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Summary: none given
Author's note: Although the action in the first half does not take place actually in Imladris, the setting is almost irrelevant and I hope it is acceptable!
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~ Babes in the Woods ~
A Pantomime in Two Acts
~ Cast ~
Erestor ~ Advisor to Lord Elrond
Glorfindel ~ Seneschal to Lord Elrond
Lord Elrond ~ Peredhil and Lord of Imladris
Vampire Bat ~ Resident of Mirkwood
A Peach ~ Resident of Glorfindel's bag
~ Act One ~
Mirkwood ~ In which Erestor and Glorfindel lose their way, the Vampire Bat finds a tasty supper and The Peach meets an untimely end.
Scene One ~ A Path in Mirkwood
"Remind me why we are here?" said Erestor with a sigh, picking leaves and twigs out of his hair.
His companion, Glorfindel mumbled from the holly thicket. "...relations...bloody Mirkwood .....Imladris....sodding Elrond ....Thranduil...OUCH! Damn prickles!"
Erestor stifled a giggle. "Oh yeah...I remember now. Having trouble?"
The tall, red faced elf appeared from the bush glaring and waving his sword. "GIVE ME A BALROG ANYDAY. At least they don't scratch and get into your pants!" he snarled. "And rather than waste time laughing at my expense, why don't YOU try and find the path, hmmm?" he added, putting away his makeshift axe and folding his arms.
Erestor's expression changed immediately, from amusement and mirth at his travelling companion's state, back to the more habitual air of worry and anxiety at the thought of being lost in the dark woods overnight. "So er...that wasn't the way then?" he said rather miserably, as Glorfindel glared at the impenetrable bushes.
Glorfindel glared at Erestor instead. "Oh no, of COURSE that was the way, I just ripped my tunic to shreds on the leaves because I thought it would start a new fashion. I hear the tattered, scruffy look is all the rage this season."
Erestor scowled. "There is no need to be snappy. I did say that I thought we were going the wrong way, but you insisted on heading into the middle of those bushes. 'Oh I know the path, I've been here before, and I have a perfect sense of direction'. Yeah...sure. How long ago was it? In this life or your previous one?"
Glorfindel chose to ignore the barb and instead concentrated on hacking through a small inoffensive shrub that really didn't deserve such a brutal pruning. "Aha! See?!" he announced triumphantly a few minutes later and pointed to a dismal track that appeared to lead into the very darkest part of Mirkwood. "THAT is the way to Thranduil's caverns, I would bet my life on it!"
"Which one," muttered Erestor and followed his companion with a heavy sigh.
*****
As night fell several hours later the two hot, dishevelled and scruffy elves (and not hot and dishevelled in a good way) collapsed onto a convenient log by the side of the warg track they had mistaken for a path. Like all warg paths it was smelly, littered with bones and led in and out of the undergrowth through every bramble and briar patch that existed. Erestor rubbed his scratched ankles and rued his choice of soft leather boots which now looked as though they had been through one of the cook's meat mincers.
Glorfindel scowled. "Well, I was SURE I recognised it."
Erestor said nothing. His companion was miserable enough and he hadn't exactly been wonderful at woodcraft himself. He looked at the darkening sky and sighed. "We need to find shelter for the night."
Glorfindel stared at the slim dark elf in alarm. "What, stay here? OUTSIDE? ALL NIGHT?"
Erestor couldn't help but laugh at his companion's distraught expression. "Oh come now, it won't be that bad...we just have to build a flet, up high and away from the ground and any snuffling beasts or orcs and we will be fine. At least it's a mild night." he said, looking round and beginning to gather strong branches to weave into a small sleeping platform.
"Oh and since when have you been the talan building expert? You know as much about flet construction as I know about the nesting habits of fruit bats." He paused to shudder. "Nasty, flappy things..."
Erestor glared at Glorfindel and thrust an armful of twigs at him. "Get busy, we haven't long."
*****
Scene Two ~ A Flet
Glorfindel had to accept, somewhat admiringly, that Erestor DID know about building a safe platform when, an hour later, they were both perched high above the forest floor.
"Hmmm...not bad really...good, in fact," he mumbled as he sat back against the trunk of the tree.
Erestor smiled gratefully at his companion's compliment as he rummaged in his pack for some dried meat and hard, yellow cheese for their supper. He took his knife and cut off large pieces of both for Glorfindel and himself and handed the elf's share to him. For a few minutes there was contented silence as they both munched at their meal, lost in their thoughts.
"You know...this could actually be quite a nice place...if it wasn't for the spiders...and the wargs...the orcs and the nasty squirrels," mused Glorfindel.
"Nasty squirrels? Are there nasty squirrels here?" said Erestor in alarm, looking up into the branches above as if expecting one to drop on his head any minute.
Glorfindel shrugged. "Probably. Isn't everything in Mirkwood nasty?"
Erestor settled back against the other side of the tree trunk with a sigh. "Yes. I take your point."
The fair haired elf suddenly sat up and gave a yelp. "OH!"
Erestor jumped to his feet and began to brush his robes frantically. "What?! Is there a spider? A squirrel? What is it?"
Glorfindel looked sheepish and picked up his pack, producing a couple of ripe peaches from the innards. "Um...sorry, just remembered, I stuffed these in my bag at the last minute when we left Imladris...saw them in a bowl (can't resist peaches)...they were really hard, but I think they are just right for eating now. Want one?" he said, holding one out to the dark elf.
Erestor scowled but accepted the fruit and sat back down. The peaches were almost too soft, but still edible and sweet and a refreshing change from the salty meat and cheese.
Glorfindel watched as his friend sucked at the dessert, unconsciously licking his lips as the sticky juice ran down Erestor's chin. 'He really is rather attractive...' he thought in surprise and then blushed as Erestor caught him staring. The advisor scowled. "What? Haven't you ever seen an elf eat a peach before?"
'Not quite like that...' thought Glorfindel. "No...I mean, yes of course," he muttered out loud and busied himself searching for a cloth to wipe his hands.
Their meal finished, the two elves rolled out their blankets and settled down for the night. Erestor was right the weather was mild, in fact it was almost warm. "I'll keep watch," volunteered Glorfindel, "it's far to warm to sleep anyway." Erestor grunted gratefully, rolled over (unfortunately onto some squashed peach) and slipped into reverie.
Glorfindel was wrong in fact. It was not too warm to sleep, the temperature was just right and in spite of himself he began to daydream and then doze. No doubt if a fierce orc or snarling warg had crashed through the undergrowth below the napping elf would have woken instantly, but as it happened the slight flappy sound of leathery wings merely enhanced his rather pleasant dream about flying a kite from the top terrace of Imladris. That was until Erestor screamed in pain.
Glorfindel leapt up, fully awake and sword in hand. "Erestor! What is it? Where is it?" The dark elf lay curled up on his blanket whimpering while a large vampire bat flapped about his rear, attracted by the smell of the fresh peach smeared over his bottom.
"UGH! Hold on there, I'll get it!" yelled Glorfindel bravely and waved his sword at the creature, managing to hit it as if playing a game of rounders. The bat soared through the air, crashed into the next tree and crawled off to lick its wounds.
Erestor groaned and rolled over. "It...it bit me...that bloody bat bit me! Oh, I feel so strange...I think...I think I am done for Glorfindel...tell...tell Elrond the key to the special bookcase is...is...is in the third drawer down at the b..back," he gasped.
"Special bookcase? What sort of books are kept in...?"
"Glorfindel, I am dying here! Stop asking questions about Elrond's private erotica and listen...I might not have much time," Erestor snapped irritably.
"Erestor, you are NOT dying," replied Glorfindel, his voice firmer than his belief. "Let me see where you were bitten, I can suck out the poison and..."
"...You are NOT sucking out the poison, I would rather DIE!" protested Erestor.
"I am not letting you die. I never thought you were a coward, I won't hurt you I promise..."
"...I am NOT a coward. It's just..." Erestor blushed furiously. "I would rather you didn't...it's...embarrassing." Just then he gave an involuntary shudder as a slight spasm of pain shot through his body and he moaned.
"Erestor, now you are being ridiculous! Which would you prefer, death or...?"
"...it bit my bottom. Here..." said Erestor, blushing even more as he shoved down his leggings, revealing a firm, pale buttock the centre of which carried two large red and inflamed puncture wounds.
"OH SHI..." Glorfindel giggled slightly hysterically.
Erestor scowled. "Fine. Mock my pain, laugh at my predicament. Not all of us are lucky enough to have dramatic exits."
Opening his mouth to say something about 'Erestor having a dramatic end instead', his mouth snapped shut as he received the 'Erestor Glare' (perfectly modelled on the Lord of Imladris' own intimidating version) and swallowed. Suitably chastened, Glorfindel looked concerned. "Look, I know that you feel my suggestion was perhaps a little...intimate, but..."
"...Intimate?! Of course it's bloody intimate, the ruddy bat bit my arse!"
The fair elf held out his hands soothingly. "Yes, yes I know...don't get upset, the worst thing you can do is get excited, it'll make the poison spread faster. Just...keep calm, lie down and listen to me. If I suck out the poison, it will make you feel much better, much faster, and I PROMISE I will not breathe a WORD to a living soul..."
"...What about dead ones?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Dead ones...any post-Balrog mates you might have made in Mandos," muttered Erestor.
Glorfindel sighed. "Erestor, for one thing the Halls are not exactly a meet and greet party all the time..." (At this point he winced, remembering at least one riotous event where Ecthelion challenged everyone to a drinking game and they all ended up stark naked, dancing the conga around the shadowy columns.) "...and secondly, I don't speak to dead people." (Glorfindel decided that Elrond on a bad day didn't count as really dead.) Erestor still pouted so Glorfindel sighed again. "Yes. Fine, not dead ones either. Your secret is safe."
Erestor shuddered suddenly and coughed. "Oooooohhhhh...." (cough) ".....it hurts...I feel all peculiar..." he moaned.
"Right, that's it, I'm not wasting anymore time," responded Glorfindel in alarm, rolling Erestor over to lie on his stomach. “That poison needs to come out NOW.”
“Wha...? What are you...oh Eru! How embarrassing!” Erestor groaned, as he felt Glorfindel’s hands on his bare bottom. He buried his face in his arms and gritted his teeth.
Glorfindel used his teeth to bite gently around the puncture wounds, trying to push the toxin back to the surface and then sucked hard, spitting the blood and poison out periodically. He continued the procedure until he judged by the lack of bitter flavour that he had got as much of the stuff from Erestor’s bloodstream as he could. Then he sat back and took a cloth, dampened it with some of their drinking water and carefully washed around the bites.
“There...that should do until we get you back to Imladris...Elrond can give you a poultice or something to make sure there is nothing left, but I think you’ll be fine now,” Glorfindel said, sipping and spitting out the rest of the water to rinse his mouth. Erestor’s reply was a quiet mumble.
“Sorry?” said Glorfindel, leaning over his companion. “Are you feeling any better?” He carefully brushed back a lock of Erestor’s hair. The dark elf’s eyes were unfocused and peaceful and his lips were turned up into a slight smile. “Mmmm...s’nice...don’t stop...”
“I beg your pardon...?!” Glorfindel stared at his friend in shock and immediately realise two things. The first was that Erestor was asleep which was a good thing as rest was the best cure. The second was that he had rather liked the sound of his friend’s voice, all low and husky and rather...seductive. Whether this was a good thing or not, he couldn’t quite decide yet. It all rather depended on Erestor.
He sat down heavily and leant against the tree trunk once more. He was tired but there was no way in Middle Earth he was going to rest for a moment, not and risk Erestor’s life again. He would watch over him until dawn and then get him back to Imladris as soon as possible.
*****
~ Act Two ~
Imladris ~ In which Lord Elrond makes a guest appearance, Glorfindel worries, Erestor feels better and a happy ending is had.
Scene One ~ A Corridor in Imladris
“Please can I see him now?” Glorfindel had been pacing up and down outside Erestor’s door for some hours waiting for Elrond to come out. It had taken longer than he had hoped to get back home to Rivendell and by the time they arrived at the Last Homely House the dark elf was even paler and thinner than usual. He had been increasingly quiet during their rushed return and Glorfindel could tell that his companion was still in pain and feeling quite ill, in spite of his own efforts to improve his condition.
Elrond smiled and took Glorfindel by the arm, leading him to a low couch nearby. “Now, now Fin, Erestor needs to rest and so do you. You look exhausted. He will be fine, I have given him a vile concoction which he refused to drink at first, until I threatened to hold his nose and pour it down his throat. It will counteract any remaining poison in his body and he will be as right as rain in the morning.”
“Oh thank you Elrond, thank you...I...I’ve been so worried...”
“...Nonsense, I did very little. All I did was to complete your good work. If it hadn’t been for your quick thinking and insistence on sucking out the toxins it could have been very nasty...very nasty indeed.”
Glorfindel blinked several times. "He...he told you about that? He made me promise not to breathe a word."
Elrond chuckled. "Yes, I know he did. He told me that as well. My dear friend..." the elf lord paused, unsure of whether to say anymore or not, but then decided that it was in both his friend's interest if he did so. "...I think you will find Erestor more...amenable to your company than before. He was...touched by your attentions in the woods."
Glorfindel blinked again and stared down at his hands, a slow blush creeping over his face. "I...er...I was happy to...um..." he squirmed slightly, remembering the taste and feel of the lovely pale, smooth skin. "...to look after him." He nodded, several times, satisfied with his confession.
Elrond looked at Glorfindel carefully for a few minutes, then stood, his mind certain that if he gave the blond elf any longer to think about it, he would talk himself out of pursuing Erestor out of sheer nerves. "I've changed my mind. You are obviously NOT going to rest until you have seen him. You can have a quarter of an hour...that's all," he said, leading Glorfindel over to the door of the chamber. "Make the most of the time you have," he added sternly, and pushed his friend into Erestor's room, closing the door firmly behind him.
Scene Two ~ Erestor's Bedchamber
The object of Glorfindel's hitherto unrealised affections lay on the bed, his eyes closed against the light. His face was pale, though there was a more healthy bloom to his cheeks than when Glorfindel had been riding hard to get the injured elf to Imladris. Erestor's dark hair was spread out on the pillow and his bare arms rested comfortably across his stomach, the green silk quilt tucked up high and completely covering his body. As Glorfindel stumbled into the room, the patient opened his eyes and smiled.
"I see Elrond let you visit me. Thank Eru, it's so boring lying here. I really feel so much better and have so much to do...I was hoping that you would come...if you get a pen and some paper I'll give you a list...give it to Lindir...he'll be able to do most of it and what he can't he can..."
"...I think I love you!" blurted out Glorfindel, and scowled. "I have NOT been waiting outside and begging the Valar to make you well only so that you could give me a list of things to do while you are incapacitated! I didn't come here to run errands, I came here because...because..."
Erestor stared. "Because...you love...me?"
Glorfindel nodded and blushed furiously. "I...I didn't know I did...not before...but then...when we were riding back and...and I thought I might not have done enough to save you...when I thought I might lose you...not see you around anymore...it...it hurt...here," he said, resting his hand on his chest over his heart.
Erestor swallowed nervously. "Could you...could you get me a drink?" he whispered, waving towards the dresser on which stood a pitcher of water and a glass. Glorfindel nodded and did as Erestor asked, using the opportunity to hide his disappointment at his friend's reaction. What was he thinking? That Erestor would fall into his arms and make a similar declaration?
Meanwhile Erestor's heart was thumping wildly. Ever since Glorfindel had touched him with such care and attention in the forest, he had seen his friend in a different light. The journey back had been clouded with pain and sickness, but through every bone-jarring step of the way he had been aware of Glorfindel's genuine concern and anxiety. It had surprised him and as Erestor grew increasingly irritable and unwell he had realised that of all the elves in Middle Earth, Glorfindel was the only one he wanted with him, and the only one he could put up with...or indeed, could probably put up with him.
Erestor struggled to sit up as Glorfindel brought him the water, wincing as he sat on his tender bottom. "Hey...I've got you...lean on me," said the fair elf, slipping an arm around Erestor's shoulders. Erestor glanced up, and frowned at the expression on his friend's face. Glorfindel looked crushed and Erestor's heart skipped a beat. "Thank you...'Fin...please...wait a minute...I..." Erestor lifted his hand to brush away a lock of golden hair from his friend's face. "So soft...like warm sunshine," he murmured and then blushed, realising he'd spoken out loud.
Glorfindel almost dropped the water, but instead tightened his grip on the glass and brought it to Erestor's lips. "Drink...then I think perhaps we need to talk...don't you?" he said with a hopeful smile.
Erestor nodded and sipped the water obediently. As his friend turned away to replace the glass on the tray, Erestor took the opportunity to straighten the silk bedcover, pulling it down just a little to expose his pale, ivory coloured chest, and bit his lips and pinched his cheeks to make them a little rosier. If Glorfindel noticed the changes when he returned to sit beside Erestor's bed, he gave no indication but just smiled shyly.
Glorfindel fiddled with a fringe on the quilt and frowned. "I just want you to know...it...it wasn't seeing your bottom that made me fall in love with you, if that's what you are thinking. I don't want you to think I am shallow..." he swallowed nervously.
Erestor grinned and took hold of his friend's hand, stopping him from fraying the cover completely. "I never thought you were shallow. You are..." he paused, gazing into the blue eyes, "...you are beautiful, loyal, loving...and now I can see it. I must have been blind 'Fin."
Glorfindel's face lit up with a glowing smile. "Really? Does...does that mean that you return my feelings?"
Erestor nodded. "Yes, yes I do love you...now please, will you kiss me? I've been lying here, tweaking my covers and pinching my cheeks to stop me looking pale and longing for you to do so. I don't want to talk anymore and if you don't ravish me in the next five minutes I will go mad!"
Glorfindel stared, laughed and then growled, Erestor's words lighting a fire of need deep inside him. "You may regret being so forward, my dear 'Tor," he said as he pulled his new lover into his arms and kissed him. All Erestor could do was whimper and moan into Glorfindel's mouth and cling to his arms. It was the most delightful, most passionate, most loving kiss he thought he had ever shared and as they broke apart he smiled and reached up to touch Glorfindel's lips. "Wow...that was..."
"...Incredible? Amazing? Horrific? Boring?"
Erestor giggled. "No...just...perfect. Utterly, blissfully perfect," he said softly, and pulled Glorfindel down to lie beside him, kissing him again and again.
*****
Lord Elrond returned within his stated fifteen minutes and was about to march in, ordering rest for his patient, when he heard the soft, sweet sounds of lovemaking drifting through the door. He smiled, sent for parchment and pen and wrote a notice, 'Do not Disturb ~ Patient Recovering Within ~ Elrond'. He pinned it to the door and left quietly knowing no one would dare disobey the Lord of Imladris.