Breathe

Summary: A meeting after years apart reveals much.

**Italic** = internal thoughts

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The meeting had been set weeks ago while the ground was still covered with snow. Now with the grass greening and birds singing as they built their nests I didn�t know if he would actually attend. For years he�d sent a representative. I hadn�t seen him since I�d been forced to leave him with his brothers after taking him from Thangorodrim. Letters sent were answered tersely with little personal news relayed. I had refrained from going so far as to write to any of his brothers; even if they too were my cousins they would never break his confidence.

In all the time since we�d left that horrible mountain my dreams had been filled with my last sight of him, emaciated, long red hair dull and brittle and the stump that ended his right arm. None of that had mattered then if I�d been allowed I would have stayed with him, helping him recover, but his brothers wouldn�t allow it. So I left and those images of him had stayed with me to haunt my nights and some of my days.

The sound of approaching horses made me raise my head; the column of elves approaching was led by three, two carrying banners of his house. The middle figure was hidden by one of the banners for a moment; then the breeze shifted and I looked upon the one who has always held my heart, though he�s never shown that he�s known it.

I wanted to laugh and run to greet him like a elfling; so changed he was from the last time I�d seen him. The glorious fire had returned to his hair, it flowed and danced around his shoulders like a living cape, blazing in the light of the sun. His eyes shone with the pride he�d always shown, and he sat his horse with strength.

Dignity kept me from giving into my desire to go to him and I stood waiting for him to reach me. He stopped after riding into the entrance of the camp dismounting with the grace I remembered. Handing the reins to one of the grooms who�d come forward to take the horses, he turned and walked to where I waited. I noticed that he wore his sword on the right now, that and the way the right sleeve of his tunic hid the end of his arm were the only indications of what he�d gone through. Or so I thought. As he reached me and I saw his eyes more clearly I saw in them, a darkness that had never been there before.

�Cousin,� he greeted reaching me, his voice as melodic as it had always been.

I felt myself finally allowing the smile I�d been holding within to escape, �Maedhros,� I breathed. I opened my arms to him; I needed to touch him again. For a moment he didn�t move then with some reluctance he came into my embrace. I wrapped my arms around his taller frame and held him, again he didn�t immediately return my embrace, but then he did and for the first time in years my world was right again.

**Maedhros, my beloved cousin, do you not know that my heart beats for you? All you need to do is look into my eyes, really look. I�d give anything for you to tell me that I�m the one your heart needs, that I�m the one you�d run to in the night.�**

He pulled away first, long before I was ready, but I allowed it. We had much to discuss, this meeting between us would be the first of many, re-uniting our people once more, or so we both hoped.

The day was long, the discussions sometimes awkward and heated. There were a lot of old grievances between our two camps. By the time we broke for the evening meal I was exhausted. I looked over to where Maedhros stood talking to his advisors and saw the same exhaustion in his shoulders. I smiled slightly at him, which he acknowledged with a faint nod. I turned my attention to several of my own advisors and walked them out of the tent we�d been in for most of the day.

After a short time for all of us to refresh ourselves we met again for dinner. There was too much tension in the air to call it a feast, though it should have been. The meal wasn�t overly long and soon all of us were leaving. Maedhros started to leave with some of his men, but I caught him before he left.

�Walk with me, Cousin?� I asked.

He turned to the ones waiting for him, saying, �I will return later.� Then he joined me, and we left the tent. For several long minutes we walked in silence.

He was the one who spoke first, �Fingon, why am I here? We have discussed much this day; the rest can wait until tomorrow.�

�We have spoken of those things that lay between your house and mine,� I said. �We haven�t talked.�

�Talked? What would you have me talk about?� He asked. �I am not who I once was, Fingon. I find that I have changed�

A feeling I was unaccustomed to filled me; for the first time with him I was unsure. However I gathered my courage and asked, �And what you once felt for me? Has that changed as well?�

He laughed and it was unpleasant. Then he said, �I don�t feel much anymore, and most of what I do feel is�dark. My life is one I wouldn�t have chosen for myself. I have realized that I will do what I must to end this existence some day.�

�Why do you say this?�

�You can ask me that?� He glared at me. �For long years I hung upon that mountain, and some of what was within it, seeped into me. I no longer feel, or love. I believe that I can�t any longer. I laugh little and then only when my thoughts are dark or at myself.�

Much to my shame tears filled my eyes, I didn�t answer, I couldn�t and I didn�t look at him, for many more moments we continued to walk in silence. I wanted to ease the pain he had shown to me. Would he allow it? I was still pondering the question when we reached an open field ringed with flowering shrubs and trees and he sank down to the grass. I joined him, sitting a small distance away from him, allowing him the space he seemed to need.

I sat gazing at the grass around us, hiding behind the veil of my hair which I�d loosened for dinner. I fought to stop the tears which threatened to flow from my eyes in a flood of grief.

He spoke again after a long while, and his voice carried a hopeless, emptiness I�d never heard before. �I�ve killed many, Fingon. For the curse I bear I fear I will kill many more of our own. My heart has become a beast which I would tear from my own chest if it would free me from this. And now I�ve added another sin to those I carry.�

�Another?� I queried softly.

�I�ve hurt you,� he said. �You won�t even look at me.�

I shook my head; then turned to him not bothering to hide the tears that showed on my face. I smiled at him. �Your pain is what causes my pain, meleth. For years I have longed only to be with you again, to touch you, see your smile, hear your voice. And now that you are near, you are still so far away�

�What would you have me do?� He asked, his own eyes beginning to glitter. �I don�t know how to live anymore, Fingon. I can�t die, I didn�t die on Thangorodrim and yet a part of me feels that I am still there.�

�You are not there,� I stated firmly. �If you will I will prove it to you.�

�I don�t know how,� he told me. �I don�t know what is inside me, and I am afraid to find out.�

I moved to kneel next to him, �All you have to do is look in my eyes,� I said. �My heart beats for you, as it ever has, the darkness doesn�t own you. If you will I will burn the words �mine forever� across your heart and across your mind.�

I took his hand placing it against my heart, �Feel it? Let me see that you do in your eyes; you have nothing to hide from me, nothing at all. Touch me, meleth. Touch me and make us one.�

His eyes looked into mine then he lowered them to watch his hand where it lay against my heart. He began to slowly explore my chest still watching his hand as it moved. He reached for the ties that held it closed and began opening them, bending forward he used his teeth to help. His hand pushed the shirt from my shoulders while his lips and teeth stayed on my chest, nipping, licking and kissing. It was as if he was tasting my skin for the very first time; I realized that I felt the same way.

His mouth covered a nipple and I arched my back, hissing with pleasure. He suckled gently, his hand rolling the other nipple between his fingers. I reached out and gripped his shoulders holding him to me. Of their own volition my hands moved to the front of his tunic and I began opening the ties and clasps, I needed to touch his skin desperately.

He raised himself somewhat to make it easier for me, and in seconds I had the tunic open and was pulling it from him. I leaned forward and began covering his chest with kisses, licking and nipping every inch of skin I could reach. Raising my head I found myself looking right into his eyes, for several heartbeats we looked at each other and then we leaned toward each other, our lips meeting and opening at the same moment.

Our tongues met and dueled as of old, his mouth was sweet, sweeter than I�d even remembered. His kiss was filled with passion and I surrendered to the fire that I�d always loved in him. The air around us was filled with moans.

His hand found the lacings of my leggings and began pulling at them. Frustrated he broke the kiss and raised his head. �Remove these,� he ordered.

My own hands were shaking so much that I was nearly unable to do has he said. Finally the ties gave and I pushed the leggings down. After pulling off my boots I pulled the leggings off as well. Naked, I moved toward him again, and found that he too had removed his boots and leggings. We came together, skin against skin, his hardness pressed to mine, as our mouths met once more.

I lay down on my back, pulling him down to cover me; breaking the kiss, I looked into eyes that had turned silver. �Take me, meleth,� I told him. �Let me feel your flame again. Take me, take my heart and make me yours and you mine.�

In the past this would have brought a growl from him, but this time he made a sound that sounded more like a sob. Then he moved to kiss his way down my body. When he reached the hardness that lay against my stomach he kissed the tip and then licked down the length. He continued licking down further, and then I felt his tongue at my entrance. I raised my legs even further letting him do what he would. He breached me and I nearly came from it, so badly did I crave his touch. He seemed to remember the sounds and movements I made at such times however and his hand came up to grip my elfhood at the base. I tossed my head back and forth on the grass, whimpering and pleading with him.

He was as eager as I and in a short time he removed his tongue, placing the head of his elfhood at my now ready entrance. I gasped as he filled me with one long slow push. The burn of his entry was quickly replaced by the pleasure of our being joined again.

As he began to move I felt my soul opening its wings again; I looked up at him, his eyes meeting mine. His filled with tears which slid from them and I could feel him beginning to soar as well. Our two fires joined and burned higher and higher, carrying us with them. Together we breathed, together our hearts beat and when we reached that exquisite peak, it was together.

For a while it seemed that we stayed there, suspended together in a place that was only for us. As we came down from that place, he sank down against me; our two hearts beating against each other forever together.

Before we fell into reverie he looked at me, �I feel as if I�ve learned to breathe again.� Gently he leaned forward and kissed me deeply; a kiss filled with not just passion but thankfulness as well. I returned it with all the love I felt for him; my gift to him.

The End