Yep, something is in the air...probably pollution...but things are changing for yours truly.  A couple of weeks back when I trashed Valentine's Day, and for good reason because I think it's stupid you have to have a day set aside to tell someone how much you love them, I started doing some thinking.  Yeah, I actually used my brain believe it or not...and it led to that one entry I wrote about eh girls I've dated being selfish sociopaths.  But after I wrote that, I started thinking again...dangerous I know.  I thought to myself "sure you could meet ONE girl that isn't this way".  And it was at this point I knew I was screwed because I actually entertained the thought of dating again.  I've been on a self-imposed hiatus for two years...yeah...two years.  Why?  Well after I was done with the last nutcase, I just decided I was through...I was sick and tired of putting any feeling or thought into someone only to have it all tossed aside like nothing I thought mattered.  So I spent the last two years having a pretty good time honestly.  The band got going, I was enjoying the time with my dog and my buddies doing stuff like watching football and going to gigs and stuff...but I never could get rid of that nagging feeling that maybe...just maybe I should try and meet a woman.  Now let me say this...I know women think guys are liars and cheaters and jerks, and I think women are psychos...but we use these terms as generalities...I do know there are exceptions just as women know there are exceptions.  So when I start referencing women as being nuts don't take offense...unless you're nuts....hahahaha.  Back to the original thought...I spent some time reflecting over junk and realized something...I'm actually a pretty good guy.  Now far be it from me to sound egotistical, but let me run down my qualifications here...I have a good paying job and own my own house, I consider myself pretty intelligent and well-versed, I like to think I'm pretty witty and amusing, I'm extremely loyal, and also I know how good I treat the women I've gone out with.  Oh, and I don't think I'm all that hideous looking either.  I'm no GQ model, but I'm no Quasimodo either.  So with all this in mind I made a decision...oh yeah...big news...I decided it was time to actually start dating again.  And you thought the divorce of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston was big news.  This is HUGE.  Me...the guy that cherishes all his guy stuff actually getting back into the dating scene...have I gone insane?  I seriously wonder why I would put myself through it.  However, I do plan on chronicling it all here for two reasons - one is that it always makes for interestting and funny stories, and number two is because I love to laugh at myself for some sick and twisted reason because I know what a complete dork I can be sometimes.  Now that I decided it was time...the question was where to start.  Here's where the journey begins...

A few months back, me and a buddy went to Hooters to take advantage of the Wednesday night all you can eat wings special.  Now I know I've made fun of Hooters in the past, but like I did say once there are usually a couple of really good-looking waitresses there...not all...but a couple.  And my oldest friend did meet his wife there...she was working there to help pay for school and she is a VERY smart woman...she ended up working for the marketing department of a record label here in Nashville and is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  Well that first Wednesday that me and my buddy went there, I thought our waitress was an absolute doll...and I think it's safe to say I am EXTREMELY picky when it comes to women.  I'm not just going to go ga-ga over a girl just because she's in a tank top and shorts.  Me and my bud would meet up there every couple of weeks to hang out and eat...and I swear I couldn't take my eyes off this girl.  I would joke to my bud about asking her out, but I figured she was getting hit on 50 times a night so what was the point?  Well a couple of weeks ago I found out that "Saw II" was coming out on DVD on Valentine's Day, so I concocted a plan after I thought about dating again.  My plan was to go to Hooters on Valentine's Day to take advantage of the "buy 10 wings get 10 free" deal and somehow work up the guts to ask her out.  Now I have to say I am not the type of guy to go up to a girl I don't know and hit on her hoping to get her phone number...I have NEVER been that type of guy.  Any girl I've ever gone out with was due to meeting them through someone or at an event or something to where we were in a situation where we talked and got to know each other a little and all that kind of stuff.  But this time I figured I needed a change...I needed to take a chance just to see what would happen.  We all want adventure, right?  At least I do...I crave adventure...it just sometimes takes some guts to do it when it feels like an awkward situation.  So the plan was to go up there on Valentine's Day and ask this girl out.  I kept telling myself the worst case was she would point and laugh at me and tell everyone in the place what a loser I was and I was repulsive looking...so I prepared myself for that knowing that a short time later I would be at home watching "Saw II" and I figured I could handle that.  Then the plan was sidetracked a little as the guy I usually go up there with couldn't make it, so I asked another friend of mine if he wanted to meet me up there and told him about my plan.  He said he would go just to watch me be humiliated...hahahaha.  So now it's Valentine's Day and I tell myself I'm going to see this through.  Some might think this is no big deal, but to a guy who doesn't really feel that comfortable going up to some super hot babe and asking them for a date out of the blue...well...it isn't that easy.  Some guys are built to do that, I wasn't.  I think the reason is there are TONS of beautiful women in the world, but I'm looking for more then that and really don't want to waste the time if the girl doesn't have a brain or a good personality.  Yes, believe it or not those things are important to me.  Anyway, I get to Hooters and my other bud is there...and he brought his brother.  Now my friend's brother is a good guy...but when he's in a situation where cute girls are around he starts flirting...and obnoxiously...and it can be quite embarrassing.  On more then one occasion I really felt bad for the girl he would be flirting with for having to put up with it.  Well I sit down and start looking for her...yet I didn't see her anywhere so I figured she wasn't working that night and my plan was ruined.  And then our waitress appears....and I was like "wow".  So she comes over and asks what we want to drink...and then asks how our Valentine's Day is going.  I explain that I'm celebrating an anti-Valentine's Day complete with "Saw II" waiting for me, and she says "I know what you mean, I sat around today eating chocolates being a little bummed out I didn't have anyone to spend the day with".  So what does my friend's brother do?  He goes "hey...I live right around the corner...I've got chocolates...what do you say?"  Oh man I just wanted to leave.  She just kind of laughed it off and went to get our drinks.  While we're waiting, my friend asks if my girl is working and I don't see her anywhere.  Our waitress comes back with the drinks and I say "now I thought people were supposed to eat ice cream when they're bummed out" and she tells me she did that too...and then my friend's brother goes "hey...I've got ice cream also...so when you come back I expect those digits".  I was thinking "dude...please stop".  She just kind of laughed it off...and then I saw her...the girl I came to ask out...and I wasn't that interested anymore.  It's hard to explain...but our waitress blew her away.  And then I thought "ok man...what are you going to do?" and realized I had a bit of a dilemma.  Do I follow through with my original plan or do I ask out our waitress?  Well the original plan lost it's appeal...so I decided I would ask out our current waitress and be prepared to deal with the rejection...hahahaha.  After she left, my friend's brother asks me "so you think I have a chance?" to which I replied "ummm...no".  He told me he would NEVER tell me I was striking out and that he would always encourage me and I told him "dude...I would hope if I was bombing as bad as you are you would tell me to stop".  Well...that put an end to his flirting thankfully.  Anyway, we get our food and we eat, and I'm trying to decide what to do.  I mean I know these girls get hit on all the time...especially someone as gorgeous as the waitress we had...and then it hit me.  Ever seen the "Seinfeld" where George decides to do the opposite of what his instincts tell him to do and everything works out?  Well that's what I decided I would do.  My instinct was to not ask her out and then wish I had...so I decided to do the opposite.  After we eat she brings the checks out and I said "now that I know you're single, would you like to go out to dinner with me one night?"  Oh man...while I was asking this, everything in me was like "DUDE!!!!   WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" but I went through with it.  Guess what...she said yes and then wrote her phone number on my receipt.  He shoots he scores!  She takes our money and goes off to get change, and I look at my friend's brother and just smile...hahahaha.  See, my deal is I have never been one to mix words...I'm pretty direct when I talk to people because I don't want them thinking I mean ANYTHING else but what I'm saying.  If I'm interested in a girl, I'm not going to play some kind of game and all that junk...I'll just say it.  Yeah, it's tough to do sometimes but it's the best way to do things...at least I think it is.  Anyway, we leave Hooters and go watch "Saw II" and I gotta say, it definitely holds up in a repeated viewing...wow what a movie.

The next step was the phone call...and I really hate this.  There is nothing more agonizing then the initial phone call.  All that junk that goes through your head before you call wondering if you're going to say something stupid and all that...I may be alone in this but I kinda doubt it.  So I dial the number, and when it rings about the fourth time a horrible feeling came over me...I'm going to get voicemail.  I approach leaving a first message like a hostage rescue situation...you have to get in and get out with ZERO mistakes with lightning speed precision, otherwise people die.  I start coaching myself in my head as to what to say...basically name, rank and serial number kind of stuff.  And then the voicemail message comes on..."hi...this is so and so...I can't take your call so please leave a message" and with the way cell phones are the mechanized voice comes on telling you that you can press "1" or wait for the tone...and I'm the SWAT squad leader with a flashbang in hand waiting for the Alpha go code...just get in and out quickly with no mistakes.  I get the go code, or the beep as civilians might call it, and the door busts open, I throw the flashbang, charge in screaming for everyone to drop their weapons, direct the squad members to secure the room, grab the hostages and get them out.  The translation of all this means I said my name, a detail or two to remind her on who I was, gave her my phone number and that was about it.  If you don't charge in head first and then get out of there as quickly as possible, you run the risk of babbling...then babbling even more to cover up for something stupid you thought you said and the whole things becomes a disaster.  It is an agonizing experience.  And then it never fails...after I hang up I'm always like "ok...did I say anything stupid?  I bet I did...oh jeez I bet she's going to listen to it and start laughing because I'm such an idiot and she'll save the message so she can play it for all her friends and for years they'll talk about the moron that left her a babbling message and all laugh to the point of tears...I know that's going to happen".  Haven't heard anything back yey, but it was only yesterday that I called...or maybe it's true...maybe I did say something lame...oh man she's never going to call...I'm such a loser...hahahaha.

So why the sudden change?  Well it really started around my birthday.  I sat there that afternoon thinking to myself about life...where I've been...what I've done...what lays ahead...all that kind of stuff.  That was when the thought first creeped into my head..."Maybe it's time to really try and meet someone" and I screamed at the top of my lungs "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  Well, I didn't exactly scream, but I just love my freedom so much.  I'm a guy who is very yes/no and sees things very black and white...I hate dealing with shades of gray and all the women I've ever dated seem to live in gray and I can't deal with it...it just drives me INSANE.  However I do think the right one is out there for me.  The only real fault I have in meeting women is that I'm way too picky when it comes to looks and I know I shouldn't be...but I can't help it.  However I refuse to go out with someone based on looks alone....I CRAVE an intelligent woman.  I want to be able to sit there and have a conversation about all sorts of stuff that can go on for hours with neither of us getting bored.  I want her to have her own dreams, her own goals in life, her own passions and interests.  For instance, I knew this girl once and when deciding on what movie to see the answer was always the same - "oh it doesn't matter, I'm up for anything".  So I'd be like "well let's just pretend you like a certain type of movie...what type of movie what that be?" and she would say something like "anything is fine".  I can't deal with that.  I was watching a Henry Rollins spoken word show once, and he was talking about these kinds of things.  He was saying he'll be driving with the girl in the car...and he's scared to death to ask but he has to know..."so, do you like to read?" and she'll say "oh yeah...I like Harry Potter" and he acts like he slams the brakes on and goes "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR!!!!".  He also said he'll go to put some music on, and once again be afraid to ask but he goes "so, is there any music you really like?" and she'll say "oh Nickleback is my favorite band" and once again he slams the brakes on and yells "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR!!!".  No, I'm not that bad about it...but I'll tell you this - if a girl can make me laugh with witty observations about daily life, that is huge to me.  It shows me she's observant and has a great sense of humor...which is another thing I crave.  I want a woman that can make me think, one that has her own life and opinions.  I definitely don't want some Barbie Doll no matter how supermodel gorgeous she is.  A woman with a brain...how I love thee....

Plus, not to toot my own horn, but I think I do a pretty good job on treating a woman right.  For example...and I know this is really going to make you think differently about me seeing how I always go on and on about action movies and heavy metal...I knew this girl once and we were out somewhere and she saw these giant birthday cards...the kind that are like 2 feet long.  She mentioned how she loved those kinds of cards, so I made a mental note.  Sometime later the topic of Valentine's Day came up...it was still a few months away at this time.  It wasn't like we were making plans, the topic just came up.  She made a remark about how happy she would be if a guy just brought her a flower and a box of candy because it didn't sound like past experiences had gone too well.  And now Valentine's Day rolls around...so what do I do?  I bought her a giant Valentine's Day card, a dozen pink roses (her favorite color), and a box of chocolates.  Did she like them?  Yep, she almost cried.  Another girl once told me her favorite song was "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".  So what did I do?  I spent a lot of time hunting down various versions of that song...I found like 15 different people who had recorded it...and I made a CD for her with all the different versions.  I know I know, I'm pretty sickening aren't I?  Believe it or not, I'm one of those hopeless romantics who always makes mental notes about things they like and surprise them with those things down the road.  And then when it all blows up in my face I wonder why I put the effort into it...hahahaha.  I'm also one of those gentlemen types that opens doors for her when we're going in somewhere and will open the car door too...and even if we go out for months I'll still do it.  So why do my relationships always fail?  It's because I have yet to find a woman who will appreciate what I have to offer.  Yeah I know that sounds kind of arrogant, but outside of thinking they were all selfish sociopaths, it's the only reason I can come up with...hahahaha.

So stay tuned over the next weeks and months for the latest updates.  I want everyone to be able to laugh at my misery when I keep striking out...hahahahaha.