mountains if you want me to
I'd walk across the fire for you
Do anything you asked me to
I'd lie for you and that's the truth.
Do anything you asked me to
I'd even sell my soul for you, I'd do it all for you
If you'd just believe in me
I'd lie for you and that's the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I'd walk across the fire for you
I'd walk on the wild for you
If you'd just believe in me
As the song drew to a close I looked up a saw a tall figure illuminated in the doorway.
“Angel.” He craned his neck.
“Do you want me to get rid of him?”
“No I’ll go and talk to him, make him leave before he causes a scene. Make sure Liam doesn’t notice.” Angel kissed me before we parted. I grabbed Riley’s arm and pulled him away from the door. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s my son’s wedding I have a right to be here.”
“No you don’t, it’s invite only and his dad got an invite.”
“You’d like that wouldn’t you, if he was his dad. But he’s not it was me and you that made that child and I have much more right to be here than that creature.”
“Don’t call him that.”
“I’ll call him what I want, he, it stole my wife.”
“No Riley, you almost killed your wife, he saved her.”
“No if it wasn’t for the fact I passed out you’d be dead. Or if Gemma hadn’t called the police and got you to hospital, it had nothing to do with him.”
“Yes it did, I’m the slayer I can take you, but I didn’t. You killed me, almost before that night. He saved me from finishing what you started when you made me choose. I made the wrong choice, my son made the right one.”
“My mother was right about you, you’re a bitch and you’re insane to be with that thing. To let it touch you and share your bed, it’s disgusting.”
“The only disgusting thing I can see right now, is you.” I
spun round at the sound of my son’s voice. Angel was stood behind him. I looked
at him and into his eyes. He tried to keep him away but Liam needs to do this,
I just didn’t want it to happen today. Sophie appeared in the doorway.
“Liam what are you doing?”
“I’ll be back soon honey, just need to do something.”
“Ah little Sophie all grown up, dressed in big sister’s clothes. You look…” Liam’s fist connected with Riley’s jaw.
“Get the hell out of here and if you ever say or do anything to hurt my wife, my mother or my father again I will kill you.”
“Oh so I can do whatever I want with the sweet little creature that’s stood behind your ‘wife’?” We all turned to see Sadie in the doorway. Before we could even turn back Riley had made his way to her. He placed a grubby hand on her shoulder and I could see the tears in her eyes. She was trembling with fear. “Oh you cold darling, you want me to warm you up.” Liam wrenched Riley away and I ran to my daughter. I stooped to her level and caught her in my arms. She wrapped her small ones around me and held me as she cried from the fear. Sophie came over and bent down to hold her as well.
“You bastard!” Liam’s fist connected with Riley’s face again.
“Mom?”
“Ally go inside.”
“Why what’s going on?”
“Ally.” It was all a blur as Riley took a drunken swing at Liam who easily moved out of the way, causing the blow to hit Ally. She went down and I left Sadie to go to her. Riley got up and started to make his way towards Sadie again, we were all so preoccupied with Ally that we didn’t notice, except Sophie who was still holding her.
“Stay away.”
“The precious little Iowa girl speaks.”
“Liam?” Sadie’s shy voice rang through the night and Liam was over there. He shoved Riley down and picked Sadie up. He grabbed Sophie’s hand and pulled her to the doorway.
“Stay the hell away from us or you will wish I’d killed you right now and finished your pathetic existence.” The three went inside. I helped my eldest daughter up. Riley was up again and going after them
“Liam, son.” Angel hit him. Now I’ve seen vampire Angel hit many people, and/or vampires but never human Angel. I mean I’ve never actually been with him on a case and can only assume he does it then but it’s a new experience for me. He lifts Riley to his feet and pins him against the wall.
“I remember a time like this before, when I warned you about what would happen if you did something I didn’t like. Well now you don’t get to just hear about it, you can experience it.”
“I thought the vampire was gone.”
“It is, but the memories of torturing aren’t. I could do
things to you and yet not actually kill you for hours and hours. How do you
feel about that? Now I will try and make it even clearer for you since you
didn’t understand the first time. Stay the hell away from us, all of us!” he
flung him to the ground and grabbed my hand and we went inside. I turned back
to see Riley stagger away. This time though it was for good, I knew it. I went
to find a barman for a first aid kit and some ice. Sophie dealt with Liam’s
fist and I dealt with Ally’s face. Angel held Sadie as she sobbed. Giles looked
at me and then came over. He took Sadie from Angel while I dressed his hand.
”Never had to do this when I was a vampire.”
“Yeah well. Liam I’m sorry.”
“Why mom?”
“When I saw him I was just going to go over and get rid of him, not ruin your happy day.”
“What’s wedding without a fight?”
“Liam!” Sophie whacked his arm and he leaned over to kiss her.
“It needed to be done, sorted. An end to it. I hate him, but then again I guess I’m speaking to the right person hey mom?”
“Not really.”
“How can you not hate him?”
“Cos although Angel’s your dad and a lot of the person you are comes from his influence he gave me you, the baby, Angel gave me you the person. But without you the baby…”
“I love you mom.”
“I love you too honey. Now go enjoy the rest of your night.”
“It’s morning.”
“Really, hey even more proof the Slayer is a night person. I’m in my element.”
“Well this little girl isn’t’.”
“Oh Sadie honey are you okay?”
“Who was that man?”
“He was no one.”
“Then why did he know you?”
“Sadie he is no one, don’t you trust your favourite big
brother?” Sadie smiled.
”Why don’t I take Sadie, Ally and James back to mine for the night.”
“Really Giles, is that okay?”
“Yes.”
“Will that man be there?”
“Really Sadie I’m hurt for you to suggest that your grandpa Giles wouldn’t be able to protect you.”
“Oh grandpa.” Sadie wrapped her arms round Giles neck and
kissed him. We said our goodbyes and Giles and my mother left with the
children. She had decided to give him a hand. I got up and hugged Sophie.
”I’m sorry about Riley.”
“Not your fault.”
“Still…”
“Buffy it doesn’t matter, in my memories of today I will remember the best bits, the part where I said I do to the man I love, you know the part of the day where I committed myself to the only person in the world I could ever love forever.”
“You sound like me when I talk about Angel.”
“Well then I’m lucky to have found my soulmate.” We hugged
again and she went off to dance with Liam. Angel came over.
“Dance my love?”
“Only with you.” He smiled and led the way.
Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call
And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call
And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I am inside
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call
This really was the most perfect moment. I had been safe in my angel’s arms for 20 years, it really couldn’t get any better. I love him and he loves me and we have 4 wonderful children together.
“I love you, my angel.”
“I love you too mográ.”
“Mográ, what does that mean?”
“It means my love, it’s Gaelic.”
“Speak some more Gaelic to me.” We swayed together to the music, my head was resting against his chest and his arms couldn’t get tighter round me without crushing me. I was unbelievably happy. “Mográ, an aigneal le an álainn anam andóch an saghas, grách croí.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means my love, the angel with the beautiful soul and the kind, loving heart.”
“How come I don’t know anything that sweet to say to you?”
“Cos you are only 40 and I am 280 odd years old. Plus you never grew up speaking Gaelic.”
“I wish I had, Gaelic sounds so much more beautiful than English. More soft and caring, gentle like a lover’s caress.”
“I’m glad you didn’t, because if you had we might never have met.”
“And that would be a bad thing.”
“Mo aigneal an saol gan tú ní lorg seo fear.”
“Angel!”
“My angel the world without you is not for this man.”
“Talk to me in English.”
“My love with the hair like a golden halo above her head and the moss green eyes that I could drown in, my love with the soul I can look into and loose myself in, my love, my beautiful wife, the only woman I have loved in over 280 years, the only woman I could ever love. You are everything to me and I love you much more than mere words can say.”
“I love you to mo aigneal.” He smiled and we sealed our love with a kiss like we had a thousand times before, but this time it was different this time we had no blemishes, no dirty little thoughts and people trying to split us, this is it. This is us, just us, only us. In love, forever. Cos like my angel said, forever, that’s the point.