And We Danced

Summary: Fingon is sent to Dorthinion for the Yule season. He falls prey to the unexpected charms of his cousin.

And We Danced…

One day we'll dance on their graves
One day we'll sing our freedom
One day we'll laugh in our joy
And we'll dance

Sting
They Dance Alone
1987

The Flow of Years

If people wondered why I went so often to Dorthinion, it was not brought up to me. I managed my duties very responsibly, assisting my father when I could, maintaining my defense of Dor-lómin as best I could. Those were dark years, indeed. We laid siege to the enemy and held him, with much loss, sorrow and pain.

My time in the highlands was precious to me. I went back each Yule and stayed as long as I could, some months if I could manage it. The time always seemed so short but we loved each other enough to last for an eternity.

Light in his gaze, a face haloed by golden hair, that is what I see when I think of him, my lover. He was my opposite in so many ways. He was intense, brooding,, but possessed of a quick wit and a sense of humour that could put me into stitches, a buffoon really. He would do anything to make me laugh; such antics… cartwheels, funny faces, whatever it took.

He died in flames, the fire for which he was named.

Now, I fight as though I want to die myself. My father would not like it but he is gone, too, so what does it matter?

So many gone, so many dead.

---Personal journal of King Findekáno, in year 457 of the First Age

1. Well met!

The arrow grazed my hair, hitting a nearby tree with a dull thud, and I could not see where it had come from. If they had wanted to hit me, they would have. I was not wearing armour, as I was on a fact finding mission, not to engage the enemy. Stealth was the key to my success. Yes, I carried weapons, but those were a last resort.

“Hold your fire, imbecile! That is an elf out there! Are you blind as well as stupid?”

Then came the sound of muffled curses and scuffling.

I could not help but smile as I drew up my horse, the snow crunching under her hooves. She snorted derisively as if in response to the noise beyond the clearing. I waited calmly for someone to show themselves. Soon enough they did.

“My most humble apologies for the manner of your greeting...”

Charming. The leader leapt down from the trees and shook the snow out of his wavy, blonde locks. He walked with a swaggering arrogance and spoke with a rich, deep voice. I knew he could sing as I had heard his voice raised in song many a time. He could carry a tune quite well. It had been a comfort on the long crossing of the ice through the cold, star filled nights.

“Cousin?”

He stopped and I enjoyed his surprise.

“I am sent to see you, upon the order of the King.”

“Why, what have I done?”

Aikanáro looked petulant and I could tell he did not like the idea he was being checked on.

“There is nothing wrong, cousin. It is to see how you fare and if you need anything from Hithlum,” I assured him as I dismounted, boots landing on the snow covered ground.

“We have all we need, “ he muttered, and whistled to his company to be underway. “Come, it is dark and the sun will fade soon. You are staying, I assume?”

“I will be staying.”

I grabbed the reins and followed him through the trees.

2. Yule is upon us

In my haste to leave Hithlum, I had forgotten the season, Yule. In Dorthonion they celebrated simply, a meal, music, the dance and mead. Ahh, the mead.

Angaráto , brute that he was, held sway in the corner, challenging warrior after warrior to drinking bouts. I watched him from across the room and sipped my goblet by the fire, keeping warm. It was colder here in the mountains. The mead was a nice way to heat the body and the spirit.

“He is an uncouth barbarian, is he not? I cannot believe we are related. He must seem doubly so to one like you, Fin.”

Shouts broke out as his brother won yet again. The elf in question swayed but did not topple, ready to go another round. There was more laughter at this.

“He will pass out ere long, just you watch. There is only so much one can drink.”

Aikanáro held his first glass of the evening, seemingly a moderate elf. I found this surprising given his nature. His eyes held mine and I raised an eyebrow.

“You will join in the dance later? I insist on it.”

“I think not. I do not know how.”

His expression softened at my sullen reluctance. “I will show you. Do not worry in that regard.”

There was an element in his voice I could not define, but I remember thinking just then what a startling blue his eyes were, as alive and open, as a cloudless sky.

“Dancing is not my strong suit.”

“I am a very good teacher.”

His voice was warm and wrapped around me like a soft fur. I could not help it, I nodded in agreement, letting him lead me to the other room where the revels were to take place. First there was the feast, and then on to the dance.

3. The feasting

As we entered the celebration room, I watched the lantern light play in his golden hair. Our entrance was marked, which made me nervous. I dropped his hand. It was not seemly to be seen thus. This resulted in a frown leveled my way over a broad shoulder. I almost laughed but gave him a frown right back, to keep him in his place. My cousin was trouble, I had no doubt about that.

“My lord, will you sit?”

We were met by a young elleth or perhaps she was mortal. The races mingled freely in these territories, so the rumour went. Her gaze lingered a bit too long, trying to figure out something or so it seemed.

“Yes, we will. Tell them to start serving - and get Angaráto in here no matter what his condition. Come, Findekáno .”

Half of the great room was taken up by a very large, low table which was set with rustic, country-style place settings in colors of the season; rich gold and red and green. Much care had been taken to make it festive even in these dark times. The lanterns were set low and their flames flickered, casting an inconstant light in the room. No music yet, now was the time for eating and conversation.

“You will sit with me, cousin.”

I sat dutifully down on the plush pillows as he did the same. The food was served, venison and other fare, a worthy feast for the night’s festivities. Soon I had to lie back, having had my fill.

“Oh...I could not dance now to save my life...” I groaned.

“It will be the elleths and women folk first, so you have some time to recover.”

Angaráto sat at the far end of the table, being tended to by a kind-looking elleth who seemed far too good for him. She got him water and made him comfortable as he settled back after the meal, face obscured by his dark blonde hair.

The youngest son of Arafinwë leaned over the table with his legs crossed, nibbling on fruits and nuts to finish off his meal. The building we were in had the appearance of an oversized hunting lodge, wood beamed and rough hewn, but the rooms were large for gatherings of all the local folk.

Yule was the favorite time of year in these parts, and Aikanáro clapped his hands for the music to begin. The elleths took their places in the center of the room. After much scurrying and giggling, faces flushed, eyes shining, they formed a circle. Finally with a quick bow, they were set to begin. I watched from where I sat with keen interest, keeping one eye on my cousin. He interested me as well, though I was loathe to admit it even to myself.

4. The dance begins

“ You may begin…”

It surprised me the authority he held, so quietly taken, so completely followed. His brother was the elder but it was the Fell Fire they followed. I wondered at this. Why would that be?

The maids twirled in time to the drum and lute, skirts billowing behind in their wake. They were dressed in bright colors so it was a spectacle to see, a feast for the eyes. Most of the males wore forest green to match the season but the females wore any color imaginable to cheer up the gathering, with ribbons in their hair that trailed through the air as they turned and swayed.

I felt a touch to my palm and looked up.

“Beautiful, no?”

I smiled and nodded as the first dance ended and the elleths bowed, laughing breathlessly as they returned to the first circle position. Applause erupted and there were shouts throughout the room. They prepared for the second dance, which would be more energetic than the first.

“The males dance as though on the hunt…” he remarked, eyeing me carefully to judge my reaction.

“And what do you hunt?”

“Ohh…that remains to be seen.”

And then he winked at me. I did not know what to make of that but it stirred something in me. I cannot deny now that I found him exciting. There was a wildness to him that drew me like a moth to that sharp flame.

The next dance had a lot of clapping and whooping, jumping and swooping, swinging from arm to arm around and around the room. It was good fun. The rest of us tapped our feet in time to it and the noise peaked as the music got faster and faster. It ended with a flourish and a stomp. The roar shook the rafters. .

“Now I will show you. There is one more dance for them and I will instruct you while it is performed.”

“Oh cousin, I don’t know…”

I pulled back from the breath on my skin. He was far too close and I was not drunk enough yet. My refusal was not to be accepted apparently, as I was pulled to my feet. We left the room. Again my hand was taken, but this time I did not pull away.

5. Hunter or hunted?

I took my place in the middle of a dimly-lit room, listening to the muted sound of the music from the hall. I could hear laughter as well. It was a jovial gathering.

My cousin looked at me intently.

“So I am the hunter and you are the prey…”

“Why don’t I hunt you?”

I folded my arms and he threw his head back to laugh.

“That part is much harder. I cannot teach it in one night, but you may hunt me next year.”

He seemed so sure I would be there that I smiled.

I am not lacking in coordination, so I learned what was expected of me. He was exactly my height, and I could look him in the eye. He stalked me well, a prelude to what was to come.

6. And we danced

It went on forever. This chase. The music thrummed, egging us on, and we would feint and dip, towards then away from each other, skin glistening in the golden light of the lanterns. It was both primal and natural, a tribute to the woodland realm which gave us so much.

I did feel hunted.

I played my part to the very end, falling into my pursuer’s arms as though dead, killed by my hunter’s arrow. There was an exultant response from the crowd and I looked up into his face, strong, honest, and handsome.

“I have you…”

“Hmm...”

“Shall I take you to rest now?”

“We are done?”

Aikanáro nodded, his shoulder length hair falling in his eyes. Not thinking, I brushed it aside. We moved out of the room. The hour was late, though the festivities still went on. Our part was over.

“I can walk, cousin.”

“I like carrying you. You are far from helpless but I enjoy this.”

I snorted as we went upstairs.

7. I fall prey

We passed my room and I had to wonder at that.

“Where are we going?”

I looked back to see my door recede into the distance. Over the weeks I had grown comfortable in my room, the bed, the furniture. It was small and I liked it.

“You are coming with me tonight. I hunted you, remember?”

“That does not mean...”

“It means what I say it means.”

There it was again, that quiet authority that I would not argue with. We had both been there at the dance. Had I known, would I have stopped it? Nay.

A boot kick to the door as we entered sealed us off from the rest of the gathering. For one who had shown such grace in movement, Aikanáro certainly could be loud. He brought me into the center of the room. This was my first time within his private chambers so I looked around curiously. The fire was lit in the hearth. Furs covered the large, welcoming bed which lay opposite.

He lived in uncluttered, masculine surroundings, which bespoke the personality of their occupant. He put me down, giving my hand a comforting squeeze.

“Shall I order a bath drawn? Might be nice, hmm?”

“Nice?” I echoed.

I was falling prey again, this time to the soothing sound of his voice. I wondered what he had in mind now. I paced to the window and looked out at the night. A storm had come in and the ground was covered in fresh snow; it was still falling very heavily. I could see myself in the glass of the window. I looked into my own eyes trying to figure out what I wanted.

“You are going to join me, is that it?”

“Don’t think about it too much, Findekáno . Let your feelings be your guide. How did you feel during the dance?”

“I was dead at the end…so I did not feel anything.”

I was being deliberately difficult because I was nervous now. I had felt the sensual pull of the dance. How could I not? And now he stood close behind me, letting me feel how much he desired me. I should refuse him and go to my room but I felt that pull again, and an answering fire inside of me.

“You danced beautifully for your first time...”

He brushed my plait aside and let his lips graze the skin at the top of my shoulder. We both heard the door open and he paused a moment, though not moving away from me.

“We need a bath drawn and I would like some wine brought to us as well.”

“Yes, my lord.”

The door closed with a click as the latch caught. I felt him link our fingers, grazing his thumbs over the soft skin of my palms.

“You will stay until Spring.”

“I…I…”

“I need this time with you. Things will keep until then.”

My heart opened at his statement. He was not one for flowery pleas and lofty language. This was all I was going to get. I leaned back against his chest, letting my head fall back on his shoulder, a silent acquiescence. I would agree. How could I not? My father would just have to…well, that would be settled in some manner.

8. Together

The bath water arrived in big, steaming tubs, carried over the threshold to the interior chamber. It was done quickly. The wine was delivered shortly after, the jug set on the table by the bed. The servants retreated silently, leaving us to our privacy.

I sank down into the hot water, letting my body relax. It was a large tub, thus I could sit upright and be completely submerged. Oh gods. It was delicious. I wondered what my cousin was doing out there, but soon was just resting back against the stone side with my eyes closed.

“Good? You must be sore, Fin. Let me wash you. I will even do your hair.”

The surface of the water splashed as my cousin got in, and he sighed as he sat down opposite me. His hair clung to his face from the moisture in the air.

I moved towards him, shaking my long, black hair out of its plait. The ends got wet in the water so I just submerged completely, coming up with a gasp. We both laughed. I sat close by him, letting him run his hands over my sore, aching muscles. He poured the soap and worked it into my scalp, using his strength to good effect.

“Eru, that feels good, cousin.”

“Relax, then. Let me take care of you…”

“Mmm…”

I swayed as he worked and soon my mind was occupied by nothing else but him, his hands and his touch to my body and soul.

Too soon he whispered softly by my ear, “Time to rinse your hair.”

“Finished?”

I could not help the disappointment in my voice.

“For now, cousin. Dunk.”

I turned and lay back, submerging my hair in the water to rinse it of the soap. He held a palm to my spine, supporting me, and I looked up into his clear, blue eyes. When my cousin smiled at me I could feel it in my soul, and it graced his rough face with a gentleness that opposed his temperament.

“Go dry off and I will come join you shortly. You do not have to wait for me here.”

I rose from the bath and climbed out to the woven rug. The towels were within easy reach there, so I dried off quickly. I could feel the blush rise to my face, turned away from him as I was. I took the comb, lounging pants and another towel and left the room to go by the fire.

The heat was making me sleepy but I stayed awake as best I could, pulling the comb through my hair and letting it dry by the warmth of the fire. There were rugs and pillows by the hearth for comfort. It was much bigger than the fireplace in my room.

I braided my damp hair neatly and lay back to wait, eyelids drooping halfway closed. The loose pants I wore were a finely woven material and very comfortable. The flames danced, putting me into a bit of a trancelike state. I was more tired than I thought as I rested draped over the large, hand-crafted pillows.

I heard his deep voice sing to me, very close by, yet very softly.

“No sleep, we cannot sleep the night is not our friend.
No sleep, we cannot sleep, we march until the end...”

“I remember that song. You sang that with the elflings on the march...”

I opened my eyes, rolling to my back so I could look up at him as he rested on his side.

“The little ones were so brave, little soldiers every one of them.”

“Cousin, it was your spirit that got them through. I remember that very clearly.*

He blushed slightly in embarrassment.

“Well anyone would have done that…”

His blonde hair was tousled and damp, falling to his shoulders, his skin scrubbed clean from the bath. He had put on loose fitting sleeping pants as well, and I tried not to touch his bare, well muscled torso.

“Not anyone, Aikanáro …you. You kept them alive.”

“It was necessary,” he muttered.

“Come here.”

I pulled him down to me, a hand at the back of his neck for encouragement. . It was for me to bring our lips together in a soft kiss, to show him I needed his touches. I could feel the smile form on his mouth and I kissed it away, tasting his mead-tinged flavor. Our caress deepened and I could feel his smooth skin against my own. Sinking my hands into his hair, I opened to him, letting him drink from me. For one so hard at times, he was deceptively soft in love; he had lips like the petal of a flower.

We breathed for a moment.

“Come to bed, Fin. I want to hold you this long night, safe in my arms.”

He sprang away and up from me, reaching down to help me up. I looked at him in a disgruntled manner but held out my hand. He pulled.

“Come to bed.”

It was a command now. He was the lord of this realm and would have his way.

“You always get what you want?”

He gave me a brooding look over his shoulder as he led me to the bed. “In most things, yes. You would do well to remember that.”

“I suppose I better.”

I laughed at that as he turned down the feather coverlet, getting all ready for our slumber. He left me to go douse the lanterns that stood at different locations in the room, bidding me lay down. Soon the light of the fire was all that illuminated the room. I watched the shadows flicker on the walls, and my eyes followed him as he made his rounds.

“You do not want to…?”

“Oh, it is not a question of that, my love.”

I felt the bed dip as he sat down, and slipped under the covers towards me. I should not have asked but I wanted to know.

“Well then, what…”

“I want us to be sure how we feel when we do.”

He settled on his pillow and watched for a response in my face. I knew then what would happen and that he would be my love, despite those downstairs, despite the judgment of others, despite these impossible times. I wondered if he saw it in my eyes. I could surely see it in his.

I turned over, away from him, and curved my back into his body.

“Let’s go riding in the new snow tomorrow, hmm? My mare needs a good run.”

“Right after we break fast…”

I always slept so well with him, protected and warm.

The hunt is over

He is so beautiful. Pale skin, limitless grey eyes and hair so dark it absorbs the light. He is sleeping now, so peacefully, and I had to record this moment for myself so I know that I am not dreaming. It will not be easy to love him, for he has as unruly a nature as I do, but that will make it all the more satisfying to have him with me.

I could not leave his side tonight. I choose Findekáno and I know he does me. I know his father did not intend for this to happen between us when he sent him here.

I will not let him go, not even when I die.

---Personal journal of Lord Aikanáro, in the year 110 of the First Age