Author: Inca
Feedback: Makes the music start - [email protected]
Rating NC17
AU Liam/William
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: AU
Summary: Risen from the ashes, as an Angel
Authors notes: Apologise for the factual errors in the story, and read it here, because this is the last time I apologise. Do not email me telling me im sick. Or if you do, know that i am laughing at you.
For the people who have overflowed my inbox with feedback cause you all rule. Please continue.
~~~~
Three weeks after the Mikael incident and Liam was steadily revealing his mind more and more each day. Like a flower, Will watched him turn and open up to him as if he were the sun. He was eager to please and loved validation, loved it when anybody paid him a compliment.
Twice since then had Mikael tried to use exactly those traits in Liam to lead him off somewhere like a willing lamb. Will had found them once, Liam already dropping to his knees as Mikael shucked out of his jumpsuit out the back of the outdoor toilets and Barry, a guard, had found him a different time hopped up on Mikael�s meds, with bruises around his mouth and on his wrists.
Will hated Mikael � he was too smart and much too quick to exploit others. The six foot five man had mocha coloured skin stretched over huge muscles and his eyes were as black and hard and glittering as a spiders. He was glad he wasn�t looking after him. Trouble was, his strength and power was what was attracting Liam to him. Moth to the flame. The more Will got to know Liam the more he was leaning towards a diagnosis which included Liam�s need to be led and taken care of by someone else.
They were sitting in the art room again; Liam seemed to be more forthcoming when he was surrounded by art and bright colours. Their sessions became more of chats; Liam didn�t like being asked direct questions, Will suspected it was because he thought he would give the wrong answer.
Will loved the sessions, it didn�t seem like work really, when the man was lucid, Liam was funny and charming, his quirks for candy and documentaries about animals were captivating. Every now and then, even on good days, a sound or a word would sidetrack Liam and he�d begin with the incoherency. Words, random or repeated. Sometimes it seemed as though Liam was only saying half a sentence out loud, he�d trail off, or just finish the last few words of a question, the other part just forgotten to be voiced. Will was sure it was plenty loud in his head. Sometimes he would start a side conversation with the clouds out the window. Not the dark clouds, but the white ones. Will really didn�t mind, he even found himself smiling at the puerile captivated look on Liam�s face, waiting patiently until his attention returned, and then continuing where they left off..
He liked to watch him draw, which he did often, his tongue would poke out the side of his mouth and he would become engrossed almost to the point he forgot Will was in the room. It was very calming to watch him sweep his hand over in what looked like random lines across the paper until suddenly he�d created something exciting and beautiful.
�So, read any new books lately? I just finished another Deaver. Good writer.� He said, sticking a pencil behind his ear. He was playing with inking today, darkening a drawing of Allen Doyle sitting against a wall.
�I like Deaver, liked the one about the Asian immigrants on the ship.�
�Stone Monkey.�
�That�s it.�
He realised he should probably be talking to him about his thoughts or at least trying to make some headway into the incident that had changed him so drastically, but instead: �I liked the movie of the Bone Collector. One of the few book-to-movies I liked actually.�
�Yeah I agree, I actually saw the movie first though, so I�m tainted, but I thought it was a good one. What other movie did I like�� he frowned as he was thinking, looking up at the crazily painted walls. �uh�I cant remember, I�ll tell you next time.�
Will watched him work. �You know what I really hate? That Garfield movie. I mean Garfield never ran around town, that was the whole thing about Garfield.�
Liam turned to him, allies in outrage. �I know, Garfield never danced! The cartoons were good but. I hated the Scooby-Doo movie as well.�
�I�m with ya, what a disappointment.�
He went back to inking. Will watched his hands for a while, as they started to turn black on the sides from resting over the not-yet-dry ink. Allen Doyle�s face darkened and shadowed becoming textured, an almost photograph on the page. Liam didn�t mind him watching, obviously. Will thought it was probably because after five years here he�d gotten used to people watching him constantly. They even watched them when they shaved here.
�That�s really good, Angel.� He said quietly.
Liam smiled but didn�t take his eyes off the work. Will liked him best when he could talk to him, a fews times will had seen him, Liam just sat scared and unyielding, almost mute. Sometimes he reverted into an almost child like persona, demanding chocolate in return for answers, wanting to watch television. Playful and happy, but he disturbingly mixed in sexual aspects as well. The word �Daddy� rolled out of his mouth too often when referring to Will, and with way too much want.
Will had learnt most of Liam�s idiosyncrasies over the month and a bit he had known him. He tried to make an effort to spend time with him at least once every two days. He opened up about sports, didn�t like any water sports though. Asking him about his family was a good way to make him sit in the corner and bang his head against the wall until he broke the skin. He slept under his bed, and couldn�t sleep without medication. He had nightmares. He loved reading. Was introverted in large groups, in fact group therapy made him backslide. Only had one friend, which was Allen and seemed to care for him a lot. Didn�t like to be spoken harshly to, and didn�t like to upset anyone. Didn�t like to fight back, whether he thought it was because he�d lose or because he thought he deserved it � Will wasn�t sure. Had extremely low self-esteem. Loved to flirt, not with words but with stolen glances and wicked smiles, flicking knowing looks when William said anything that could be misconstrued as innuendo. Liam was a very sexual man. William valiantly ignored it.
The more and more Will saw him, the less he could see Liam committing the crime. How could this man he knew, do that to his wife and children? And the more he thought about it, the more he realised he didn�t know that Liam at all. Maybe he was reborn. Surely people can be rehabilitated, that�s what he was there for, wasn�t it? It didn�t matter if he had done it � did it? Will found himself making excuses for liking a convicted murderer.
Not excuses. Explanations, he told himself, just explanations for liking him. For enjoying his company.
�Angel?� He asked, knowing a way to secure his standing in Liam�s head.
The man raised his eyebrows.
�Would you do one of these inking things for me? So I can put it in my office?� Plus he really did like Liam�s work.
Liam looked very proud, but was trying to hide it. �Sure. What do you want it of?�
�Anything, doesn�t have to be soon. The next time you see something worth drawing, draw it for me, yeah?�
Liam nodded happily. �Sure. Gives me something to do.�
*
Later that night at about eight-thirty a soft knock on Will�s office door stopped his typing of the session he�d had with Arthur Monnar, one of his patients.
�Who is it?� he asked, fingers poised over the keys.
�Angel.�
Patients weren�t meant to come up uninvited but the reception must have recognised him. He opened the door to see Liam, his longish hair messy over one side of his face. He looked up through his lashes coquettishly. He flicked his hair back and Will saw Barry behind him, and then looked down to see Liam holding folded sheets of paper.
��S�right Barry.� He said to the guard.
Liam looked very pleased and followed him inside the room, smiling when Will shut the door behind him.
�So, Angel, what�s happening?�
�I drew like you asked.�
Will beamed. �You didn�t have to do it right away, Pet.�
The endearment slid off his tongue, and he couldn�t catch it before it danced out into the room. Why the fuck had he said that? Liam was smiling wider now. He handed the papers over shyly.
�I did a few in case you didn�t like some.� He said softly, flicking his gaze up to meet Will�s demurely.
In actuality he�d done five, and put massive effort into every one. He must have been drawing since Will left him. One was the inside of the prison chapel, another was a nest of birds in one of the trees � beaks open and squawking, another was a small bird on what looked like Liam�s windowsill his head turned to the side to get a better view, looking out from the paper. The next was the view from Liam�s window, the mountains around, but no spot of a prison fence anywhere � the picture free and rolling.
The last was William. William leaning forward on the art room desk smiling out from the paper, his hair messed and his glasses resting beside his elbow. It was from today, the red button shirt and jeans he wore to see Liam today were detailed on the paper.
He looked up to see Liam looking horrified. �You hate them, don�t you?� He whispered. He looked like he was about to throw himself out the window.
�No, no I love them, they�re so good, its just � they�re so lifelike.� He said reassuringly.
The man�s face relaxed into a smile.
�You really have a photographic memory don�t you?�
He laughed and nodded.
�I love the bird the best, I�m gonna put it up right there� he pointed to a bare space on the wall. He should put his credentials up, but screw it, he thought, this was much better. He stopped.
�You didn�t sign them, though.�
Liam giggled. �Did you want me to?� he asked silkily.
�Yes, I did.�
He cleared some space on the table and spread the pictures out. He plucked a pen from the mess and gave it to Liam, who bent down and slowly signed a curled �Angel� onto the first. Will smiled at the name he used and watched as he signed each one with care. Will stepped close and bent to look at them in turn.
�Perfect.� He exclaimed happily.
He stood back up and turned to Liam who caught him in a kiss, hand warm around his hip bone, bringing his soft lips down on top of Will�s. He stilled in shock for a moment, feeling the lips caress his own, wet and willing.
What�? Liam � kiss. Wrong. Stop it.
Will reached up to Liam�s face to pull his head away indignantly but his fingers had chosen that instant to become rebellious and twirled into his hair instead. He opened his mouth and heard a moan of happiness as he pushed his tongue into the artist�s mouth, swirling it around.
Liam tasted like tea and mint, his tongue hot and slippery and skilful as it flicked around assuredly.
With their mouths locked, he pushed Liam back until he sat on the desk and then pulled the man�s head forward until their teeth scraped together with a chatter. William felt warm hands around his ribs, the fingers heating his skin through the fabric, squeezing gently, pulling him close against his body as William ravaged the mouth under him. He felt the familiar awakenings in his belly and groin, and hummed into Liam. Liam�s hand was rubbing his knee, then his thigh, up to his hip, softly stroking its way to Will�s zipper, as his lean hard frame wriggled and rolled happily under his mouth.
His hand dropped from the soft strands of Liam�s hair to his shoulder and neck and he felt the scratchy fabric of the prison uniform. His mind suddenly caught up with the sudden state he was in and screamed like a wounded animal.
What the fuck are you doing?!
Will pulled back with a snuff of air through his nose and looked down at the lustful squirming thing beneath him. Liam had an obvious semi erection and was trying to pull Will back into the kiss, crooning softly about warmth and stars.
Will held his fingers up to his mouth. His lips seared his skin and he could only speak in a rasp. �No Liam.�
Liam ignored the name. �Come back, please, the stars are so bright, so loud� I loved it� I want to play, please...� Liam�s hands were pulling at Will�s arms as he desperately tried to extricate himself.
�No!� he whispered harshly right into Liam�s face, trying not to yell, keenly aware of the man just outside the door. Liam dropped his arms like he�d been burnt. Will got free and sought safety on the other side of the room, before turning back to the man. Liam slumped on the desk, staring at the carpet, his bottom lip quivering like he was going to cry. Will�s mind was sparking as he panted.
What the fuck had he done?
His mind was screaming.
He�d just kissed an insane man. He�d sexually assaulted him.
What the fuck had he done?
Liam was still sitting on the desk, staring down, as a tear tracked down his cheek and swam to the edge of his mouth. William felt hideous. He got himself together and walked back over. He wasn�t scared, not of Liam. Of what he�d done, yes, and what could happen to him, definitely. But not of the man.
�Come back?� Liam whispered miserably, his voice cracking.
He felt sick inside. Liam didn�t know what he was doing, he was incapable of seeing what would happen, could live nowhere but the moment, was willing to be led, for attention. He was a child. He didn�t know any better. Will did though. He was the one with the power here. He�d taken advantage of someone sick and vulnerable, someone he was meant to be looking after.
�I apologise Angel.� He tried for firm but his voice came out in a crack.
Liam started rocking back and forth slightly. He slid off the desk and walked to the wall and stood there, back to Will, little whispers flitting out as he rolled back and forth on his feet. �Dark.� He caught one of the words.
He breathed in and walked to him, ignoring the way he tried to shy away into the corner.
�That�s not allowed to happen.�
�Why?� Liam croaked into the corner.
�You�re not well Liam. It�s not right of me to do that.�
He banged his head viciously against the wall.
�Angel!� Will said sharply, eyes flaring.
At the tone Liam battered his head against the wall with a sob. He drove his forehead into the plaster over and over, crying out at the pain, bracing himself with his hands flat against the wall. Will resorted to pulling Liam away with his hands around the man�s waist, refusing to acknowledge the flat hard belly or the smell of the hair in his nostrils.
Liam was crying and trying weakly to get out of the hold.
�Shhh, Liam, be quiet, for me.�
Barry called from outside. �All right in there Doc? I thought I heard a noise.�
�No we�re fine.� He called back, hating the lie and himself while he tried rubbing his hands over Liam�s arms to calm him. It worked.
He hugged him, wrapping his hands around Liam�s chest, the hard wide shoulders and spine to his front. He could still hear Liam sniffling, and whispered in his ear. �It�s all right, I didn�t mean to be mad. You�re good, and I�m the one who�s wrong.�
Everything he�d done in the last five minutes had gone completely against his training. He�d broken every rule. He realised he had his forehead against the back of Liam�s head and pulled away, ignoring the whimper at the loss of contact. He turned him around and saw his eyes red and puffed from crying, his lips and cheeks wet from the tears. A huge angry red patch of skin above Liam�s straight dark eyebrows was going to turn into a big black bruise by tomorrow morning.
Guilt gnawed at Will�s stomach and made his head spin. He had no idea how to fix it. There was nothing in the textbooks about how to calm a patient after you had� Liam made eye contact with him and then looked away hiccupping sobs from his chest. Will leant forward on autopilot and wrapped his arms around him, feeling Liam tuck his face into his neck, soothing the body-shuddering sobs that were coming from him.
God, Will, way to send a mixed message.
�Don�t hate me.� Liam whimpered.
�I don�t hate you Pet.� The affectionate term didn�t even register with Will that time. �I just got � It cant happen again, you know that, right?�
Liam nodded into his neck.
�Stay here.�
�Where are you�?�
Will got himself out of the grip and opened the door slightly. Barry was humming tunelessly.
�Listen, Barry, We�re having a bit of a session. You can go, I�ll take Liam to his room after we�re done.�
�Okay, you sure?�
�He�s no trouble really.�
He watched as Barry left and turned resignedly back into the room. Liam was standing in the middle, red eyed and breathing deeply trying to hold off more sobs, his blue uniform out of place with the grand furniture Will had. His artists fingers, long and exquisite, were trembling. Liam lifted a hand to his head, looking confused at the pain, forgetting what he�d done to cause it.
�I�m sorry.� Will said. Again. Some more.
Liam stared down at Will�s arms until they opened wide enough for him to step into them. He tucked his face back into Will�s neck and slowly stopped hiccupping as he calmed down.
After a while he got Liam to walk down the stairs to the prison below and escorted him to his room. Liam looked dead, his face was pale and his eyes glassy like a stuffed animal�s. He moved like he was coming down of crack. Ignoring the looks from the guard, and feeling like some evil sex fiend as he did, he got the guard to open the door and gently led Liam in. He sat him down on the bed and, making sure the guard wasn�t watching, swiped the strands of sweaty hair back from his face, trying to hook the strands behind his ears.
�Are you coming back?� Liam whispered, face still expressionless.
�Yes.� He said firmly. �I�ll be back tomorrow.�
Liam crawled into the protected darkness under the bed and then reached one arm up to grab the pillow before pulling that under as well and vanishing.
William scoured the room for things that were sharp. Regretfully he realised he�d have to take Liam�s pens and pencils from him.
He�d bring them back early tomorrow so he knew he wasn�t being punished for something. He sighed. He really needed a cigarette.
**~~**
He was wandering through the prison; all the doors were open. And through every door- empty rooms. There was no one there. He ran to the front gate, to try to get out, but that was still locked. It was raining; he could feel it on his face, soaking his uniform, the rain was sticky and copper smelling. His eye caught something on the road yards away. He squinted �they looked like people.
Angel knew better.
They saw him and started approaching at an alarming speed. Angel ran back inside, trying to lock doors behind him in frantic shaking motions. It didn�t really matter; they could get through doors. He had invited them in.
He ran to Will�s office and saw everything the same as it had been when they�d kissed earlier. He�d felt very safe at that moment. Where was everyone? He was alone, alone, alone al�
�Angel?�
Will came through the adjoining door smelling like cigarettes and sharp alcohol.
�What�s wrong, why aren�t you in bed?�
He ran to him and felt the warm strong arms of safety wrap him up. They couldn�t get him now. They banged on the door and Angel clutched onto Will, tucking his face down into the smooth skin of Will�s neck.
�Shhh. I�ll protect you, don�t worry. Sit down.� He said, sky blue eyes unconcerned.
Angel nodded and sat, the chair padded and comfy. Silence screamed into his ears and he twisted back looking for comfort. The room was empty. Will had left. Tears poured from Liam�s wide frightened eyes.
They banged on the door again. The door started to splinter.
**~~**
He was at Liam�s room at seven thirty the next morning. Liam was sitting on his bed in sweats and a wifebeater awaiting his meds. His bitten nails were scratching at his sleeping pants, his pretty face in an anxious twist.
He looked away when Will came into the room, and Will tried not to feel hurt. �Here are your pens and pencils back.�
He nodded refusing to make eye contact. He grabbed a brush and ran it through his hair, making it shiny in the morning sunlight. Will busied himself putting everything he had taken, back where he found it. After a while he gained some courage and turned to sit next to the man. Time to talk about it. He steeled himself. He�d practised the speech all the way here. This can never happen again.
�Angel. Again, I apologise.�
�Why?� He looked hurt and very worried.
�Because it shouldn�t have happened.�
Liam�s eyes flicked to his before looking back out the window. �That�s where the bird was.� He said pointing at the windowsill.
�Sorry?�
�The bird I drew. It was there.� He pointed again.
�Ahh. That was my favourite drawing.� Will said, pushing his glasses up his nose with his knuckle, earning mixed feelings about being given a respite from the conversation.
�I like the one�� he stopped. �Where are my pens?�
�I brought them back just now.�
�Okay.�
�Now Angel, listen. What happened between us, it can never happen again, alright?�
�You left me.�
�I did. I�m sorry.� Liam seemed pleased with this response.
�Where are my pens?� Liam asked in exactly the same tone of voice as before, like he�d forgotten he�d just asked.
�I told you already, I brought them back,� He said resiliently, indicating the desk.
�Oh. Will you kiss me?�
�No Angel. That�s what I�m here about.�
�Why not?� he asked, fixing Will with sad eyes and an exaggerated pout.
Will smiled. Liam fluttered his eyelashes. It was true. He found him attractive. And now Liam knew it too.
�Didn�t you like it?�
�That�s not the point.�
�Isn�t it exactly the point?� he asked dreamily, wetting his lips with a swipe of pink tongue.
He makes sense.
No he doesn�t, he is insane. He thinks he�s a vampire. Focus on that.
�No. You can�t just do things cause you like to.� Hypocrite, he yelled at himself. William was known for his do what you feel attitude. But it had never hurt anyone before.
�You like to kiss me.� Liam said in an almost sing-song voice, picking up on the accidental confession.
Fuck.
He was suddenly aware that their legs were touching. Liam�s wifebeater was melded to his torso, tight against his muscled body. Will was already more than aware of how attractive he found Liam, but in the morning sunlight he looked even prettier. He had a little raised freckle-mole near his eye that was causing a slight shadow.
�I wont tell.� He whispered leaning slightly closer, making their arms touch too, his big brown eyes flicking up sedately. �I�ll be good.�
He�s seducing you, be solid, don�t let him, his voice was screaming.
But his body was already leaning into Liam�s, his hands were reaching up to push the just brushed silk back and his lips were connecting with the others, the bristles of his stubble scratching Will�s mouth.
Home.
His glasses bumped against Liam�s nose and the man tenderly plucked them off, setting them calmly on the bed as he pecked kisses onto Will�s mouth.
He tried to make his body get up but it wouldn�t, tried to make the leaving override the softness of Liam�s lips but he couldn�t. He told his hand not to spread out along Liam�s thigh but it did anyway. His body ignored him completely, rebellious in the softness of Liam�s affections. Liam rested his hands on Will�s hips demurely and he felt like a teenager making out with someone in his room. The sunlight was pouring through the small window, warming their skin as they tickled and touched each other. Liam�s mouth opened and Will�s tongue flicked into the opening ravenously, tasting toothpaste in the wet. All he could hear was the slight high noise Liam was making in his excitement; he could feel Liam�s fingers flutter softly along the inside seam of his pants and his cock stiffened. Will grabbed Liam�s hair and started kissing him with renewed fervour as Liam�s sharp nails scratched playfully along the skin just over the top of his pants, then up under his shirt to scrape and pinch his nipple. Will let out a yelp, which Liam devoured and licked away, swallowing it all, running his minty tongue over Will�s teeth when it finished. Will fell back when he heard the nurse administering the meds to a patient a few doors down. Liam was panting, his light pants tented and wet from his excitement. His eyes were wide and sparking with electricity - his whole body a live wire, thrumming without moving, trying to magnetically pull Will back towards him.
Will pushed him under the blankets and yanked his own leg up to cover his erection just as the nurse came into the room. He said hello to Will and then gave Liam the tiny cup, oblivious to Will shakily putting his glasses back on.
Liam�s lips were kiss swollen.
Will felt sick. He didn�t hear the nurse leave, only his mind screaming profanities at him.
He felt kisses on the side of his face as he sat on the thin bed numbly, and felt Liam�s arms wrap around his shoulders stroking tenderly. He breathed in slowly through his nose as Liam started lapping at his earlobe, murmuring little singsong nothings into his ear. Will felt himself swell even more and turned his head to kiss Liam back. He blocked out the noise of his accusing spittingly hateful mind. Not evil, not sick. He needed to taste and discover every part of Liam�s mouth. At that moment, it seemed very real that he�d die without it. He gave up. Angel was voodoo.
�You won�t leave?�
�No.�
He placed a small bite on the smirking, wicked lips.
**~~**
Liam was happy. He sat on his bed in the sunlight, thinking about his morning. Will was his now. William would look after him. He�d stop the vampires. He�d make sure everything was okay.
He smiled. He liked Will. He wanted to show him how much but Will had said no. But that was okay. Will had also said they couldn�t kiss and then they did so it all worked out. He would draw it, draw what he was feeling and the songs the stars were singing. Lots of swirling blue would be involved. Blue � the colour of Will�s eyes, blue.
He could still feel Will�s mouth on his, his thin fingers tangling in his hair. He could feel Will�s arousal prodding his thigh. He decided the next time they did this, he would sit on Will�s lap and feel that hardness digging into his own. His cock jerked in its over excited state and he ran his hand into his pants. He curled his fingers around himself and sighed.
He was so happy Will was here.
**~~**
�Angel.�
Liam had his head on the art room desk crying. He�d finally tried asking about his family.
�Angel.�
�I didn�t do it, it was THEM!� He screeched the last word in hateful fear.
�Tell me about them.�
Liam rolled his head on the desk, making sad noises. His chest shuddered with sobs and his eyes were clenched shut, his lips stretched over his teeth in a grimace. Will tried to ignore the fact he was in pain, and his body screaming to be held and petted, and tried again.
�How many were there? Angel? Tell me Pet.�
Liam took some trembling gasps. �Three.� He whispered. �Three. Three.�
�What happened?�
Liam pushed off the table suddenly, howling, and fell off the seat, he flipped around like a cat laid on its back and ran for the nearest corner, looking back with wide doe eyes stupid and empty, and terrified.
�Don�t.� He pleaded vacantly.
Will edged up to him sighing as Liam ran back and sat where he was sitting before rocking back and forth watching his therapist in the corner. �Don�t ask me any more Daddy, please, I�ll be good, don�t press let it alone.�
�Angel. My name is Will.�
Liam started rocking faster, confused look on his face. He hit the tables with the flat of his hand as he rocked creating a steady slap, slap, slap, background noise. He looked up and fixed the wall with a zombie-like stare still slapping his hand on the table. His jaw was slack.
�Three. Three. Three Daddy. Did you see them?�
Slap. Slap. Slap.
�Angel. What are you looking at?�
�Three of them Three of us and I was forth so I was brought back to life. Three dead to kill. Not the forth the forth was...�
His jaw snapped shut and he raised his eyebrow as if the wall had said something of merit.
�I understand that.� He answered quietly. �Daddy?�
Slap. Slap.
�William.� He didn�t want to confuse Liam more by letting him make a parental figure of him.
�No more of this, no more beetles no more bugs.� He said to the wall, but Will knew it was for him. The slapping stopped. He stayed still, tense as a violin string and looked at him fearfully. He looked like someone had drawn him, vulnerable and faultless, searching eyes and lean long body, some artist with a hard on for exposed and broken beauty. When Will looked at him he was reminded of the painting that rested on the wall in his mothers living room. A stag at a river poised from its drink, too pretty to be anything but defenceless, perfect and exquisite.
�Alright.� Will slid closer to him, straddling the bar seat, one knee behind Liam�s butt the other resting against his thigh. He looked to make sure the guard wasn�t at the door before sliding his arms around Liam�s waist. He calmed quickly. Liam tended to see him as someone who could take all the pain away quickly. It made him feel sick and powerful at the same time to have someone trust him like that.
But he could swallow the sickness.
They hadn�t done anything besides kiss that one - those two times. It was affection. That was all. Liam had some self worth issues and Will had made him see that he was good and wanted.
A hideous putrid squawk of a voice howled that he was a pervert.
He bit back at himself. He just wanted to look after him. Wanted to make him better. He felt Liam�s lips find his own and opened his mouth after a quick glance at the art room door. He was a pervert. He knew what he was doing and it was horribly sick.
Kisses are fine.
Nothing else.
Anything else and he deserved to be shot.
He couldn�t help but kiss him.
He was whispering: �William Willaim William William� happily into his jaw, and rubbing his hands over Will�s thighs.
�Shhh Pet. Calm down. Will�s here.� He pecked a kiss on his lips.
Liam looked at him and smiled. He was beautiful. He was good and beautiful. He leaned away and blew him a kiss, making Liam come to him. Liam giggled and leaned towards him.
***
�So how�s Liam?� Jana asked, sipping at her coffee.
Will looked around the almost empty coffee shop before answering, picking up his own mug. He ignored the urge to say �good kisser�. He didn�t think that would go over well.
�He�s good. I�ve got him as a dependant personality exacerbated from acute stress and separation, susceptible to panic and anxiety resulting in delusions, with a tendency to recede childlike when he�s confronted or upset. He always wants someone around and ��
�Doesn�t want to fight back? Yeah. Saw it. Let me also guess you were thinking Borderline or even a full Anxiety?�
�Anxiety yes, but I didn�t consider Borderline because I don�t think he wants to be hurt, he�s just �� He swallowed guiltily, �He�s just eager to please.�
�Yes. Although he�s definitely got some sort of paranoia kicking around.�
�The vampires at night? I�m thinking it might fall under the category of some deluded phobia.�
Jana made a face to show she hadn�t thought of that and sipped her coffee again. �Been reading my notes?�
�Yes, that�s where the dependent disorder idea came from. His wife was twenty-four when he married her, when he was eighteen. So he was possibly leaning towards the disorder before the, uh, incident.�
�You think he wanted an older woman to look after him?�
�Yes. And she was obviously competent, looking after the oldest son by herself.�
Jana nodded. �I agree with that. Darla was confident and very extraverted, from what hes said about her.�
�Although I don�t know where the love of art fits in. That�s not usually typical.�
�No one model can fit everyone. He doesn�t mind pushing at peoples boundaries, just as long as he doesn�t upset them and he�s also not that pessimistic, can be at times, but not continually.�
Will nodded. He�d been seeing Liam for almost two months. The diagnosis was still tentative, from his interactions with Liam and the notes that Jana had taken over the years, but it was always good when another saw the same thing. Jana was around thirty-five, with dark hair and eyes, and quite a pretty woman. Jana and he had decided, when he had accepted her old job, that she wouldn�t tell him her diagnosis and take those notes out, and that way a fresh look could be applied to Liam.
�What about the transference?� She asked leaning forward. �What do you make of that?�
�The vampire story? Fear of being looked upon badly maybe? Fear of being left alone once he admitted what he did so he made up other people and made them the evil ones. He�s just a victim this way.�
�No, I mean the double transference. The way he blamed vampires for doing it and then made himself into a vampire. In his head.�
�I�m not sure what you mean.�
�Well he says he�s a vampire right?�
�Yes.�
�And by that diagnosis you just gave, that should be enough to alleviate the blame in his own head. He could think �Liam� did that and I am �Angel� so therefore no one can blame me.�
�Right, I see where you�re going.�
�But then, he says �you can�t blame me cause I wasn�t there yet, Liam is to blame, but also? MORE vampires came and THEY did it.��
�Why did he double up?� Will nodded. He always thought about that as well.
�Yes.�
�How could he become a vampire if there were no vampires present?� That was his theory anyhow.
�I think its more than that. He thought they were monsters. I believe he just saw them as vampires. � Jana said, putting down her coffee.
Will�s stomach froze. �Them?�
Jana leant back, her face unreadable. The coffee store buzzed around them, teenagers coming in cackling and squawking, tossing their school bags around. Jana�s gaze never strayed from his eyes.
�You think he didn�t do it? You think there were other people involved.�
She looked at him, with her dark brown intelligent eyes.
�Yes.�
�What makes you think that?�
Will himself had touched over this many times. Liam didn�t act like a murderer; he blamed others for the death but was still remorseful, not angry. He lamented their loss, but still refused to accept the blame, when Liam seemed to love guilt and blame from other things that weren�t his fault.
�Well, I had him down as a dependant personality as well. Before the death of his family as well.�
�So�?� He left the word a question.
�So� why would he kill his caregiver? The woman who looked after him. Also? The children were killed first, which would�ve shattered Darla who probably was made to watch, and again � upsetting the stronger person goes directly against the basic elements of the dependant personality.�
Will hadn�t even thought of that.
�You�re right. The diagnosis must be wrong.�
�No the diagnosis is right.� She was whispering. �He has become so dependant now after the incident, because he sees he was abandoned by his family.�
Will closed his eyes as a million thoughts ran through his head. Jana was right. Why would Liam, who so needed the care of others, kill his support, his family, the thing that propped him up.
�Although� Jana said, leaning back. �He may just have snapped, figured out what he was �that he was too dependent on a woman, and didn�t like it, so he decided to show himself how wrong he was. You never know.�
�No, you don�t.�
**~~**
�So Angel, what�s up with you, you�ve been really happy the last few weeks.� Allen asked, coming up to him in the cafeteria.
Angel smiled. He couldn�t say. He was really happy though. He sat down and picked disinterestedly through his lunch, still smiling. He started humming.
�Seriously, they up your meds?�
He shook his head, grinning.
�Not talking today?�
He wasn�t. Not today. His lips were still humming from William�s kisses a few days ago. He didn�t want the feeling to go away and was afraid if he talked it would.
He hadn�t had a nightmare either. He hoped tonight would be the same. He might even try sleeping on the bed, because no one could get to him when his lips still buzzed from Will.
**~~**
After thanking Jana for her time, Will made his way back home. It was Sunday and he hadn�t seen Liam since lunchtime Thursday. He slapped himself after the thought. He didn�t realise �till then that he had been keeping track.
Sometimes he would get so overwhelmed with guilt that he would have to sit down and wait for the nauseousness to pass. After it had he would promise to stop doing anything at all with the man. But then he�d see Liam, wriggling for some attention and he�d give in all over again.
He made a promise to himself that he�d stop kissing him better every time he got upset by Will�s questions. He had to ask them. Liam wouldn�t get better if Will couldn�t get inside his head. He�d persevere and be firm.
He wished he hadn�t thought that last part.
He opened the front door of his apartment and flicked on the lights. Spotless from the maid service he hired, spotless and almost unlived in. He saw a few drawings Liam had done for him on his dining room table that he never used. He opened the fridge and looked at the time. Seven. Liam would be in bed for lights out in two hours. He rolled his eyes, pulled out a can of coke and sat down at the large table. It cost a lot he thought so he should use it once every now and again. Flicking through the pictures splayed out across it, he sipped from the can. He�d had the bird framed and put up in his office and the scenery put up in his house. He kept the pictures of himself in a folder. The back of his mind was nibbled by his conscience, but he didn�t keep them tucked away because he thought people would see the care and effort in the lines of his body in those drawings and question him about it, it wasn�t that. He flicked a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, inhaling deeply.
He thought about Liam. He wondered if he was wandering around whispering his name like he did sometimes. He wondered if he was smiling.
He wondered if Liam was thinking about him.
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