Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE Elvis fan. It all started as a kid when I was about six years old. I found my mom's old 45 records and started playing them. She had Buddy Holly, Chubby Checker, Johnny Cash, a bunch of one hit wonders, and then she had a bunch of Elvis. I can't explain it...but even at the age of six I was hooked. "Hound Dog", "Love Me Tender", "Jailhouse Rock", "Don't Be Cruel"...oh yeah...even on what was the equivalent of a Close-N-Play they rocked. I used to get on my bed with anything that resembled a microphone and rock out like I was in front of legions of adoring fans. My parents had a bunch of his 8-tracks that I used to listen to a lot also...I just loved the stuff. I remember about two years later when one afternoon at about 4 o'clock I was watching the Brady Bunch, and the station logo appeared on the screen with some guy saying that Elvis Presley was pronounced dead, etc., etc. I ran into the kitchen and my mom was on the phone and I told her...she just paused for a second and told whoever she was talking to that Elvis just died, and she looked a little upset. I don't mean crying or anything...just kind of shocked. When I was in third grade the "Aloha From Hawaii" concert was on TV as a tribute, and I got so pissed that my parents made me go to bed about halfway through it. I was completely mesmerized watching it. Yep, even at nine years old I could tell that this guy was beyond cool...like if they had a device that could measure someone's coolness factor it would never even begin to get to the level of coolness Elvis had. I mean even the name Elvis Presley...doesn't it just sound cool? Yeah it does, don't disagree. And then when I watched the Elvis movie starring Kurt Russell when I was in fifth grade and saw more about his life, I was hooked. That movie still rocks and NO ONE has EVER come close to portraying Elvis the way Kurt Russell did. So yeah, I grew up as a big Elvis fan even going through all my phases of being a KISS fanatic and honing my tastes to the heavier side of music. And I'm still a huge fan today...it never dwindled. For instance, in my homemade studio where I'm typing right now, I have one of those obnoxious looking Elvis cloth tapestries covering one of the windows...it's him in the "Aloha From Hawaii" gear, I have the DVD's of the '68 Comeback Special, The documentary/concert "That's The Way It Is", The Aloha From Hawaii concert...the box sets of the 50's, 60's, and 70's, various other CD's like his gospel collection and country CD's, the hallway has framed photos of him from the 50's and a shot from the 68 Comeback Special, and also a giant framed Elvis stamp, and a poster from the 68 Comeback Special framed. And to completely prove what an absolute geek I am, I even have the Elvis phone that plays "Jailhouse Rock" when it rings and the Elvis figure starts gyrating around. Elvis was the greatest entertainer the world has, or will ever see...I don't care what anyone says...there is no one that comes close. You ever heard the duet of him and Frank Sinatra? It's a live recording from TV...Sinatra sings a line from "Love Me Tender" and then Elvis sings a line from "Witchcraft", and then they keep alternating. When Frank sings the crowd is relatively quiet...as soon as Elvis utters a word women start screaming. So why do I bring all this up? Because tonight I actually sat through an entire episode of "American Idol" which I've never done. I've seen chunks here and there, but never made a decision to watch an entire show from start to finish. Why did I do this? Because it was Elvis night.
Ok, I HATE it when people sing Elvis songs...I really do. There are two artists whose music I can't stand to hear covered by anyone. One of course is Elvis, the other is Credence Clearwater Revival. I love CCR...John Fogerty has written some of the greatest songs ever. Yeah I know, quite a departure from me talking about Pantera and Slayer, huh? When someone covers a CCR song, it sounds like crap because the thing that made them so different was Fogerty's voice, and if that isn't there then the entire song loses it's balls. The same thing with Elvis, if you take one of his songs and can't sing with some passion, it loses everything. Every song Elvis did had passion to it...and I've even got a CD where he sings children's songs like "Old MacDonald" and stuff and even THOSE sound great. Thankfully none of the contestants did any of his gospel stuff...because if you ever want to hear a guy singing his heart out then just check out some of Elvis' gospel music. Well I was pretty interested to see what would happen on the show, and whether or not it would suck so I watched. And one thing I have to say, I am SO glad that dude Ace isn't on there anymore because if I had to watch that guy blaspheme and butcher an Elvis song with his Johnny-poser-pretty boy style I would have flown to Los Angeles tonight to pull a Tonya Harding's bodyguard on his Nancy Kerrigan ass to make sure that even if he wasn't voted off, he'd never compete again.
The opening scene has the four remaining arrive at Graceland, and when some woman walked out the front door to greet them I was thinking "wow...Lisa Marie sure looks rough". Little did I know it was Priscilla. It's been a few years since I've seen her, and I wish I had just left it at that because tonight she looked like the crypt keeper from "Tales of the Crypt". I really wish women would just accept aging...plastic surgery NEVER does them any good. They all end up looking like ghouls. Man if I had been a contestant I would have to keep looking away to keep from puking. "Oh yeah? Well that's nice Priscilla..." while my eyes are darting everywhere to keep from looking at her. I don't care for her much anyway. She comes out with that book and mini-series "Elvis and Me" where SUPPOSEDLY Elvis raped her one night...yet she has no problem keeping his last name and making a fortune off of his estate. So the first performance comes on and it's that gray haired dude...whatever his name is...Taylor maybe? I can't remember...but he does "Jailhouse Rock" and I'm thinking "out of Elvis' ENTIRE catalogue, you pick this one?" so I hated it regardless of how good it might have been. Do something you can't find at any kareoke bar please? It was just generic as crap. Now keep in mind I was judging harshly...I take my Elvis songs very seriously. Up next was that Chris dude...and when they said he was going to do "Suspicious Minds" the camera on me was an overhead shot and began to zoom out as I screamed "NOOOOOOO!" Why? Because that song is my favorite song of all time. Yep, believe it or not it is. Personally I prefer the live version better because it's more rocked out, but the song has this melody to it that just absolutely captivates me. You know what my second favorite song of all time is? "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons....and for the same reason...the melody just sucks me in. Hard to believe this, isn't it? Anyway, so I was already thinking this dude would butcher this tune...and you know what? It wasn't bad at all. Granted the soul wasn't there since Elvis was a baritone and Chris isn't, but he did ok so I was able to calm down. Before I go on, I do have to say that I can sing some Elvis...I really can. One great thing I inherited from my dad outside of his values and beliefs was his voice. Now mine is nowhere as deep as his is, I swear he sounds like Darth Vader sometimes so you can imagine what it was like as a kid having Darth Vader yell at you when you screwed up, but I'm a baritone when it comes to singing, and I can do some Elvis songs pretty decently in my opinion. The next guy, I think his name is Elliot but i'm not sure, oh man did he just suck. He did "If I Can Dream" and I was like "this is absolute garbage!" yet Simon praised him!!! I love that song and that dude just completely missed it...horrible, simply horrible. Finally the girl got up there...I can't remember her name...and did "Hound Dog". Yippee...great...wonderful...bore me to tears please. I was looking at the clock thinking "I thought this show lasted an hour" and then was informed by Johnny Game Show Host that they'd be right back with more songs...and that Taylor dude was up first with "In The Ghetto". Now if there's one Elvis song that ONLY a baritone can pull off it's that one. Well there is one other that I'll mention in a minute. Oh man did it blow. It sounded like some kid in a talent show...a real thin voice trying to sound all moody and everything...completely sucked. That song has such feeling to it that if you don't sing it that way, it sucks, and that's probably why Elvis should be the only one singing it. Chris was up next...oh man and I am drawing a complete blank on the song he did which tells you what I thought of it because it was so lifeless I forgot what it was. He looked like he was too busy trying to rock out versus just singing the song and it blew. And if I wasn't pissed off enough already with that Elliot guy, he comes out there to do "Trouble". Now, I have heard someone cover an Elvis song before that was actually good and that was Glenn Danzig. Danzig is a baritone...and to do "Trouble" you have to be a baritone. When Danzig did it he pulled it off because, well, he is evil like the song says. Plus he's a huge Elvis fan and did it right, just rocked it out more...but vocally he pulled it off. In fact, did you know that Glenn Danzig has written songs for Roy Orbison and Johnny Cash? Yep, he did. So this dude does "Trouble" and it is honestly one of the worst things I have ever heard and I hope after completely ruining two great Elvis songs that dude gets booted tomorrow night. And finally was the girl....man what is her name...I can't remember. But she ends the night with "I Can't Help Falling In Love" which was the song Elvis always closed his shows out with during the Las Vegas years. Outside of forgetting a line, she didn't do that bad...she jazzed it up a little too much vocally for me, but it wasn't bad.
So what did we learn tonight? I'm a HUGE Elvis fan, Priscilla looks like a ghoul, and Elliot better get kicked off tomorrow or there is no justice in this world. Why I felt the need to write about all this tonight I have no idea.
Later Sportsfans!