You know what’s amazing?  The fact that I get to write about my beloved Atlanta Falcons this deep into January.  One game away…just one game…one more win needed to make it to the Super Bowl.  Standing in their way is the Philadelphia Eagles which sucks.  The reason it sucks?  One of my oldest friends happens to love the Eagles.  In 2002 when Atlanta went to Philly for the playoffs, I had to go to his place to watch it since the Eagles had home field.  Hanging above me during the game was a skeleton wearing a Falcons sweatshirt which he said represented Michael Vick.  This year there is no telling what will happen as I venture over to his place again to watch the NFC Championship.  It’s amazing how wrapped up I get in this stuff.  At work all week, all I’ve been doing is sitting there thinking “ok…if Keith Brooking maybe spies on Westbrook, they could stifle the run game and screens” or “If Vick does enough rollouts and can fire a pass quick enough, it could neutralize the Philly defensive ends”.  I can’t take this anymore…I can’t.  I swear it feel like the weeks before the election where I was consumed with political talk radio and websites.  Now I hit refresh on various Atlanta news sites looking for some kind of info, and if an article pops up that says “McNabb isn’t the only QB that eats Campbell’s soup…so does Vick” I start to salivate over this news tidbit.  I’ve been reading all the “experts” opinions of the upcoming game, and of course the ones that pick Philly I think are idiots whereas the ones that pick Atlanta really know what they’re talking about…except Joe Theisman of course…I can’t stand him.  Barring a major injury in a practice or something, what information could I possibly read in the next few days that would shed anymore light on the game then what I already know???  I don’t know either, but I’ll keep looking because you just never know.  Oh you should have seen me this past Saturday night watching my beloved Falcons KILL the Rams.  I sat for maybe 4 minutes of total time.  One of the best moments had to have been when T.J. Duckett scored the final touchdown, and I turned to my bud Jason and said “man, nail in the coffin…that’s what I’d do if I had scored then…act like I’m pounding a nail in” and he goes “well check out the TV”.  I turned to see Duckett act like he was hammering a nail….absolute brilliance…my vibes were felt in Atlanta…me and my team are at one right now.  You know what’s funny?  I remember writing one of these Buzz’s a little over a year ago when Atlanta got killed, as they did a lot last year, and to drown my sorrows I threw on some old school rap tunes to pass the night.  When ATL killed the classless-Martz led Rams last weekend, I celebrated by having a few drinks and jamming to some Elvis.  What does any of this have to do with anything?  I truly don’t know.  Oh…and didn’t it just warm your heart to see Peyton Manning choke like he usually does in the playoffs?  I tell you what, I felt giddy all over watching him sulk as he strolled off the field after getting his butt kicked by New England.  Buh-bye Peyton….take your little record and go watch the Super Bowl from home…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

What the heck is up with this freezing cold weather???  I swear, it’s been brutally cold this winter…whatever happened to this whole “global warming” thing?  It just cracks me up when you hear that some places hit like -35 the other day, and yet people are all “we really have to deal with global warming and stop it”.  The arrogance that some have to think that human behavior over the last several decades could quickly bring an end to this planet that has been around for who knows how long is just mind-boggling.  Oh, and now there’s some who are saying that the tsunami was caused by global warming???  Have you heard these idiots?  I guess they forgot about that little natural occurrence where tectonic plates sometimes move.  And no, leaking AC coolant won’t make tectonic plates shift either.  I can’t stand environmentalists.  According to them I’m just out walking around throwing Styrofoam cups all over the place while chopping down acres of trees and killing as many animals as I can find on my way to work everyday.  I only do that on Fridays.

So have you heard the big controversy over the new season of “24”?  Seems that there is a group of Muslims on there who turn out to be terrorists and they are posing as a normal family to infiltrate society.  Well, Muslims are all up in arms over this because they claim that people will now think all Muslims are terrorists.  Ummm…so what’s the problem?  You know what really ticks me off about this is that all the terrorists we’ve known about over the last few years are Muslims, yet the “Muslim community” doesn’t come out condemning their actions do they?  Nope.  Instead, they want to attack “24” for showing them in a bad light, but will remain silent when another car bomb goes off…I guess that shows them in a good light???  I don’t get it.  So you know what I say to the Muslims who feel they’re being misrepresented?  Welcome to my world.  According to a lot of movies and tv, a guy with my beliefs and values is out waving a Bible in everyone’s face claiming they’re all going to hell, will shoot an abortion doctor while screaming about ‘the right to life’, take to the streets to show my hatred for gays and want to cut AIDS funding so they’ll just die off,  don’t care about pollution as long as someone is getting rich off of it, want to impose American will on countries that don’t want it, and love to hear about big-business getting huge tax breaks and government kickbacks.  So to all you Muslims who are soooo offended by “24”, do what I do – quit being a baby, suck it up and deal with it.

I see that atheist dude was at it again.  You remember that guy in California who sued to get “under God” removed from the Pledge of Allegiance?  Now he sues to try and keep a prayer out of the inauguration and any references to God...which was all shot down by the way.  Who does this guy think he is?  This guy is in like a 2% section of the population and he’s gonna try and dictate what the majority of Americans think is perfectly fine?  What an arrogant jerk.  See…this infuriates me to no end…you get someone who feels like his rights are being violated because other’s opinions are being forced down his throat…yet he’s doing THE EXACT SAME THING TO OTHERS!!!!  It’s quite simple…that’s why there is such a thing as a vote in a democracy, and things are decided by what the MAJORITY want.  It’s a simple concept.  I am so sick of hearing about this “separation of church and state” nonsense.  Please…would someone please show me in what government document is there any call for a separation of church and state???  You won’t find it…you know why?  IT DOESN’T EXIST!!!  Now supposedly there’s some letter Thomas Jefferson wrote where he used that term…but anyone with a lick of sense would know that all the separation of church and state means is that there will be no official government church like there was in England…you know, “The Church of England”…the one that actually governed.  That’s why the Pilgrims left England which started the founding of this country.  It’s all such basic history it boggles my mind how distorted it’s all become.  Our founding father believed in God, George Washington prayed in his first inaugural address, people fled England so they wouldn’t be ruled and told how to worship by a state-sanctioned church, it’s so BASIC.  Does no one teach this stuff anymore?  All that “revisionist history” garbage ticks me off.

Corporate office “things that tick me off” #352 – The microwaves.
Where I work we have two microwaves on the floor I’m on…and it never fails each day that something which should be a simple process just becomes a nightmare.  All I ask for is two minutes to warm up some smoked turkey sliced deli meat…that’s all I ask for.  I don’t need to heat something for several minutes, rotate or stir it and heat it again…I don’t have stuff that stinks when it gets cooked…and I don’t need all the counter-space around it either.  For instance, if you have something that is going to take longer then 5 minutes to heat up, tough…you don’t get to use it.  There is nothing more aggravating then walking to the microwave and seeing something going for like 8 minutes.  I have stuff to do...who in the heck do they think they are wasting my time like that?  Oh, and then you get the ones who put their junk in there and then leave…and FORGET!  So you’re waiting to use it, the buzzer goes off (or bell, whatever) and they don’t come back.  Me?  I really don’t care…I’ll just grab their stuff and throw it on the counter and put mine it.  “Oh I just got so busy I lost track of time!”….well here’s a small suggestion – THEN WAIT!  Put your stuff in, hit the button, and stand there and wait.  I’ve had to pull someone’s junk out when they forgot before, and I keep waiting for the day when someone says something to me about doing it…I really am.  There should also be a rule about only bland food can be put in there.  Like I said, I eat smoked turkey every day pretty much (yeah, boring I know, whatever), and I DO NOT want it tasting like some kind of curry or peppers or other nasty spices and sauces.  People put the nastiest and stinkiest crap in the microwaves and everything you put in there after that just stinks and tastes of their garbage.  I see all these stews and weird soups with chunks of whatever in it, and then there’s those Tupperware things filled with some kind of beans, rice, chopped up red things, hunks of black somethings in it all coated with some of the most foul-stenched spice I have ever smelled.  Oh…my favorite has to be fish…absolutely disgusting the smell that comes from that because some idiot always forgets about it and it cooks too long and stinks up the whole place.  And on top of people forgetting the timer, taking too long, and stinky food, you have those that want to take up the entire counter next to it and make a big production out of lunch.  Here’s a hint – make a peanut butter sandwich at home to bring with you and get out of my way.  This isn’t a kitchen…and it’s not a cafeteria.  They’ll have this seven course meal laid out on various plates that all have to be heated for 9 minutes each, and there’s all these tubes of peppers and crap they sprinkle on everything.  I swear…I just want to swipe the counter and knock every bit of it on the floor.  I hate it when people make a big production out of eating something…it’s like they want people to come by and go “oh…that looks so good” so they can feel better about themselves or something.

And now for jackass of the week.  I mentioned him previously, so you know some about him.  This guy claimed that a prayer at the inauguration ceremony would violate the Constitution by forcing him to accept unwanted religious beliefs.  He tried to sue to block a prayer being said.  Whatever idiot.  The Supreme Court declined to hear his case and good for them…basically saying “hey moron, don’t waste our time, ok?”.  This week’s winner is -

That’s it for this week…I’m out.  Hopefully next week I’ll be singing the praises of the NFC champions, my beloved Atlanta Falcons...either that or crying myself to sleep.