Disclaimer: I own absolutely no part of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Angel (I wish I did but…)
Feedback: IF I DINT WANT FEEDBACK I WUNT POST THE STORY! (But if you carnt take the hint n r still saying dus she want feedback it wud be a HELL YES!!!!!)
Summary: Just a little fic bout what I think could happen if Buffy accidentally got pregnant to Riley and married him and moved to Iowa. She would obviously hate it and eventually end up with Angel. But what would Riley do? And what would happen to their child? All will be revealed if you carry on reading.
A/N: Sorry for all you ppl who like Riley but I you’ve read any of my other stuff with Riley in you will know that I don’t like him and making him the bad guy is entirely on purpose.
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“Buffy. Buffy!” I snap out of my reverie and look at Willow. She laughed. “The cars are here. Yu ready?” I nodded and we left. The whole ceremony was time for me to reflect on how exactly I got here. Xander was the only one who actually thought I was happy, except for Riley. Willow was the only one who knew the whole truth, I was going to break up with Riley. I had agonised over it for months. I was going to do it, then I found out I was pregnant. He proposed, I accepted. I’m still not sure why. Mom and Giles had the same reaction really. I’m too young. How could I ruin my life like this? I mean it’s not like I chose for the fucking condom to tear and for my birth control pills to go psycho. Of course Giles had the added Slayer lecture. While I’m pregnant I’ll be a sitting duck, my baby will be in constant danger. After hearing this Riley decided we would move to Iowa after the wedding. My mom and Giles both thought I was doing the best thing considering the circumstances, although both would miss me. Mom even said I wouldn’t be happy in Iowa. Dawn and Willow think the whole thing’s a big mistake. Xander is certain I’m doing the right thing. Spike keeps making comments. I’ll miss them all so much, even Spike. I don’t know how I managed to say the right thing at the right time. My new mother-in-law kept glaring at me all the way through the ceremony. I hate the way I look. It’s not how I imagined my dream wedding. It was in a church beautifully decorated with white lilies. I was in a long following white silk dress. And the man I was marrying was Angel. Instead I’m in a short ivory dress that bulges out to cover my largely protruding stomach. And the man I’m marrying isn’t tall, dark and mysterious he’s a blond All-American corn fed Iowa boy. When he kisses me I feel like I’m going to be sick. When we walk down the small aisle of the registry office I scan the crowd of people. I can feel tears prick at my eyes and Riley finally notices I’m not paying attention to his ramblings about how great Iowa is.
“Who are you looking for?” I snap back to attention.
“Nobody.” Until Riley looks at me I don’t even realise I spoke aloud. “I should have known he wouldn’t be here.”
“Who?” Oh god! I said that out loud, oh god!
“My dad.”
“Oh well maybe he’ll be at the reception. Don’t cry you’ll ruin the photos.” He drops my arm and goes over to his parents. Willow comes over. She hugs me.
“I thought he’d be here.”
“I know I wouldn’t have been able to watch the one person I have ever loved marry someone else.” It was at that moment Cordy and Wesley came over. They both hugged me. Wesley gave a very stiff British ‘congratulations.’ Cordy gave me a look.
“Tell him I’m sorry and ask him not to hate me. I never wanted this. Tell him I want him to be happy.” As the tears start I add silently ‘Enough for both of us.’ Cordy hugs me again.
“I think you should sue that condom company.” I pulled back slightly. “Before we got the invite and after you told him about the baby Willow explained. He thought it was easier if he didn’t come. You know being allergic to sunlight and well Riley. He said to tell you he understands but he can’t watch.”
*
We had started the dancing only an hour ago when Riley grabbed my arm and told me we had to go. I had a brief, tearful goodbye with my mom, sister and friends. It was only brief because Riley dragged me away. I cried the whole plane journey there and Riley did nothing. The stewardess’ stared at me and him. We went straight to the farm his parents had bought for us. It needed some work but was pretty much okay, for a farm in the middle of nowhere. We weren’t going on a honeymoon considering my condition. That was a small mercy I guess. I know Sunnydale wasn’t a huge place but it was a lot bigger than here. I felt like I’d gone back to one of those old American towns they had about 50 years ago. I’ve been here for 20 minutes and hate it already. Riley won’t shut up about how great it is and how much I’d love it. What a great place it was to bring up kids. Kids! Plural! I’m not sure I can handle this one let alone anymore. I always figured my worst nightmare was Angelus or dying or waking up in a coffin. I never thought it was being stuck with a corn fed Iowa boy and his baby in a crappy, boring sleepy backwards town. I should have ignored my conscience and listened to Dawn and had an abortion. At least I wouldn’t be here. I would be at home with my family. I wish I could wake up, but I’m stuck. I pledged my life to Riley Finn, for better or worse. Trouble is there’s no better just a whole lot of worse.
**************************
My head snaps back against the bed and I scream. The pain is so great, but ever since I came here I have been very reflective about my life and what real emotion is. Which consequently leads me to think about Angel. The pain I’m experiencing now is nothing compared to when I had to go to LA and tell him.
I didn’t want to go I was tempted to write so I wouldn’t have to see or hear the hurt at my ‘happy’ news. To send Willow or Xander, because after all Xander probably would have taken great pleasure in trampling over Angel’s heart. It’s not as great as you’d think. Hurting someone like that ever though they did the same thing to you. I’ve done it before. When I threw Riley in his face. I never meant it then but now I have no choice but to mean what I’m saying. Ever since I found out I’ve been praying it was wrong. I spent the better part of $50 on pregnancy tests and then went to the doctor’s for several tests, each and every one came back positive. When I first started being sick I prayed for something to be wrong with me, in a sense there is. I have a thing growing inside me and taking from me when it shouldn’t be. I look around the once very grand hotel lobby and feel very intimidated. I don’t feel like the 19-year-old pregnant woman that I am. I feel like a little child about to get told off by her dad. But of course I never cared what my dad said, but this is Angel. I care what he says.
“Buffy?” I love the way he says my name. Like it’s
something special and his mouth isn’t worthy or saying it. It’s soft and gentle
like a loving caress. Riley is always harsh when he calls my name. It’s never
as loving as when he does. Whenever Angel calls my name is seems like a
question as if he can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have me standing in front
of him. I turn slowly round wanting time to stop so I don’t have to break his
heart.
“Angel I have something I need to tell you.” One look at
his face and I know he isn’t happy to see me anymore, like he knows he isn’t
going to like the news. He motions for me to sit down but I don’t. This way if
the heartache becomes all too obvious on his face I don’t have to waste time
standing up, I can just run. But isn’t that what we’ve always done around each
other, it’s what I always do. I run. But this thing inside me is like an anchor
and it won’t let me run anymore.
“I’m not gonna like this news am I.” I shake my head.
“Angel I don’t want you to hate me, I still love you. I
have tried to stop but I can’t. But as we already know all too well life
doesn’t turn out how you planned it. I always thought death was the only way
out of my destiny. It’s not. What I’m doing is another. You I told you that I
loved Riley. I didn’t. You hurt and so I hurt you back. But it definitely
wasn’t gonna be like this. Riley was my rebound guy, the plan was to have a
small healing relationship and then move on, to the happiness you wanted for
me. Riley and I are getting married…and I’m having his baby.” Angel always hid
his emotions but I guess this was just too big to hide. I saw his face crack
with pain and I wanted to tell him I was kidding that I could never marry
anyone but him. But that wasn’t the truth and he knows when I’m lying. He
kissed my forehead gently.
“Goodbye Buffy.” He walked away leaving my staring up the
stairs after him. We’d never said goodbye before, it was too final.
“I’m sorry, Angel I’m sorry.”
My eyes snapped open and Riley was looking down at me, he’d heard. I could see it in the hurt puppy dog look on his face. My memory had spilled out and I had actually uttered some of the words. Maybe it was just the final sorry or maybe I had said everything. No he wouldn’t still be holding my hand in his sweaty palm if he’d heard I didn’t love him.
“Buffy you did it, we have a little boy.” The nurse came over and put the child on me.
“He’s a sweet little guy, I think he’ll take after his mother. It’s not often we have babies that don’t have blue eyes at first but he has your green ones.” My green eyes, Angel always called them pool of soft moss. I like that description better. I looked down at my son and thanked god that what the nurse said was true and that he did look like me. The only thing that could make my son better was if it was cold dead blood that had joined with mine and was now coursing through his veins. Riley was shifting by my side as if he wanted me to move over so he could sit beside us. I didn’t I couldn’t. It should be Angel with me. I wake up next to Riley and every morning I have that same thought. It should be Angel. Riley eventually sits in the chair beside the bed.
“I was thinking about Alan for a name.”
“No.” Riley looked slightly put out but continued with his name game.
“Okay how about Jacob after my great grandfather.”
“No.” it then came to me how my son could have a small part of Angel. “Liam.”
“George.”
“Liam.”
“Buffy when you say no to a name I let it go why can’t you?”
“Because my son looks like a Liam.”
“Fine. Liam Finn.” I shuddered when he added my son’s last name into the picture.
“Why Finn? Why not Summers?”
“Because we’re the Finns.”
“No I never changed my name, I left it the same.”
“A child should always have his father’s name.”
“Riley this is the 21st Century a child can have his mother’s name is she chose to keep it. Liam Summers.”
“Buffy I let you have the first name I wanted now let me give him the last.” An idea popped into my head so I just nodded.
*
I was told when the registrar was coming and made sure Riley wasn’t there when he did.
“Ah Mrs Finn.”
“Mrs Summers. I kept my own name.” The old man raised his eyebrows at that but said nothing. He sat down and I glanced over at the birth certificate. He had already gotten the weight and date from the nurses’ records.
“Mrs Summers can you just tell me your husband’s occupation and full name? And then your full name?”
“Riley Augustus Finn. He is a farmer. My name is Buffy Anne Summers.”
“And I believe you have a name.”
“Yes Liam Angel Summers.”
“Angel that’s unusual.”
“I was told he looked like me and someone once told me the shine of my golden hair looks like a halo. So if he has the same hair then he will look like an angel.” The old man smiled and I knew I’d convinced him. The part about someone telling me my spun gold hair reminded them of a halo was true, Angel had. But that wasn’t the reason I did it.
*
“Morning Buffy. How’s Liam?”
“He’s fine.”
“When is the registrar coming?”
“He came yesterday while you were at work.”
“Oh I wish I’d known I would have been here.”
“Yeah well it can’t be helped.”
“I have some good news. You can come home tomorrow. It will be so great to have the two of you back.” A feeling of dread lined my stomach. While I was in here I could escape Riley and the drudgery or the life he was making me lead.
****************************
I was sat in tears in my living room after yet another encounter with the mother-in-law from hell. I don’t know why but people in this town seem to think they can just walk into each other’s house uninvited. Just another part of this small backwater town mentality that I hate. She just walked in yet again and I finally confronted her about it.
“You can’t just walk in here whenever you like you know, this is my house not yours.”
“This is my son’s house and if I choose to come in and see my grandson his wife should make me welcome.” Thankfully she didn’t know about his full name, no one did. Even Riley didn’t suspect. No one ever asked and so I never had to lie.
“Maybe I would make you feel welcome if you knocked instead of just barging in.”
“This house is a tip. It’s disgraceful I never was like this when I had my first, which was quickly followed by my second. I never let my house look like this. You’re just a lazy little whore who thought she was onto a good thing and my son is too much of a gentleman to tell you to clean up.” Liam started to cry and I hurried from the room to get to him. She was right at my heels. I bent over my son’s crib and picked him up. I took him to the changing table and quickly changed his nappy. He was the only bright spot in my life but since he spent a lot of his time asleep, much like I did only a few short months ago, well I guess it was nearer a few short years ago now. That’s what this town does, it sucks you in and makes you forget everything about your life before. Maybe it hopes that if it scrubs away your memories of real life you will fit better into this strange way. I lay him on his back on the soft carpet and tickled his tiny stomach. I blew kisses on his stomach and he giggled. He was such a happy baby. Happy unlike his mother. I guess happiness is one thing he got from his father. Everyday he was growing more and more like me. And less and less like Riley. He was just me with one of my chromosomes missing a leg, and a lot younger.
“You shouldn’t lie a baby down like that when they’re so young.”
“Well my son seems to like it so I will continue to do it.”
“Well if your child grows up with brain damage we’ll all know why, but then again anything wrong with that child will obviously come from you.” I spun round to stare at her.
“Get out, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!” she looked shocked and grabbed her bag and coat and left. My son’s happy burbly giggles stopped. I sunk to the floor in tears. I was so absorbed in my pain I hadn’t even noticed the fact that my son had crawled into my lap. The fact a child of only 3 months can crawl is very surprising but my tears prevented me from noticing and my pain prevented my from caring. That is how Riley found us when he came home for his dinner that I hadn’t made. He picked up my son and put him in his crib. He then placed his hands on my arms and got me to my feet, he guided me to a chair and sat me down.
“I want to go home Riley, I can’t stay here. I have to go home.”
“Buffy you can’t go, you haven’t even given this place a chance. You have to stay. For me, for us for our family. For Liam.” The only part of his speech, which made me agree to stay, was my son. Before he was born he was always a thing, this it that belonged to Riley. But afterwards when I held him and saw all the resemblances to me he became my son, not ours but mine. I nodded mutely and continued to cry.
*
“Willow?” yesterday I had agreed to stay for my son and today he was sleeping and I decided to call Willow, we always talked about everything. Well maybe not everything I silently thought as my mind slid as usual to Angel.
“Buffy is that you?”
“Yeah hey Will.”
“Buffy how are you?” my tears started again and I sobbed down the phone to my best friend. “Buffy come on tell me.”
“It’s awful here. I feel claustrophobic. I hate Riley, I hate his mother. I hate this stupid town. The only thing that gets me through the day is my son. But I can’t stay like this. He sleeps too much. I have so much time in this house on my own and I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“Oh god Buffy. Well have you talked to Riley?”
“Yesterday I told him I was leaving. He told me to stay and give this place a chance for the sake of Liam, so I did. I agreed but I…” I heard the door open and knew who it was. “Willow I have to go, the mother-in-law from hell. I’ll call you when she leaves.”
“Okay but Buffy please don’t do anything stupid.” I hung up and went through into the kitchen.
“Riley told me about yesterday and I felt I had to come and see you. To tell you how pathetic you are, you are a cheap little whore that isn’t used to sacrifice.”
“Not used to sacrifice. You don’t know me, you never tried to get to know me. You have no idea what my life is like. How much I have sacrificed, not just for one person but for the world. I sacrificed a hell of a lot for the world. Now try telling me I haven’t sacrificed cos you don’t know what the word means.” I pushed past her and went outside to get the washing.
“It’s not that bad, it does get better amazingly enough.” I looked up and saw a woman with a small girl in her arms. “This is Stacey, she’s four next month. I’m Gemma. I moved here when she was born with my husband cos it’s such a good place to bring up kids. People mellow out, they won’t talk about you forever, eventually they accept you. Even your mother-in-law. Same thing happened to me. If you ever need to talk come round, we can have a drink and I can listen to someone who is going through what I went through.” I smiled.
“Thanks Gemma. I’m Buffy and my son is called Liam.”
“I know, the amount people talk in this place you’d be surprised they don’t have a shortage of throat sweets.” She smiled and went inside. I got the rest of the clothes and went back inside.
“You don’t want to talk to that woman, she’s bad through and though. Worse than you even that’s how bad she is.” I put the clothes down and went to my son’s crib where he was staring up at the stars I had put on his mobile. He took after me, he was a night person. He loved the stars. I picked him up and walked past my mother-in-law.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to talk to Gemma, she invited us round for a drink and I have just realised how thirsty I am.”
“You can’t go there.”
“I think you’ll find I can do whatever I want to do. You’re not my keeper just a nosy old woman who has lost her ‘close’ family and so is butting in on mine.” I left her staring after me with her mouth open like a fish.
*************************
“Shush little baby, shush little baby. The fairies are coming to get you. The walls have ears and they’re coming closer. Closer and closer until they suffocate us.” My son was hollowing and I was trying to talk to him. I think. But the walls were scaring me they were coming closer and closer and leaving the doors and windows behind. I was trapped in this little prison or bricks and mortar.
**************************
I woke up with haze before me and I gazed into the face of a woman.
“Mommy?” The woman stopped whatever she was doing and came rushing to my bedside.
“Buffy?”
“Mommy what are you doing here?”
“Buffy sweetie we’re at home in Sunnydale.”
“It was all a dream. All of it, marrying Riley having Liam, living in Iowa it was all a dream.”
“No sweetie but you’re here now.”
“Why?”
“To get better.”
“Why do I need to get better?”
“Well you had a nervous breakdown sweetie and kept talking about the walls closing in on you.”
“Dawn.”
“DAWN.”
“No mom I don’t want to see her when she’s…”
“Dawn just come here right now.” Dawn appeared in the doorway.
“Dawnie.”
“Buffy?” She ran to my side and hugged me. I could feel her tears through my pyjamas. I put my arms around her and held her.
*
The next few days after that were visits to the hospital and tests to see if my medication needed changing a lot or a little now I was well on the way to recovery. No one really talked about what I’d been like these past 4 months, that much I had been told though. Four months of being at home nursed by my mommy. With no Riley and no Iowa. But then again no Liam. When they’d told me that Riley’s mother had cared for my son these last months I almost screamed at them. I didn’t want that witch near my son. But I stayed quiet and survived all the tests and the doctors and the talks and the visits from my friends until one person came. Willow. I knew I’d be able to get my answers from her. She finally came one afternoon. I was laid in bed staring at the ceiling.
“Hey Buffy.”
“Hey Willow, I’m so glad you’re here.”
“You are?” She sat tentatively on the end of my bed.
“Sure I am.”
“I thought you’d be mad cos when you called I didn’t really help that much, I never thought it was that bad to do this to you.”
“It’s okay Will. But if you really want to make it up to me tell about these past months, how did I get here? What was I like?” she looked as if she was going to refuse but I gave her what I hoped was my most puppy dog look and she gave in.
“Well Riley came home one day to find Liam crying and you on the floor rocking yourself. You were saying something about the walls closing in on you. The walls were evil. He called his mom and the doctor. The doctor said they didn’t have the facilities in their small hospital to deal with mental problems. So Riley thought it would be a good idea if you came here. They kept you in for observation for a few weeks and then let your mom bring you home. Dawn didn’t really see you a lot, it messed her up but don’t be mad she’s just a kid she couldn’t handle her big strong sister being like this. Xander and I we came everyday. Giles he moved back, well he was gonna do it anyway cos he realised his life was in Sunnydale now. But he moved a lot faster when he found out, since he got back he’s either been visiting you, helping with the slaying or researching to find a supernatural way to make you better.”
“That’s so sweet and Giles like. Is Spike still slaying?”
“Yeah, he visited too. And you had one more visitor.”
“Really?”
“Yeah but it wasn’t Angel, it was Cordy. It was on Angel’s behalf though. They talked it through and decided he still couldn’t bare to see you and thought Riley might have been here anyway.”
“Willow I have a confession. Not even Riley knows. When Liam was born, he’s just like me and I didn’t want he to be like Riley. I made sure Riley wasn’t there when the registrar came, I had it put on the birth certificate that his name was Liam Angel Summers. I never changed my name we I got married. I couldn’t stand the idea of people calling me Mrs Finn. No one ever says his last name and no one ever asked. They don’t know about the middle name either. When it was getting bad, really bad, like the last thing I can remember bad. I used to pretend that he was mine and Angel’s.”
“Buffy I don’t know what to say I mean naming your son after Angel.”
“Both his names, Liam was…before.”
“His human name.” I nodded. “Buffy…”
“Please Willow don’t judge me. Tell me what I was like.”
“Well you spent your days rocking back and forth, crying, screaming, cowering from the walls. You kept saying the walls were evil, the walls were closing in. they were trying to capture you so you couldn’t leave your prison.”
*
The next 3 months were spent mostly with my mom, I’d sit on my bed and tell her about Iowa and why I felt so trapped. I’d cry and she’d hold me and rock me and smooth back my hair like when I was a little girl and tell me everything was going to be alright. I believed her. I always did. It’s been a long time since I had that blind faith in anything. In anyone. By the time I’d been fully in control of myself I was down to 1 low-dosage tablet a day. Riley and Liam came to see me. Of course everyone couldn’t get enough of my wonderful son. I was very sad I’d missed his 1st birthday. The fact my mother-in-law had been there ad thrown a party, which according to her devoted son, was wonderful probably would have made me a little angry. God how I hate that woman. I swear right here and now to myself that mine and my son’s relationship will never be like Riley’s mother and his. I will never be that nosy into my son’s life. I will love, no doubt of that but I will never suffocate him. And when he gets married I will try and like the girl first before making any judgements. Riley was sharing my bed and Liam was in a crib set up in my mom’s room, she just couldn’t get enough of her grandson. All my friends were quick to agree when Willow said how much he looked like me. I was starting to get an itch every night now, it was getting stronger. I got up put some clothes on and went over to my dresser, the first draw with the false bottom. I moved the bottom and pulled out a stake and the cross necklace Angel had given me on our first meeting. I’d left it when I left Sunnydale, I never really felt any need to take it. I wouldn’t be slaying anymore. I fastened the clasp and went out of the window. It had been a long time since I’d breathed the cool calming night air of Sunnydale and I found all of my body had craved it. I wanted it. The Slayer in me had missed it, I had missed it. It’s strange how I can separate the Slayer in me from the girl but in truth they are the same thing, one can’t exist without the other. Maybe other Slayer’s have managed but I am special, I am unique, I am Buffy Summers, the Chosen One. I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I make my through the town I realise I’ve hungered for, craved. I crave the thrill of the kill. The blood and adrenaline pumping full speed through my body the rush of air as my stake cuts through the night sky and the sound of the vampire exploding into ashes. I eventually reach my destination, the cemetery. It’s not really hard to find a cemetery in this town. I’ve often wondered why people buy a house here? I mean house prices are booming and it’s a very popular place but don’t they notice all the cemetery’s and churches. There are 43 churches in Sunnydale and yet this doesn’t seem strange to people when they buy a house here. My senses come alive and I realise a vampire is approaching. I spin round and find my moves are a little rusty and it takes me a while to dispatch the vampire but I manage. Behind me I hear hands clapping.
“Well done Slayer.” I spin round. “Welcome home.”
“Miss me.”
“Of course. Miss me.”
“Amazingly enough, a little.” Spike walks over to me and I touch his arm so slightly. It’s my way of saying, well I don’t really know what I’m saying but the truth is I really did miss Spike. His funny quips and his annoying ways were just a part of what I love about Sunnydale. He smiles at me.
“I visited ya a few times when you weren’t too good. Thought it was probably best to leave ya when you started getting better, probably had a load of things to do with doctors and your friends probably wouldn’t leave you alone. I heard captain cardboard’s come.”
“Yeah he has.”
“So what are you doing out here fighting with us undead types.”
“You’ve killed Slayers, you know why I’m here.”
“Finally you figured it out Slayer. I knew you wouldn’t be able to survive in that hole. You are one with the night, that’s just part of being the Slayer. You don’t belong anywhere where vampires and demons don’t go.”
“How come there aren’t any in Iowa?
“Well there are probably a few but it’s not exactly a party town if there were about 10 vamps there the whole town would be gone in a night. It’s just a bit boring pet.”
“Oh.” I sighed. “I don’t want to go back, I don’t belong there. It’s what drove me crazy in the first place. It was so quiet and small, everyone knew you. Sunnydale is like, well imagine Sunnydale and LA, well Sunnydale is LA to Iowa. I just felt like…”
“The walls were closing in and soon you were gonna get trapped.” I nod. “I know the feeling.”
“So what do I do?”
“Well you can leave him or try and convince him to stay here with you.”
“First choice is high on my list but I can’t. I grew up after divorce and it sucks cos you’re always losing out on one parent. I can’t do that to my son.”
“Well then you’re trapped.”
“Spike I need to slay, it’s who I am. Riley never accepted that to start with, he believes that the guy should be the macho strong one to protect his lady. The fact his lady can protect him and herself way better than he can doesn’t sit well with him. The fact I have a son now, he’ll gone berserk.”
“Well I suppose you can visit a lot. I mean do it on the pretence of your mom wanting to see her grandson. I mean you could try and explain it to him but I think the first one is probably the best.”
“Thanks Spike, one more thing. Train with me, before I have to go back, train with me and train with when I visit. I’m a little rusty.”
“I noticed.” So for the next few hours Spike and I sparred. It wasn’t exactly like fighting a vampire since Spike couldn’t fight back but it was still practice with my moves, and Spike pointed out my mistakes. We did this every night. Sometimes if I could escape during the day I went to Spike’s crypt and we sparred. On a night we would spar a little and then patrol. That went on for 2 months before I had to go back. I was off medication now. Slaying seemed to have helped as well. I could put up with Riley a lot easier. But we had to go back. Or so everyone kept telling me, face my demons Willow called it. Everyone said they’d visit and I had to visit more. I agreed. I found it strange that Spike was the one it was hardest to say goodbye to. He had become my best friend. I shared all my secrets with him. I don’t know why it was easier to talk to him but it was. He offered some sarcastic remark or some good advice or just listened and said nothing. I needed that. He even got a phone installed in his crypt so I could call if I needed to talk. The night before I left just before I went home we said goodbye. It was a lot of standing around awkwardly saying goodbye until I placed my hands on his shoulders leaned up and kissed him softly.
“See ya soon Spike.”
“See ya Slayer, whenever.”
“Count on it.”
**************************************
I’d been back for 2 months and I had nearly hit my mother-in-law 9 times. I had barely managed to control myself and it was getting harder. I was calling Spike more often now. I could feel myself slipping. I woke in the middle of the night all the time just itching for something to slay. One night when I woke up I realised how soundly Riley sleeps. There could be an earthquake and chances were he’d sleep through it. So I got up and got changed I grabbed a bag and packed some things. I went in Liam’s room and gently lifted him from his crib and put him in the bassinet. I packed a few thins for him and loaded myself up. I grabbed the bassinet and went downstairs. I scribbled a quick note for Riley saying I couldn’t do it anymore and I couldn’t stay here and I knew he’d try and stop me if I’d waited until he woke. I left. I knew if I called for a taxi Riley would catch me at the airport so I walked to the next town, which wasn’t really that far away and got a cab from there to the airport. There was no way Riley could catch me now. I checked our things in for the next flight to Sunnydale. I was going home. I waited anxiously and kept looking at the door thinking Riley was going to burst through and drag me back. But he never came. We finally took off and for the first time since I left Sunnydale I relaxed.
*
I knocked on the door.
“Buffy?” my mom opened the door fully so I could get in. I went in and put all my stuff down. I gently placed Liam’s bassinet on the coffee table and then sat down. It was only 4 in the morning and my mom looked very tired.
“Can we do this in the morning mom?” she nodded and went back upstairs taking Liam’s bassinet with her. I stayed downstairs. I grabbed a stake from the weapon’s chest in the room and my cross and then left.
“Slayer didn’t know you were coming on a visit.” I spun round. I have never been so happy to see Spike. I ran over and hugged him.
“I woke up at about 1 in the morning and I just packed some stuff got Liam and left.”
“You just left.”
“Yeah Spike I’m free.”
“No you’re not he’ll come here, as soon as he wakes up he’ll be going to the airport and coming here straight away.”
“What do I do?”
“You go to the only person who always makes things right for you.”
“Angel hates me, he has ever since I told him.”
“The bloody ponce doesn’t hate you, he still loves you that’s why he hasn’t contacted you, if he didn’t still love you it wouldn’t hurt him.”
“You’re right. Spike thank you for everything you’ve done. You’re about my best friend right now.” I hugged him again and ran. I woke my mom and Dawn when I got back, it was about 6 by that time. I told them everything and gave them Angel’s number in case they needed to contact me. I then asked my mom to take care of Liam while I went to see my friends. I had about an hour before Riley got up which gave me about 5 hours before he got here, with any luck I’d be safe in LA by then. I went to see Giles first and explained everything to him and gave him Angel’s number as well. I also confessed to my sparring and slaying with Spike. I told him if anything really bad happened here he could call and I would be well in control of my Slaying skills. I then went to Xander who told me I was being stupid. I told, him he was being naïve like everyone else and the reason I had a breakdown was because I couldn’t handle Riley and Iowa. I said that he obviously wanted me to have another one. He apologised and said that I had to do what I thought was right and that I’d done what everyone else thought was right before and look how well that turned out. I hugged him and gave him Angel’s number. It was on the way to Willow’s that I thought that I hoped Angel would take me in since I’d already given nearly everyone his number. I’d given Spike it as well, which probably wasn’t the best idea as far as ideas go but he is my sorta best friend now so…My meeting with Willow went pretty much how I expected it to. She said she wasn’t surprised and that she wouldn’t tell Riley where I was. She even offered to look into Angel’s curse for me. I laughed and told her I was only going there because I was safe for Riley and even if I wasn’t Angel probably wouldn’t be all that receptive to the idea. We hugged and again I gave out Angel’s number. We said goodbye and I went back to my mom’s. I hugged Dawn and told her I’d call her soon. I said goodbye to my mom. I got my stuff, Liam’s stuff and Liam who was now fully awake and left. My mom kindly drove me to the bus depot and waited until the bus for LA came. We said goodbye and both cried a little but I promised she would hear from me very soon.
**********************
I walked inside the very large hotel. It was huge and seemed very Angel-y. I was suddenly very nervous and very tired. It was about 9 in the morning and during the night I’d had 2 ½ hours sleep.
“Angel?” I shouted him since I knew that chances were if I tried to find him I’d get lost. I’d been here before, once but I never really looked around. It wasn’t first and foremost on my mind.
“Buffy?” I turned towards the stairs and saw him standing there in just a pair of black silk boxers. My heartbeat quickened slightly and I wondered if coming here was the best idea. “What are you doing here?” the full extent of what happened in such a short time came crashing down on my and I started to sob. He came over and took my things and put them down. He placed Liam’s bassinet on the floor and he wrapped his big strong arms round me. Whenever Riley wanted to protect me I told him I didn’t need it, but when Angel tried to protect me if was different. I buried into his chest and I just didn’t seem to be able to stop crying. Eventually I did and we sat down. His arm was round my shoulder and I was leaned against him. My head was dropping down from exhaustion. The door opened.
“Buffy?” it was Cordy. I turned and smiled weakly at her.
“Cordy just look after Buffy’s son for a minute while I take her upstairs. She didn’t protest just nodded. I stood but then sat again as the exhaustion took over my body. Angel pulled me up again but before I fell down he put his arms beneath me and swept me up. He carried me upstairs and placed me on his bed. I knew it was his bed because it smelt of him, like rain and sandalwood. He pulled the cover up to me.
“We’ll talk when you walk up, love.” He kissed me on the forehead and left.
*
I blink several times and look around feeling very confused. It then all floods back in my mind and realise I am in Angel’s room in Angel’s hotel and I’m in his bed. It smells like him. I get up and go downstairs wondering where Liam is. I step into the lobby and can hear the giggles of my son. I walk to where they are coming from and find myself looking into an office I assume is Angel’s. He is sat at the desk and is tickling my son, who is looking up and laughing. I sigh at the sight since Riley never did that. He loved Liam I know that but he never played with him. Just told me of all the things he’d teach him when he grew up and how he would give him his first mitt. The fatherly things that come after the child can walk. Riley sat with him and changing him and fed him and rocked him and loved him but never played with him. Angel finally looks up.
“Buffy.” I smile at him. And lean against the doorframe. He stops playing with Liam and pulls his shirt back down to cover his baby belly. He picks him up off the desk and comes over. I accept my son into my arms and kiss him on his forehead.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“About 6 hours. Giles called while you were asleep. He didn’t say much just to tell you Riley was in Sunnydale, and that none of them had told him where you were. He also said that you should talk to him and tell him how you feel.” I nod.
“I guess you want to know why I’m here.”
“It would be nice.” I go out and sit down he follows me and stands in the same lace he did when I told him I was going to marry Riley and have his child.
“You know about the breakdown.” He nods and I continue. “Well I guess I should start at the beginning which means before then. I’ll at my wedding day. All through the ceremony I was thinking about different things mostly how I got there. I don’t love him, I never did. Until my son was placed in my arms he was an IT and problem that I didn’t want the cause of my unhappiness. But when the nurse gave him to me, I loved him. Thank god he takes after me. I half wished you were gonna be there, at my wedding to say you can’t marry him, you don’t love him. I know you and I know that you remember what real love is, it’s passion and need and want and fear, it’s everything we had. But you weren’t there so I said I do and I went off to Iowa. The second I got there I hated it. It was so small and Riley’s mother, god what a bitch. That’s caused my breakdown. When I was back home after I was well on the way to recovery I started to soar with Spike and we’d go out slaying and I was alive again. Riley never accepted it before, before I understood it. I understand now, the Slayer isn’t something that was forced into this boy with me. It is me. We are the same thing. I’m not Buffy Summers without it and it isn’t Buffy Summers without me. We’re one whole package and I actually don’t hate, I love it. The fight the kill. The night air against my skin. I went back, they all said I needed to fight my demons. But I don’t I never had demons in Iowa and I don’t fight my demons that’s not who I am, I fight the world’s demons. I rid the world of evil and I love it. Riley could never understand that. It was driving me nuts again almost as soon as we got back. So when I woke up very early this morning I packed a bag for us both and left. I went to Sunnydale. I saw my mom and my friends and Giles and Dawn and Spike. He pointed out that Riley would come after me, so I came here. I know I don’t deserve your help but just until I figure out what to do can I stay here. They’re not gonna tell him where I am so he won’t come charging in with a stake, not that’d be able to do anything anyway. You kicked his ass before he lost his superpowers.” I paused now and looked nervously up at him. “I know you hate me and you have every right but please I just need…”
“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I never stopped loving you. I love you more now than I did then in fact. When you told me you was marrying him and having his baby I thought that was it. I never told you about my Shanshu, after the End of Days I become human. I always dreamed I’d get it and we’d live happily ever after but then you married someone else. Of course stay here forever if you want to.”
“I never stopped loving you either the only reason I married him was because of my son.”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms around me. Liam started to scream, like he knew he was missing out. As I bent to pick him up Angel spoke.
“What’s his name, when you were asleep we had to call him Buffy’s kid.” I smiled. And then looked down not really knowing what his reaction would be.
“When I got married I never changed my name so I’m still Buffy Summers. I named him Summers too, calling my child Finn just wasn’t what I wanted. He thinks he’s Finn though. Only me and Willow know the truth, and Spike. Anyway Liam Angel Summers.” I nervously looked up. He grabbed my hand. “I never forgot you. I wanted a piece of you with me.”
“Thank you for thinking so much of me to name your son after me.”
“You don’t need to thank me. Loving me is enough.”
*************************
“Thanks Cordy.” I handed her the handle for my son’s pushchair. She was taking him for the night. Usually Lorne would watch him here at the hotel but tonight he was busy so Cordy agreed to watch him. She assured me that if she had any problems Dennis would help. I’d been here for 2 weeks now. I get updates from Giles everyday and speak to my mom and Dawn every other day. I spoke to Xander and Willow a couple of times. Riley left yesterday after my wonderful friends and family still refused to say that they knew where I was. They claimed they didn’t even know I’d left.
*
“Angel get the phone.” We shared his bed since I arrived. We had no tension we just held each other and professed our love. He rolled over and picked up the receiver.
“What!” I sat bolt up now, something was wrong. “Okay come in right now and explain everything okay I’ll see you soon.” He turned to me.
“Liam. What’s happened to Liam?”
“He’s gone.”
“Gone! Gone where?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did Cordy say?”
“She left him with Dennis while she went to get more nappies, you didn’t pack enough.”
“Oh my god. Someone just walked in and took my son. Riley. Riley knows you live here. He must have found out where somehow. Oh no Riley’s taken my son.”
“Buffy if Riley is the one who took him then he’ll be okay. Riley is his father he won’t hurt him.”
“I have to go back.” I get up and throw some clothes on. Angel doesn’t say anything to make me stay, he knows I won’t. He gets up and puts some clothes on. It’s daylight so he can’t come with me and I’m glad. It’s easier if he’s not watching me go. We kiss and I swear I’ll come back and that I love him. I see something in his eye that doubts me but I ignore it.
**********************
“Riley?” a see a shadow move and then he comes out from it. He’s holding Liam who looks happy enough. He reaches out for me and I go to take him but Riley doesn’t let me.
“Nice to know you care enough to tell me to my face you’re leaving me for him.”
“I never left you for him, I was just staying there until I figured out what I was going to do.”
“You let some woman who works him look after my son.”
“That woman who works for him has his complete trust, which on it’s own is good enough for me. But she is called Cordelia Chase and she used to live in Sunnydale. We were friends, sort of. She helped us so many times to save the world. I trust her with my life and I did with my son’s.”
“She left him alone.”
“No she didn’t, she left him with Dennis.”
“So her boyfriend left him alone.”
“Dennis isn’t her boyfriend, he’s her roommate and he never left him alone. He doesn’t leave the apartment cos he’s a ghost.”
“The invisible force that kept closing the door and blowing things in my way.”
“Well that was Dennis.”
“Your friends and family said they didn’t know where you were but they did. If you were with Angel and I figured it out they either knew and were lying or figured it out and were lying, which?”
“I went there first.”
“But you didn’t stay.”
“Because you’d go there and beg me to come back. Like you begged me to stay.”
“You didn’t. I have a proposition for you now though. You stay or you go.”
“Really?”
“Yep if you stay you cut off all ties with Angel and with your friends and family that tried to keep me away from my son.”
“Not really winning me.”
“Or you go and never see Liam again.”
“You can’t do that.”
“What judge in his right mind would grant custody of a young boy to woman with serious mental problems.”
“That was cleared.”
“Yeah we know that but I can still bring it up. Running off without a word hasn’t exactly helped you has it? So?”
“I’ll stay.” He put me in an impossible position. I love Angel and my friends and family and as much as it hurts to be away from them I can’t lose my son. There is really only one answer.
****************************
Riley had blackmailed me into stayed 2 months ago and I was living in hell. I hadn’t called Angel to tell him, maybe I shouldn’t have ignored that part of his eye that told me he knew I wasn’t coming back. I haven’t told him because I can’t bare the idea that it’s over. He must know something’s happened to make me stay. I’m slicing tomatoes for the barbeque Riley decided we would have. People from work. He said that I could meet some people and make some new friends. I wanted to tell him that I had friends the best friend a girl could want but I didn’t I just nodded and started cleaning up and making potato salad. Riley’s mother has been more of a constant in my life now. She’s here almost every second Riley isn’t. Making sure I don’t leave again. I can smell the alcohol from in here and don’t want to go out. I hate beer, ever since that experience in college I’ve been wary of people who drink the stuff. I hear Liam crying and go into the dining room to check on him. He needs changing. I lift him up and murmur things to him. I often spend time telling him about all my friends and his family, the people Riley has decided he’ll never get to meet. I am in the process of changing him when a guy walks in.
“Buffy?” he slurs at me and I turn round. He doesn’t look too good. I finish changing Liam and place him back in his crib. “Could you please show me where the bathroom is I don’t feel well?” I nod and he follows me. I go upstairs and open the bathroom door. He barely gets to the toilet before he starts being sick. Another nasty side effect of beer. He finally stops and I notice his shirt is covered.
“Let me take that and clean it a bit for you or it will stain.” He nods and tries to take it off. His fingers are clumsy, another effect of beer. I find I’m always pointing out the effects of beer to myself now. Ever since the experience I had with it. I go over and help him since he obviously can’t do it himself. The door is flung open then and Riley is stood there. He is very drunk I can tell. He’s been doing that a lot lately, getting drunk. I try not to be around him when he is because that’s when he’s vicious about Angel, or our relationship. He thinks it was a joke and I know that but I don’t like the way he talks about it. It still means a lot to me, he still means a lot to me.
“You just can’t help yourself can you? You can’t be with just one guy and since you can’t be with you precious Angel anyone will do even if that man is a friend of mine. Even if he’d only fool around with you when he’s completely drunk.” I’ve had enough. I’ve managed to keep control of myself when he’s been drunk before but implying that I would sleep with any man and clumping Angel in with those men, making it sound sordid makes me furious. I stand and go over ready to hit him. He surprises me and backhands me. My head hits the washbasin and I see stars. Slayer strength or not that still hurt, it hurt more because I never thought Riley was capable of hurting me, of even wanting to hurt me. Of course we’ve drawn a crowd now and everyone was shocked to see stable, good guy Riley Finn hit his wife. The crowd disperses. Some other people help the sick man from the bathroom. Gemma comes over and helps me into the bedroom.
“Do you want me to stay or do you want to come over to mine?” I shake my head but then stop because the stars haven’t gone and I’m still groggy. She’s a little concerned that I don’t want a doctor but I don’t know what to tell her since it will be fine in a few minutes, I’ve had worse happen to me.
“It’s okay but thanks anyway Gemma.” She leaves. Riley comes in. I’m still shaky and try and tune out his words. I crawl my way up the bed with the idea that if I go to bed it will all seem like a bad dream in the morning. He won’t let me.
*
I’m concerned about Buffy. I knew they were having problems. I heard the screams one morning coming from him. The screams of ‘that bitch.’ Then he left for a few weeks and came back with Liam. Then she came back. Things have been quiet since then. Only a few noises when he got drunk. I never really thought of him as the type. She seemed so much better after she came back from Sunnydale. After her recovery. I can hear screams now and loud bangs. I’m scared now. I try and wake Roger but he can sleep through anything and won’t wake now, especially since he had a few. I hear Liam crying then too. But the crying doesn’t stop and neither does the screams and bangs. I grab a coat and go outside. I bang on the door several times and there is no answer. I go back home and sit a while and yet the noises don’t stop. I pick up the phone and call the police. While I’m waiting for them to come the screams and bangs stop. But Liam’s crying doesn’t. I go outside to wait after a few minutes. They finally get here and I explain to them that the noises have stopped but the crying hasn’t and I’m still very concerned. Buffy would never leave Liam to cry like that. They decide to kick the door in. we all go inside. We find Riley in the kitchen, he has a bottle of vodka in his head and looks to have passed out. I go upstairs to Liam’s room while the police go to their bedroom. I hear one of them speaking into their walkie-talkie asking for an ambulance. I take Liam and go to their room. I can see Buffy. She is unconscious on the floor. I can see blood and it looks like she’s been hit a lot and quite a few of those times was round the head. I tell the police I’ll take Liam for the night and they agree. Just as I’m going I see a book by the phone. It looks feminine and I assume it’s Buffy’s address book. I grab it and go home. I rock Liam to sleep and then go through the address book. It looks old and the writing is very teenagerish in style. There is a name surrounded by kisses and hearts. I figure it’s an old flame but even still maybe he can tell me which of the people in this book I should call. I pick up the phone and dial the number.
“Angel Investigations how can I help you?” I am greeted with a groggy voice saying things from reflex obviously.
“Yes hello my name is Gemma Matthews, I was wondering if I could speak to Angel.”
“This is he.”
“Oh hello I’m sorry to call at this time but I have a little problem. My neighbour had this address book and I really didn’t know which person to call and since your name was first and was surrounded by um kisses and the like I decided to call and ask if you could tell me of any family she had.”
“I’m sorry who had?”
“Oh I’m sorry Buffy.”
“Buffy! What’s happened to her?” Maybe not an old flame, maybe he’ the reason Riley was so angry. Maybe that’s where she was. But still however angry he was he should never have beat her like that. She could die. I briefly explain to the man what happened and he tells me to call someone called Giles and that if she hasn’t written mom in her book she might have written Joyce, home or dawn and that I should try one of those. I thank him for his help and hang up. I look under home and find it there. I knew she wasn’t happy here but she still calls that place home. I call there and a woman answers I explain who I am and why I’m calling. She gasps. I tell her which hospital Buffy is in and she thanks me for looking after Liam. I then call Giles and explain to him. I don’t really know who his is but I guess her father. He is obviously British and seems very shocked. I tell him the same thing I told the others and we hang up.
*********************
After the neighbour of Buffy’s and I hang up I pull some clothes on and call the airport. There’s a flight in 20 minutes and I will be on it. By my timing I figure it will still be night by the time I get there. I am nervous through the entire flight. The woman on the phone never said how bad she was but I think it must be serious for Buffy not to be able to call herself. I try and understand what he could have done to stop her fighting back because after all she is the Slayer. I finally touch ground and run from the airport and catch a cab. I go to the neighbour’s house, thankfully she is still up. She has Liam with her, which is another thing I’m thankful for since I really don’t want Riley with him. She tells me Riley was sobered up and then taken to his parents’ house. He will be questioned tomorrow. She tells me where Riley’s parents live and I go back to the waiting cab. I go straight there. I knock on the door to be faced with a sour old lady.
“Mrs Finn hi I’m Detective Inspector Marks could I please come in?”
“We were told that this could wait until tomorrow, he’s in bed.”
“I’ve come to speak to you actually. Since we’ve all know Riley since he was a child we know this is very out of character for him and I was wondering if you could tell me why he would do this, if there were any problems.”
“Well then come in come in.” Angel slipped past. She made them both a cup of tea and they sat. She proceeded to tell him about how horrible Buffy was how she tricked Riley into marriage and that she left with his son and went to another man who Riley said she thought she was in love with. She also made Buffy’s breakdown seem as bad as possible and tried to make it out to be her fault, her just being weak. It was then Riley came downstairs. Luckily it was still dark because Angel really didn’t think this would stay inside. Riley looked up at him and then lunged.
“BASTARD!” he started to rain punches on Angel but since he was still slightly bad from the drink even though he’d slept and considering Angel was a vampire he was no match really. Angel dragged him outside and pinned him up against the wall. His mother follows and mumbles something about police harassment and abuse. I laughed at her. She doesn’t understand.
“I never want you to go anywhere near Buffy again. You WILL be getting a divorce and you WILL give her everything and anything she wants, including custody of HER son. They will be living with me. I will watch them everyday and if she is u happy for one second I will think it is you and I will come here and kill you, slowly and painfully. Angelus and I are different things but I can still remember some of his best ‘tricks.’ When you see her son it will be under the supervision of either myself or my friend and associate Charles Gunn. And I will tell you right now that if he says anything to me about you doing or saying something that I consider wrong I will kill you. And don’t even think about snatching him and leaving because one I will find you and two Gunn is very handy with weapons. He doesn’t need drugs to be strong, he is. All contact with Buffy’s son will be monitored by me or by Gunn. Got it?” Riley glared at me but said nothing. I dropped him on the floor and left. I went straight to the hospital. When I get there I find Joyce, Dawn, Giles, Willow and Xander there too. Dawn jumps up when she sees me. She hugs me and I hug her back.
“How is she?”
“They haven’t told us yet. What took you so long?” I look over at Giles and catch his eye as I tell them.
“I just had some business to take care of first.” He gives me a slight nod. I know that later he’ll want to talk to me.
“Joyce Buffy’s neighbour has Liam I think it would be a good idea if someone went to collect him.” Joyce nods absentmindedly but Giles, Willow and Xander catch my meaning.
“Hey dawn how bout you and me leave these guys here and go pick up your little nephew. Cos I bet he’s missed his cool aunt Dawn.” Dawn nods and goes with Xander. Willow sits with Joyce and tells he everything will be alright and Giles takes this opportunity to pull me aside.
“I take it your business was visiting Riley.”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And I told him he would never be seeing her again and that he would give her the quick and easy divorce she wants and that he would not oppose her custody. I also told him that all meetings with Liam from now on will be supervised. Giles what happened? She’s the Slayer how could he do it?”
“Well from what the young woman on the phone told me it started at the party. He hit her and she wasn’t expecting it. she hit her head on the washbasin and refused to have it checked out and she was very unsteady. She’s been hit round the head a few more times. She wasn’t at her best and the attacks on her head probably prevented her from fighting back with her usual vigour.” I nod silently.
“She’s going to be alright?”
“I pray to God.”
“I can’t lose her.” He smiles.
“I think that was the problem, neither of you can be without the other.”
*
I wake up with a god almighty pain in my head. My lungs are hurting and my arm too. As my visions focuses I can look down. I am bandaged round my middle which I think must mean I have a few broken ribs, hence the pain. My arm is in a cast and so must be broken. I can see a nurse. In my good hand I can feel warmth I look over and my mother in asleep.
“Mom.” She snaps awake and looks at me.
“OH Buffy you’re awake.” She leaves the room and comes back with a doctor. He checks me and then leaves. She stay a while and talks.
“Liam?”
“He’s with Dawn and the others in the waiting room. I better go actually because they’ll want to see you.” She smiles down at me kisses my forehead and then goes. Giles come in. he takes his glasses off and rubs his forehead. The simple action makes me smile and I realise how much I’ve missed everyone.
“I don’t ever want you to be in a hospital again young lady do you hear me?”
“Yes, dad.” I smile at him and he is shocked to hear me call him dad. “You are you know Giles.”
“I know and that’s why I was so bloody worried about you, because you’re my surrogate daughter and I love you.”
“I love you too Giles. I won’t do anything like this again I promise.”
“I know.” He hugs me as well as he can without hurting me and kisses my forehead before leaving. Dawn then comes in with Liam.
“Hey sis. You scared us you know. Three days. It’s never been so long.” I smile at her. She sits down and lets Liam lay next to me. I can’t really hold him but I kiss him and try and hug him. She laughs at my attempt.
“Well visiting time’s nearly over so I better go cos you got a few more visitors.” She leaves and takes my son with her. I’m glad they have him and he’s not with Riley. Willow and Xander both come in for a little while and we have a short chat before they go. I think my visitors are all finished when the door opens again. It’s him.
“Angel you came.” He comes over and sits next to me. He takes my hand in his and gently kisses it.
“Of course.”
“I was scared you’d hate me because I never came back and never called, he said that if I left he’d say I was still mentally unstable and stop me from seeing my son. I couldn’t risk it.”
“It’s okay love. It’s all fixed.” All fixed!
“You’ve been to see him?”
“Yes, I told him that if he ever comes near you again I’ll kill hi and that you AND Liam will be living with me now on. You don’t ever have to see him again I swear. Gunn and I will make sure he doesn’t poison Liam’s mind when he sees him too. You don’t have to deal with him. I love you Buffy.”
“I love you too and I’ll wait for you. For Shanshu.” He smiles at me.
“I should go you need your rest.” He gets up kisses me and then goes. As he is just about to go through the door I call him.
“Can you tell Willow that what she offered before I came to stay with you, when I tried to leave, well anyway tell her I would like to change my answer.” He gave me a strange look and then went.
***********************
I’ve been living with Angel for 6 happy years now. By the time I was fully healed Willow had changed the curse, the losing of the soul was not a problem. Which was very good. Liam and Angel got on well and Liam loved him. He hardly ever saw Riley. I think he knew he wouldn’t be very welcome. We went to Sunnydale nearly every weekend. Dawn came to stay with us most holidays. Liam didn’t really ask about Riley a lot. Riley had come quite a lot at the beginning but he obviously didn’t like being witness to the bond between Angel and Liam. He sent cards for Christmas and birthdays. Riley’s mom was more constant and kept writing and calling and saying he had to come for visits. He still hasn’t been. He calls Angel dad now. And it’s all I wanted, well almost all. There’s a baby’s cry from down the hall and I don’t have to get up. Angel goes. He returns with a little baby girl in his arms. Liam comes in too and we all climb into bed. It was almost two years ago that Angel got his Shanshu at the end of the End of Days battle. Our daughter, Ally was 1 in 5 days and we were having a party. Riley never got up in the night when Liam cried, it was always me. Another of Angel’s fantastic qualities. I’m the one who hardly ever gets up. Liam loves his sister and we made sure that he didn’t feel he was getting replaced. Now I know how lucky I am there’s not many guys that would take someone else’s kid in and treat him exactly the same as his own, but that’s what makes Angel special.
“You shouldn’t have woke love.”
“Mmmmm maybe not but I just couldn’t wait to look at my wonderful husband.” He kisses me.
“Eewwwwwwwwwwww! PDA! PDA!” we pull apart and I look at our son. I do that from time to time, say our son but that’s what he is really. It isn’t necessarily blood that makes a parent, sometimes it’s being there. For example, Giles and me. Who did in fact give me away. My real father was there but I never even thought of him giving me away. It had to be Giles.
“Liam I think you should stop hanging around with your Aunt Cordy, she’s teaching you bad stuff.”
“Aw mom!”
“Don’t aw mom me.”
“Come on dad you’re on my side right.”
“Sorry kiddo but I’m whipped, you will understand this when you’re older but it’s safer for my health if I agree with your mom.” Liam pouted for a while until I pulled him into the circle or my arms and hugged him tight and kissed him.
“MOM!” I laughed and let go but he didn’t leave the circle of my arms. Instead he reached up and took Ally from Angel. Angel shifted slightly so that Liam was in between us. He had his arms round me. I had my arms round Liam and Liam had his arms round Ally. Strangely enough I’d never wanted kids before, or maybe I didn’t want them because I couldn’t have them but right now I know I am so glad that, that mistake with riley happened because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have the perfect family I do now if it hadn’t.