Yes, it’s the Super Bowl edition, however before getting into all that, please allow me to spend some time making delightful insight into current events.  You know what?  I truly don’t understand the world we live in sometimes…I swear I feel like Howard The Duck – trapped in a world I didn’t create.  Iraq has free elections for the first time in 50 years, yet the news wants to cover Michael  “soon to be the main squeeze of Rufus in cellblock D” Jackson’s  trial.  Can we just bypass the whole trial please?  I mean come on, the dude did it…you know he did.  No grown man…wait…let me change that…ANY grown man that sleeps with kids in his is twisted and should be locked up anyway.  Yeah, I know sometimes parents have their kids in their bed and stuff, you know what I mean.  And then you have all these little extra bits of info in there like the secret room, the wine, the videos, the fact he paid someone $20 million to keep their mouth closed….the dude is guilty beyond belief.  Is there anyone who honestly thinks he isn’t?  Kinda sheds a whole new light on him hanging out with McCauley Caulkin and Emmanuel Lewis, doesn’t it?  The sad thing is, it won’t surprise me a bit if he walks.  The dude is a freak.

Ok, I do want to talk about the elections in Iraq for a moment.  First off, I truly don’t understand certain people…I really don’t.  In the days leading up to the elections we had some senators screaming for a withdrawal, how America is doing more harm then good in Iraq, blah blah blah…the same old bs politics that just drive me insane.  Then you’ve also got the Michael Moore types who think that America is imposing its will on other countries, which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.  If America was imposing its will, then why in the hell did something like over 80% of all eligible voters turn out to vote in Iraq even under threats of death???  Wouldn’t it make much more sense if our will was being imposed that turnout to vote would have been minimal?  Instead, there were huge lines to vote even under the threat of death.  Do you realize that a higher percentage of eligible Iraqi’s voted then we do here in America?  That is sad…it really goes to show how much we take freedom for granted here.  But what REALLY ticks me off was for weeks we heard nothing but doom and gloom and people thinking that the elections would result in bloodbath after bloodbath and we were imposing our will on a country that didn’t want us there and all that crap…and guess what…THEY WERE WRONG AND THEY WON’T ADMIT IT!!!  You know, how about just one time EVERYONE put aside all their bs politics and step back, look at what has just happened and go “wow, America did something right”.  Is that just too friggin hard?  Forget who the President is, forget republican and democrat…do you realize that for the first time in decades a country that was under the reign of a murderous dictator just had free elections?  Is that not worth even one friggin moment of praise?  No…some would rather politicize everything and it REALLY pisses me off.  But I guess I can revel in one thing…Michael Moore’s documentary” (hahahahaha….documentary…riiiiight) didn’t get nominated for ONE Oscar…doesn’t that just make you feel warm and fuzzy all over?  It does me…and hopefully everywhere he goes people will point and laugh at him and maybe even throw a few rotten tomatoes on him.  Oh wait, he’d probably just eat them.  One more item…I found it strange that Al Qaeda released a statement saying that their holy war will continue in Iraq until the flag of islam flies over Baghdad.  Ummm…Al Qaeda?  Gee….what are THEY doing in Iraq?  Doesn’t the news just say that the problems are caused by a group of people called “insurgents”?  Huh, I had no idea that the “insurgents” were Al Qaeda terrorists.  That is quite a surprise now isn’t it?  But it must be a mistake…I mean if Ted Koppel or Peter Jennings are reporting that the people in Iraq with car bombs are insurgents and not Al Qaeda terrorists, then someone needs to tell Al Qaeda that they don’t have any people in Iraq.  After all, no one in the media would distort anything happening over in Iraq, right?

I made a HUGE mistake the other night.  After the State of the Union address, I decided to watch a movie.  Now this was a movie I had heard mixed things about but I figured I would give it a chance and really not expect it to be good hoping I would be surprised.  Was it good?  Let me put it this way…it didn’t even live up to my standards of a movie that sucks…this was just an absolute piece of crap waste of time.  The movie?  “The Grudge”.  Much like with “The Chronicles of Riddick”, anyone who says they actually like “The Grudge” is someone I never really want to talk to because I will view them as complete morons.  The gist of it is this – some dude was screwing someone’s wife and they had love kids or something and the husband killed them and the mom and hung himself so the ghosts of these people haunted a house.  I think that’s what happened and hopefully it ruins whatever plot there is in this movie for you…which makes me happy because I’m trying to save you from wasting your time.  The reason I say I THINK that’s what happened is because after 45 minutes of sitting through a pure crapfest, I skipped up to the final few minutes just to wrap it up and do something more meaningful like watching my toenails grow.  Sarah Buffy Geller tries to burn the house down and her boyfriend dies…which was the only positive of the whole thing….he was one of those “Johnny Reality” looking type dudes and the less of those in this world the better.  The five o’clock shadow, the shaggy hair…you know…the type of dude that flaunts convention and doesn’t play by the rules while driving around in a car daddy bought him while jamming to Phish because he feels the “meaning” in the music.  So it was good he didn’t make it.  If someone took a blank DVD and pooped on it and then gave it to you, it would be like someone handing you a copy of “The Grudge”.

Also, those around Nashville can come listen to some killer tunes and help a good cause at the same time this coming week.  On Wednesday, February 9th there’s a Ramones tribute show where the money is going to The American Cancer Society.  The show is at The End starting at 9 pm, 5 bucks to get in.  Oh, and also I’ll be playing which will be worth the $5 alone...hahahaha.  Yep, the mighty NoiseCult (billed as The Noisy Warthogs) with our buddy Pete filling in on vocals will be running through a 9 song setlist in 20 minutes.  I think there’s like 6 bands on the bill all playing Ramones covers.  We go on 2nd which should be around 9:30.  Come on down and check it out….should be good….just come down!  Hahaha.

Alrighty….and now it’s time to get to the heart of the matter…The Super Bowl!

Ah yes…that time of year when various soap opera bimbos and talk show hostesses grace the covers of various magazines and tell us their top ten recipes to make sure our Super Bowl parties are a success.  First off…I HATE Super Bowl “parties”.  I’ve been to a few and hated them…hardly anyone was doing the one thing you should be doing during the Super Bowl…and that’s ACTUALLY WATCHING THE FRIGGIN GAME!!!!  I have what I like to call “a get-together”.  It’s not a party…it’s just dudes sitting around actually watching and talking about the game!  During this time we will consume lots of alcohol and eat a bunch of junk food.  See, Super Bowl “parties” put more emphasis on the food served and all that crap and take away from what this thing is – the biggest sporting even of the year.  In fact, I saw in the latest USA Today that some weekend host of Entertainment Tonight or whatever had her helpful tips on making your Super Bowl “home tailgate”, as she called it, a success.  Stop it please…just stop it.  Let those of us who truly like football do our thing and enjoy the game…let’s not turn this into a friggin Tupperware party please.  I’ll never forget my first attempt at a Super Bowl party…in other words people were coming over that really weren’t into the game itself.  How did it go?  Oh it was quite the disaster.

It was January of 1998.  The Super Bowl was coming up, I had just found out how much I was getting back on my tax refund and decided to spend all the money on one item – a new bigscreen TV.  The Tuesday before the big game I went out and found one and it was going to be delivered that Saturday morning.  That night, The WCW pay per view “Souled Out” was coming on, and the guys were heading over to watch the PPV on my new big screen TV.  Earlier in the week when people found out I was getting the TV, they started jokingly saying “hey, I guess we’re watching the Super Bowl at your place” and soon there were about 20 people that said they would be coming over.  It was shaping up to be quite a weekend and I went ahead and took Monday off to allow myself maximum time to enjoy all the fine beverages I would be consuming on Sunday.  Yep, nothing was going to ruin this…except for one slight little detail…a girl.  Oh she was so happy I was getting this new TV and couldn’t wait to see it.  It was just the guys getting together for the WCW PPV, so she was going to come over early on Sunday before anyone got there.  She had all this stuff she was going to cook and bring, and we were gonna have some time to spend together before people started rolling in around 2:30.  Saturday morning hits and the TV is delivered.  Now…when a new big screen TV is delivered, what’s the first thing you try out?  Yes…video games.  I sat there playing video games for a while and then watched “Goodfellas”.  The movie ended and the guys started showing up for the PPV.  Of course they were beyond jealous of the TV and I loved it.  Pizza was ordered and then chick calls just to see about the TV and tell me what she’s bringing and stuff.  The PPV kicked ass and tomorrow was the big game.  I truly felt like a king….and as it always happens anytime in my life where I sit there thinking “yep, life is going great, I have everything I want right now” disaster hits.  I get up the next morning awaiting chick’s arrival…she was supposed to be there around eleven o’clock.  Well, 11 comes and no girl, 11:30 comes and no girl, noon comes and no girl.  It was pretty unlike her not to call if something was up (or so I thought), so as it pushed close to 12:30 I called and didn’t get an answer.  Ah…she must be on her way, it just took her a little more time then she thought I guess.  One o’clock comes and nothing.  I called again…no answer.  This time I decided to try her parents’ house for the heck of it.  Her dad answers and says “Yeah, she just left here a little while ago…she picked up her brother and they went to the mall”.  The mall????  Well…as you could imagine this pretty much ruined my day.  A little while later people started showing up and asking where chick is…and I kept saying she had some family stuff come up and may not be able to make it.  Hey, it sure beat the alternative of “oh, she went with her brother to the mall and never told me she wasn’t coming”…hahahahaha…would I not look like the biggest boob?  Kickoff rolls around and I am feeling pretty well blitzed by this time and still no call from her.  Then a thought hit – her brother is a big football nut, so odds are he would want to be home by the time the game started…so I called…she wasn’t there…riiiiight.  A little while later, a friend of hers who was at my place pulled me into the kitchen and asked why chick REALLY wasn’t there.  I told her I had no clue and that she hadn’t called or anything.  So this girl calls her up and guess what…she answered.  They start talking and then she hands me the phone.  I was…ummm…a little messed up at this time off of a long island tea mix I bought and the conversation wasn’t the most pleasant in the world.  The gist of it was she wanted to split up for whatever reason and didn’t have the guts to tell me…you know the whole “I’ll ignore it and see if it goes away”…hahahaha.  So I spent the rest of my little party fairly tipsy and sprawled out on the floor in front of the TV as Denver beat Green Bay.  Oh yeah…I was off the next day too so I got to sit around and stew on the previous day’s events…hahahaha.  See, instead of actually being able to just enjoy the game hanging out with a few friends, the whole day got turned into a big production.  And if anyone wonders why I try so hard to keep my “no dating during football season” policy intact, it’s because of crap like that.

Now last year rocked.  I had some people over and man did we eat…a buddy of mine brought over tons of BBQ and a little special elixir in a mason jar…a sort of homemade blackberry corn mash that you could use to run a car off of.  Two sips of that stuff made your body warm and quite numb…and it was great for getting those oil stains out of the driveway too.  The game was on and I didn’t care tremendously who won because I didn’t really care about either team, but I am a huge NFL fan as if you couldn’t tell so there is no way I would miss a Super Bowl.  I do have to say I was hoping Carolina would win so I could say “hey, Atlanta beat the Super Bowl champs”.  We had a great time drinking that magic elixer…eating…and talking football…and that’s exactly how it should be.  In fact, now for an exclusive – The Rum & Coke Buzz top 10 ways to turn your Super Bowl party into a success:

1) Liquor
2) Beer
3) Cokes and stuff to mix the liquor with
4) Lots of ice
5) Meat cooked on an open fire
6) Cool sauces to put on the meat
7) Bags of Nachos
8) Tubs of cheese dip
9) Peanuts
10)  Have all talk centered on the game or at least football

See?  It’s not hard.  You don’t have to make casseroles or huge platters decorated in parsley….it’s a friggin football game, not some dinner party.  Here’s a prime example of why I hate “Super Bowl parties” – back in the one played in 1990, it was halftime and sadly I was out of cigarettes…and so was my roommate.  So as the 49ers headed in for the half with a HUGE lead over Denver, I ran to the store which was a big mistake, but I had no choice.  I lived right up the road from the college I was going to at the time, so you could imagine what types of people were in the store with me – yep, sorority bimbos.  Now I’m not saying all chicks in sororities are bimbos…I’m sure there are some fine upstanding and intelligent young ladies in sororities….it’s rare but I guess it could happen.  Anyway, there are all these bimbos standing in line with beer and they are all basically saying the same thing – “I don’t even know who’s playing, I’m just there for the party” and of course they would start giggling…probably over the fact there is some cute Johnny frat boy they like at the little party.  Why anyone would join a frat is beyond me.  To me, people that join frats are just a wee bit spoiled…but that’s something for another day.  So there you have it, sorority bimbos at a Super Bowl party and not even knowing who is playing…typical.  And this whole mentality of making it something equivalent of an adult dinner party….WHY???  It’s a friggin football game!!!  Stop it, please!  I hate it when a production is made out of something and that’s what it’s become.

Oh, and speaking of productions, we had an email go out at work last week.  Remember when I wrote about how much I HATE potluck lunches at the office?  Well guess what…this week on Friday we’re having a “Super Bowl potluck lunch”!!!  OOhhhh…I am just so excited!!!  The talk has already started…on Monday one busybody was running around asking everyone what they’re bringing and then they would all discuss how they’re going to make said entrees.  On Tuesday I got to hear two people comparing chili recipes since each of them are bringing chili…I am so looking forward to deciding who’s is better…I really am.  I heard one woman say she’s bringing broccoli casserole…now THAT should be tasty, eh?  Ah yes, I just can’t wait to eat all these stews and casseroles prepared at people’s homes in less than sanitary conditions with little crusty nosed and grubby handed kids infecting every square inch of their homes with all sorts of weird strains of bacteria.  I’m really surprised that they didn’t include something in the email about wearing team colors or something stupid like that seeing how it’s “casual Friday” or whatever.  It amazes me how Monday through Thursday I am expected to dress in a professional manner, but on Friday I’ll wear old jeans, tennis shoes, and something like an AC/DC “Highway To Hell” t-shirt.  Why can’t I just dress that way all the time?  It’s not like anyone outside of the company sees me anyway.  Stupid.  So anyway, in summary all you need for a successful “Super Bowl” party is alcohol and crap to snack on.  Oh, and try to actually care a little bit about the game.  Oh yeah, you probably want to know what my prediction for the game is.  To quote Clubber Lang in “Rocky III” – “Prediction?!?  Pain!”.  Actually I think The Eagles will pull this one out.  It will be close in the first half and then Philly’s defense led by Jevon Kearse and Jeremiah Trotter will make Tom Brady cry like a little girl with a skinned knee and maybe knock some teeth out in the process.  Final score – Eagles 34 Patriots 17.

This one was too easy.  It was brought to my attention that a guy named Uwe Boll who directed “House of the Dead” had an interesting comment in a recent interview.  He’s getting some pub now since he directed that new movie starring an often overlooked Oscar nominee Tara Reid.  Oh seriously, she just adds so much to every role she takes, it’s as if she is one with her characters.  You think of the great leading ladies of all time…names like Katherine Hepburn, Meryl Streep, Elizabeth Taylor…and now Tara Reid (this is the part where I run out of the room to puke because not even I can joke about that without my stomach turning).  But back to Uwe…he said that “House of the Dead” was like “Escape From New York”, only with zombies.  Ummm….no.  See if it HAD been that then the movie would have been watchable…as it was his movie sucked about as bad as “The Grudge”.  Also, “Escape From New York”…besides the fact it’s one of the coolest movies ever….actually had some little nuances to it that “House of the Dead” lacked….stuff like a good plot, good characters, and good dialogue….you know just those little things that flavor up a movie a little.  To make a claim like Uwe did means one of two things – 1) Either the movie is really that good which means it will stand the test of time and still be talked about two decades after it came out and other filmmakers will cite it as a major influence on them…or 2) Uwe has no grasp on reality, could be diagnosed as delusional, and lives in a little place I like to call “fantasy land”.  Wow, it’s tough to say…but I think I’m leaning towards #2.

That’s it for now…I’m out Sportsfans.