Friday afternoon the work-week was winding down, and my boss came back into the area I’m in and started asking people about weekend plans and stuff.  I told him that I was heading off to Atlanta.  He asked if it was for a job interview (since my contract is up in a few weeks) and I said “are you kidding?  Dude, it’s the Danzig farewell tour!”.  He said “only you…”…hahaha.  That’s right…while others I work with were looking forward to the nice weather to go shopping for new drapes or whatever, I was getting ready to watch one of the truly great frontmen of all time – Glenn Danzig.  He’s been going at it since the 1970’s with The Misfits, then Samhain, and finally Danzig which started in 1988.  Knowing this was the last tour, I had to…yes, HAD to.  In fact...Glenn Danzig rocks like such a badass that even Henry Rollins has a couple of Misfits tattoos...that should really say something.

Saturday rolls around and it’s time to hit the road.  Jason and Don met up with me at my place and we took off.  It’s weird, we used to go to Atlanta a couple of times a year in the early and mid 90’s for football games and once went down for a Megadeth / Suicidal Tendencies show, but haven’t been in several years.  And here we were…three guys in their mid 30’s with one thing on their mind – the Danzig show.  Since we had about 4 hours to kill on the drive down, we went through the rough outline of the upcoming zombie movie we want to start filming in May, and got in Atlanta with no problems about 30 minutes before showtime.  The club was badass – The Roxy located in Buckhead.  Anyone who is familiar with that area of Atlanta knows it’s in a pretty upscale area…in fact VERY upscale...as in Evander Holyfield lives nearby kind of upscale.  So smack dab in the middle of this ritzy area, Danzig would be unleashing their fury.  A few weeks ago when we decided to go, I bought 4 tickets.  Well, one guy had to pull out at the last second so I figured I’d try and sell his ticket at the show.  We pull up and as soon as I get out of the car a guy comes up and says “any of you guys have extra tickets?” and I was like “yeah”…so I sold it to him for what I paid for it…happy just to be reimbursed.  Yep, I was real happy about getting my $40 back until I turned the corner and saw “Sold Out” on the marquee and people going up and down the line begging for tickets.  Oh well…those things happen…and all the time to me…hahahaha.  Of course with my luck I would have said “how about $100?” and it would have been an undercover cop busting me for scalping…so it’s probably for the best.  After going through some pretty tight security (this was the first big gig I’ve gone to since Dimebag Darrell was shot…they didn’t take any chances) we go in and MAN did that venue kick ass.  There was a balcony with couches and stuff…probably for contest winners or something.  Behind the music gear was the skull…the trademark Danzig skull on a HUGE black banner and I broke out in goosebumps.

The only bad thing was going to be sitting through the two opening bands.  It is so rare that I ever actually give a crap about opening bands, but unless you have reserved seats you can’t afford to get there too late.  The lights go down and the first band comes out…I have NO idea what their name is and really don’t care because they sucked BAD.  I couldn’t quite figure out what they were trying to do…it was a sort of Linkin Park meets U2 meets any other band that tries to play all this “moving and powerful” crap.  They even had KEYBOARDS!!  I’m sorry…but when I go to a pure rock show, get the keyboards off the friggin stage…the only exceptions would be an Ozzy or Dio show…and….ummm…Deep Purple maybe….basically you have to be kicking some old school stuff to pull it off.  Oh yeah, the Doors used them but since Morrison is dead I don’t think we’ll be seeing a reunion anytime soon.  When I go see a band, all I want is loud guitars, pounding drums, and lots of yelling…I don’t want any of this “oooh…look how deep and profound our music is…it’s so filled with the angst of the youth of today” crap...JUST ROCK MAN!!!!  The funniest thing was, one of the guitar players looked like some guy you would see working for Jim’s Plumbing or something…he was this little fat troll looking guy with a bad comb-over and a bushy mustache and beard…the dude looked like he was about 45 and everyone else in their mid-20’s.  It was an odd match…like one of the guys decided their dad should play guitar with them.  His role wasn’t just limited to guitar…oh no…he was responsible for the pain-filled screaming.  The bass player sang all the melodic and profound parts while troll man would interject every now and then with his cookie monster vocals screaming about who knows what.  Actually, Jason thinks he knows what the guy was yelling about.  Due to his troll-like appearance and disheveled look, Jason deduced this guy was a disgruntled life-long Dungeons & Dragons player.  So when he would launch into his yelling, he was still angry about his 6th level cleric getting killed when his +2 mace failed him – “I NEEDED TO ROLL A 12….BUT ONLY GOT A 9!!!”.  Maybe these guys felt sorry for him…since he could play guitar they let him tour and yell to work through his D&D problems…who knows.  They just sucked though…oh they also felt the need to have the keyboards making noise in between songs, so when they talked about anything important like, oh I don’t know, the name of the friggin band and what their CD is called…you couldn’t understand it.  Then for the finale they all moved closer to their amps to get feedback and make noise and it was just stupid.  Oh, and the D&D troll guy who looks like he’s a plumber was bending over in front of his amp to get feedback and…yep…the top of his butt-crack was showing...hahaha.  Yeah, those guys are gonna go far.  They even had a mosh pit break out for literally about 10 seconds until everyone realized how crappy the music was and stopped…except this one guy who was running around in the pit all by himself…a one man mosh pit…hahahaha.  Up next I was treated to the death metal band Kataklysm.  Every single song sounded like one long and fast guitar solo while some dude growled over the top of it.  They also had these evil banners with some design on it that looked like a kindergarten fingerpainting.  You know what cracks me up about death metal?  The song names these guys come up with are hysterical to me…it’s like “what do we call this one?” and another guy will go “hmmm…get out the thesaurus of EVIL” and they end up with a title like “The Immolation of the Carnivorous Behemoth”….you know…something real catchy and easy to remember.  Thankfully I eventually heard the growler go “this is our last song” and breathed a sigh of relief as they ended.

It was now time.  The opening bands’ gear was discarded off to the side and two sheets were pulled back to reveal two more Danzig skulls flanking the drums…then two banners  unfurled on each side of the stage with the Danzig skull as the stage was bathed in a warm red light.  Soon the lights go down and the backlights hit making the band out to be hulking shadowy figures…then the music erupts…and Glenn Danzig takes the stage.  Now this is what a rock show is supposed to be about – 4 guys playing aggressive music, cool lights, skulls, smoke, everything.  No pretty-boy posturing, no trying to look “into the music”, none of that…just a balls to the walls assault on the ears.  Man it was awesome.  They played the classics of the Danzig catalogue – “Twist of Cain”, “Mother”, “Her Black Wings”, some of the new stuff like “Skincarver” (which has a part in the middle of it that makes me wanna start smashing stuff when I hear it…but in a good way…hahahaha), and then encored with “She Rides” (which will forever have a soft spot in my heart) and “Long Way Back From Hell”.  Just KILLER stuff…some of the best tunes ever written.  Now the only bad thing was that Doyle, the Misfits guitar player, had been touring with Danzig and during the show he would come out and take over guitar duties and they would crank out about a 7 song Misfits set.  I have what one might call a rabid love affair with Misfits tunes, so I was quite bummed when Glenn announced that Doyle couldn’t make the gig that night.  However they did play the classic Misfits tune “Skulls” and the place exploded into a beautiful controlled chaos….basically everyone was going nuts.  The show was just awesome…and a lot of bands’ frontmen need to take a lesson from Glenn Danzig on performing…he had the crowd in the palm of his hand all night.  Of course, some people just have “it”, and some don’t.  The show was so good it seemed like it was over in about 15 minutes.  You know what?  Over the last year I’ve been able to see Black Sabbath, Judas Priest with Rob Halford back, Slayer with the original drummer Dave Lombardo, Metallica, and now Danzig.  Basically if someone asked me to list my favorite bands from the last 20 years or so, those names would be at the top the list along with Black Flag and Suicidal Tendencies and so forth, but to think I got to see most of my favorite bands of all time in one year is pretty incredible.  That’s why when I hear about bands like Mudvayne, Disturbed, Linkin Park, Slipknot, whoever…I just laugh.  Those bands are just basically novelty acts who fade away after a few years.  Glenn Danizg has been around since the 1970’s and has influenced everyone from Metallica to…well…me!  Hahahahaha.  Seriously, the fact that he can keep cranking out killer tunes after all these years is pretty amazing…the latest Danzig CD “Circle of Snakes” is quite awesome.  I wonder where Disturbed or Slipknot will be in ten years?  Probably many used record stores…hahahahaha.

What really amazed me though is that I’m starting to feel my age physically a little bit and it’s quite pathetic.  It’s not like I’m old or anything…but all three of us were complaining about our feet hurting and knees hurting and stuff after the show from standing so long.  In fact, before we got there we were pulling off the exit to take us to the venue and I had just downed one of those bladder buster sized Diet Cokes from McDonalds.  All of the sudden BAM!  I felt like I was going to explode.  I looked at the map to see where this place was and it was about 5 miles up the road…I couldn’t make it…I had to get Jason to pull into a place so I could go piss.  Don of course ragged me about being old man Heyward with a bad bladder.  It’s like one second I felt like I could go…but could easily wait to get to the club, and the next second I’m about to rupture.  Very weird.  But when the show ended, we went out this side door and all three of us misjudged the depth of the first step outside and each of us took the step going “ack!” figuring we had each blown out a knee.  Ah…doesn’t really bother me…if I live to be 80 and have to have a nun pushing me in a wheelchair to go see a show I’ll do it.

And now for some really cool news…it’s cool because it involves me…hahaha.  The other day I was on a local music messageboard at www.nashvillerock.net, and there was a post asking if anyone would be interested in contributing a song to a new compilation CD to benefit the West Memphis Three.  If you haven’t heard of the WM3, it was a murder case years ago where three teenage boys basically got shafted and sent to jail.  A lot of people don’t think they did it and bands and other people have been raising money to help their defense for a few years.  Anyway, the dude who put together that Ramones gig we did a few weeks back wants to make a compilation CD to raise money.  All the songs will be cover tunes…and guess what band is going to be covered….THE FRIGGIN MISFITS!!!!!  When I saw that, my hands were shaking so much from excitement I could hardly type to respond.  So NoiseCult will be contributing to this effort, and we’ll be playing the classic “Nike A Go-Go”.  Trust me, it’s going to be very cool.

Well the steroid scandal in baseball is heating up…and a bunch of players are whining about having to go testify in front of some committee.  Ummm…gee….I don’t know about you…but if the players have nothing to hide then why would it matter?  After all, all Mark McGwire took was creatin right?  What could he possibly have to hide?

I really don’t understand why everyone is complaining about high gas prices…look at it this way…if you’re gonna buy $10 worth of gas you’ll spend less time at the pump right?  After all, we are a convenience oriented society…gotta have it fast and now…it’ll take less time at the pump so you can spend more time out doing leisure activities.  See?

So did you hear the story about how Al-Qaida wanted to kidnap Russell Crowe?  It had something to do with a cultural destabilization plot or something…I guess they figured by taking him America would lose a hero and be all distraught.  Me personally, I would be like “well that’s a shame” and quickly cut on a video game or something.  That dude cracks me up…and not in a “ha ha” way, but in a “what a jerk” way.  It amazes me all the women that fell in love with him after “Gladiator” came out.  They saw him as this man of honor, integrity, chivalry and all that…but everything that General Maximus was…Russell Crowe definitely isn’t.  The dude is basically a scumbag.  And he’s such a little prima-donna now that his latest movie he was filming in Australia with Nicole Kidman had to be scrapped.  He was whining and crying about his character and would change lines to make him seem cooler and even injured a stuntman in a fight sequence because he didn’t think his character should have to lose a fight.  Everyone was so disgusted with him they just shut the movie down.  So there’s that part of him…then there’s all the womanizing and everything…the guy just exudes class, huh?  I bet he’s one of the biggest wimps ever.  Now imagine if when Charles Bronson was alive, terrorists tried to kidnap him.  I know exactly what would happen…it would be late one night at the police station and Bronson would bust through the door dragging the bodies of four dead terrorists.  He’d tell the officer at the desk “do something with these scumbags” and turn around and leave…then probably go home and watch all the “Death Wish” movies and remind himself of what a badass he is.  In fact, there’s a story about Bronson – when he was in Rome a guy came up and put a gun in his side and said “give me your money”…Bronson turns to the guy and guy “no…you give me yours” and the dude stands there for a sec and then runs.  Now, name me a modern-day Hollywood celebrity who could pull that off?  Maybe Bruce Willis, but that’s about it…actually I could see Samuel L. Jackson pull it off too if he went into Pulp Fiction mode.  You know someone remarked about the bit I wrote on the old-school badasses and how there aren’t any today…and they said there was one…you ready for this?  Vin Diesel…..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Vin Diesel???  You gotta be kidding me.  In fact, let’s go ahead and get to “jackass of the week”…here’s the winners!

I can’t fathom the thought process involved in going to see a movie like this.  I have such a hard time believing that this thing was the number one movie at the box office last weekend.  I can’t imagine the thinking involved.  To know that that many people actually woke up this weekend with the intention of picking out a time…driving…putting actual cash money down saying they wanted to purchase a ticket for this movie…buy popcorn and coke…and sitting down ready to enjoy this movie they actually paid for is quite scary.  Who are these people?  How can someone see an ad for a movie like this and actually want to go to the theater on opening weekend to see it because they just couldn’t wait any longer???  Oh…and the worst part is that when it’s released on DVD in a few months…there will be people actually driving to the stores with the intent to buy this movie so they can watch it anytime they want.  It frightens me to know that many people are inhabiting the same country I live in.