Yeah, I skipped last week with no excuse other than the fact I was lazy.  Serious, it was just flat-out laziness.  So here I am back after a week off.

Last weekend I couldn’t help but think of that scene in “Biloxi Blues” where Matthew Broderick’s character first gets off the bus for basic training and starts talking to himself saying “Boy it’s hot…is it always this hot here?....this is like Africa hot….Tarzan couldn’t take this kind of hot”.  Yep, out cutting the grass last Sunday when it’s a balmy 100 degrees.  Oh, and check this out – in Nashville there was an old woman who died from heat exposure or something.  But get this, when the paramedics showed up to her apartment, the FURNACE was on….THE FURNACE!!!  The inside temp was ninety-five degrees.  Gee, I wonder why?  The fact someone even THINKS about turning a furnace on in the middle of July in Tennessee says that something isn’t working right in the thought process, you know?  I swear though, I sweat more last weekend then I did over the last year total.  But more on all this in a moment.

Years from now I’ll be able to look back to July 23rd of 2005 and remember it quite fondly.  First on the list was “The Devil’s Rejects”.  Friday night I got together with the other two guys in NoiseCult, Vinnie and Don, and we watched a tape of the gig we did two weeks ago, the one with my vocal debut.  I was dying of curiosity as to how everything sounded…especially me since it was the first time I did vocals…and it all came out pretty good.  So I get ready to go to sleep around two in the morning knowing that the next day not only brought a movie I have been waiting to see more than any other film this summer, and also a pretty big gig to play that night.  The plan was to catch the noon showing of “The Devil’s Rejects” to allow plenty of time that afternoon to get everything ready for the gig that night.  To be there at noon meant I needed to wake up around 10:30 which would allow for plenty of rest for the big day.  Did I sleep that late?  Heck no.  I woke up around 8 and kept drifting in and out of sleep fearing my alarm clock wouldn’t work and I’d miss the movie…no lie.  I finally got up around 9:30 and headed out later on, arriving at the theater at 11:30.  Right before I got there, I stopped at a store to get a bag of M&M’s.  I was wearing my “House of 1,000 Corpses” shirt and this dude in there says “hey man…have you seen The Devil’s Rejects yet?”.  I told him I was on my way and he told me he was seeing it that day too.  I went into panic mode thinking everyone in the city was now converging at Hollywood 27 to watch the noon showing.  I pulled in and there were literally 5 cars in the parking lot.  Then it hit me…I’m a complete dork sometimes.  I’m picturing lines of people chanting “REJECTS!  REJECTS!” while ferriswheels and various games like knocking over all the bottles for a stuffed animal would keep the waiting crowd entertained.  Five cars…I know…I’m quite sad at times.  I get my ticket, smuggle in my M&M’s and sit down in an empty theater outside of the people I knew.  But then I heard the voices and was filled with a sense of dread.  Johnny Loudmouth and his band of merry men entered with Johnny proclaiming “MAN!  THIS PLACE IS ALMOST EMPTY!” to which his merry men replied with a chorus of “HUH HUH HUH HUH” doing their best Beavis and Butthead.  I instantly started to tense up and was already envisioning what their heads would look like as they were slammed into various walls.  So these bozos sit down a few rows behind me and I was determined not to let their moronic tendencies ruin this thing.  During the previews, the movie gods decided to show me a hint of good things to come as the preview for “Saw 2” played, but instantly I was back on edge when lead doofus number one decided to let everyone in the place know “EH…THE FIRST ONE WAS JUST OK!”.  See, this idiot doesn’t understand how to vary the volume in your voice and how you don’t need to speak in normal volumes to the person sitting right next to you in a theater.  Now I do have to say, “The Devil’s Rejects” was brilliant…an absolutely amazing movie worthy of so much praise and accolades it will never get from idiot critics, but whatever.  However, considering how much I wanted to enjoy this movie made the actions of this idiot a couple of rows back even more unbearable.  He and his buddies had to laugh at every single thing out loud…and not just a little bit….but with the “HUH HUH HUH HUH!!!” to show how cool they were that they could laugh at scenes that a lot of people would find a little unnerving.  The though of going to jail has kept me from doing many things in my life, as well it should, so I really had to keep my cool.  I am also generally not one who would turn around and ask them to please be quiet either…reason is that I’m just a WEE bit high strung and get worked up fairly easily, so instead of asking them to please hold it down it would come out like “HEY DUMBASS!!!  SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I CAVE YOUR FRIGGIN FACE IN!!!” and I think it’s safe to say that stating it like that would cause nothing but problems, so I tried to just focus on the movie and stay calm.  Now me saying this movie was as awesome as it was while Johnny Loudmouth and Beavis and Butthead were back there carrying on really says how unbelievable of a film it was.  I do know this – I am soooooo thankful that my theater experience is over for a while seeing how there’s nothing coming out soon that I just have to see, or that I can’t just wait for the DVD to come out.  I have a dream…I have a dream that one day people will keep their mouths shut when a movie starts and not act like idiots…yes…I have a dream.  Ok, enough on the morons.  I hate to mention much about the movie because this was definitely a film without any slow spots, so mentioning any plot points at all would present a chance of ruining something.  I do know that I will never hear the song “Freebird” the same again as the entire song played over the final scene.  Some great dialogue, and some definitely intense parts.  This one was nothing like “House of 1,000 Corpses” style-wise.  Sure a lot of the characters returned and all and it does take place after the first movie, but the way it’s done is completely different and it worked beautifully.  I’m just sick of people being so self-absorbed that they don’t even have common courtesy in public places…it’s infuriating…and again I am so glad I don’t have to venture to a theater anytime soon.  So I guess that’s it…my summer movie has now come and gone and football training camp for my beloved Atlanta Falcons started so summer is winding down…wow.

So that was the first part of the day…the gig was still yet to come.

I went home after the movie to unwind and relax a little before heading out.  In case I haven’t mentioned it before, this wasn’t just some show…it was a benefit.  That Saturday was a national day to “raise awareness” (and MAN I hate that term) for the West Memphis 3…but we also raised money for their defense…so that was cool.  Bands all over the country were doing benefits that night.  Originally we were supposed to go on second, however I found out that afternoon that one band wasn’t gonna show and we were going to go on first.  Fine by me…it means you get a better soundcheck.  I get down to the club about 6 and find out we’ve been bumped back to going on second.  It’s not because that one band who people weren’t sure if they were going to show or not ended up showing up…I think they went on last…it was because of some band called Rude Buddah.  I have no clue who this band is, but supposedly they’re a national act touring right now and the club brought them in to headline the whole thing.  Now this is what I heard so I don’t know how accurate it all is, but supposedly they didn’t want to go on last, they wanted to go on third, so they got moved.  Then they wanted to go on first so they got moved.  Well as time went on and it got close to showtime, Rude Buddah was there but not making any indications they were going to setup anytime soon at all.  Again, from what I heard they were all ticked off about who knows what and basically said they weren’t going to play…whatever.  So we jumped up and said we’d go first and started to setup.  If that’s true about Rude Buddah…what a bunch of babies…but again I’m not exactly sure what went down.  Gotta love “rock stars” huh?  If someone wants to tell me what went down and it differs from what I heard, I’d be curious to hear about it.  Now remember earlier when I was talking about the heat?  That Saturday it almost hit one hundred degrees here and wasn’t much cooler by 7 that night.  Oh, and did I mention that there wasn’t much, if any, air conditioning working at the club?  It was a sauna and that is no exaggeration.  We finally got setup and started around 7:45 or so, and there was a decent crowd there at the time of about 60 people or so.  But man, when the house lights went down and all the colored lights and strobes started, wow.  It was definitely the best gig I have ever played…and I mean from a fun standpoint.  Granted the heat was unreal and I was drenched…but it rocked beyond all things that rock.  I decided to wear my “House of 1,000 Corpses” shirt in honor of the movie earlier in the day and it was stuck to me when I got done.  We played about 35 minutes and the last ten was brutal.  I was so dehydrated and so tired I didn’t think I’d finish.  It’s amazing how much doing vocals takes out of you.  The thing that I was dreading was the last song.  We were going to play “Hatebreeders” by The Misfits to close it out…and it’s fast with a lot of singing.  Thankfully my request for background vocal help was answered from the crowd as people were screaming out the “WHOA OH OH” of the chorus out.  Hearing that and seeing that gave me the last rush of adrenaline I needed to get through that tune.  As soon as it was over I walked to the side and just collapsed.  I sat for about 5 minutes to catch my breath.  Thankfully we were going to let the guys in the next band use some of our gear so I didn’t have to worry about lugging equipment around right after.  If you want to check out the pictures, head over to www.noisecult.com and go check out the gallery.  It was an absolute blast though.  We're booked at Harvey Banger's here on Friday August 19 if anyone wants to come check it out....or if anyone is even reading this thing.

You gotta love Hillary Clinton huh?  She heads up some task force to get the game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" investigated for some hidden code that allows the user to do some mini-game where you're having sex with some crack ho.  Because of this, everyone's all offended.  Now here's what's so stupid about it and shows why she's a complete and utter moron - first off the game has a rating already on it stating it's only suitable for people over 17 (she got it changed to a rating of "Only Adults" which means you have to be 18...wow...way to go), and second, in this game you can gun down anyone you want to...carjack anyone you want...shoot cops...blow stuff up...and a mini-game of having sex is all of the sudden offensive?  She of all people shouldn't mind this, after all her husband set such a wonderful example for the youth of today by having who knows how much sex with who knows how many women in The White House.

Well this is it...the last weekend without football until February!!!  Yes, my beloved Atlanta Falcons take the field next Saturday in the first preseason game of the year and I feel like a little kid counting down the days until Christmas.  Have you seen the Direct TV commercial where the dude gets the NFL Sunday Ticket hooked up and this whole song and dance number starts based on the golden ticket tune from "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"?  I swear that's exactly how I feel.  To know that within weeks I'll be firing up the grill as people come over...three TV's will be hooked up on various games...and for hours on end I can enjoy the savage ballet that is the NFL.  Oh, speaking of Willie Wonka, I haven't seen the new one with Johnny Depp yet, but man that movie freaked me out as a kid.  In fact, the other night I had a horrendous nightmare I feel I need to share.  It involves a character named "The Diceman".

In my dream I went outside into my front yard and there were playing dice scattered everywhere.  As I picked them up, they were all arranged in order from one to six.  I was thinking "what the heck is all this??" and my neighbor was in his front yard.  Now my neighbor in real life is a guy who's about 65 and me and him talk all the time when we're both outside doing yardwork or whatever...typical suburban stuff.  In my dream it was the same guy and he goes "oh boy...you've been marked".  I'm like "what???" and he days "yep, you've been marked by the Diceman".  I said "who the heck is the Diceman?" and he starts to explain it.  While he's explaining it, it's like I'm watching a documentary.  He begins to explain that the Diceman was a notorious serial killer years ago and would mark his victims by putting playing dice in their yard, and it meant he would come to kill them in one to six days.  While he's explaining this, I saw what the Diceman looked like in the documentary playing off to the side.  The Diceman was Gene Wilder from Willie Wonka (dressed like he was in the movie), but his teeth were these nasty razor sharp fangs and his eyes looked just like a snake's.  I asked my neighbor why the police never caught him since he would mark his victims, and he told me that somehow the Diceman always got who he marked.  So I went back in and brought my dog Vick in my bedroom figuring he would protect me.  So I fall asleep in the dream and wake up still dreaming and Vick is cowering in the corner...I look up and The Diceman is standing over me laughing.  I woke up and could hardly sleep after that.  How the heck I dreamed that is beyond me.  Ok, enough this week...next week some news from the campaign trail as I may have an announcement...we'll see.