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| BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOCE! |
| BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN: THE KING OF WHITE TRASH ROCK |
| "Gasp! No.... Blasphemy! Bruce isnt white trash," i hear you mutter, "He's the epitome of what it is to be American". But lets face it, its the same thing. Okay, now that ive dissed a healthy portion of the developed world, lets move on.... Where to begin? Wellll, ill avoid going in depth about why stadium rock is the theme music for trailer-parks everywhere, so you'll just have to agree with me, yeah? Good. Its not exactly a debatable point. Big Guitars. Big Singalong Chorus. Shouting. Go-nowhere Solos. White Trash Rock. You know what im talking about.... "Anyway," you say, "Brooce? The King?" Yes. Even more than Kid Rock. Why? Because im convinced Kid Rock has at least an iota of self-mocking irony in his image. But Bruce; poor delusional Bruce, isn't acting. He really beleives hes an all-american hero from Pennsylvania. Maybe it says something about the 80s that millions of people were willing to believe it too. Excuse my bitter tone. The truth is i'm afraid to like Bruce. Not only because that would give me something in common with your average white middle-class male, but because liking Bruce is dangerous. John Lennon liked Bruce. In fact John Lennon said in an interview on the day he was shot, that Bruce was his new favorite artist (I'm not lying, look it up). John Lennon's dead. But then again, if Lennon started taking a liking to Springsteen's stadium-fillers, maybe Mark David Chapman spared us all from something unthinkable: a Beatle tainting the memory. Assuming youre not already counting Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. |
| Why Brooce isn't evil |
| Defending Brooce against malicious slandering (e.g the kind demonstrated above) may seem like an impossible task but really...it is But i was thinking, maybe we should see Brooce as a God, because really, imagine it , go ahead, imagine Bruce Springsteen being the creator of the universe and all that breathes etc.. John Lennon once claimed the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. How would you react to such blasphemy if you were God and some measly liverpudlian claimed his band of rock and/or roll artists was bigger than your son ? Well, you'd be furious and seek REVENGE, because you're a vengeful mean god , that's why they call you 'The Boss'. So what would you do ? KILL the english bastard ! Especially after he namedropped you in an interview, thus tainting your good name. Another wonderful thing about Brooce is that he is completely random, to demonstrate this I've found a site with things he says during gigs in between songs: 10/27/76 Spectrum "Ed Sciaky what do you want to be when you grow up. And Ed said 'Sister I want to be a cheeseburger.'" 10/2/76 Oakland "...she don't see me no more since I shaved off my beard, you know. She said: "Bruce where'd you get that nose?" giggle...She didn't see it when the beard was there...had to check it out (?)" This to prove Brooce is very very random and random= good Also,Bruce fights for the preservation of the rainforests , he is a good soul you know. Oh Wait, that's Sting and Sting is Evil. But Brooce has a canoe, a yellow one. It's shiny too ! |