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ENTRY #44: Sharing I-5 with those 116 wheel 10 ton monster trucks is like sharing a wading pool with grey whale on PCP....dozens of styrofoam cups half filled with flat pepsi one...giggling black ants n' whatnot. Bill of Thursday through Saturday at The Clover Club would understand. Crushed ice white russians go down SO smooth.

ENTRY #46: Speaking of mad cow disease, Bob Dylan looked a bit like Salvador Dali meets Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy on the Academy Awards. Speaking of hoof in the mouth, Julia Roberts looked like Jacob Dylan meets Mister Ed.

ENTRY #103: I haven't seen a movie in a theater in almost 5 years. Why does Mickey Dolenz actually look like a monkey? Any Combustible Edison fans out there? What ever happened to thick fluffy socks and soft comfortable sneakers? Does anyone know where Elizabeth Montgomery or Wilt Chamberlain are buried? I've never fallen through the ice on a frozen lake. Never. But I like a "Goo Goo Peanutbutter Cluster" every now and then.

ENTRY #42-B: There ain't nothing like stepping on a cooked cold lima bean at 4 in the morning....in your bare feet...in a strange house.

ENTRY #6: So what's with all the new band names that have numbers in `em? 112, 3LW, Matchbox 20, 13th Floor Elevators, Third Eye Blind, Ten Tray, Take 5, Take 6, Third Bass, Heaven 17, Haircut 100, H2O, H2so4, Blink 182, Black 47, Buck-O-Nine, Five, Fem 2 Fem, Finger 11, Bran Van 3000, BR5-49, 12 Rods, Toothpaste 2000, 24/7 Spyz, 2 Brothers on the 4th Floor, Two Minute Sinatra, Three 6 Mafia, 9 Days, A3, Automatic 7, 3Doors Down, Apartment 26, 12 Rounds, Twisted 7, Two, 2 Deep, Two Two, S Club 7, Tab Two, 10 Minute Warning, !0 Speed, 3From the Soul, Three Times Dope, Three T, 311, Third Storee, Third Part, 3rd Day.....

ENTRY #112: Where are all the marbles and solid state Sunn amplifiers?

ENTRY #4: OK...so the trend of wearing the BUTT UGLY NEO-VINTAGE-RETRO (amazing facsimile) HAWAIIIAN SHIRT has finally begun to wane...but what's with the FAUX HIPSTER SHIRT WITH ORIENTAL WRITING AND OR DRAGONS thang? How'd'ya know what yer shirt is saying?...other than "I am a lost and fashionless soul"....?...It might say something like "I eat deep fried kittens".

ENTRY #2177: Profoundly Over-Rated: Bono, John Hiatt, David Byrne, Bruce Springsteen, Michael Stipes, Richard Thompson.

ENTRY #47: Finger 11, S Club 7, Seven Day Jesus, Samantha 7, Seven Mary Three, Scott 4, Ben Folds Five, Secret Chiefs 3, Seven Red Seven, Sevendust, Section 8 Mob, Seventeen Rhinos, Seven Year Bitch, Seven Six Four Hero, Seven L and Esoteric, Seven Seconds...

ENTRY #7: Artichokes are shrinking. Who should I contact?

ENTRY #WW-5: That's one car length for every ten miles per hour you are traveling.

ENTRY #32: The saddest thang about the death of Carrol O' Conner is having to see that puss filled humpty dumpty Rob Reiner spout his clueless twaddle all over the airwaves. What a waste of blood and oxygen!

ENTRY #81: And when I discovered that the definition of "vim" was "vigor", I rose from the bus bench and walked home.

ENTRY #17: Why the recent glut of "hair removal" AND "hair growth" advertisements and NO Elvis Presley re-packaged CD re-issues?

ENTRY #W-00: Borders, language, culture. Borders, language, culture. For an explanation in English, press 1 and stop listening.

ENTRY #2-2: Chico California is a little too damn close-minded and conformist. Lock-step style art nazis. Hipness by numbers. Frat house facism n' whatnot. Beer swiggin' brain police. Brown shirt mystery meat lemmings.

ENTRY #66-6: Dalmations are barkers. Clouds that look like lambs n' fangs move the most slowly.

ENTRY #133: Semi-satanic-anti-christ-esque: Kurt Loder, Gay Talese, Barbara Boxer, Bernie Ward, Norman Lear....

ENTRY #41-11: Maybe their moms used alot cheap hairspray during the first 4 months of pregnancy...or large quantities of quality cold medicine....tall cans o' malt liquor?...that might explain the genetic malady manifesting in the form of crew cut, dull eyed, ball capped, expressionless males between the age of 16 and 26. Who are these people and what do they want? No use asking them, I've tried. They travel in packs of 3-6. Never with chicks. Always guys amongst guys. Rarely wearing collared shirts or laughing. They're creepy. And they hardly bleed at all. Now they've begun invading The Squire Room!

ENTRY #3094856: Why would it be, that telephones are no longer designed in accordance with the shape and size of the human head? Is is possible to purchase a winter coat that has neither zippers or velcro?

ENTRY #13-27-00: Damn, George Harrison...gone. I "was" George...pickin' on the Don Budge tennis racket in the crooked Beatle wig in Mimi's backyard. Two Beatles gone and Bono and Grace Slick still live? This MUST be hell.

ENTRY #22: What's with all the car commercials showing dim-witted big city yuppies taking their brand spankin' new autos to the countryside and driving way too friggin' fast....I don't want those "small brains" living out their TV ad fantasies on my country roads! Why don't they make a commercial showin' them speeding around an elementary school in downtown Miami or something!? Speaking of which...my momma always told me "the bigger and redder the truck, the bigger and redder the sore on the little fella's little fella".

ENTRY #19559: Who's gonna make a movie with Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman? They could just sit at a kitchen table for 90 minutes mumbling about antacids and skin cream...I'd watch. Or how `bout Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis in a 93 minute chase scene/fist fight at the Seattle space needle?

ENTRY #2: "Blues" used to be cool...it was cool music appreciated by cool people who also dug Sonny Rollins or Charles Bukowski or Zappa or Leonard Cohen...nowadays blues has been nearly destroyed by the horror of BLUES SOCIETIES....invaded by corpulent lonely white guys with black hats, shades and hawaiian shirts and soon-to-be-blue-hair old hippie chicks with alot of free time...ultra squares...art nazis...the blues will die if these people keep their strangle hold on the music...hopefully heart disease will dispense with `em all in the next 15 years and we can reclaim the blues as an art and not a dusty musty museum exhibit...if you belong to a BLUES SOCIETY, and you really care about the blues, QUIT....tell all your friends to quit...take that membership dough and go out and buy an R.L. Burnside CD or a Bob Log III CD...and maybe some Miles Davis.

ENTRY #806: Who among us will step forward, stick a pin in that over-ripened purulent Bono and let that yicky puss out?

ENTRY #12-12: LAZY LIVING LEGEND, GREEDY BEATLE BILLIONAIRE Paul McCartney is adding insult to injury...after putting out probably his worst album since 1978's "London Town"...2001's horrible and lazy "Driving Rain"...AND cursing the world (and cashing in on tragedy) with THAT song "Freedumb"...billionaire Paul is going out on tour...a decent seat (prior to legal scalping) costs between $250-$350...Sir Paul will be singing to the rich and corporate privileged...Paul, maybe if you'd spend the time and sweat to write and record something decent we wouldn't feel so bad about your hands on our wallets. By the way, this tirade is coming from one of the BIGGEST and most dedicated Paul McCartney fans in the universe.

ENTRY #3007: Teeny brained vacuous touristos who travel to "ground zero" in New York City taking pictures of the hole in the ground and buying souvenirs should be promptly spayed/neutered and have a big zero permanently tattooed on their forehead.

ENTRY #00566: Homeland Security my foot...how is it possible to ever be secure in a house with many doors all of which are unlocked and wide open? Spanking #2 is no doubt on it's way and gonna be a doozy.

ENTRY #5: The top scientists of planet earth have now concluded that as of July 17, 1968 the human race ceased evolving. And there is some evidence that the human race is presently de-evolving... bodys shrinking, finger length shortening, a marked reduction in skull diameter, larger wider tongues and a lot fewer red heads.

ENTRY #7204588: Has anyone spotted Ozzie Nelson's penlight of late?

ENTRY#2947586: There were flashes of grace, intelligence and class in the normally nauseating Academy Awards show....namely the speeches by Sidney Poitier and Robert Redford. But, to painfully balance things out, there was the unsightly sight and sound of Whoopi "no talent" Goldberg and Babs "blubba" Streisand and the sophmoric blathering hysterics of Halle Berry. But heck, they're ONLY actors. Acting is no doubt the lowest form of "craft" there is. Ranking just below house painters.