Sure I could start off with the story about prisoners at Guantanomo Bay and how they're on a hunger strike being fed through tubes to make sure they don't die, yet Terri Schiavo had hers pulled...unreal how we'll show more compassion for a terrorist then an innocent U.S. citizen huh?  I could talk about the latest crap the ACLU is pulling with a couple of new stories...I could...but nah, I’ll save all that for next time.  After all, Monday is one of my favorite days of the year so I feel it’s appropriate to talk about Halloween and all things horror…because I do love it so.

First off, what the hell happened to Halloween?  When I was a kid, the streets were PACKED with kids out getting their candy…and now it’s like a ghost town in comparison.  If you want to see the innocence of being a kid just being completely destroyed, look at how few the numbers of kids are that are out on Halloween night.  Thanks to all the sickos and perverts in the country, something that is supposed to be a great time for kids has been completely ruined.  As a kid I’d be out for hours and come home with a pillowcase full of enough junk that I could eat on it until Spring, and it really pisses me off to see that experience ruined.  At first I thought it was because I was living in apartments for about the past 13 years or so, and figured when I bought my first house in a subdivision with kids, that Halloween night would be a cool time to chill out at home watching horror movies and handing out candy…but it hasn’t really worked out like that.  The last two years I had a total of 6 trick or treaters.  It sucks because I love Halloween decorations too…this year I even got fake tombstones to put in my front yard to go with the pumpkin and the door banner…and I also got this rubbery fake dripping blood stuck to my glass door.  I remember certain houses that always went ALL out every year…the sound effects records playing with ghosts hanging in the yards and fake coffins and stuff…man it rocked.  In fact, I even remember every costume I’ve worn in my trick or treating history.  The first costume I had was Underdog.  I LOVED watching Underdog as a kid.  It was one of those typical boxed costumes with the cheap mask you can’t breathe through and the one piece with the little string that ties behind your neck.  And why did the rubber bands ALWAYS break on those cheap masks while you were out?  And those one-piece things…lame.  For instance, Underdog has a letter “U” on his chest…so one might think the costume would mimic what he wore…a red outfit with a letter “U”.  Nope…the stupid thing has a picture of him flying through the air…what the heck???  Ok…let’s see…the next year I was Bugs Bunny (hey I dig Bugs…back off!), after that I was Frankenstein (another boxed costume), but then in 3rd grade I decided to do something different…I wanted to make a costume.  I got this cool werewolf mask and fake claws and all that…the next year I was a pirate…but then the crowning moment came in 5th grade.  Now remember, the year is 1979 just to put it in a little perspective.  I got to wear the coolest outfit ever…I was Peter Criss of KISS.  I had a kickass make-up job my mom did…and she even made me an outfit that looked like one of the ones he wore.  I swear, I never felt so cool in my life.  I remember standing out for the bus that morning and people who were driving to high school honking the horn and yelling stuff like “ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE MAN!!!”.  That day, I had to be THE coolest 5th grader in the entire world.  When I got to school I was the envy of everyone who shared my love for KISS.  Now a couple of other guys tried to dress up like Gene Simmons but they looked horrible…crappy makeup and costumes…nothing like me.  I loved wearing all that stuff so much and felt so friggin cool that I didn’t want to take it off that night.  Yeah, I actually wore that makeup for the entire day and night and LOVED it.  Of course the funny thing was that some of the parents answering their door that night had no clue who I was and would say stuff like “and here’s some candy for you kitty cat” and stuff.  Yeah, they were old and DEFINITELY not cool…calling me a kitty cat…please.  I do think one woman said I was the catman or something…like it was some superhero she had never heard of.  Whatever…bunch of squares daddy-o!  The year after that me and some buddies dressed up as wino’s.  At that time, I used to draw a comic strip that I sold for ten cents an issue chronicling the adventures of Clyde the Wino.  So, me and a couple of buddies donned some nappy overcoats…dirty and torn hats, fingerless gloves, and yes we each had a bottle in a paper bag.  And for the last year I went out, I got into my dad’s old Army clothes and went out as a soldier.

I’ve dressed up a couple of times over the last few years for some parties I’ve been to.  Let’s see…I was Snake Plissken from “Escape From New York” which rocked.  I even had a wig on that this girl I knew, who was a hairdresser, cut into the same style Snake had in the movie.  I was Chuckles the evil clown and freaked out a bunch of people at this club I went to for a party.  Now that was hysterical…I would sit there and just look at someone to mess with them.  Imagine being somewhere…even a costume party…and some evil clown is just staring you down…hahahaha.  This one dude came up to me and was like “dude you have been freaking me out all night!” so I guess my costume was pretty cool.  The last one was a couple of years back where I was a vampire based on the style in the movie “Near Dark”.  Never seen that movie?  You are missing out…truly a classic.  So this year I’ll once again buy candy and see if anyone stops by.  Sucks to get all the decorations up and everything for no reason, but whatever, they look cool.

You know what ticks me off about Halloween the most?  It’s the ones who are so opposed to it because it’s demonic or whatever.  Yes, I am well aware of the origins of Halloween and everything…but give me a break.  Look, I’m a Christian and don’t run around celebrating the work of the devil, but how is a little kid getting dressed up as Spiderman going around getting some free candy celebrating the occult?  I had this neighbor at an apartment complex a couple of years ago that had a sign on her door that stated “this household does not observe Halloween”.  Some little kid getting dressed up doesn’t look at it as some pagan holiday or whatever…to them it’s some innocent fun and I really think people shouldn’t be so uptight about it.

I'm basically a kid at heart, and that's why I love Halloween and Christmas so much...the two days the world of kid-dom could revolve around...and it ticks me off when people ruin it.  Now I know I said I don't put a whole lot of thought into the origins of Halloween and everything because kids don't look at it that way...but I do find it sad that it's fine for schools to have Halloween stuff go on for the kids yet if the word Christmas is mentioned the ACLU will want to shut the school down.  I hate those pricks...if I can do one thing before my time on this earth is over it would be to shut down the ACLU.  Ahhh....no rants this week...bite my tongue until blood is pouring out.

Also this weekend is something I have been looking forward to for a year - SAW 2!!!!  Last year at this time I watched the first SAW and was blown away.  I almost cried it was so beautiful...the heart that went into making a movie like that gave me hope for the future of horror movies.  I watched some clip online where they showed the first 3 minutes of the movie and was squirming the whole time...watching it through parted fingers so I could block my vision if need be.  Why?  It involved eyeballs and that is my biggest paranoia in the world...something taking out my eye.  I get queasy even thinking about it.  I can watch war movies where guys are scooping their intestines back into them, I can watch horror movies where someone is dismembered...but stick something in an eyeball or even HINT at it and I start freaking out.  Like the other night I was watching a movie called "Dead and Buried" which is quite good if you've never seen it, and in one scene this dude who has been completely incapacitated from nearly being burned to death is in the hospital.  He can't move because of all the bandages, and this evil nurse comes in to finish something off that was started before...she takes this giant syringe and jabs it right into his eyeball...I freaked!!!  When that happened I close my eyes real tight and lightly rub them for some reason.  But I can't wait to go see SAW 2...I know it's going to rock.

Speaking of horror movies, let me give you my faves.  Now I know some may say "well this other one was better" or whatever, but these are my personal choices...ones that actually scared me when I first saw them for whatever reasons, and a couple aren't even really horror movies.  If you haven't seen any of these...shame on you!!!  I'm sure most of you have seen these before, but here they are -

5) Twin Peaks, Fire Walk With Me - Yeah I know, not really a horror movie but for reason this movie was just flat-out disturbing to me.  First time I saw it I was over at this dude's place I worked with, and several of us were having a few drinks and he put it on.  The whole movie was just unnerving...the sounds...the tones...the visuals...everything.  And man everytime I see the scene where Laura Palmer goes into her bedroom and sees that Bob dude hiding behind her dresser, a chill literally shoots up my back.

4) Nightmare On Elm Street - What a true original.  Now I know Freddy Krueger got a little comedic as the series went on, but man did that first one just give me the creeps.  For some reason, I was plagued by nightmares growing up, and when I saw this and started thinking "man...this dude can kill you in your dreams"...that got to me.  Sure I watch it now with no problem...but when I first saw it I do remember laying in bed that night with that song "1...2....Freddy's coming for you..." going through my head.

3) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original) - I have to say, I LOVED the remake of itt...I thought it was the first horror movie I had seen in a loooong time where I actually felt bad for the victims and that really adds to the story.  But the original will always have a special place in my heart.  I was in seventh grade staying at a friend's house one Friday night when I watched it.  We usually waited for his parents to go to bed and then we'd sneak out and go roll someone or do other delinquent stuff, but not that night.  See, the backdoor we always went out of looked right into the woods...and as we both stepped outside that night we looked at each other, knowing somewhere in the woods Leatherface was lurking and waiting for us to enter his domain and quickly went back inside.  What added to it was at that time I believed the whole intro about it being a true story.

2) Seven - Again, I know it's not really a horror movie, but it's one of the best suspense movies I've ever seen.  Even if you've seen it before, it can stand the test of repeated viewings.  What got me about this one was the victim of sloth.  After I watched it, I was up quite late that night imagining that dude...what that would have been like and my mind really got going on a trip I wish it hadn't....hahaha.  Absolutely one of the best written movies I've ever watched because I still can't really find a plot hole.  John Doe has to go down as one of the most sadistic characters ever in a movie...just the way everything he did was so methodical it was frightening.

1) The Shining - By far, my favorite horror movie of all time.  I first saw it when I was about eleven years old and spent many a night picturing those twin little girls going "come play with us Danny.....forever....and ever....and ever...."  To this day I can't look at Jack Nicholson without thinking he's some raving lunatic.  But you know what I really loved about this movie?  The silence...yep...next time you watch it notice how Stanley Kubrick didn't feel this need to have a musical score under everything that was going on.  For instance, when Danny is riding his big wheel through the hallways and all you hear is the sound of the plastic wheels going from wood to carpet back to wood again.  There were so many scenes like that where the lack of a score made for some great tension.  And when music or sounds were in there...man...I can still play them in my head.  That is a movie that to this day still gives me the creeps.

Well that's it for me...and now to count down the hours until I go see SAW 2....