Author: Inca
Feedback: Makes me want to touch myself [email protected]
Rating R - m/m sex
Angel/Spike
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: Anyone know??
Summary: Spike gets into a routine with Angel ... hence the title...
But coming home after a night of protecting the innocent to find spike masturbating on my imported Italian silk sheets, was one thing I didn�t think id ever see.
Again�
�Spike! What the fuck are you doing?�
�Well I thought I'd check out the L.A. night life, and drop in on the old noncy sire and see what he was doing with his time.�
�NO! ON MY BED!!! GET OFF!�
�I�m trying!�
�Get off my bed! Get off my bed before I dust you, you freak!�
�Freak? Who are you calling the freak?�
And that�s where it started. Me coming home to find that bleached blond idiot, sitting on my bed, pants around his skinny ankles, jerking off.
To give him credit, he did at least put it away when I threatened to rip it off.
Then I threw him out.
The next day, I�m sitting in the office trying to add up our astronomically high phone bill (The bulk of it being suspect calls to the E.T. tonight hotline, damn Cordelia) when Spike, also known as the English mistake, came in, ripped the pages out of my hands and flopped onto a chair.
�You don�t have the cash to pay for this, poof!�
Don�t call me that, and how would you know?�
I leant over the table and grabbed it out of his hands.
�What are you doing here?�
�I told you yesterday, a change in scenery was in order�
I stared at him.
�and because I owed a Mizz�ka demon a shitload of money.�
�Uh-huh�
Spike got up and crossed the room, pulling a weapon off the wall in front of him.
�Oh, aren�t we quite the vamp-protector now?�
I disarmed him and placed the sword back on the supports.
�Yes, well, I am, but I actually meant why are you here, here? In my office. Bothering me.�
�Thought you could do with a visit from your favourite childe. Me�
Spike wandered to my desk and picked up my cell phone, punching in numbers, trying to guess the password. I followed him, disarming him of that as well.
�Why did you think that exactly?�
�You need a little life in your unlife.�
�Thanks for the thought Spike, really, but I�m good, fine, great in fact. Nice of you to drop by though, bye�
I tried to usher him out the door, but then the quick bastard slipped round me, and back into the room.
�I know, I�m great. Can I stay here?�
I ceased my ministrations and stared at him.
�What?�
�Come on peaches! It'll only be a few days, then I�ll go and leave you to your boring self. And beside what do you have, 200 spare rooms?�
�The last time you were in L.A. you tortured me with hot pokers��
He blinked. �Yeah, I remember�
�And now you want a spare room?�
�Well, I could stay in your roo��
�Alright! Have a damn room, but don�t get in my way, or any of my friends ways.�
�You have friends?�
I don�t know why I said yes.
Maybe I felt guilty because I killed the little street rat a century and something ago.
Maybe my head was still misty after seeing that ridiculously high phone bill, to which Cordelia will no doubtedly refuse any ownership to.
Maybe I was drunk, I don�t know, but spike moved into a spare room.
And promptly know the adjoining walls down into the neighbouring rooms, claiming he felt cramped.
Correct me if I�m wrong, but wasn�t he living in a crypt.
Well anyway, that�s how it went, and a few days turned into weeks, and weeks telescoped into months.
As time wore on, Spike abandoned room after room (getting closer to mine) claiming �he got bored with the same thing after a while�.
He ended up getting in everyone�s way.
He made fun of Cordelia�s hair and dress sense, stunk out the Hyperion with cigarette smoke and smoke that didn�t exactly smell like tobacco, he left empty beer bottle in doorways so Wesley would trip over them, and repeatedly made Fred cry by calling her �the amazing retarded twig girl�.
Pretty soon, though, we got used to having him underfoot. Having him make smart arse comment about absolutely everything, having him walking around with only underwear on (My underwear!) and catching him masturbating everywhere!
Before long, cries of
�GOD SPIKE PUT IT AWAY!� and �DOESN�T IT EVER GET TIRED?�
were pretty normal around our office, we�d all pretty much grown used to it.
Cordelia:
�Spike, give me back my magazine.�
�Spike, get your ass off my desk�
Wesley:
�Spike, put the sword down, it�s very old�I don�t care if you�re old, just put it down before you hurt someone�
Gunn:
�Spike, give me my game boy back!�
�No I don�t want to have a blood fight.�
Fred:
�Angel! Spike keeps telling me he ate a girl who looked like me!�
Me:
�Spike!!! What the hell are you doing with your dick and the vacuum cleaner?!?�
And shortly, we got into a routine.
Id wake up and walk downstairs to find Spike harassing or molesting one of my co workers (Sometime simultaneously)
Id start working and Spike would do anything in his power to disrupt me fro stealing my pen to sitting on my desk and wanking next to me.
That usually distracted me.
He'd then call me a boring poof or nonce and leave me to make fun of Cordelia until she got so worked up she started throwing books, mugs, or once even her keyboard.
Id then abandon my work to calm her down which usually took about an hour.
Then id get hungry (well you try placating hurricane Cordy without working up an appetite) got to the fridge only to Spike had finished al the blood I had just replaced.
Id yell at the bleached moron who�d reply that the only reason he was so hungry was because he was really horny but no one would let him jack off.
I'd continue to yell at for about another half-hour until I left to cool off in the tunnels on my way to and from the butcher.
Id return with the blood, to find general mayhem had ensued since my departure, and Spike would have some of the newly bought blood, comment on how disgusting it was, then sidle up to Fred or Wesley and ask if he could eat them instead.
Id send him upstairs and the rest of us would depart to fight the unspeakable evils that stalk L.A. at night, and then return quickly to make sure he hadn�t set the hotel on fire in our absence.
One night, after a particularly tiring fight with a group of Karavelle�s (horrible things that had the audacity to make fun of my hair, I mean look at theirs! Mouldy dreadlocks style is just not in at the moment.) I came home to find my live in halfwit watching porn in my room, masturbating on my couch.
Usually I�d yell, but I just murmed something like �zip it up� and went to have a shower. I've really been desensitised. I was standing in the shower when I heard spike enter and make some flippant remark about my penis size.
�Idiot!�
�What Spike? I mean don�t call me idiot.�
�You doing anything right now?�
�Showering?�
�Well after that�
�Why?�
�Wanna fuck me?�
Well, I was a little shocked at the question, and at my self for actually considering it for a few moments. A few long moments. I mean I was horny, the last lay I had was Darla, and I don�t know what the hell I caught from her, and the one before that was with Frigid the Vampire Slayer, who I don�t think had actually ever seen a cock before.
So I was horny, and its not like Spike�s not appealing, especially when he�s naked in front of me�still masturbating�
Plus I didn�t think I could lose my soul, not to an annoying vampire who smelled like cigarette smoke, so I did the only sane thing.
I pulled him into the shower with me and fucked his brains out.
Our routine is better now. Spike still has an annoyment quota he has to fill everyday, but little things have changed. Like, instead of distracting me from working by wanking, he blows me under the table. And instead of me yelling at him, we just have incredibly good sex, I mean it +fucking+ fantastic! No pun intended.
We still fight, but about different things, like who gets to be top, and who gets to pick the game we�re gonna play that night.
And you know, when he moved in, he said it was to relieve me of my boredom. Well � not in those words but I can read between the lines.
And he has, being a vampire doesn�t suck as much anymore. As a matter of fact, not half as often for him as he sucks for me.
~Finis~