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London 2012 |
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Victory over France (again) |
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A Report by [email protected], 7th July 2005 |
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IOC Chooses London over Paris to host the 30th Olympiad |
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Today, the International Olympic Committee announced that London would host the 2012 Olympic Games, hitting the beleaguered Parisian public with yet another defeat.
Paris had been considered the favourite to host the games, but the over confidence of the French government became a stark reminder of dramatic defeats in the past. As one spectator pointed out "You would have thought that they would have learned from the past, I mean look how confident they were about the Maginot Line, Trafalgar, Waterloo, Agincourt. I could go on, but I've got a plane to catch next week." |
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Following comments by the French President, Jacques Chirac, (whose other titles include Surrenderer-in-Chief) about the state of British cuisine, a British government spokesperson said, "We accept that more people of the World enjoy French food, after all so many armies have had the opportunity to sit in the vast number of cafes on the Champs-Elysees. Obviously if the British people had cared more about cooking than defending their nation then maybe our food would get higher recognition."
Meanwhile British Prime Minister Tony Blair, left, tries hard to follow the British tradition of not laughing at someone when they're down when he meets the French President Chirac at the G8 summit in Scotland. |
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Before the announcement of London's win, the Paris crowd were already in shock. "We've actually made it to the final two. It's disgusting; I mean if we win I'll have to work during the summer."
Fear had set in to the crowd on the prospect of possibly working in July or August, and the local police were expecting a possible riot if Paris won. "We're ready for anything. Should the crowd riot we have the fastest cars and motorcycles on the street, and can get out of the city in minutes."
Another officer blamed the government "We're used to defeat, so why try and show us victory. If we win, people won't know what to do. It will just be another nail in Chirac's coffin." |
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As the news filtered through in Paris a father, who had been trying to comfort his son, explained "He's too young to understand. Most French people are used to defeat, but he hasn't experienced it until now. I knew it wouldn't be long coming, but I had hoped the tide would turn."
Most other French were relieved by the loss of the bid, one member of the public commenting "We're not used to victory, after winning the Football World Cup we had people in therapy for years. At least now we can carry on as usual with our 6 weeks of vacation and 35 hour working week. If we'd been victorious maybe the European tax payers would have resented giving us so much in payouts." |
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At the IOC meeting in Singapore history could not be forgotten. As the IOC President Jacques Rogge, left, pointed out "I had urged to the committee to consider certain aspects of hosting the games. My biggest worry was the Olympic flag - bordering armies may have mistaken it for a flag of surrender and marched through Paris again. I mean, as much as the French like foreign armies visiting, I thought that hotels and hostels may not have been able to cope with both an invading army and sports fans." |
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The only sour note of the day came after the head of the British Olympic Bid tried to present his French counterpart with a book containing dates of British victories over the French. Lord Coe said later "We'd already added this one, as we knew we'd win or the French would retreat - sorry I mean withdraw their bid." The audience thought this was a nice gesture, but the French response was to claim that they had really won the bid for the British and the book didn't reflect that.
Luckily an anonymous historian was on hand to explain the French reaction. "This dates back to World War II and Charles de Gaul - he had claimed that the French resistance had really librated France, so The French were just continuing on tradition. We mustn't take them so seriously - well I mean take them seriously at all."
Lord Coe also invited the French team for some traditional English food. "I've invited them to a lovely Indian restaurant down the road. We'll have a few beers then I'll challenge Bertrand Delanoe [Mayor of Paris] to beat me at eating the hottest dish. Another guaranteed victory as the French aren't used to spicy food - I mean, have you ever heard of Snail Vindaloo." |
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Back to Paris and the local government workers were taking a break from their time off to come in and clean up. "These haven't been out since Adolf was around. I was hoping they would get some action." said one of the workers referring to the red carpets they were rolling up. "I mean, without having a major sporting event or war here, who wants to come to Paris. I just hope I get my overtime pay, I've already worked twelve hours this week." |
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Still not having heard the result, the French Prime Minister was giving a demonstration on how to surrender to a group of Army cadets. "You start with your arms outstretched like this, then gradually raise them over you head."
Later as the news came through that London had won he gasped with relief. "Fantastique, now there is no way I can win the next election. I was worried I'd have another term in office, and the hours just kill me. Did you know that government office is exempt from the 35 hour work week? Plus I can visit London in 2012 - those English girls bath, and love our French accents, or is it Spanish? I don't know. But it's fantastique." |
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In London the British took the news with dignity. "We don't want to be smug about it, but I think having the celebrations in Trafalgar Square by Nelson's Column is a perfect venue to celebrate yet another British victory over our French cousins. OK Cousins is a strong word, let's just use neighbours." Another said, "I totally think we deserved to win, I mean we look better, smell better and have a better language. I mean what kind of a word is 'oui' anyway - sounds like something you'd do in a toilet to me." |
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The final word of the day had to come from a young girl draped in a Union Jack. "I was a little bit scared we'd lose. Especially after my dad said we'd have to invade if the smelly French won. But he told me that if we did invade I'd be able to beat them on my own, so then it was OK. Anyway, are the French really smelly?"
Of course they are, but that's not the point. The real thing is that the French have lost again, and the World can rest assured that some of the old traditions are here to stay. |
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EMAIL THIS PAGE'S URL TO YOUR FRIENDS AND LET'S TRY AND GET THIS PAGE ON GOOGLE OR YAHOO! |
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Please note that this site is not anti-french, but is just a bit of fun..... Anyway, they've been asking for it lately :-)
This web site has nothing to do with the London 2012 olympic bid, london2012.org, the IOC or any other offical body |
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Contact [email protected] for more information on this story. |
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