Title: Carry On, Part Six � Living
Author: Inca
Speak up at [email protected]
Rating NC 17
Angel/Spike
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: Up to 5.22 �Not Fade Away�
Summary: Spike just may have a little crush
Authors notes:
This part is in Spikes POV
Robert Service delivered the title, which is also the title of his poem. I thought of it when I read the transcript for �Not Fade Away�.
Italics indicate something that�s happened in the past.
Angel�s direct thoughts indicated by a tab space.
For more stories by me, come to http://www.geocities.com/slasherphiles
~~~
Why, there�s the real sunshine of living.
Part Six - Living
***
Spike liked being out in the rain. He never understood people who scurried from cover to cover under huge umbrellas, trying vainly not to get wet. He was slowly moving through a kata in the small backyard that this street offered to its tenants. Grey clouds blanketed the sky and cold rain fell. Spike felt his shirt clinging to his chest and along his back. He smiled, enjoying the sticky second skin as he moved. He�d removed his boots and they lay discarded just inside the doorway to the office, and he felt the ground beneath his toes turn to muddy slime. His hair hung in greasy strands around his face. He spun slowly in his sodden jeans and felt clean. Clear. The thready cobwebs that had clung to his mind were now falling away and he was hyper aware of everything since
(Angel)
� a long time. Since he�d woken up a ghost, since he got his soul. Maybe before.
His kata sped as the rain fell heavier. He performed an offensive kata around an imaginary partner, moving as gracefully and sure as a cat, despite his heavy sodden clothing.
Kick, punch, flip.
Listening to the soft �whup� of his wet jeans against his legs. When he finished, cold, muscles loose and relaxed, he turned his face to the pouring sky and stood, letting the weight slide from his shoulders.
He stood for a long time.
***
Lightening cracked and woke him from his daze. He turned and went back inside the apartment, picking his shoes up on the way. A burst of heat flowed past him as he entered.
He walked up from the office, his wet jeans and feet leaving muddy puddles on the stairs. He made a short stop at the sink to clean his feet, then continued down the corridor in his wet clothes to where the heat was radiating from, the small fireplace in the lounge. He peered in and saw Angel, kneeling down, sitting back on his feet with his hands resting on his knees like a wallflower at a high school dance, gazing calmly into the flickering flames.
He looked so different. Not just today, but since he woke. He still dressed in Gunn�s clothes, unwilling to be an imposition in order to get his own, and the too-big jeans hung over his feet. The t-shirts and sweaters he wore looked plain odd hanging on his usually formal shoulders. His hair was longer, hanging down on his forehead in soft spikes, long over his ears and down the nape of his neck. Always looking a bit tussled and messy. But the real difference was his face. And the way he stood. And his eyes.
Spike had known something was different as soon as he�d looked at Angel�s face. Normally closed and stern and brooding, now � now he was wide-eyed and guileless and looking so � young. The two hundred and fifty years that had burnt behind Angel�s eyes and slumped his shoulders were gone. And when Spike looked at him it was easy to see someone human, maybe he was seeing, he pondered, how Liam had looked before the weight of his life had worn his face into the hard mask Spike had known, and made the man want to lurk in dark corners.
This new Angel didn�t lurk.
Spike stepped into the room and gazed a moment at the small patch of white skin on the base of Angel�s feet. It looked very soft. He wanted to kiss it.
�Hey.�
Angel turned a little, looking over his shoulder and resolutely back again. Spike shook his head, unbelieving of how simple Angel was to read now. How much that small look had given up. He was pissed off, and trying to punish Spike for ignoring him last night, he was definitely embarrassed, but mainly, he was hurt. Spike had never known what Angel or Angelus had been thinking, but now, without his practised poker mask in place, those eyes told everything. They could tell a story in a glance.
�Upset, huh? About what?�
Angel ignored him.
�Where�s Gunn then?�
�Out I think. Went to get a book or something.� He answered hotly.
Spike basked in the heat rolling off the fire, and the man in front of it.
He knew what Angel was upset about. He�d stopped. That night. Simple as that. He�d stopped and left, and he hadn�t given a reason, because he wasn�t sure why. All that time at Wolfram and Hart, he�d waited for � anything. When Angelus had returned in Sunnydale he�d waited for something and he�d even come back to him for comfort when Dru had left, but Angel had never given over. Spike knew he felt something.
And now here he was, ready and eager, looking at him with wide eyes that were just begging � and he�d stopped. He�d run through his mind many reasons that could explain why.
Maybe because he had growled at him before Spike had kissed him, reminded him of Angelus. Nah, probably not that one. Maybe because Spike could see he wanted it so badly, and he got some perverse glee from denying him. Maybe because he wasn�t Angel � but he didn�t think he was that much of a romantic � He really couldn�t figure it out. He was staring at Angel�s back, his lean body prominently displayed in one of Gunn�s tighter shirts, and the baggy jeans very low down.
�So just you and me then.� Spike said, letting a leer into his voice.
Angel watched the fire, breathing in and out through his nose.
He doesn�t even realise he�s doing that, Spike thought.
�What should we do then?� he asked, shivering nicely in his wet clothing. He grinned at the shivering, as he always did. His body just did that, he wasn�t cold, there was no body temperature to get cold, but he shivered all the same. He supposed it was the same reason Angel was sitting breathing and warming himself in front of a fire on a cold day. Some old, vague human memory of what to do when its cold.
�Why are you wet?� Angel asked, still facing the fire.
�Out in the rain, pet, tends to get wet.�
�Why didn�t you come back inside?� he asked, his plan to give Spike the cold shoulder obviously forgotten, curiosity overriding.
�Well, I like the rain,� Spike said, very receptive to Angel�s questions, trying to keep him talking. He liked the sound of Angel� voice. �Makes me feel clean, all clean all over. Inside as well.�
Angel peeked at him in the doorway. �Why do you feel dirty? Is it because you have a soul now?�
Spike blanched at the direct question. He never really wondered why he liked the rain so much. �No.� he started.
�But it cleans you out?�
�Doesn�t mean I feel dirty.� Spike argued.
�Okay. Just makes you feel clean � er.� Spike could hear a smug sarcasm creep into the voice. He frowned. Angel turned back to his fire.
Spike walked into the room. His hair was stuck to his face in strands and his clothes were tacky. He pulled off the shirt and flopped into a chair behind Angel.
Angel looked behind him at the noise and saw Spike smirking at him, one leg thrown over the chair arm. His eyes glanced at his damp chest for a moment before swinging round to look at the fire. Spike sniffed and smelled the heavy scent of musky cinnamon, pure Angel. Normally he could tamp it down when he was aroused, but he�d probably forgotten how. Spike liked this scent. Dru smelled like lavender and spices when she got excited, and Darla smelled like bitter lemon, and salt. Angelus had smelled like musk, and when Spike had sniffed the air around Angel and Buffy he was interested to note that a cinnamon-y smell had crept in with the soul. But he�d never smelt it this strong.
Angel was oblivious, back to staring at the fire.
�Why you staring at the fire so much?� Spike asked.
�It�s pretty. Very calming. It reminds me of cats� for some reason.� His head dropped forward sleepily, �You smell like rain� and wet grass.�
Spike smiled again, this time at Angel�s guileless comments. Spike waited for Angel to say what was on his mind, it was always very interesting. He just said whatever he was thinking. It was such a change. Then, as he was watching his body shift slightly in front of the fire, and listening to things he was saying, so innocently, just straight off the top of his head, Spike realised that this was Angel, this was the real Angel. Pure Angel, because there was no mask. You knew what he was thinking and feeling at all times. There was no hiding of his feelings or thoughts, he was an open book, simply because there were pages he could remember to hide. There was no brooding or memories. This was Angel, with all the years stripped away, what he had started out as. And Spike was so heated, his eyes fixed on the back of Angel�s neck, and so excited by his own thoughts, that he just had to touch him, touch him, feel him, otherwise he felt he might explode.
He slipped down onto his knees silently, and reached out, running his hand up Angel�s back. His clothes and skin were heated by the fire, contrasted against Spike�s freezing rain temperature. Angel looked around, his eyes still sleepy. Spike couldn�t hold it any more, he let out a strangled growl at the simple sight of sleepy chocolate eyes gazing at him a little confused, and pounced, slamming Angel to the floor on his side, straddling his hip bone and kissing him roughly, violently trying to bite his way inside this beautiful thing, so beautiful, more now than ever. Angel pulled away with a yelp, his head slamming into the floor, his lips bleeding.
�Ow-� Spike kissed him again, he couldn�t not kiss him, he had to.
Spike lifted one knee and moved it in front of Angel so he wasn�t straddling the man, and still kissing, began to rub his hands over Angel�s body. With Angel lying on his side, his hands roamed over his entire body, over his chest, arms, down his back and around the curve of his buttocks. He broke the kiss at the feeling of rough denim, and straightened, pulling the jeans off.
�What are you�?� He looked down, and saw Angel, confused, lying on his side, hair messed completely standing out straight in some parts, his lips still bleeding. He looked like he�d been in a fight. And still, his eyes were wide, watching with no restraint every movement Spike was making. He was passively lying there, trusting Spike not to do anything bad to him. His eyes were a little scared from the rough treatment, and Spike�s demon couldn�t take it any more. It was growling and slamming viciously into the sides of its soul cage. Spike felt his face change involuntarily, with a growl. Angel�s eyes widened, his mouth opening silently. Time moved like it was underwater. Spike could feel his demon ready to attack, but he stayed, barely.
Not like this, he thought, he begged himself. Stop now.
Angel was completely still, eyes very scared now. The more vulnerable he looked, the more Spike�s demon clamoured to the surface.
Stop. Now stop. Get up. Walk. He commanded himself but he couldn�t. He couldn�t move.
He wanted him, so badly. His hands were on Angel�s thighs, clenching every few seconds. His demon just needed a trigger, anything, and he would rip off the shirt and boxers, and hold him down and just pound into him. Pound into him until he was screaming and crying and blood would cover both of them. He saw it happening in his head, and his demon had never been like this. Never.
He couldn�t even warn Angel, because he knew that his own voice could light this fuse, and he couldn�t stop once he started and now he couldn�t move, either to get away or to continue. He stayed, his hands clenching on Angel�s strained thighs, eyes staring at Angel�s shirt.
New York 66.
New York 66.
He read the print on the shirt over and over. It was the only thing he could think of.
New York 66.
The demon was seeing through his eyes, through a blood covered gaze, of Angel lying prostrate before them, waiting for something to happen, unknowing and guileless and innocent and Spike couldn�t hold it in any more. It was screeching to take him, to pull him apart until there was nothing left only blood and dust and come and that�s it, nothing else, no Angel �
�Is that what I look like?� Spike tensed at the voice, terrified it would set him off and his demon would fly loose and into Angel, and that would be it, but instead, the questioning tone disarmed him.
He was trembling. The demon sunk lower. That had never happened before. He had been out of control. And he was scared, very scared of the demon inside, and the fact it could take over.
He panted and he looked up at Angel�s face, quickly, still worried something would trigger him off.
Angel�s eyes were skating around his face.
�Do I look like that?� he asked again. His hand reached up to touch his forehead, pushing the hair back.
The demon sunk even lower.
�No.� he said, his voice sounded far away.
�Do I look like that man I saw in the book?�
Angel sounded like a six year old, and Spike calmed, his mind now circling the fact Angel was unsure what he looked like.
The initial fright had left Angel�s eyes and was replaced with a simple curiosity. He reached out and stroked along Spikes forehead.
�It�s all hard. Like bone.�
�It is.� Spikes voice had returned to normal. He released his death grip on Angel�s thighs.
�Oh.�
Angel shifted and sat up, getting closer to Spike�s face. He didn�t know how close Spike had been � Spike wildly kept a crying jag at arm�s length. He watched Angel.
He was peering at Spike�s face. He felt the bones around his eyes again, and then caught sight of his fangs. He hesitantly kissed Spike, and then slipped his tongue inside, feeling the new teeth. He dragged his tongue over a fang too hard and a bright bloom of cinnamon-whisky nutty flavoured blood blossomed in his mouth.
The demon started to rise, like gorge rising in his stomach, so Spike shoved Angel back down. He kissed him again, softly. Angel moaned.
Spike pulled away and looked down at him. He was smiling up.
�What?� Spike asked.
�Your eyes. They�re all yellow. Like a cats.� He reached up and kissed him again. �Pretty.� He murmured.
Spike tore the shirt off Angel. �I thought you knew what vampires were?�
�I did. I do. I know what they are, I just didn�t realise I didn�t know what they looked like.�
�This.� Spike said, throwing the ruined shirt on the couch.
�Pretty.�
�Pretty.� Spike agreed looking down at the bare chest beneath him. His ribs were a little prominent nowadays, probably because Angel didn�t really like to eat blood, and only did so when he was starving, but he was still very, very beautiful.
He reached down for the boxers, and saw Angel�s thighs tense a little. He pulled them off anyway, and looked back up at the face, and almost giggled at the sight of the Scourge of Europe looking very embarrassed about being naked. Spike shifted Angel from the floor to the rug. Angel bent his knees a little to make and effort at covering himself. Spike stood and unbuckled his jeans, letting them drop. Angel averted his eyes, but sneaked quick peaks back at him. Spike grinned and ran his hand down his stomach, pulled at his pubic hair and then circled his erection. He squeezed and pulled, putting on a show for Angel�s wide-open, shocked eyes.
He knelt back down, and tugged Angel�s legs apart by the ankles, keeping a hold on them. He bent down and licked a line up Angel�s cock. Angel squirmed around but Spike held onto the ankles, circling his thumbs gently into the bone. He bent again and swallowed the erection in front of him, watching as Angel�s head lifted from the ground to stare open mouthed at him. He drew back until only the head was in his mouth and then tongued the small slit. Angel howled.
Spike felt the demon inside thump once against him but he tamped it down.
He started to slip Angel in and out of his mouth, clenching his throat around the head, swallowing, and then letting him slip nearly all the way out, before repeating. He let go of Angel�s ankles and moved his hands to work on Angel�s balls as he concentrated on twirling his tongue around Angel as he moved up and down. Angel�s stomach muscles were clenched as his back was off the ground. His hands twisted themselves in the rug and his eyes were squinted closed as his teeth ground together.
�Sp..ike�� Angel gasped, looking down at him and panting.
Spike lifted off Angel�s cock, made sure Angel was watching, and then gave one last twirl of his tongue around the head. Angel came, Spike received some on his face, and swallowed Angel again to receive the rest. Angel lay back down exhausted, but still watching what Spike was doing. Spike stroked one black tipped finger down the softening cock, feeling Angel�s sticky come on his cheek.
Angel twitched.
He moved up to Angel�s face and kissed him, letting him taste himself in Spike�s mouth. He moaned. Spike moved back, and making eye contact with Angel again, smirked, and wiped his finger along his face, gathering the come and slipping the finger into his mouth. He sucked on it, mimicking what he had just finished with Angel.
Angel started to harden.
�Wait here.� Spike said.
He walked to the kitchen, hard on bobbing on front of him and grabbed some oil. He put it back after a second and smiling, went to the cupboard. He returned to Angel with a bottle of maple syrup in his hand.
Angel was still lying on the ground, body tired, but cock hardening. His legs were sprawled open, all thoughts of modesty forgotten.
�Hi.� He giggled from the ground.
Spike snorted and knelt back down. His knees were getting rug burn but he really didn�t care.
�You still excited pet?�
Angel nodded dreamily, using the back of one hand to rub his eye, a gesture that Spike was growing very, very fond of. Spike�s cock grew painfully hard, but he still took things slowly.
�Okay then.� He leant down and kissed Angel. Angel seemed to be more responsive when he was being kissed, and he moaned and sighed noises into Spike mouth. Again his tongue caught on Spike�s fang, and he yelped.
He pulled away frowning and put his finger in his mouth. �Ow.�
Spike rolled the small nibble of blood around on his tongue, eyes closed, tongue slipping out to lick his lips.
Angel stared up at him. �You like my blood?�
Spike laughed. �Yeah, you taste nice.�
Angel looked a bit scandalised.
�Really?� he took that in. After a moment he continued, very softly. �What do I taste like?�
�Which part, your blood? Your skin? Your spit? Your come?� Spike grinned at him.
�They taste diff?� any �blood?� Angel�s thoughts were obviously crowding in his head.
�Your blood tastes like cinnamon, and whisky. And walnuts. Sweet but not sugary. Tangy but not bitter.� He recited, he�d thought of how to explain the taste of Angel many times. He ran his hands over Angel�s chest and pinched at his nipples. �You have the nicest blood I�ve ever tasted.� He confided.
Angel looked stupefied. He was blinking rapidly. �Thanks? I guess that�s a thanks for a vampire?�
Spike leant down and sucked one of the nipples in his mouth making Angel squeal. His nipples always were so sensitive.
Spike rolled him over after a moment, so he was on his hands and knees. Angel followed passively. He licked up Angel�s hole quickly, watching the jerk of his entire body. Angel�s eyes, as expected, peered back over his shoulder, shocked.
�What are you doing?!� He yelped. He tried to start moving away, embarrassed, but Angel caught him by his sharp hipbones and dragged him back, giving him burns along his hands and knees. Angel hissed.
�Ow!� He was back in place but he was distracted by his burnt hands. �That hurt.� He grumped.
Spike found Angel�s low tolerance to any sort of pain nothing but endearing. He was pouting. Spike giggled and bent forward, holding Angel�s hips and licking at his hole.
�Ahhh ahhh ahhh!� Angel was twitching like he was holding onto live electricity.
Spike pointed his tongue and pushed it inside.
�Spike!�
Spike released his girp on one of the hip bones so he could stroke onto Angel�s cock while he tongued. Angel was no longer forming words, he was just rambling incoherant noises.
Spike drew back and opened the maple syrup. He poured it over Angel buttocks massaging it in.
�Sugary?� Angel asked irrationally, obviously smelling the syrup.
�Yup. Sugary. You have a sweet fang.� He licked Angel�s cheeks, sucking up the syrup. He used a finger to push the sugary mess inside Angel gently. He was very tight. He moved forward and kissed Angel, smiling inwardly at the frantic lashing of Angel�s tongue trying to suck all the syrup from his mouth.
He moved back to prod at Angel�s hole with his finger. He had never done this before. He was preparing Angel to take him, and he and his demon were growling at the thought. He imagined himself pounding into the willing, beautiful body and he shoved two fingers inside roughly twisting them around.
�Ooohhh! Spike!� Angel cried out in pain.
Spike got a hold of himself and slowly worked the fingers around in the slippery hole. Angel began moaning again. He seemed as adverse to pain as a human, and Spike was bemused by it. He didn�t seem to have the pain tolerance of a vampire. Or he didn�t remember it.
He kept working the hole, watching his fingers enter Angel�s body then slip out again.
Basically Angel seemed to be human � in a vampires body. Well, he liked blood once he had it, but he didn�t like the thought of it. He didn�t think like a vampire, and he still tried to sleep at night. Spike even noticed that Angel breathed most of the time, without thinking.
Spike shook his head and focused on the job at hand. The sounds of Angel grunting and panting, the sight of his fingers slipping in and out and the sight of Angel�s body jerking around and thrusting back to meet his fingers ever so often were coating Spike�s cock in precum.
He added a third finger slowly, watching Angel�s body tense as it slipped in. He moved his fingers in further, using his fingernails to brush against Angel�s prostate.
�Spike Spike Spike!� Angel said as the flashes of pleasure rocketed through him.
Spike grinned, kissed Angel�s spine and then pressed one nail steadily against the nerves.
Angel�s head jerked back and he came onto the rug below him. His arms shook and collapsed. Spike turned him over and moved him a little so he wasn�t lying on the wet patch he had just made. Angel looked like he was ready to sleep.
Spike kicked the lounge away from them so he�d have more room, and then squeezed more syrup down over Angel�s balls and perenium, so it dripped over his hole. Angel shuddered.
�Spike.� He whispered.
�What is it pet?� Spike asked positioning himself. Angel shrugged, his head rolled to the side.
�Do you want to stop?� Spike asked, not sure what he�d do if Angel said yes.
Angel shook his head and smiled.
�It�s a good time to do this, you�re relaxed.� Spike said, watching Angel�s pleasured out face.
Angel smiled, showing his teeth. �Kiss me.� He said.
Spike obliged, bent over him, supporting himself with his arms, and kissed him gently, licking over his tongue. Angel purred.
Spike kissed over his lips, and positioned himself again. He started to push but then stopped. Angel�s eyes flicked open.
�What?� he whispered. Spike stood and grabbed a cushion from the couch, and lifted Angel�s head shoving the cushion underneath.
He pushed into Angel. Angel�s eyes widened and his mouth worked soundlessly. Spike pushed in further. He was so tight. Angel�s muscles clamped onto his cock like iron, and Spike had imagined this so many times, but didn�t think it would be this good. He closed his eyes and concentrated on not coming before he was fully inside. His fangs dug into his lip, small drops of blood leaked out.
He pushed in further still and Angel yelped, Spikes eyes flicked open and saw Angel gritting his teeth, his lips curled back. Sweat was beaded on his upper lip.
Spike frowned. After vampires had been taken the first time, even turned as virgins, they stay as tight as they were before. But they also retain a certain tolerance for the pain that comes with it. Spike knew this, about himself and other vampires he had met. He was sure his body remained virginal, but when he was receiving it never hurt as much as the first night Angelus had pounded into him. Spike wasn�t sure if Angel was in so much pain because he didn�t remember any other times, or if it was because he didn�t have any other times. Spike thought furiously, his cock twitching inside Angel, trying to remember if Angelus had ever said anything about being on the receiving end. He couldn�t. But maybe he wouldn�t talk about it.
Angel was completely still again, trying not to move at all on Spike�s cock.
But his Sire was Darla, Spike thought looking down at the pain fading on Angel�s face now that he wasn�t moving, and she couldn�t have topped him. Spike pondered, trying to keep his mind of the fact his cock was screaming because it knew he was in someone but wasn�t doing anything about it. It was quite possible that Angel was a virgin. He couldn�t ask him of course.
He looked down at Angel�s face, not looking tired now, but a little wary. Spike wasn�t sure what to say.
�I�m good.� Angel said. �Just didn�t really expect it to feel � like that.� He looked apologetic.
�It gets better. I promise.�
Angel looked down and saw Spike�s cock entering him. Lust rippled through him, and the air was a gain scented with musky cinnamon.
Spike pushed again and his cock brushed over Angel�s prostate. Angel�s legs started quivering around Spike�s waist.
�You�re liking that?� Spike smirked. Angel nodded.
Spike pulled out a little and then pushed back in, faster. Angel groaned. The pain faded and Spike started thrusting. Angel closed his eyes as he was rocked; wrapped in the pleasure that Spike�s cock was creating. He started moaning. Spike thrust gently, and he pushed the hair off Angel�s forehead.
�I like it now.� Angel grunted.
�I�ll bet you do.� Spike leered. Angel�s cock was hardening again. Spike kept thrusting. He lifted one of Angel�s legs up over his shoulder. The stretch gained Spike deeper access and Angel groaned, his cock now tight against his stomach.
Spike bent down watching Angel�s expressions. Angel opened his eyes and Spike concentrated on flicking back to his human face. Angel angled his head for a kiss, which Spike provided, still penetrating Angel in a steady rhythm.
�Faster.� Angel said, reaching down to circle his fist around his penis.
Spike quickened, and looked down to see Angel stroking his cock in time. He smiled and ran his hands over Angel�s thighs.
The world became very clear and it slowed down, he could see Angel�s body rising to meet his thrusts, could see each of the flames in the fireplace flicker and retreat, could see each of Angel�s eyelashes as he rolled his head back in pleasure pain.
Spike roared and came, filling Angel with cool seed. Angel came as well, splattering them both. Spike kept pumping lazily until his cock became oversensitive and forced him to pull out. Angel panted, legs spread open, arms wide. He couldn�t keep his eyes open. Spike leant down to kiss him again, and he felt the lips at his own and passively opened his mouth, eyes still closed.
�You�re beautiful.� He heard Spike say. He felt like he was underwater. He tried to smile at the comment but it felt like his lips were lead.
Spike stood and watched Angel falling asleep. His whole body was relaxing into the boneless state of slumber. He picked him up off the floor and felt how light he was. His head was resting on his shoulder and he could see his eyelashes like little brushes on his eyelids, could see his hair stuck to his forehead, could see tiny cuts on his lips.
�Angel?� He whispered into the shell of his ear. �You�re beautiful.�
Angel mumbled something in response.
He carried him upstairs.