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| I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard. |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men are on a ship looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool- Aid. |
| It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets his wings. But what they don't tell you is, everytime you hear a mousetrap snap, an angel gets set on fire. |
| If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. |
| Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think. |
| Folks still remember the day Old Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar. |
| The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people. |
| I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. |