I have the most evil refrigerator in the world...I really do.  Seeing how I'm a conservative, people label me as a racist, a hate-monger, a war-monger, and someone who wants to destroy the environment.  Now in doing my part to destroy the environment, I had to make sure that my car and any appliances I have in my house do as much damage to the environment as possible.  So why is my refrigerator evil?  Because on the inside of it there is a sticker that reads "WARNING:  Contains CFC11 and CFC12, substances which harm public health and the environment by destroying ozone in the upper atmosphere".  So to maximize this destruction, some days I'll open the front door and place a series of fans leading from the fridge to the open door to make sure those substances are pumped outside.  I only do this on days where it's really cold to increase the global warming, so while everyone else is freezing, you step into my yard and it's a balmy 80 degrees.  Pretty cool, huh?  When I become a Senator I'm going to really try and have this brand of refrigerator made into the national brand where everyone has to have one...hahahaha.  Seriously though, as far as my Senate campaign, I now have my first speaking engagement.  I'll be in Memphis on May 22nd speaking to the Shelby County Libertarian Party.  True, I'm not a Libertarian, but they do see eye to eye on some things that I do like smaller government.  The head of it contacted me because he thinks it's important to let people know there are other choices besides some idiot Democrat and some wimp Republican.  Granted I just added the words "idiot" and "wimp", but the rest of it is what he said.  And by then I'll have my bumper stickers!  It's going to be a cool day when I see a car on the road driven by someone I don't know that is sporting one of those.  It should only take a few public appearances to get the ball rolling.  I mean I'm witty, quite charming, and intelligent...how could anyone resist my appeal?

Well the new CD is done...recording-wise anyway.  Nine new songs of massive riffs, brutality, and my lovely voice crooning to such songs as "Incinerate" and "ShEvil".  I went to the studio today to put the last of my vocal tracks down, and it was the first time I was able to just sit there and listen to the complete songs.  Granted they haven't been mixed yet, but what I heard was quite impressive.  It definitely has some balls to it, and I can honestly say no one around here is doing anything like it.  The weird thing was redoing all the songs from the last CD with me on vocals.  I'm so used to hearing those songs a certain way that they sound like completely new songs.  I can't wait for these to get mixed and mastered...because then it's gig time.  Oh yeah, this Spring and Summer will rock hard.  Hopefully no more line-up changes, and with all these new songs we'll be ready to assault the ears with our own brand of brutality.  The way I know a song rocks is if it makes me feel like breaking stuff...not that I ever do...but when a song gets me that pumped up it's something special.  Well there's definitely more than one of our new songs that make me feel like smashing something.  I've noticed in doing vocals that I'm much louder than I ever am in practice, and that's because I've got this awesome driving groove being pumped into my headphones and it gets me all worked up.  Just wait...oh yes...just wait...

I used to think my dog Vick was a vicious killer...yeah...used to.  I mean he did kill a rabbit once and left it in the garage for me to find when I came home from work one day.  He was sitting over it like "look what I did today" and he was quite proud of it.  Any time a dog is in his line of sight he goes absolutely ballistic unless it's a neighbor's dog that he's seen a ton of times...and even then he gets a little worked up.  Well, this past Saturday Vick got to meet another dog close-up, and the thought of doing it was quite terrifying.  The girl I've been going out with, Nathalie (and yes I did type an "h", it's silent), thought it was time for our dogs to meet.  She's got a dog that's the same age as Vick...going on three years old...but it's half the size.  Vick weighs about 110 pounds and her dog is a little over 50.  So the plan was for her to bring her dog, Kamala, down Saturday night and see what happens.  I'm in the kitchen cooking...yes...I actually turned the burners on the stove on for the first time in about a year...and I hear Vick going nuts so I knew she was here.  I go outside and she's got Kamala on a leash near the front gate and Vick is on the other side acting like Cujo on speed.  Of course Kamala is barking too and I'm thinking "well, this should work out wonderfully".  So she brings Kamala in, and I go into the garage to hold Vick for the big introduction.  Now I was hoping that since Vick has smelled the scent of her dog that he'd at least be used to that.  Anytime I come home from her place, Vick greets me with a "well where have YOU been" look and starts sniffing all over the lower half of my jeans...almost like a guy coming home to his wife and he has a woman's perfume on him.  I go grab Vick by the collar and get him to sit down, and out comes Kamala.  Vick tries to lunge but I have a good grip, and then Kamala comes up and starts doing a sneer and growling a little...I could tell she was scared because of his size.  So they faced off for a few with some low level growls and then the barking started so we took Kamala back inside and decided to try later.  I honestly thought Vick would attack and was scared to death.  I figured we'd introduce the dogs, turn around for a second, then when I looked back at Vick he'd be sitting there with Kamala's tail hanging out of his mouth and fur floating through the air.  After a while we decided to try again.  This time it went a little smoother.  Neither dog was restrained and Vick was just walking all around Kamala sniffing at her.  What happened next I have mixed feelings about.  Granted, I definitely did not want Vick to attack or anything like that at all...but at one point Kamala barked at him and he shot backwards about 10 feet.  I said "Vick...don't be such a wuss".  Even though I couldn't believe my 110 German Shepherd recoiled like he did, I couldn't help but laugh.  Seeing a dog that big run away from a dog half it's size is kinda funny.  I do think Vick would do like most dogs if he was really threatened or if I was...and that would be to attack...but he's like his master in many ways - just a big ol' teddy bear underneath the gruff exterior.  Kamala's bark wasn't a threat, it was basically a surprise.  Vick hasn't been around many dogs and this was a new experience for him.  By the end of the night though, Kamala and Vick were able to hang out and play a little...and then Kamala even licked his nose at one point.  It was pretty funny...Nathalie was going "come on Kamala...kisses..." and Kamala went up to Vick and licked his nose.  Vick seemed to dig it...I mean it was his first kiss and all.  I swear, I talk to him like he's human.  That afternoon before the dogs met I had him sit down and was telling him "ok buddy, I really need you to be on your best behavior tonight...please" and he's looking at me like "yeah great...throw the ball around and let me chase it".  He did good though...much better than how I thought he would act...except for the wuss part...hahahaha.

And why is it cold outside right now?  I think I need to go pump some refrigerator substances into the air to warm things up.  Later sportsfans!