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| ENTRY #011806: PLACES I WOULD PREFER TO NEVER VISIT: JAPAN NEW YORK CITY MEXICO (never again) FLORIDA AFRICA LAS VEGAS CARIBBEAN ISLANDS LOS ANGELES (never again) PUERTO RICO THE MIDDLE EAST WASHINGTON D.C. CENTRAL AMERICA HAWAII THE BAHAMAS NEW ORLEANS JAMAICA DETROIT PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT: FINLAND IDAHO (again) IRELAND MONTANA (again) SWEDEN ALBERTA SCOTLAND SASKATCHEWAN NORWAY WYOMING (again) ENGLAND MANITOBA GERMANY NORTH DAKOTA ICELAND SOUTH DAKOTA VANCOUVER ISLAND ENTRY #021806: I force myself to view THE GRAMMY AWARDS...Just to reaffirm that i am IN FACT some sort of "musical genuis" and to relish just how out of touch I am with the aural manure that passes as "music" in today's ultra shallow soul-less entertaiment biz! This year I taped it and viewed as much as I could... THE OPENER...Sets the appropriate tone as a faux singer/mediocre dancer MADONNA (with wrestler thighs) interacts (performs?) with a computer generated "band". Exhilerating. STEVIE WONDER AND ? make an attempt at something "off the cuff" embarrassing. And who was that chick spitting in his harmonica and singing off-key with him? COLDPLAY...Wow...bad song, sung off-key by a little fella that looked (and acted) like something Bono had coughed up! ENTRY #101805: HOT N' BRAINY Maria Bartiromo (financial newscaster) Michelle Maulkin (author) Tammie Bruce (author) Victoria Barret (Forbes staff writer) Karen Hanretty Nora O' Donnell (television news correspondent) Pamela Hess (journalist) Julie Banderas (television correspondent) Sara Clemmence (television news) Barbara Slavin (USA Today) Rachel Marsden (columnist Toronto Sun) ENTRY #2927: Chico California...never-ending parade of idiocy and censorship...collegiate numbskulls, dim-witted brown shirt journalists...a soul numbing divot of emptiness and fascist/racist thought control. They don't allow unusual colthes, bad words, unusual/original music, original thought....a cultural divot of small brains, art nazis n' bad pizza. ENTRY #101005: I have over 140 television stations to choose from and seemingly not one that caters to anyone with an IQ of 140 or more. There is much programing for little and or soft btrains...illiterates and imbiciles...WHERE'S MY HIGH IQ T.V.! ENTRY #1018052: If GRAFITTI is a form of self expression, then ARSON is a form of performance art and ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON is a form of improv comedy. ENTRY #012206: THE MOST HORRIFIC FAMOUS SONGWRITERS: Dave Mathews, John Hiatt, Jack Johnson, Steve Miller, Bono, Ben Harper, Tracy Chapman. ENTRY Z: Mr. Bush...yes, that president guy...just can't wait...(well can hardly wait)... for that nuke to come across our southern border...he's drooling and waiting...he thought it would be here by now... at least that's what mr. v. fox had promised... anyway....he's getting VERY anxious... ENTRY #7575757: Speaking of ultra-fascist stuff...Chico California remarkably continues to exist...it is a NO FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION ZONE...something that no doubt brings sunshine to the soul of the ghost of Adolf Hitler...the California Capitol of thought control and art destruction. I've never encountered a more artless nazi community of rice farmers, college numbskulls and reality star wanna-bees in my life! A dirty, illiterate, angry, dullard town! Frat house imbiciles and red, bloated old timers doing the "no-brain mambo" on gutless theater stages. An art sucking "no-mans-land" of creativity. ENTRY #757756: The President of the United States of America (who is apparently also the Vice President of Mexico) George Bush continues to cling to his fantasy that he can turn Bagdad into something ressembling Baltimore (wait a minute, Baltimore and Bagdad aren't that different really)....how about turning Bagdad into Boise...Anyway, it ain't never gonna happen. A door is not a chair. DIFFERENT PEOPLES OF THE PLANET ARE DIFFERENT. The truth of diversity. ENTRY #4: PAUL McCARTNEY "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard" (2005) - Paul's newest CD is his best release in 16 years and may be his most consistantly listenable solo album ever. That said, although the CD does benefit from the absence of the "cringe factor" (embarrassingly bad material that filled more than a few tracks of his previous solo albums), it ALSO lacks the "goose bump factor" brought on by such pop gems as "Maybe I'm Amazed", "My Love", "Tug of War", "Dear Boy", "Through Our Love", "Here Today", "Every Night", "Hope of Deliverance" or some of his notable collaborations with Elvis Costello ("My Brave Face"). In fact according to the "Slam Buckra Music Scoring Method", his newset CD, although a very solid surprise, ranks only 5th among his solo albums. Here's Paul's top 8 solo albums as lovingly ranked by moi! 1. "Flowers In The Dirt" (1989) - 2.79 stars 2. "Tug of War" (1982) - 2.62 stars 3. "Red Rose Speedway" (1973) - 2.58 stars 4. "Pipes of Peace" (1983) - 2.45 stars 5. "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard" (2005) - 2.27 stars 6. "McCartney" (1970) - 2.23 stars 7. "Ram" (1971) - 2.2 stars 8. "Band on the Run" (1974) - 2.15 stars As a measuring stick, The Beatles' "Revolver" scores 4 stars. ENTRY #2645400: THE "YA GET WHAT YOU DESERVE DEPARTMENT"...It's frightening to imagine who/what might be elected president in 2008. The last two...the chuckling Harvard dullard and the creepy sociopath genius weren't worth a wheelbarrow of fruit bat dung. ENTRY #995: I have been wearing earplugs while I sleep for 35 years. I have been taking an average of 5 grams of vitamin C per week for 32 years. I have been "addicted" to news radio (now called talk radio) for 23 years. ENTRY #31045: In the wake of Hurricane Katrina New Orleans looked like a third world city on drugs. But the fact is, New Orleans has always been a third world city on drugs. New Orleans has been the filthiest most dysfunctional, most corrupt city in America for decades. 50% of the yearly income of the New Orleans police force came from bribes. 30% of the New Orleans police force ran away when the hurricane hit (although a few did stay to join in the looting). The main reason such an immense social disaster resulted from a big storm passing by New Orleans is that the city has been a pathetic garbage heap of irresponsible lawless humanity for many many years. ENTRY #496767: What's with all the currently popluar songs with one word titles? ..."Dreams", "Colors", "Spoiled", "Collide", "Oh", "Chariot", "Remedy", "Cool", "Play", "Helena", "Calling", "Girl", "Rain", "Statue"...(Don't worry I don't listen to this crap, I just pay attention) ENTRY #2066: Excusing looting is the first sign of a civil society unglueing. ENTRY #44: Sharing I-5 with those 116 wheel 10 ton monster trucks is like sharing a wading pool with grey whale on PCP....dozens of styrofoam cups half filled with flat pepsi one...giggling black ants n' whatnot. Bill of Thursday through Saturday at The Clover Club would understand. Crushed ice white russians go down SO smooth. ENTRY #46: Speaking of mad cow disease, Bob Dylan looked a bit like Salvador Dali meets Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy on the Academy Awards. Speaking of hoof in the mouth, Julia Roberts looked like Jacob Dylan meets Mister Ed. ENTRY #103: I haven't seen a movie in a theater in almost 10 years. Why does Mickey Dolenz actually look like a monkey? Any Combustible Edison fans out there? What ever happened to thick fluffy socks and soft comfortable sneakers? Does anyone know where Elizabeth Montgomery or Wilt Chamberlain are buried? I've never fallen through the ice on a frozen lake. Never. But I like a "Goo Goo Peanutbutter Cluster" every now and then. ENTRY #42-B: There ain't nothing like stepping on a cooked cold lima bean at 4 in the morning....in your bare feet...in a strange house. ENTRY #6: So what's with all the new band names that have numbers in `em? 112, 3LW, Matchbox 20, 13th Floor Elevators, Third Eye Blind, Ten Tray, Take 5, Take 6, Third Bass, Heaven 17, Haircut 100, H2O, H2so4, Blink 182, Black 47, Buck-O-Nine, Five, Fem 2 Fem, Finger 11, Bran Van 3000, BR5-49, 12 Rods, Toothpaste 2000, 24/7 Spyz, 2 Brothers on the 4th Floor, Two Minute Sinatra, Three 6 Mafia, 9 Days, A3, Automatic 7, 3Doors Down, Apartment 26, 12 Rounds, Twisted 7, Two, 2 Deep, Two Two, S Club 7, Tab Two, 10 Minute Warning, !0 Speed, 3From the Soul, Three Times Dope, Three T, 311, Third Storee, Third Part, 3rd Day..... ENTRY #112: Where are all the marbles and solid state Sunn amplifiers? ENTRY #4: OK...so the trend of wearing the BUTT UGLY NEO-VINTAGE-RETRO (amazing facsimile) HAWAIIIAN SHIRT has finally begun to wane...but what's with the FAUX HIPSTER SHIRT WITH ORIENTAL WRITING AND OR DRAGONS thang? How'd'ya know what yer shirt is saying?...other than "I am a lost and fashionless soul"....?...It might say something like "I eat deep fried kittens". ENTRY #2177: Profoundly Over-Rated: Bono, John Hiatt, David Byrne, Bruce Springsteen, Michael Stipes, Richard Thompson. ENTRY #47: Finger 11, S Club 7, Seven Day Jesus, Samantha 7, Seven Mary Three, Scott 4, Ben Folds Five, Secret Chiefs 3, Seven Red Seven, Sevendust, Section 8 Mob, Seventeen Rhinos, Seven Year Bitch, Seven Six Four Hero, Seven L and Esoteric, Seven Seconds... ENTRY #7: Artichokes are shrinking. Who should I contact? ENTRY #WW-5: That's one car length for every ten miles per hour you are traveling. ENTRY #32: The saddest thang about the death of Carrol O' Conner is having to see that puss filled humpty dumpty Rob Reiner spout his clueless twaddle all over the airwaves. What a waste of blood and oxygen! ENTRY #81: And when I discovered that the definition of "vim" was "vigor", I rose from the bus bench and walked home. ENTRY #17: Why the recent glut of "hair removal" AND "hair growth" advertisements ENTRY #2929485: Capitolism without and a sense of dignity or decency becomes one big mud wrestling tournament. And now that the desire for FAME and CELEBRITY has eclipsed the desire for MONEY...the USA has become what I call a "Celebritocracy". Hundreds of millions of lazy, talentless, uneducated, FAT, spineless "soft-brainers" chasing the American Dream of FAME! ENTRY #2-2: Chico California is EXTREMELY close-minded and conformist. Lock-step style art nazis. Hipness by numbers. Frat house fascism n' whatnot. Beer swiggin' brain police. Brown shirt mystery meat lemmings. ENTRY #66-6: Dalmations are barkers. Clouds that look like lambs n' fangs move the most slowly. ENTRY #133: Semi-satanic-anti-christ-esque: Kurt Loder, Gay Talese, Barbara Boxer, Bernie Ward, Norman Lear.... ENTRY #41-11: Maybe their moms used alot cheap hairspray during the first 4 months of pregnancy...or large quantities of quality cold medicine....tall cans o' malt liquor?...that might explain the genetic malady manifesting in the form of crew cut, dull eyed, ball capped, expressionless males between the age of 16 and 26. Who are these people and what do they want? No use asking them, I've tried. They travel in packs of 3-6. Never with chicks. Always guys amongst guys. Rarely wearing collared shirts or laughing. They're creepy. And they hardly bleed at all. Now they've begun invading The Squire Room! ENTRY #3094856: Why would it be, that telephones are no longer designed in accordance with the shape and size of the human head? Is is possible to purchase a winter coat that has neither zippers or velcro? ENTRY #2985745: Chico....HOME OF THE BRAIN POLICE! ENTRY #13-27-00: Damn, George Harrison...gone. I "was" George...pickin' on the Don Budge tennis racket in the crooked Beatle wig in Mimi's backyard. Two Beatles gone and Bono and Grace Slick still live? This MUST be hell. ENTRY #22: What's with all the car commercials showing dim-witted big city yuppies taking their brand spankin' new autos to the countryside and driving way too friggin' fast....I don't want those "small brains" living out their TV ad fantasies on my country roads! Why don't they make a commercial showin' them speeding around an elementary school in downtown Miami or something!? Speaking of which...my momma always told me "the bigger and redder the truck, the bigger and redder the sore on the little fella's little fella". ENTRY #19559: Who's gonna make a movie with Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman? They could just sit at a kitchen table for 90 minutes mumbling about antacids and skin cream...I'd watch. Or how `bout Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis in a 93 minute chase scene/fist fight at the Seattle space needle? ENTRY #2: "Blues" used to be cool...it was cool music appreciated by cool people who also dug Sonny Rollins or Charles Bukowski or Zappa or Leonard Cohen...nowadays blues has been nearly destroyed by the horror of BLUES SOCIETIES....invaded by corpulent lonely white guys with black hats, shades and hawaiian shirts and soon-to-be-blue-hair old hippie chicks with alot of free time...ultra squares...art nazis...the blues will die if these people keep their strangle hold on the music...hopefully heart disease will dispense with `em all in the next 15 years and we can reclaim the blues as an art and not a dusty musty museum exhibit...if you belong to a BLUES SOCIETY, and you really care about the blues, QUIT....tell all your friends to quit...take that membership dough and go out and buy an R.L. Burnside CD or a Bob Log III CD...and maybe some Miles Davis. ENTRY #806: Who among us will step forward, stick a pin in that over-ripened purulent Bono and let that yicky puss out? ENTRY #3007: Teeny brained vacuous touristos who travel to "ground zero" in New York City taking pictures of the hole in the ground and buying souvenirs should be promptly spayed/neutered and have a big zero permanently tattooed on their forehead. ENTRY #00566: Homeland Security my foot...how is it possible to ever be secure in a house with many doors all of which are unlocked and wide open? Spanking #2 is no doubt on it's way and gonna be a doozy. ENTRY #5: The top scientists of planet earth have now concluded that as of July 17, 1968 the human race ceased evolving. And there is some evidence that the human race is presently de-evolving... bodys shrinking, finger length shortening, a marked reduction in skull diameter, larger wider tongues and a lot fewer red heads. ENTRY #7204588: Has anyone spotted Ozzie Nelson's penlight of late? ENTRY #2947586: There were flashes of grace, intelligence and class in the normally nauseating Academy Awards show....namely the speeches by Sidney Poitier and Robert Redford. But, to painfully balance things out, there was the unsightly sight and sound of Whoopi "no talent" Goldberg and Babs "blubba" Streisand and the sophmoric blathering hysterics of Halle Berry. But heck, they're ONLY actors. Acting is no doubt the lowest form of "craft" there is. Ranking just below house painters. ENTRY #3399: Dogs are no doubt the only real reason to hang tight and refill them gooey lungs. ENTRY #212-77-4: Since 9/11...the government can now find out from libraries and book stores exactly what you're reading while EVERY 60 SECONDS 80 illegal/undocumented aliens waltz across the US borders unchallenged...that's 80 every minute. The political right and left have both gone bonkers using the events of 9/11 to fuel their BS machinary...thought control and cultural marxism have taken over, while rational thinking has been effectively outlawed. ENTRY #313XX: Conan O' Brian STILL on T.V.? S'up with that?!? ENTRY #967483: OK....Now admittedly I'm a little outta the cultural poop loop...I haven't been to a movie theater in 10 years and haven't watched network TV in 27 years...But heck, I got eyes...I saw Jennifer Lopez for the first time tonight...I thought she was supposed to be a beautiful sexy woman...??...she looks more like an over-the-hill Motel 6 maid with liver disease to me! ENTRY #20079D84: THE10 WORST THINGS ABOUT LIFE IN THE FAR UPPER NORTHSTATE OF CALIFORNIA: 1.) DIRTY AIR (and that damn heat ain't dry heat anymore!) 2.) TRASH (LITTER)...almost makes L.A. look tidy! 3.) METH LABS 4.) WHITE TRASH 5.) LITTLE COWBOYS IN BIG RED TRUCKS 6.) REALLY BAD DOCTORS 7.) WHITE TRASH ON METH 8.) REALLY BAD DOCTORS ON METH LITTERING WHILE DRIVING BIG RED TRUCKS 9.) THERE'S RATTLE SNAKES, BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS AND SCORPIONS! 10.) CHICO (far north outpost of the Cultural Eloi, Thought Patrol and Frat House Art Fascists) ENTRY #12484937: Exactly what's going on with the shape of young peoples ears these days??!! Take a look sometime. They don't have an "ear" shape. More like a half eaten oatmeal cookie. ENTRY #3598: It's no coincidence that during the past 10 years while "blues societies" have been flourishing "the blues" has been suffocating and dying. In 2002, blues represented only 3% of all music recording sales. Having the U.S, Congress proclaim 2003 "The Year of the Blues" may be the last nail in the coffin. The blues societies have nearly achieved their goal of smothering the life out of the genre. These "Blues In Schools" programs are another sizable shovel of dirt on the grave. Luckily there are a few renegade blues society folks out there who want to keep the blues alive and not "PRESERVED". Glenna Caserta of the Siskiyou Blues Society, Zak Cole of the San Diego Blues Society and Gayiel Von of the Sacramento Blues Society are a few. If in it's "mission statement" a blues society states that one of it's goals is to "preserve" the blues, don't join (or quit). Everybody knows ya don't preserve anything that's still breathin' and alive! By the way, a couple of great NEW blues records are "Fool Me Good" by Precious Bryant and "The Big Come Up" by The Black Keys. Check `em out, and if ya dig `em BUY 2 COPIES!!! ENTRY #2929: Duct tape and saran wrap on the doors and windows while our borders are virtually wide open? Searching grandma's sneakers at the airport while Abdul Mobbislobber is strolling across the border? Who's in charge of this fiasco? ENTRY #30548667: Julian Bond and David Letterman seem to be morphing into eachother. They're just about as funny as eachother too. ENTRY #0W3497: I am presently listening to alot of "Eureka" by Jim O' Rourke, Harpers Bizarre and Eric Dolphy. ENTRY#39VJNB: 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT LIFE IN THE FAR UPPER NORTHSTATE OF CALIFORNIA: 1.) It's 544 miles From LA! 2.) Most folks STILL have manners. 3.) It's 2,666 miles from Florida! 4.) The Squire Room (Monday-Saturday featuring Frank). 5.) Most folks have a basic command of the English language (that's the language I speak and understand the best). 6.) The Clover Club (Wednesday-Saturday featuring Bill). 7.) It's 3,042 miles from New York City! 8.) Relative cultural homogeneity. 9.) The 501 Club (a great little itty bitty teeny weeny gay bar that sometimes features "Capt. Snatchmo" in the go-go cage!). 10.) Jack's (great steaks in the moldy dank dark) ENTRY #936754DY7: Sneakers...automobiles...mini stereos...telephones...are all getting that comic book hero grey baked plastic bubble look happening. Vague imitations of what a computer generated world would look like to a knuckle headed child mannequin...on a big screen TV...seen through a video phone. ENTRY #49: Listening lately to alot of Rufus Wainright, Yo La Tengo and Broadcast. ENTRY #58574: The common culture of the United States of America has become a funnel cloud of raw blind hysteria and sensationalism. Rational thinking has become virtually outlawed. Civility is frowned upon ENTRY 847576: Chico California is an artless community filled with idiot "wanna-be" artists wrapped in chains and Saran Wrap! THESE ARE THE BRAIN POLICE! BACK TO SLAM CENTRAL |