Ever seen the movie "Castaway" with Tom Hanks?  There was one line that he had in it that I try to keep in mind - You never know what will wash up on shore.  That was when he was sitting there and that huge panel of plastic washed up that he ended up using as a sail.  Well, I try to keep that saying in my mind each day so I don't get bored, because you never know when something will happen.  It's rare for me to have a completely mundane day, something usually happens that's a little out of the ordinary, and I like it that way.  But nothing prepared me for this past Wednesday morning.  I got up as I usually do on a work day...completely bleary-eyed and half asleep.  In my zombie-like state I stuck to my morning routine...throw some clothes on, grab a cigarette and lighter, and go into the garage to let Vick outside.  You should know this by now, but Vick is my 3 year old German Shepherd that weighs about 110 pounds.  I go into the garage as usual and he's just waking up.  It always makes me laugh for some reason...he gets up and starts stretching an yawning...you know...like he's got such a rough day ahead.  So I open the garage door, light my morning cigarette, and try to clear the fog from my brain....which usually doesn't clear until around 1 in the afternoon.  Yeah, I am DEFINITELY not a morning person.  So I'm standing there in the driveway smoking, and Vick does his usual routine of taking a piss and running around the yard to survey everything.  Then he ran to the back of the house and started digging.  I dismissed it because he likes to chase rabbits and sometimes one or two will be in the yard in the morning, and if they aren't he still smells them.  So he's digging a little bit and trots away chewing.  My first thought was that he had taken one of the dog biscuits I gave him the night before and dropped it in that spot.  After a minute he goes back to that same spot...digs for a second...and walks away chewing again.  My curiosity is a little aroused at this time, but I'm still in a semi-zombie state so I didn't put too much brain power into figuring out what was going on.  He goes back to that spot...keeps digging a little...chews a few times...digs...chews...and digs some more.  Well now I was starting to wake up a bit so I said "Vick!  Come here buddy..." and he come trotting over to me...and that's when I saw it.  Hanging half out of his mouth was a purple blob with two little legs twitching...and he keeps walking past me.  It took a second for it to register, it really did.  So I go walking over to where he was digging and there are two more little purple blobs in this hole.  Yep, baby rabbits.  The two that were left must not have tasted good because he had chewed on them but dropped them...they were still alive but had pretty good-sized gashes in them.  I look over at Vick and he's finishing the last of baby Thumper number 3 and is happy as can be.  Now one time he killed a rabbit.  A few months after I got him, I came home from work to him sitting at the opening to the garage with rabbit fur and guts all over the garage floor.  He sat there looking at me like "look what I did today!".  I figured it was an adult rabbit, and if he could catch the thing he deserved the kill.  But these were baby rabbits...and only a few hours old I might add.  I know that because if they had been there the night before he would have eaten them then.  Well, it was now time to figure out what to do.  I was still half-asleep, but knew I had to do something.  So I went into the garage and grabbed a shovel.  I went back to the hole and scooped up the two remaining baby rabbits and carried them to the edge of the fence.  I have one of those invisible fence wires snaking through my chain-link fence, so I knew I was in an area he wouldn't go into.  I laid them down...dug a small hole...and put them in it.  They were still twitching, and I wasn't about to bury them alive.  So...I raised the shovel up and brought it down on each of them to kill them.  I mean they were going to die anyway, I had to end the suffering.  After that I buried them.  Vick just sat there like everything was just fine with the world.  Now, the only thing that kept me from being completely disgusted by all of this was thinking of South Park.  I know...I have a very sick and twisted sense of humor, but it gets me through the day so I can't complain.  While I was burying the baby rabbits, I thought of the episode where Christopher Reeves was on it.  Not the REAL Christopher Reeves...you know how South Park works...but a crude animation of him.  Now I have to say, that episode has one of the tackiest things I have ever seen...but I'd be lying if I said I didn't completely laugh into near hysterics the first time I saw it.  In this episode, Christopher Reeves is trying to get the government to continue stem cell research, and to show how beneficial stem cells are, he goes on Larry King Live where he takes a fetus, cracks it open, and sucks the stem cells out of it.  After he does that he can raise his arms.  As the episode goes on, he keeps sucking on more and more fetuses until he has the strength to pick up trucks and goes mad with power.  If you missed it...here's an image from it -

That episode is one where I feel so bad for laughing at something, but I can't help it...it's hilarious to me.  So while I'm burying these dead baby rabbits, I'm laughing thinking that Vick is going to become some kind of Superdog because of all the stem cells he just digested off his breakfast.  Yeah, I know, but like I said I have a sick and twisted sense of humor sometimes.  It was either try to lighten the situation or get bummed out for finishing off baby Thumpers.  I chose the laughter.

When I got to work I told this dude I know about what had transpired that morning while I was taking a break and he told me "well...my brother always said rabbits are nature's potato chips".  But then he started trying to make me feel bad and saying how these baby Thumpers were all innocent and didn't deserve that fate.  I had to stick up for Vick.  I told him that it's not Vick's fault that the mother made the nest in my backyard.  So he starts in with "yeah...but..." and I quickly adopted a line from "Pulp Fiction" and told him "hey, an animal doesn't come into my backyard and start telling Vick what's what".  And then I said that I could picture me pulling into my driveway after work, and there's about 100 rabbits in my front yard.  I park the car and they all start jumping in unison on the roof of my car and start crushing it.  I'm trapped inside as the roof starts caving in on me while I'm screaming.  But of course that didn't happen...and the reason is Vick has had his taste of blood.  Yep, all the great predators need to feed.  Great White sharks, Lions, and even Vampires have to satisfy that bloodlust...and Vick is pure predator...and his hunger needed to be satiated.  Hopefully that will hold him over for a little while because I really don't want to have to finish off baby rabbits anytime soon.  Now if that isn't a feel-good story then I don't know what is.

Oh just wait for next week...I have my first speech on my campaign trail!  I'll be in Memphis on Monday night on the first stop of my summer tour...hahaha.  Oh, and get this - I got invited to the Tennessee Conservative Union's Reagan Day Dinner in July.  This event will feature the "real" candidates as well as yours truly.  Oh man...that's going to be an event.  So stay tuned next week as I relay my story of my first campaign speech for the United State's Senate!  Man that's weird to say...especially considering I just wrote about having to finish off baby rabbits.  Oh I can see the TV ads now - "Bo doesn't stand for animal rights...he kills baby rabbits that are in his backyard..."