This has got to be my favorite time of the year – the playoffs.  The NFL playoffs is unlike any other time in the sporting year…it blows away baseball, basketball, and hockey for one reason – the finality of it.  You get one game to decide, not a “best of” series.  This brings such an unbelievable intensity to the game, one that can’t be rivaled…especially hockey considering they aren’t playing this year.  What a bunch of jackasses, you know?  The owners and players want to squabble of money…meanwhile there are a ton of people who also depend on revenue from the games to support their families.  You get guys who work concessions, sell souvenirs, make money working parking lots, security…even area businesses around the arenas like bars and stuff who get flooded with customers before and after games.  There’s a lot more impact to the lockout then the whiney players and owners.  Personally I really don’t care because I’m not a hockey fan at all and therefore don’t miss it…gives ESPN more time to talk about football…hahaha.  However, the owners and players need to quit thinking about themselves and remember there are a lot of other people suffering because of their greed.  But back to football…the playoffs have this electricity to them….and this week on Saturday night my boys from ATL will be facing off against The Rams.  I hate the Rams…primarily their coach Mike Martz.  Martz is one of the most arrogant jerks I’ve seen coaching in a while.  He’s one of those classless pigs who enjoys running up the score on people.  In fact, it was because of this that the Rams lost the Super Bowl of the 2001 season.  The last game of that season, The Rams were facing off against my beloved Falcons who were having a pretty rough year.  The Rams had wrapped up the division and had absolutely nothing to play for in this last game.  Normally a coach pulls the starters after a series of two in this situation, but not Martz.  Nope, this arrogant jerk still had Curt Warner in the game PASSING in the 3rd quarter when they were well ahead.  Warner took a shot in the ribs during this time, and because of that rib injury he couldn’t throw deep all through the playoffs and the Super Bowl…and the deep ball was a staple of the Rams’ playbook.  They lost the Super Bowl by a field goal, but would have won if Warner could have thrown deep…but he couldn’t all thanks to Mike Martz being a jackass.  This game coming up Saturday is almost all I can think about….for real (haha).  Knowing that a team only has one shot to advance to the next round is beyond compelling to me…the emotion and intensity in every play is unrivaled.  I hate how baseball has 7 games to decide…screw that…put it all on the line.  I couldn’t ask for a better situation though…a Saturday night game.  That means lots of food, lots of rum, and not having to get up early the next day…WOOOOOO!!!  My stomach is in knots thinking about it.  I would venture to say I am more excited about this upcoming game then any first date I’ve ever had, that’s for sure.  Let’s just hope the game turns out better then the dates do…HAHAHAHA!  I’ll admit, I am a complete geek when it comes to football.  I can rattle off years of statistics and recall games from years ago anytime I want.  But when it comes to little things like, oh I don’t know, remembering to call a client back at work…I sometimes tend to forget.  This past Sunday I wanted to HOPEFULLY watch Peyton Manning lay a big stinker out there on the field against Denver, but it didn’t happen.  We had band practice that afternoon, and so I wouldn’t miss anything I took a TV.  Yep, there I am pounding out Ramones cover tunes with my eyes glued to the TV.  I gotta say, it was pure heaven.  Two things I absolutely adore I was able to do at once…jam and watch football...now if I could only play videogames at the same time too.  Oh, by the way for those around Nashville, the mighty NoiseCult with a special-guest singer will be playing a Cancer Benefit/Ramones Tribute show (2 dudes in The Ramones died from cancer) on Feb. 9th at The End.  We’re jamming on a 20 minute set of Ramones covers…9 songs in 20 minutes…hahahaha…gotta love it!  Come check out the show and know you’re helping benefit a cause, and hopefully I’ll be basking in the glow of a Super Bowl victory!!  Hey, I can dream right?  To remind people how worked up I get over this stuff, when Morten Anderson kicked the winning field goal against Minnesota to send the Falcons to the Super Bowl in 1998, I literally dropped to my knees and started crying.  I swear, all that was needed was the music “Rocky” plays at the end of the fight.  Even thinking about it gives me goosebumps.  The other night I even pulled out my DVD I made of the 1998 Championship highlights, and when it gets to that play I still have that pressure behind my eyes when I hear Jeff Hull announce "the hold...the kick is on the way...it's up AND IT'S GOOD!!!  The Falcons Have done it!!!  The Falcons have done it!!!  The Falcons have done the unthinkable...they have won inside the Metrodome and the celebration continues on the field!!"...man what a moment.

So did you catch Randy Moss “mooning” the Green Bay fans this weekend?  As immature as it was, I personally thought it was pretty funny and that’s because I can’t stand Green Bay.  But here’s what drives me nuts about it – Moss catches a TD pass and bends over showing his rear-end to the Packer crowd and acts like he pulls his pants down, he never actually pulled them down, just acted like it.  Well, Fox announcer Joe Buck starts going off about how despicable it was and how he wished the cameras had never seen it and blah blah blah.  Buck literally sounded angry.  Hey Joe, get off your friggin’ high-horse and get over it.  You know why I’m ticked off Joe Buck acted so upset over it?  Because he, along with the networks and the NFL, will use this incident to market future games.  Trust me on this – The Vikings and Green Bay will meet next year for Monday Night Football and they will show that clip of Randy Moss leading into it as a demonstration of the “bad blood” between the two teams to get more people to watch.  And to make it even funnier, the NFL may actually fine Randy Moss, but like I said they will have no problem pimping this clip for ads next year…I guarantee it.  Oh, and co-jackass of the year Peyton Manning just got awarded NFL MVP.  Everyone except one person voted for Manning which kept it from being unanimous.  The other vote went to none other then the object of my man-love, Michael Vick.  But back to Moss for a sec...it is well known that Packer fans will moon the opposing team's bus...so basically Randy Moss was just mocking them.  I thought it was quite amusing.  Screw those pompous "analysts"...man I can't stand them.

Keeping on the topic of football…ever notice how football analysts and announcers are some of the most racist people around?  They are.  Don’t believe me?  Ok, for example let’s take a wide receiver like Brandon Stokely of The Colts.  Here’s what they would say about him – “he’s got deceptive speed, good possession receiver, tough, not afraid to go over the middle, good smart route-runner”….in other words, he’s white.  When they talk about someone like Terrell Owens – “great natural speed and athleticism, makes the big plays, great separation speed, very talented player”…then he’s black.  It holds that way for any position in football.  Take a look at this –

White Linebacker – overachiever, good blue-collar work ethic, throwback player, good nose for the ball
Black Linebacker – exceptional speed and athleticism, great natural ability

White Quarterback – Smart, makes good reads but he’s not very mobile
Black Quarterback – Dangerous when he runs

White Runningback – Punishing runner, deceptive speed, can get the tough yards, bruising runner
Black Runningback – good speed and elusiveness, can burst quickly through the holes

So what’s my point?  Basically the supposed “football analysts” are a bunch of racists…hahaha.  Serious, they make every white player sound like he’s too slow but he’s smart and tough, and every black player like it’s all natural ability with no brains involved.  Kind of ticks me off I guess.

Oh, remember last week when I mentioned how stupid that “Electra” movie looks?  Well it turns out it’s been changed up a little.  Seems that it was originally supposed to be the story of how she came to be, but now new trailers are changing it up and she has been awoken from the dead.  In other words, a test screening was done of the original cut and it bombed, so they went back and tweaked the movie hoping it won’t still suck even though it will.  Idiots.

And now some “in the news” stuff.  The proceedings to court martial Charles Graner began this week.  Don’t recognize the name?  He’s one of the guys that was a guard at the infamous Abu Ghraib prison that was seen in some of the photos with naked terrorists with bags on their heads in pyramids and stuff…you know, all the “torture” they went through.  I was reading an article about the court martial, and one of the witnesses for the prosecution is a man named Amin al-Sheikh, a Syrian.  He spoke of the absolute atrocities he experienced while captive, and the types of barbaric cruelty and torture he had to endure.  Now I must caution you, these descriptions are extremely graphic and are not for the faint of heart.  If this was a TV show, I’d ask for the parents to make sure the kids are out of the room.  Ok, now that I have cautioned you, remember you are reading this at your own risk because these accounts will give you nightmares.  Ready?  This savage Charles Graner actually made this prisoner drink alcohol and eat pork which violated his Muslim faith.  Can you imagine what kind of monster would subject a human being to that level of cruelty?  I sure can’t.  Graner also handcuffed this person to the cell door for 8 hours…and…oh this is the most horrific yet…hit this poor man’s wounded leg with a collapsible metal stick.  I can’t believe human beings could have such black hearts like this.  Oh?  You’re wondering how this prisoner had his leg wounded?  Well, it’s really not important to the case, but I’ll tell you.  Well, he was shot in the leg when he got a hold of an Iraqi’s pistol and shot at American soldiers while being held at a tent prison camp….that’s why they moved him to Abu Ghraib…he was deemed a “troublemaker”.  What?  Oh now you want to know why he was being held at the prison camp to begin with?  Again, it’s not that big of a deal, but he was captured with AK-47 assault rifles, lots of grenades, and also had bomb making material…nothing major enough to warrant being captured in my opinion.  Of course you realize I am kidding.  I’m one of those that’s all in favor of bringing out the ol “bamboo under the fingernails” treatment to protect American lives.  I can’t believe they’d get this guy to testify to these “atrocities”.  If you go into any state penitentiary in America and ask if anyone is being treated unfairly, my guess would be about 90% of the inmates would say they were being abused.  What cracks me up are the hardcore peacenicks who say there are other ways to get the information we need from prisoners.  Their idea?  To pretty much just ask them.  I’m not kidding.  The ones I’ve heard honestly believe that if we simply ask these terrorists that they will tell us, because deep down they’re human beings too.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…what a joke!  “Oh please, would you please tell us where we can find more of the enemy or if they plan to hit us again????  PLEASE???  Ok, if you don’t want to say then you don’t have to”.  I just can’t believe the amount of pity being shown to the enemy…it is quite mind boggling.

And one more thing, I just saw where vending machine companies are going to start putting stickers on items in their machines color-coding which snacks are healthy and which ones aren't.  Man am I glad they're doing this because I'm too stupid to figure it out myself.  I mean on one hand you have a granola bar, and on the other hand you've got a Butterfinger.  Well...butter is used to cook stuff in, so it's gotta be healthy right?  After all, I'm too stupid to know any better.  Seriously, if someone can't tell that about 95% of the stuff in the vending machines is pure junk food crap, just let them eat it all up and croak.  I say that sarcastically...I would hope no one would be dumb enough to think they could live off of stuff in vending machines...and if they are...oh well.  Granted we all eat and consume pure junk sometimes, but the need to have unhealthy items like Snickers Bars and M&M's marked unhealthy or whatever is pure stupidity.

Ok, jackass of the week time.  Well, I think I already mentioned the reasons earlier with his mighty “self-righteous” attitude calling out Randy Moss in the playoff game last week.  Oh, this guy also makes beer commercials with a character that is starring a dude that is kind of modeled after Randy Moss, his name is "Leon"…but I guess it’s ok then since dude is profiting directly off the commercial…friggin hypocrite.  This week’s winner is –

Fox NFL “announcer” Joe Buck  - the one in the middle
(flanked by dork extraordinaire Chris Collinsworth and supergoon Troy Aikman...did these guys just get out of a tanning booth or something?)

Alrighty sportsfans, catch you next week and hopefully I’ll be singing the praises of my beloved Atlanta Falcons.