First off, I have to say it is unbelievable that Iraq held their elections this week...it really is...yet people want to dump on it.  This is a country coming out from under the hands of a ruthless dictator and some people want to still scream about "Bush lied!!" and all that crap.  To any of those idiots in Congress or whoever else wants to scream about that, then I'll just assume you'd rather have Saddam in power where he threw people into woodchippers and had rape rooms...I'll just assume you're all for that because I can't see why ANYONE doesn't think taking him out of power and letting a country set up their own FREE government was a good thing.  I really think 95% of everyone in Washington is a self-serving jackass, I really do.  As the last few weeks have unfolded, we've been BOMBARDED with sound-bites from idiots like Howard Dean and his henchmen crying about how we couldn't win this war, we shouldn't be there...blah blah blah.  Well the election happened...sorry you guys feel so bad about that.  You really have to wonder why in the hell they wouldn't support people being free...you really do.  Our soldiers, some of which made the ultimate sacrifice (and I don't mean to sound cliche'd when saying that by any means) have basically made history...they went into a country in the middle-east and allowed the people living there to set up their own government...isn't that absolutely amazing?  Yet Howard Dean wants to say we can't win in Iraq, John Kerry want to come out with a soundbite about U.S. soldiers breaking into people's houses in the middle of the night...give me a friggin break.  To all of you liberal wimps, and to those who are so blinded by a hatred of President Bush that you can't see all the good that has been done for millions of people let me just say one thing - screw all of you.  In fact, you know what I want to see happen in 2008?  I want to see Dick Cheney run for President with Donald Rumsfeld as Vice-President.  Why?  Because it would piss off enough people that I'd go to bed every night with a HUGE smile on my face...hahahaha.  That's right, Cheney and Rumsfeld in 2008 biatch!!!!

Ok, enough politics for this week because believe me when I say that there's a TON of things I could rant about.  I will say one more thing though...in the month of February in Nashville is the Tennessee Press Association's convention, and they are having a Q&A forum with all the candidates for the U.S. Senate seat that Bill Frist is vacating...thankfully Frist isn't running again...what a wimp.  Anyway, I contacted them the other day and they are seeing about getting me on this forum.  Will this just not rock?  Oh yes, picture your's truly on a Q&A forum with the hacks running for Senate in front of the Tennessee Press Association.  It should be a jolly good time.

Alrighty...it's Christmas time!  So how does someone as high-strung as I am put up with the holiday shopping crowd?  Easy...you take a weekday off and do it then.  Oh I planned ahead big-time this year.  In October I knew I would need a day to go shopping...a weekday...and fate dealt me a great hand.  The football schedule showed my beloved Atlanta Falcons were playing on Monday Night Football on December the 12th, so I decided to take off from work on the 13th.  This served a two-fold process.  Number one, I wouldn't have to worry about getting up for work the next day and two, I would do my shopping.  How did it go?  Oh please...you must read on....

First off, my beloved Atlanta Falcons dealt a severe thrashing to the Saints of New Orleans for all the world to see.  Now I say this with a staunch record of heterosexuality...not like the morons who will actually go see "Brokeback Mountain"...Michael Vick occupies a special place in my heart...but as this season has gone on D'Angelo Hall, cornerback for the Falcons, is sitting solidly at the number two guy.  Man, he kicked more ass in that game then Chuck Norris could ever HOPE to in all his movies combined!  However, the next game against the Bears ATL looked like a friggin high school team.  So yeah, I was quite pleased with the Monday Night win and after staying up until after midnight so I could sit there like a schoolgirl with a crush waiting to see the post-game press conferences on the NFL Network, I got up at 9 the next morning to set out on my quest for Christmas gifts.  Now let me say this - if I bought you something you may not want to read any further.  How do you know if I bought you something?  Well if you have to wonder if I did buy you something, then I probably didn't...I would hope that my buds would know that I've got them covered at Christmas.  The first stop was Media Play, which is almost like a poor man's Best Buy.  The reason I went there is because they are now going out of business.  Sadly it wasn't one of those "MAD MIKE SAYS EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!" type of sales, but it sufficed for starters.  I'm driving there thinking "man...this will kick ass...it's Tuesday at 10:00 and no one will be there"...but oh how wrong I was.  I turned the corner and it looked like a used car lot in front of Media Play...all makes and models.  I go in and it's like lions feeding on raw meat.  Who would have though that 20% off would cause such chaos???  Well, to make this bit short, I found what I needed and escaped in relatively short amount of time...but not before I had to actually talk myself out of buying the 18" figure of Patrick Bateman from "American Psycho".  I wonder how it would have looked if a camera was me then and could actually hear me talking to myself.  I'm holding the box going "dude...it's 20% off!!!....yeah but you're out today to buy stuff for other people....man when are you gonna see this deal again???...no no no, I need to see how much money I spend on everyone else first...."  It was a legendary battle going on in my head...but in the end I put the figure back on the shelf.  I know I know...if you need a moment to grab a tissue due to the tale of one man's sacrifice go right ahead.  The next stop was Circuit City to find a TV for my dad.  You know what cracks me up?  It's when someone at an electronics place asks if they can help me and I tell them I need to get a TV.  Man does their face light up with the prospect of a huge sale...only to see that smile turn upside down when I say "I just need a 15" flat screen...and it DOESN'T need to be hi-def".  It's like I told them a family member died because they know I'm only going to be spending about $120.  I'll be asking a question about the TV and they're like "yeah...sure...whatever..."  while sulking.  It cracks me up.  I mean jeez...my dad has his office with his computer and stuff and the TV he has in there now is old and doesn't work well, so I figured I'd get him a new one...yet because I don't want a 50" plasma I'm somehow sub-human.  And you know what my favorite part was?  It was when the guy is begrudgingly ringing up everything and says "would you like to get the three year warranty on this?".  I always go "hmmm...how much is that?" like I might actually buy it because that's how they make a commission.  They'll go "it's only $45".....and that's when I'll say "nah...don't worry about it".  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  I should feel bad since I did work retail forcing those things on people for a few years, but I get over it pretty quickly.  After that, it was on to Toys R Us.  Now here's something I didn't even think about...kids are in school so the parents can buy toys during the week.  I turn the corner to go to Toys R Us and with the number of cars there one might think they were giving away free money.  I go inside and it's utter chaos...I saw one woman at a cash register with a trident having to spear people to keep them in line...yes...I really saw this...but you get the idea.  I go in and there's like 83 people in line...I know because I counted them.  I only needed one thing so I asked myself if it was worth it.  As I sat there holding this item I took a few deep breaths and said to myself "you are the master of patience...no matter how many people are in front of you, you can master this...in past generations men have fought to establish this country...men stormed the beaches on D-Day...yeah...you can do this..."   I turned around to go take my place in line when all of the sudden three more registers opened!  Oh the line was moving with the efficiency of a Japanese auto-manufacturing plant and I was out in a matter of minutes.  You know what?  I just went to the kitchen to grab a drink and my TV in the living room is on VH-1 classic...there's a Dokken video on for "Into the Fire"...I can't believe I ever liked that band as stupid as that video is.  Anyway, I had one more place to go on my journey...THE MALL (cue evil music).  The first stop was seeing what I could find for my mom.  Now my mom is soooo hard to buy for.  She's one of those "oh you don't have to buy me anything" types which REALLY helps me out.  Well I remembered back to a few years ago where I bought her this big perfume set...one of those boxes with various sizes and lotion and stuff...and figured I'd do the same this year.  The only problem was I couldn't remember what it was she liked.  Anyway, I park in the garage under Dillard's and take the escalator that just so happens to stop at the perfume area.  This section always cracks me up.  Why?  Because most of the women that work these areas think they're big-time models or something.  Guys, here's something you can do for fun because I've done it before...when you go up to one of the perfume counters with some hot babe working, if you're buying something for a girl that's not a girlfriend or wife or whatever, still say that's who you're buying it for.  Serious...before when I bought my mom something a devious idea popped in my head to act like the stuff I was buying was for a long time girlfriend.  What happens?  The girl working the counter will start flirting beyond BELIEF!  She'll start giggling at everything you say followed up with the arm touch...no lie.  Man it cracks me up to see how shallow they are.  And before the hate mail comes pouring in, I said most...not all.  So this time I go up to this girl working and explained that I was an idiot and couldn't remember the name of the perfume and could she suggest something.  What does she do?  She starts giggling...seriously.  It was like "oh you men are all so much alike...always forgetting" yet I can say with proof if you want to contact my ex's...I ALWAYS knew what perfume they loved.  Just like I would always remember their birthdays, any kind of anniversary, whatever it was...but it never seemed to MATTER!!!!!  Ok Bo, calm down...get back to the story.  Anyway, this girl starts spraying stuff on a small sample sheet of paper and holding it up for me to smell...and I mean seriously, I have no clue.  But there was one that seems pretty cool and the gift box came with all this free stuff so I said I'd take it.  She's putting it all together going "this is one lucky lady" and all this kind of stuff...so I'm playing it up for my own entertainment like "yeah, I hope she likes it" and she's saying "well the right woman would really appreciate this kind of gift".  HAHAHAHAHAHA...man I was cracking up inside.  So now someone might wonder "dude...you didn't get her number or anything???" and I would say ahhhh....no.  Reason being if she's acting like that with me...I bet she does it to about 50 guys a day.  Perfume counter chicks...man they make me laugh.  the next stop on the list was Hot Topic.  If there is one store I have a love/hate relationship with it's this place.  Why?  Because they play the CRAPPIEST music in there and yet everyone is supposed to be so cool and hip that works there.  Oh the music is all that "I'm a white kid in the suburbs who get everything he wants yet I still need to rebel because it's cool" kind of crap.  Wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible, I grab two t-shirts for a buddy of mine.  Yes, Hot Topic does sell some killer shirts and that's the only reason I would ever set foot in that place.  I buy the stuff and am walking out, but then see another t-shirt I know the dude would really like so I grab it and ask the guy at the counter "hey man, how much of a pain is it to swap this shirt out for one I already bought?"  Oh jeez...you would think I asked the guy to turn water into wine...I swear.  He goes "well...I mean we CAN do it...but you'd be better off buying another shirt because you can get three for $30, otherwise I have to void the transaction and ring you up again".  This dude is saying all this while sighing the whole time like I just ruined his day.  Well you know what I did?  I really though for a second that I would keep the extra shirt and just go ahead and pick up the other one, but the dude was being such a baby that I decided to get an exchange.  Serious...I did.  I am not about to let Johnny Emo-rocker get the better of me.  So then he goes "well let me check these people out real quick and then we'll do the exchange" and man he was taking his sweet time, probably hoping I would go "ah forget it man" and leave.  No way...I was going to see this through.  No dude with his pseudo-Buster Brown haircut is going to one-up myself...that's for sure.  Anyway, the exchange gets done without anymore attitude...and I think when I said "I can wait...I don't have anything else to do right now" made him realize I knew what he was up to.  I wanted to say "oh I'm sorry mister cool Hot Topic guy...I'm sorry I don't wear low-cut girls' jeans and listen to the trendy emo crap blasting from the speakers...sorry I'm so out of what's hip" but I didn't, I bit my tongue.  I'm often reminded of this comedian I saw one time making fun of people that work at record stores.  He said he puts something on the counter and is greeted with a "oh, you still listening to this?" and he goes "yeah...you still making five bucks an hour?".  Anyway...my mall time was done and as fate would have it I have to walk back through the perfume area of Dillard's to get to the escalator to go to the parking garage.  Remember the same super-model wannabe I mentioned?  I walk past where she's at and she goes "hey....hope she likes it" and I go "yeah" and quickly ignore her...it felt great.  I knew I had cool video games at home that didn't need her...hahahahaha.  Have you see "The 40 Year Old Virgin"?  I swear, why did this guy want a woman???  He had this badass video game setup and some unreal action figures to decorate his place.  What happens?  He gets a woman in his life and he sells the figures and quits playing video games!!!  Oh sure, he got him some action and everything, but a few months down the road she would either cheat on him or something, and he would regret selling all his stuff and wonder how he could have EVER given up video games for her.  It's true...it really is.  Like that commercial I made fun of a few weeks back...the two-part one.  Oh we see the first part where the guy is stuck at the airport and can't get home to his woman...and now in the second one he gets a snow plow and makes it home in time to give her a Christmas gift of diamonds or something.  I have two schools of though here as to how this commercial would be realistic.  Number one, if dude called and said he couldn't make then she would have called her extra-marital affair guy to come over and wouldn't have been sleeping on the couch waiting for her man...when dude pulled up in the snowplow, the other guy would have been running out the back door while she tried to straighten up.  Number two, and this is based on the ad because she NEVER says a word...she's a mail-order bride from some other country because she can't speak English, and the dude has her so well trained that she would actually sleep near the door waiting for him to come home...he's probably got her so well trained that even if she looks at another guy he disciplines her at home...hahahahahaha.  Oh c'mon...I'm joking around here...it's funny.  Maybe my attitude will change one day when a woman I care about doesn't lie to me or cheat on me...maybe.

Next stop was some much-needed food, so I hit a nearby Wendy's.  While I'm standing in line, there's an older couple in front of me, and man are they really getting into what they're going to eat.  These two people were debating various items on the menu like it was the last meal they were ever going to have, and I was jealous.  Serious, I was actually jealous.  These two people seemed to have a peace about them I would kill for.  All that mattered to them at that moment was what they were going to eat...almost like a blissful ignorance of everything around them and I admired it.  When I get old, maybe I'll be able to let all the junk in life just go by the wayside and be able to focus and care about a fast food menu.  I know, it sounds like I'm joking but it does seem appealing.  When I get old I either want to be like that or be one of those old boxing experts...you know the guys with that cool 1930's hat and a cigar where they appear at all the big events and discuss boxing legends, kind of like Bert Sugar, just go on all these TV shows about boxing and talk about great fights from the past.  Man that would rock.

Anyway, shopping is all done and I'm looking at a week off from work coming up.  You know what that means?  Some SERIOUS couch time.  I picture me, lots of food, lots of movies, lots of video games, and a couch for a solid week.  No pressure, no having to worry about being somewhere at a certain time, none of it.  Next week is all about me and my little world, because I have a feeling that in 2006 I won't just be burning the candle at both ends...I'll be taking a flame-thrower to the middle of it.  2005 saw yours truly do a couple of things I thought I would NEVER do.  One was to become the lead singer of a metal band.  Now I had done some vocals before with dudes I jammed with in college years ago, but nothing like we're doing now.  Another was to FINALLY pay my car off and drive it for a month with nothing going wrong.  Serious, two cars ago I got in a wreck and it was totaled (not my fault), then the next car got paid off and two weeks later the transmission went and with the number of miles on it, I just decided to get a new one...and now this car is paid off and I have driven it for two months now while it's all MINE.  But the number one thing I did that I thought I would never be doing was last summer at the anti-illegal immigration rally here in Nashville when I walked through the crowd introducing myself and saying "Hi, my name is Bo Heyward and I'm running for the U.S. Senate".  I don't think I have ever done anything as weird as that was.  And I have a feeling I'll top all this in 2006.  One thing is for sure...there's never a dull moment being me.

That's it Sportsfans, be sure to check next week for my legendary year end awards...