My Angel
Author:
Jo aka Slashgirl
Pairing: Mark/Kian
Rating: PG. Character death, keep tissues handy
Disclaimer: all fiction and nothing but fiction
I’m
finally back home. It’s been too long since I’ve been here, too
long since I’ve felt so at ease. Out here the world goes by unnoticed. No
stress, no hurrying back and forth, and even though I’m here on my own,
no loneliness. He is here with me. In the calm silence of the forest and with
the sound of the waves of the lake around me, I feel his presence. In the wind
I feel his touch, in the rustle of the trees I hear him whisper. Out here I can
come to talk to him. I tell him about my worries, my pain, my joys and my
happiness. I tell him about our friends. I tell him everything he would want to
know.
Shane
and Gillian had another baby. A boy this time, they called him after you.
Oh,
and you are gonna be an uncle. Barry and Ciara are having a baby too. They told us just yesterday.
The baby is due in five months, late December. Maybe a Christmas child. The
pregnancy is not going well though, so please watch over her? Barry has still
not overcome the loss of his big brother. He can’t lose his wife and
child too. He is having a hard enough time as it is.
As
for me, there’s not much to tell. I still miss you like crazy. Right now
here in the forest you love so much, I can feel your presence but out there in
everyday life I feel hollow. I’m going through the motions, I do what I
have to do. I eat and drink to keep my body alive, I sleep when I have to, I
work when I can find the energy – one of the benefits of song-writing, I
can choose my own hours – and the rest of the time I pray for cold,
cloudy, dry weather. Those are the days I can come out here.
Our
little place isn’t very private but on days like these, there are almost
no visitors in the forest, just the way I like it. Just the way you liked it
and maybe that’s why you choose these days to come to me. Or maybe
that’s me and you’re here all the time, waiting for me to come
visit you once more. Sorry that I keep you waiting so long then.
Somehow
I don’t really believe that. I believe that you’re always with me,
even though I can’t feel your presence. Like yesterday in Strandhill. I had gone for a walk on the beach. My mum
didn’t like it, said it was too dangerous with the mist. But you know me,
when I have an idea in my head...
Anyway,
I was walking along the beach, imagining that the waves I heard were those of
your beloved Lough Gill, and I could have sworn I saw you walking towards me. Only
vaguely through the mist, but I would have sworn on my life that it was real. But
you came too close and disappeared before I could catch you.
I
still find it hard to believe that I’ll never be able to hold you like I
used to. I still pray that one morning I’ll wake up and you’ll be
there. But with death there are no exceptions. Gone is gone.
Well,
it’s getting dark, and I still need to get back home, so I better get
going. I’ll try not to be as long next time. Will you wait for me? I will
be back. Until then, goodbye, my Angel...
THE
END