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Mid-Winter Wishes
Author: Jay of Lasgalen
Beta: none
Email: [email protected]
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Elrohir/Lindir
Warnings: none
Request: snow on the ground, fierce and potent desire between Elrohir and Lindir, Elrond happily approving, and the words toothpick, waistline, cornicopia, and evil eye.
Written For: Nienna
It was Mid-Winter�s Eve, and snow lay thickly on the ground. As dusk fell Elrohir stood with his family and the rest of the household beneath the darkening sky, as they waited for the appearance of the first star, which traditionally signalled the start of the festivities.
�There!� an elfling called suddenly. �I see it! Happy Mid-Winter!�
�Happy Mid-Winter!� The time-honoured greeting was exchanged throughout the gathering with smiles and embraces. With an effort, Elrohir smiled and repeated the ritual words to those around him. Elladan appeared next to him, and draped an arm across his shoulders. �Happy Mid-Winter, El! Are you going to make a wish?�
It was also a tradition to make a wish on the first star of Mid-Winter. Although he knew it was no more than an empty belief, Elrohir dutifully gazed upward as he made his wish, humouring his twin.
�Well? What did you wish for?� Elladan demanded.
Elrohir shook his head silently. He knew there was no chance of his wish ever coming true, and he did not want to be exposed to Elladan�s sympathy and concern.
Despite the joy and festive spirit of the occasion, he felt an odd sense of melancholy. It was as if some evil eye had been focused on him lately, stripping all joy from his life. For the first time ever he had taken no pleasure in the celebration of this, the shortest day. He had taken no pleasure in the ritual adornment of his home with boughs of greenery � the glossy, spiky leaves of holly with its blood-red berries, the dark-veined ivy that twined along stairs and mantels.
As further stars blossomed against the sky, the elves dispersed to their own homes in the valley, or to their rooms within the house. There, families, friends and lovers would exchange small gifts and trinkets before meeting again in Elrond�s great hall for feasting and merry making.
With an immense effort Elrohir managed to conceal his air of gloom from his family. He knew it was not fair to inflict his despondency on them, and he forced a smile as they exchanged gifts; a small, silver-hilted dagger for Arwen, a carved flute for Elladan; and thanking his parents for their gift of a new saddle, the leather dyed and embossed with a pattern of leaves. He was not able to fool Elladan, though � he had not really expected to. While Arwen gaily twirled and proudly displayed a new gown, Elladan leaned close. �El, whatever is the matter with you?� he whispered. �You have been as miserable as a warg all evening! That false smile may fool mother and father � though I don�t believe it does for a second � but it does not fool me! Why are you so miserable?�
Elrohir smiled and shrugged. �It is nothing, El. I just feel a little downhearted for some reason. Forget it � I do not want to spoil the evening.�
Elladan raised his eyebrow. �Nothing? And you expect me to believe that?� He sighed. �You will tell me sooner or later � whether you like it or not!�
The Mid-Winter feast itself proved even more of a trial, and he barely touched the lavish meal, for he felt no pleasure in eating, despite the splendid cornucopia spread before him. The food seemed dry and tasteless, and he felt no hunger. Elladan shot him several dark looks during the course of the evening; looks that spoke clearly of his twin�s intention to learn what troubled him.
As soon as possible, Elrohir let himself out into the night. It was partly an attempt to escape the anticipated interrogation, and partly because he simply could not face the celebrations that would continue in the Hall of Fire � for Lindir would be there. Instead, he wandered the pathways surrounding Imladris in solitary self-pity, alone with his thoughts.
Overhead the stars shone brightly through the bare and barren branches, their brilliant light reminiscent of the countless candles that flickered throughout the rooms and halls of Imladris. Music, laughter and song drifted through the still air, the bitter cold seeming to carry the sound far from the house and deep beneath the trees. Although he could still see the brightly-lit windows through gaps in the trees, the house seemed very far away.
He knew, only too well, the cause of his melancholy. He knew that half the population of Imladris � male and female � desired him. It would be foolish to deny it. Yet of them all, the one � the only one � whose attention he craved seemed oblivious to the fact. Lindir was polite, and courteous � and nothing more. If he had shown even the slightest interest or desire it would be different � Elrohir would have no hesitation then in speaking of his longing. He had a horror, though, of doing anything that might make Lindir feel forced into returning his advances, out of some misguided sense of obligation or duty to him.
Was it merely the lure of the unattainable that so troubled him? Was it the challenge of Lindir�s total indifference to him? Was it just the attraction of forbidden fruit? He searched his feelings with brutal honesty, but rejected those possibilities. No � surely he was not that shallow or petty. It was not Lindir�s distance or aloofness that intrigued him, but other things � the sound of his voice, the grace with which he moved, and the distant look in his dark eyes as he lost himself in the retelling of an ancient ballad.
With a groan, Elrohir pushed such thoughts away. His fierce desire for Lindir was building again, and his body burned with need. It was a need that was not likely to be assuaged soon, for he did not want to seek casual release with another. He was not interested in any kind of brief encounter to relieve his longing and sexual tension. Others might be tempted, seeking to quench fleeting desires and heedless lust with careless liaisons. That, though, was not his way. For him, it had to be Lindir � or no-one.
Reaching a small stone seat set in a corner of the gardens, Elrohir sat, alone with the darkness and silence. His thoughts drifted to Lindir again. He would be in the Hall of Fire now, singing and playing for the entertainment of those present. Elrohir rarely attended such gatherings now, for he doubted he would be able to conceal his longing as he watched Lindir; his face reflecting the emotion and tragedy as he sang of lost love; his voice that could move listeners to tears; his long, sensitive hands caressing the strings of his instruments. He imagined those same hands caressing his body, exploring it; Lindir�s voice raised in a cry of ecstasy; his eyes reflecting love, desire and passion �
A voice, softly calling his name, slowly penetrated his erotic reverie, and he came back to himself with a start. Snow had begun falling thickly again, and he was already covered in a layer of white. It had become even colder, and his breath frosted on the chill air. Reluctantly, he knew it was time he returned home. Elladan had no doubt decided that he had been gone for long enough, and come in search of him. He knew that if his twin became too concerned he could rouse the whole of Imladris � despite the Mid Winter Festival � in search.
He took a deep breath, resolutely forcing his longings aside, until his aching erection subsided a little. He might not be able to hide his inner turmoil from Elladan, but at least he could conceal the physical signs for a little longer. Later, though � in the privacy of his bedroom, beyond the danger of such untimely interruptions � he would have to yield to the clamourings of his body and seek relief. He would slake his yearning for Lindir through his own touch, though it would be a poor substitute, and only a temporary solution at best.
He heard his name again, and on the verge of calling back in answer, paused. It was not Elladan�s voice. On the heels of that realisation he saw a cloaked figure approaching through the swirling snow and stared, wondering if he was still lost in dreams. A thin rivulet of icy water trickled down his back as he stood and he shivered, deciding he was most certainly awake.
�Lindir?� he called uncertainly.
As if in answer to all his longings, Lindir crossed the snow-covered path to his side, casting his hood back from his face. �Elrohir. I was looking for you.�
o-o-o
Earlier �
In the Hall of Fire, Lindir stilled the strings of his harp, and the last few words of his song fell into silence. The silence continued for a few heartbeats, then applause broke out all around him.
�That was wonderful, my friend! Have you more for us?�
Lindir shook his head apologetically. �Perhaps later. First, I must refresh my cup!� He held up his empty goblet in explanation.
From the corner of the hall where the wine-barrels stood, his gaze swept the revellers again as he filled his cup and drained it. He was saddened that there was still no sign of Elrohir. He had hoped that on this night at least, Elrohir would join in with the songs and dancing � though he had not attended for some weeks now. Yet it was not to be.
Perhaps it was for the best � for how could someone like Elrohir have any regard for him, a lowly musician? He half-wished he had the courage to speak of what was in his heart, but knew he could not. It was not that he feared Elrohir would scorn or mock him � he could never be so cruel � but the thought of Elrohir�s gentle rejection; his pity and understanding; was almost worse. Pouring more wine, he drank again, putting the goblet down a little unsteadily.
His heart lifted momentarily as a tall, raven-haired elf entered through the far doors, then fell again. Elladan. Then, seized by a sudden wild impulse, Lindir crossed the hall to his side. �My lord Elladan? I would speak with you, if I may.�
Elladan gave him a nod of encouragement. �Of course.�
Lindir licked his lips. What on Arda had possessed him? The wild impulse was gone, and he felt like a fool. Elladan was still waiting expectantly, though. He seized his courage and spoke. �My lord � you know your brother�s heart and mind better than anyone. Do you think � would he � could he �� Lindir paused, and took a deep breath. �Do-you-think-he-could-ever-return-my-affections?� He ended the sentence in a rush, then flushed.
Elladan stared at him in surprise. �Elrohir?� Then he gave a most unexpected smile. �Elrohir. Of course!� he murmured to himself. �I think it would be an excellent idea if you spoke to my brother yourself,� he added, placing one hand encouragingly on Lindir�s shoulder. �I was about to go and find him � he went out some time ago, and has been gone quite long enough. Do you wish to come with me?� Then he looked at Lindir consideringly. �Or perhaps you would rather go alone?�
Lindir glanced through the window. �He went out in this?� he asked in horror. Nothing could be seen outside but a swirling whiteness.
�It was not snowing then,� Elladan pointed out. �Find him, Lindir. Talk to him. I think you will not be disappointed.�
Gripped by a sudden urgency, Lindir nodded as he seized a cloak from the nearest hook, and stepped outside. Heavy clouds obscured the stars now, and thick snow fell, covering the ground in a fresh layer of white, muffling all sound. The bitter air had cleared the wine fumes from his head, leaving him clear-headed and anxious.
�Elrohir?� he called softly. �Elrohir!� Silence hung around him, and although he strained his ears, there was no answering shout. Uncertainly, not knowing where to begin looking, Lindir set off along the nearest path, pausing occasionally to call and listen again.
Ahead, through the softly falling flakes, he saw a figure as still as stone; where no statue had stood before. The statue moved, shaking off a thick covering of snow, then stared at him with an unreadable expression. �Lindir?�
Lindir moved a little closer, pushing his hood back, then stopped again, caught once more by uncertainty and doubt. �Elrohir. I was looking for you.�
o-o-o
Elrohir stared at him, still half unbelieving. Had his desperate longing for Lindir somehow conjured him out of thin air? �You � you were looking for me? Why?� he asked hoarsely.
Lindir licked his lips. �Elladan said you were out here somewhere. He was just coming to look for you.�
Elrohir sighed. So that was why. �He will be worried. He forgets that I can look after myself!� He shook his head, annoyed but not surprised at his twin�s protectiveness. It was typical of Elladan. And yet � why had Elladan not come himself? He gazed at Lindir speculatively, wondering if he dared to hope. �So why are you here?�
Lindir looked hesitant. �I asked him � that is, I wondered � I wanted to know � if � if �� he lowered his head and looked away. �It does not matter,� he mumbled.
Elrohir could bear it no longer. Impulsively, he stretched out his hand and touched Lindir�s cheek gently. Then, when Lindir raised his head again, he leaned forward and captured his lips in a gentle, fleeting kiss. �I have wanted to do that for a very long time,� he breathed. �Does that answer your questions?�
Slowly, Lindir nodded, and a shy, wondering smile broke across his face. �Yes � all of them,� he murmured. He cupped his hand around the back of Elrohir�s neck and drew him closer, returning the kiss eagerly. At last they drew apart, gazing at one another in silence. At last Lindir spoke again. �So why are you out here?� he asked with a smile.
�I came out to see the stars.� Elrohir glanced upwards at the sky, and frowned at the thick white flakes drifting silently down. �Though it was not snowing then.� He pulled Lindir against him again, holding him tightly, and breathing in the scent of his hair. He could not believe that finally, after all his despairing yearnings, Lindir was at last in his arms. He stirred reluctantly, and sighed. �We had better return, or Elladan really will come to find us.�
They made their way back to the house, still brightly lit and echoing with music, song and laughter. Elrohir felt his spirits lift. It was Mid-Winter, and he had yet to celebrate.
Inside the house, he removed Lindir�s cloak and his own, and shook them out in a flurry of snow before dropping both cloaks onto a long wooden bench. �Have you finished for the evening, or do you have to go back?� he asked Lindir.
Lindir gave a small smile. �There is a new piece of music I want to perform, but after that, the evening is mine � or rather yours,� he added quietly.
�Ours,� Elrohir responded, kissing Lindir again.
They broke apart at a slight sound behind them. �Elladan was about to send out search parties, but I told him to wait,� Elrond commented. �I thought you would be back soon.� He regarded them both solemnly, and Elrohir found himself unable to read his father�s expression. Then he smiled suddenly. �Congratulations, Lindir � you seem to have achieved the impossible. You have put a smile on Elrohir�s face for the first time in weeks! Well done.� He embraced Elrohir, and clasped Lindir�s shoulder encouragingly. �Goodnight.�
�He � he did not seem to mind,� Lindir said, rather uncertainly as Elrond left.
Elrohir grinned. �Did you think he would? Why?� His smile faded. �Lindir � do you have to return to the Hall of Fire? I would rather spend the time with you alone.�
Lindir nodded. �Yes. I composed some music especially for � for tonight. But then �� his voice trailed off suggestively. �You must come with me, though � I want you to hear this,� he added firmly.
Although it was now late, the Hall of Fire was still lively with music and song. A group of minstrels were playing a lively dance, and there was much laughter in the air. While Lindir waited for the dance to end, Elrohir found a seat nearby and watched.
He glanced up as Elladan appeared and sat next to him. �He found you, then?� his twin asked rhetorically.
Elrohir nodded. �He said you told him to. How did you know?�
Elladan shrugged. �I only guessed when he spoke to me. I knew there was something wrong with you, but I had no idea what � I just knew I hated to see you so unhappy.�
�Was I really that bad? As miserable as a warg?�
�One with toothache,� Elladan clarified. He glanced at Lindir and smiled. �Happy Mid-Winter, El. Enjoy it.� Clasping Elrohir�s shoulder encouragingly, he left again.
Finally the dance ended in a burst of applause, and the minstrels laid down their instruments. Lindir approached the small raised dais. Taking a small harp, he played an introductory shower of notes, and the hall fell quiet. Without words or explanation, he began to play.
Elrohir listened, entranced, to the lovely melody. Lindir�s music reached into his soul, stirring his heart. Though without words, the tune spoke of deep love and passion, a love that crossed all boundaries. Throughout the hall silence fell as conversations and laughter faded away, and all listened, rapt, to Lindir. As the music ended, silence remained for a few seconds, then rapturous applause broke out all around the hall. Lindir gave a nod of his head in acknowledgement of the praise and congratulations, then turned his head and smiled at Elrohir. �For you,� he mouthed silently.
o-o-o
As they left the Hall of Fire, Elrohir retrieved the cloaks from the bench where he had left them, then led Lindir up stairs, and along hallways and corridors to his own room. A fire burned brightly in the hearth, and he hung their cloaks on a peg to dry, then set a small stone flagon by the fire to heat through. Finally he turned to Lindir, and drew him close. Their kiss this time was long and passionate, and he felt Lindir�s hand twist into his hair, while the minstrel�s other arm wrapped around his waist. Lindir�s mouth tasted of wine and the honeyed sweetmeats traditionally served at Mid-Winter. At last they drew apart, and Elrohir turned away to remove the heated flagon from the fire with a hand that shook very slightly. They sat on cushions and pillows pulled from the couch and bed, warmed by the fire, sipping the hot, spiced wine, and talking.
�Why me? Lindir asked lazily at last. �You could have had your choice of any in Imladris � warriors, lords, anyone � but why me? And why did you not say anything before?�
Elrohir shrugged. �It is not arrogance, or conceit, to know that many desired me. If I had wanted them, many would have come willingly. But they did not want me � they desired a name, a face, the hope of favour with my father. And there were rumours � rather wild rumours.� He flushed slightly. �It was said that Elladan and I would take lovers to our bed together. They were � curious.�
�I heard the rumours,� Lindir admitted. �I never believed them, though.�
�They were untrue.� Elrohir flushed again. �Elladan and I � we have never � at least, I have never � well, there has never been anyone else for me. Nor, I am sure, for Elladan. Do you see now why I never said anything? Given the rumours, I feared that you would think I saw you as nothing more than another conquest. Most of all, I feared that you would submit to me because you felt you had no choice � that you had to bow to my demands. I would not force you, Lindir � and you seemed so distant; so uninterested.�
�Uninterested?� Lindir repeated. �No, never that. But how could I dare to aim so high? You are so far above my station � you are Elrohir, a lord, a son of this house. Your skills as a warrior are legendary. How could I hope that you would ever notice a humble musician like me?�
Elrohir gave a rueful smile. �So much wasted time,� he commented wryly.
�But no more. We have time ahead of us now.� Lindir stood, and stretched. �I must go � it is late, and I have much to do tomorrow.� He collected his cloak, now dry, and turned to Elrohir reluctantly. �Goodnight, my love. I will see you in the morning.� Slowly he began to move towards the door.
�Lindir, wait � must you go? You could stay, if you would. Do you want to?� Elrohir held his breath, hoping fervently that Lindir would agree.
With his hand on the door handle, Lindir turned back. The shy smile on his face showed very clearly that he wanted to stay. Elrohir�s gaze dropped below his waist. The unmistakable hardness there spoke even more eloquently of what Lindir wanted. �Yes, I will stay. And know that there is no force, no coercion in this. I do this of my own will,� Lindir whispered.
This time when they kissed, Elrohir dropped his hand to caress Lindir�s arousal, moaning softly when the touch was returned. He tugged at the laces on Lindir�s breeches, freeing his long shaft. Dropping to his knees, he took Lindir into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the tip a little hesitantly at first, then stroking along his length. Although this was a new experience for him, it was easy � he simply did the things he longed for Lindir to do to him. As Lindir moaned above him, Elrohir began using his tongue and lips to bring him to still greater pleasures. Lindir shuddered, his hands twisting in Elrohir�s hair again. Then, to his surprise, Lindir placed his hands on Elrohir�s shoulders, pushing him away slightly. �No, wait,� he breathed. �I want � I want you. To feel you � now.�
Nodding, Elrohir paused long enough to unfasten his robes, as Lindir pulled his tunic off. Naked, they lay on the bed together, hands still touching and stroking; their mouths still caressing and tasting.
Apart from his own hand, when the clamourings of his body had grown too loud to ignore, Elrohir had never known the touch of another, and the feel of Lindir�s hand on his flesh, the gentle caresses of his fingers � every bit as skilled as he had imagined � and the soft touch of his lips sent fires raging through him. His only knowledge had been gleaned from discussions with one or two guards, and the very extensive library his father maintained. This reality was an exquisite pleasure.
As Elrohir brushed his fingers along Lindir�s shaft, he delved lower, causing Lindir to arch upwards. �Yes � now,� Lindir murmured. �Please �� He gasped for breath. �You will need �� he began.
�I know,� Elrohir murmured. On a shelf by the bed there was a small jar of salve he used to ease the stiffness of sore muscles, strained after strenuous training or battle injuries. Elrohir slicked his own aching shaft with it, and rubbed a little around Lindir�s entrance, first sliding one finger, then a second, just inside.
�Now!� Lindir moaned.
Slowly and gently he pushed into Lindir�s body, pausing as the head of his shaft passed through the tight ring of muscle. Lindir�s soft cry was all pleasure, and he pulled Elrohir towards him, capturing his mouth in a fierce, passionate kiss.
Elrohir, breathing deeply, fought hard for self-control; against his desperate desire to thrust hard and deep into Lindir; against his need to seek his imminent release without thought for Lindir�s need. Finally, when he was certain he could trust himself, he began to move again with slow, rhythmic strokes, gradually sheathing himself fully in Lindir�s body.
Beneath him, Lindir arched again, his lips and tongue now doing wonderfully erotic things; licking and nibbling along the line of Elrohir�s jaw and neck, his hands and fingers running across his chest, caressing the nipples into hard peaks. Enflamed, he bent his head to Lindir�s, employing his own tongue to trace the outline of Lindir�s ear, from the hollow beneath it all the way to the sensitive tip. As Lindir began to writhe and moan beneath him as they moved together, Elrohir flicked his tongue around the tip of his ear again. With a soft gasp Lindir tensed, then came, his body shuddering with the force of his release.
As Lindir�s body clamped around him, Elrohir thrust into him again, hard, and Lindir shook once more. The sensation of his tight, hot channel tightening still further; the way Lindir wound his legs round Elrohir, pulling him deeper into his body; his soft cry of ecstasy; were all too much. He murmured Lindir�s name as orgasm, sweet and intense, washed through him in wave after wave of overwhelming pleasure. The months of longing and waiting, his desires and yearning, his fantasies and dreams; all culminated in this one exquisite moment. As the final surges of satiated bliss faded, Elrohir rolled onto his side, drawing Lindir with him, and then slowly and carefully withdrew. Lindir stirred against him, dark eyes wide with pleasure and lust.
�I thought you said you had never done this before?� he breathed softly.
�Never,� Elrohir murmured. �Only you, Lindir. You are the first.� He kissed Lindir�s brow gently. �And the only one.�
He watched as Lindir�s eyes glazed over in sleep. Despite his own exhaustion � he had slept poorly, if at all, over recent weeks � this moment was too precious to squander. His despair and misery had been transformed into joy, and this Mid-Winter had proved the best ever.
As sleep finally claimed him, he knew that he would never again consider the tradition of Mid-Winter wishes an empty belief.
The End
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