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Wise Up
Author: Zhie
Beta: Books and TICS
Email: zhiester @ gmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Celeborn/Glorfindel/Erestor; mention of Elrond/Glorfindel/Erestor and only cause it has to be alluded to Celeborn/Galadriel (hey, without that, there wasn�t even a hint of a plot... don�t worry, you don�t actually have to see it) and also Celeborn/? (busy guy�)
Warnings: none
Request: Celeborn/anyone; Rating: Any; Request (please try to include the elements listed here): Humor, romance, fluff
Written For: Alex Cat
�So you see, I want her to pay attention to me,� said Celeborn of his wife, �but all she talks about anymore is �the mirror� this and �the one ring� that and �dark queen ruler of Arda� yadda yadda yadda. I just don�t know what to do anymore.�
Elrond and Thranduil both nodded as if they understood absolutely everything that Celeborn was complaining about, exchanging worried glances at the �dark queen� part. �Obviously,� said Thranduil only after it was apparent that if they allowed Celeborn to drone, he would begin again from the start, �you are under a lot of pressure because of this. Just do what the rest of us do and consult with your lover.�
�Don�t you understand? Haven�t you been listening? She�s the problem!� Celeborn said, throwing his arms up in the air.
Silence fell upon the room, which was Elrond�s study, where the trio was sharing a bottle of wine by the fire. �I meant, your, ah...� Thranduil looked to Elrond for assistance.
�Don�t you have a partner other than your wife?� asked Elrond.
Celeborn blinked in confusion. �Sweet Eru, we can do that?�
�Get with it, Celeborn! This is the Third Age! You can have a whole harem of concubines if you like. The only thing you can�t do these days is slay kin, and it�s only a matter of time before that�s back in style,� spoke Thranduil, pouring himself another bowl of wine.
Elrond frowned. �I would suggest against the harem,� said the peredhel. �Although, if you want to go that way, consult with Thranduil about that.�
�In my caves, I have a room, oh, seven or eight times the size of this one, three stories tall,� he began, and right away, Celeborn was shaking his head.
�I doubt I would be able to fit anything so large up in one of the mellyrn,� he informed them.
Thranduil�s mouth snapped shut, and he took the bottle, drinking directly from it. �Your turn,� he said to Elrond, waving the bottle towards him.
�I tried other ellith a number of times,� said Elrond, �all with varying degrees of failure. After having to dismiss one of the more migraine-inducing ones, I was paid a visit by my chief advisor and captain of the guard.�
�El-rond,� interrupted Thranduil, rolling his eyes. �Tell him the truth.�
�Oh, fine. I walked in on them in my office.�
�Really? What were they doing? Working late?� asked Celeborn with much interest.
�You... could say that,� Elrond said slowly, beginning to doubt the claims of �wise� that were attached to Celeborn. Perhaps Celeborn the Misinformed or Celeborn the Sexually Closeted were more appropriate titles. �They were-�
�-humping like two horny rabbits in springtime, right in the middle of the desk,� finished Thranduil. �What?� he said when Elrond glared at him and Celeborn blinked in utter bafflement. �He should know, you�ll only confuse him otherwise, and he�ll think that forming a committee to discuss the marital issues he has is a better alternative to just relaxing and finding someone to bed when she�s trying to decide how best to take over the world.�
Celeborn blinked again. �You sleep with your advisors?� he asked, absolutely stunned.
�In a manner of speaking,� admitted Elrond. �Yes. But, only for very, very extreme reasons.�
�How?� questioned Celeborn. �You�re all male.�
�Yes...� Elrond looked to Thranduil, but he was busy opening another bottle of wine.
Looking up from his task, Thranduil shook his head. �He doesn�t want to hear about my harem, he wants to know about your advisors. Besides, he�s your father-in-law, and that trumps both. You explain it to him.�
With a sigh, Elrond said, �There is a way for two males to couple with each other. They only have two options for entry, instead of the three that females do.�
�I still don�t get it,� said Celeborn, shaking his head. �There�s only one way of doing anything with Galadriel, and she hardly lets me do that anymore.�
Elrond looked again to Thranduil for help, but instead of offering any, in a song-song voice the King of Mirkwood said, �You�ll have to show him.�
�I most certainly will not,� snapped Elrond. �He�s my father-in-law, and besides that, I-� Elrond snapped his fingers. �I have it! My advisors- I shall have them show you,� Elrond said to Celeborn, ringing a bell that was on the table. Almost immediately there was a knock at the door, and Elrond called out, �Enter.�
Into the room stepped a handsome blond warrior, his body left uncovered except for a pair of tight, deerskin leggings he wore. Beside him, a darker elf, slightly shorter and a little out of breath, with dark hair mussed and a robe tied loosely around his waist. Noting that he was still holding a large bottle of oil, he moved his hand behind his back.
�Celeborn, I do believe you know Glorfindel and Erestor,� said Elrond as he began to stand. Turning to his advisors, Elrond said, �I have a personal favor to ask of the two of you.�
�In front of your father-in-law?� blurted out Glorfindel, and shook his head. �Forgive me; that was rude. I suppose if you�re into that sort of thing-�
Saved from further embarrassment, the blond was slapped along the shoulder. �Elrond needs us to take care of Celeborn in the same manner we do him.�
�And he has no idea what that is,� added Elrond before he and Thranduil quickly made their way to the door. �Have fun,� he said, and shut the doors.
As soon as the door was closed, Glorfindel took a seat where Elrond had been, and Erestor perched himself upon the blond�s lap. �Let�s start with a few basic questions,� advised Erestor, as Glorfindel wrapped his arms around the dark haired elf�s waist. �Have you ever had a male elf?�
�Have I ever had a male elf what exactly?� asked Celeborn back.
�Umm...� Erestor tried again. �Have you ever taken a male elf before?�
Celeborn blinked. �Taken him where?�
Erestor and Glorfindel exchanged baffled looks. �Either he is truly lost, or the best poker player in the world,� mumbled Glorfindel.
Clearing his throat, Erestor said, �Have you, and another male elf, ever coupled... together... before?�
�Oh! That! Yes, yes, I have done that before,� confirmed Celeborn. Erestor and Glorfindel let out a sigh of relief. �Haldir makes an excellent doubles partner- so, do the two of you play tennis, too?�
With a pout, Erestor turned to Glorfindel. �Why does HE get to be �the wise�. I must be ten times smarter than he is.�
�That�s why everyone calls you the �master�, darling.� Glorfindel lifted Erestor up from his lap, patted his petite behind, and stood up to move the table out of the way to provide enough space by the fire for a little lesson in lovemaking. �Let�s just start at the beginning. Celeborn, when was the last time you had sex?�
For a moment he tried to think of just when it had been, and then gave Glorfindel an odd look. �Good gracious me, is that what the two of your have been talking about?�
�Yes!� shouted Glorfindel and Erestor in exasperation.
�I was beginning to wonder- Elrond told me he was bringing the two of you in to show me something.� Celeborn edged forward on his chair. �Alright, I am ready to see whatever it is you wish to show me.�
Glorfindel worked on the belt of his pants, giving Erestor a nudge. Finally, they were all on the same page! Or, so they thought.
�That�s it?� Celeborn snorted. �I see that every day in the mirror. Just not two of them, and, mine�s bigger,� he added.
Dropping his jaw, Erestor finally stammered, �Well... it�s cold in here!� which was a blatant lie with the blazing fire roaring behind him.
�What do you have that�s so impressive?� questioned Glorfindel defensively, crossing his arms over his chest.
With a shrug, Celeborn set his wine aside and began to undress. Letting his clothing drop to the floor, he looked up to see two sets of eyes practically popping out as they got a first view of him.
�I saw him first,� claimed Glorfindel, staring at Celeborn�s groin.
�I�m older. Age before beauty, he�s mine,� growled Erestor.
Celeborn raised his hands up, palms facing them. �Please, I hate to ruin your fun, but honestly, you need to be careful,� he warned them as the pair practically fought to get to him first. �I�ve given Galadriel a black eye on more than one occasion.�
Glorfindel snickered, unable to control the image that came to his mind. In that time, Erestor managed to reach Celeborn first, and pushed him to sit back down. Almost immediately, Erestor was teasing Celeborn�s cock with his tongue, trying to calculate whether or not it would be safe to fit even half of it in his mouth.
While Celeborn moaned and mumbled incoherently, Glorfindel searched the room for a bottle of oil. It took him longer than he expected, and by the time he returned to where the action was taking place, Erestor was sucking on Celeborn in a frenzy and the Lorien Lord was thusting his hips forward as Erestor�s head bobbed up and down.
Deciding it was the perfect time to get in on the fun, Glorfindel knelt behind Erestor and poured oil over the fingers of one hand, then inserted one into the dark haired elf. The pair had been in the middle of something similar, so Erestor was already relaxed when Glorfindel slipped his finger within. A second finger joined the first, and then a third, until Glorfindel deemed the slighter elf ready for something more.
When Glorfindel sheathed himself inside of Erestor, it caused the darker elf to lean further forward. His hands moved to the ground to steady himself, and Celeborn�s erect member was thrust deeper and deeper. Trapped between the two, Erestor�s whimpers and muffled moans came from his being filled completely by both elf lords.
Celeborn found his release first, spilling down Erestor�s throat. When he withdrew, Erestor gasped and braced himself for his own climax. His came before Glorfindel finished, but once he saw the silvery puddle on the floor, Glorfindel slid out of Erestor, still erect.
�What an... interesting position...� remarked Celeborn as he stood up and passed by Erestor, crouching down beside Glorfindel. �Would you mind if I tried it?�
�Not at all, my-� Glorfindel twisted at the waist to reach for the bottle of oil, expecting to prepare Celeborn, when he found himself nudged very firmly forward to rest on his hands and knees. His legs were spread apart and he shivered as he felt the oil dribble down his cleft.
�Sorry, I... I thought you had done this before,� said Celeborn, one finger teasingly rubbing across Glorfindel�s entrance.
Leaning against the abandoned chair, Erestor said, �He had never been in that position before.� The dark haired elf watched with curiosity and fascination as Celeborn breached Glorfindel with one finger. The blond tensed a little and resisted at first, but when Celeborn reached around and began to stroke him in rhythm to the penetration behind, Glorfindel seemed to forget what was going on and relax.
�There�s a first time for everything,� commented Celeborn as he withdrew his fingers and pressed the head of his erection to Glorfindel�s entrance. Slowly, Celeborn moved forward, not stopping until he was fully inside of the warrior. �My, my, you are quite a lot tigher than I am used to,� mused Celeborn. �I suppose I will just have to move a bit faster so that we have no fear I might get stuck.�
As Celeborn slammed into Glorfindel over and over, Erestor couldn�t help but think of how naturally he seemed to be doing so, except perhaps that he was just doing with Glorfindel what he did with his wife. The other possibility was that he was a fast learner, and indeed, Celeborn deserved his title of �the wise� that he held.
Celeborn and Glorfindel were both reduced to sweating and panting, while one rammed into the other. With a roar of satisfaction, Celeborn managed to reach his peak again. Glorfindel was still not given a reprieve until he finally came. As the pair detangled themselves from each other, Celeborn spied Erestor curled up on the chair.
�There must be something other than rutting on the floor,� panted Celeborn as he looked back at Glorfindel.
Glorfindel nodded. �Many more positions. So much more to show you.� Pointing toward the dark elf on the chair, he added, �Erestor�s favorite is using the chair, holding the back of it. You should try it some time.�
�Sounds like a splendid idea,� replied Celeborn huskily, and he pulled Erestor up from the chair with a little squeak. �I would hate for him to feel he was left out from... trying me on for size this evening,� Celeborn said with a smirk.
The night had only just begun, and Celeborn spent two more weeks in Imladris being... advised...
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�That was just brilliant acting,� complimented Thranduil on the ride out of Rivendell a week later. �I never would have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes.�
�Worth every moment of it,� chuckled Celeborn. �Much better than playing poker,� he added. �Besides, there was no way I could possibly pass up bedding those two beautiful advisors of his, even if it did mean acting a bit doltish.�
Thranduil nodded and sighed. �I can�t wait to get back home. Home to my caves, my land... my treasury, the harem girls...� he droned on for a bit. �And you? What do you plan to do first thing when you arrive home?�
�Oh, I plan to make a stop on the Northern Fences, first thing,� grinned Celeborn. �Those two showed me some excellent things I can do with Haldir...�
The End
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