| Close your eyes... by Obscurity [Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Sex Pistols,' Sid Vicious or Johnny Rotten, etc. They own themselves. But you knew that, so on with the story!] -------------------------------------------------------- Sid bounced up and down wildly to the pounding rhythm of the music. It was the last song but he could still feel the energy pulsing through the room as strongly as ever. It was off the charts. The Pistols were fuckin' amazing that night. Sid loved everything about that band; the music, the attitude - it was unlike anything he had ever experienced before - but most of all, he loved the lead singer Johnny Rotten, known to him as John Lydon. Sid had known Johnny before the Pistols came into existence, they had been best friends. They still were. Sid had always admired Johnny for one reason or another. He looked up to him, wanted to be just like him. This had annoyed Johnny to no end because it went against all his individualist ideals. After all, Sid was one of the 'Johns;' a group of friends who prided themselves for their unmatched individualism. Besides that, and perhaps more importantly, Johnny liked the Sid who dwelt beneath the many facades he put out to the world, he liked the person Sid was when he wasn't trying to be someone else. He had never really understood Sid's admiration for him, it had always been a huge puzzle. 'Why would someone want to be like him?' he'd asked himself countless times, it wasn't as though he was anything special. Johnny had always viewed himself as a 'right ugly bugger;' he was too thin and his spine was bent from the meningitis he'd had as a child. He was shy and pathetic, nothing like his stage persona who managed to hide these traits so well. For a while he had wondered if the stage persona was the part of him Sid idolised, after all, Sid had always wanted to be a rock star. It had taken him long to realise that wasn't it, Sid's feelings towards him hadn't changed; there was just more of an excuse to worship him openly now. So worship Sid did, regardless of how uncomfortable and annoyed it always succeeded in making Johnny feel. It amazed Johnny how Sid had always managed to looked past all his negative aspects, he paid attention only to good qualities and accepted or, at least, was never bothered by any of the bad ones. In the audience Sid began to dance even more furiously as he joined the crowd in a final cheer for the band as the fading music signalled the end of the show and the band said their 'goodbyes' before exiting the stage. Sid now worked his way through the crowd towards Johnny, rhythmically bumping and crashing into people as he went. High on the excitement of the performance and, not to mention, the drugs he'd been taking earlier, Sid bashed himself against Johnny, eager to get his friend to join him in his 'dance.' He succeeded for a while, but it wasn't long before they left. Johnny, whose place they were both staying at tonight, dragged Sid out the back door with him. "That was the fuckin' best show I ever saw," exclaimed Sid loudly, still buzzing, as they tumbled out the packed club, escaping the shouts and shoves of the crowd who were still gathered inside awaiting the next performer. "Oh yeah?" Johnny questioned, a boastful expression revealed the fact that he agreed with that statement. "but y'say that same thing 'bout all our gigs, don't you Sid-nay?" Johnny said teasingly to Sid. "Then, there all amazin' aren't they?...'sides you all look so fuckin' great up there... Well, 'part from Glen o' course, he doesn't, he's shit. I reckon your the best one, y'know!" Sid replied openly to Johnny who smirked at the generous compliments. "Well, what can I say? The best musician in the world, I am... And bloody gorgeous to!" Johnny said in mock boastfulness, laughing slightly at Sid's comment, quite sweet really he thought. There was a momentary pause before Sid replied. "Yeah..." he said finally, he spoke in a way which didn't seem to quite suit the tone of the conversation they'd been having just a second ago. "Well, I think you are," he continued, half whispering the last part, making it sound almost romantic. Sid's eyes softened as they met Johnny's before he turned away, quickly removing his attention from his friend and on to the shop windows across the street. Johnny's smile faded, confused as to what the other man had meant by that comment. The way he had looked and spoken - there was so much to read into - not like Sid at all. Normally if Sid wanted something he would ask, or sometimes even demand that it be given to him. It wasn't like him to act the way he had just then. He looked at Sid, eyes carefully studying his expression, his form, him. 'What had Sid meant by that? Was he implying something? Could he really look at him in that way?' Johnny wondered, unsure. He replayed Sid's words in his head before concluding that he must have just been misinterpreting it. However that thought had managed to resurface the old question of 'just why did Sid admire him so much? Maybe it was possible that Sid fancied him, just a little. He let the idea float through his head for a moment, he thought about Sid, wondering for a split second what it would be like. Suddenly he was filled with a strange feeling of guilt and distaste for even considering the idea. He didn't believe in love, it was all just lust; man�s selfish greed, its need for sex and to have power over others. 'No, of course he bloody well doesn't,' he said mentally, reassuring himself that there was nothing there. It annoyed him that he couldn't stop thinking about these things no matter how hard he tried and it made him angry at Sid for refusing to get out of his head when he told him to. As he refocused on reality, trying his best to ignore these thoughts, he noticed Sid watching him, looking expectant. He couldn't help noticing how innocent and beautiful Sid's eyes were at that moment. 'NO,' he banished the thought immediately. His inner struggle to ignore his feelings now turning to anger at the outside world. "What do you want?" He demanded harshly, sounding a lot more angry and defensive than he'd intended to. Sid looked hurt and taken aback by the anger in his friend�s voice. "I dunno," Sid replied, he shrugged before returning his attention to the ground. He looked ashamed and started to wonder why the mood had taken such a negative turn all of a sudden. Johnny rolled his eyes, 'stupid sod,' he though to himself, 'probably doesn't even know wot he feels,' for some reason that thought provoked a strange twinge of guilt, which Johnny, again, chose to ignore. He gazed absentmindedly at the random houses and passer-bys, he wondered what Sid was thinking about and at the same time tried not to think at all. They walked in silence until Sid finally began to find it uncomfortable, "John...I'm sorry." He spoke in the way a child did when apologising to its mother, hoping that if they just said that one magic word everything would go back to normal. Of course, it didn't really work that way, he knew that. "You shouldn't be; you didn't do anything," Johnny told him, anger still apparent. Sid, confused, apologised again. He wanted Johnny to accept his apology, he wanted to make it all better. He continued to looked hurt and confused as he waited for Johnny to respond. Johnny avoided Sid's eyes and shook his head despairingly, "You don't understand anything, do you? Just leave it Sid." They reached Johnny's house in what was practically silence and after that, they entered it in the same way. Johnny went straight to his separate bed without as much as a muttered goodnight to Sid. Sid waited for a moment, hoping Johnny might start talking to him again, before reluctantly doing the same thing. He felt useless. Johnny had even called him that on occasion, he remembered, 'and he was right too' he though as he curled up in his own bed. He faced so he could watch Johnny sleep, since he was currently unable to do it himself. He desperately wanted to be closer to Johnny, he felt so cold and uncomfortable. Hushed, he made his way over to other bed and carefully slid himself underneath the covers and next to its occupant, trying his best not to cause any disturbance. Sid watched Johnny for a moment, checking if he was asleep. The faint steady breathing and a peaceful expression confirmed that he still was. Sid moved as close as he could get to the warmth of Johnny's body without actually touching him. He lay there, resuming his previous activity of watching Johnny sleep. Sid liked how Johnny looked when he slept, he always liked how he looked but, when he was asleep he felt as though he was allowed to watch and he definitely liked that. Johnny stirred slightly from his sleep, unconsciously moving himself closer to the other body now taking up half of his bed. He wrapped his arms around Sid's slender body and pulled him gently towards himself, holding him in a way which could only be described as lovingly. Sid could feel Johnny's breath against his face. He smiled, comforted by the closeness, wondering if this meant that he had been forgiven. Perhaps Johnny did want the same thing as he did after all? "Mmm. Sid..." Johnny mumbled quietly. Sid turned around, relaxing into the other mans embrace. He placed his arms against Johnny's and cupped his hands with his own. Johnny lowered his head, burying his face in Sid's ruffled hair, mumbling a few words Sid couldn't quite make out. "Johnny?" Sid whispered, but no reply came. Johnny was still asleep. Dreaming. Dreaming of the man he cared so strongly about, the man who was right there, waiting to be accepted by him. Sid felt disappointed, he sighed softly then pressed him lips gently against Johnny's, kissing him. A single tear made its way down Sid's cheek as he confessed his feelings in a whisper to the sleeping man, who he knew would never listen to them. "I love you." Return to the fanfiction ... |