First off, I must tell a quick story.  Yesterday I turned 36 years old.  I know I know, you must be looking at the picture at the front of the site and thinking “there is no way someone with those boyish yet rugged good looks could be 36” but it’s true.  Normally at my job when it’s someone’s birthday, sometime in the early afternoon you get a card signed by the department and they bring a cake out and all that.  So what happened to me at work this year?  Nothing.  No card…no cake…no nothing.  It’s funny because I actually kind of expected it for some reason…may be because we’ve had a bit of a reorganization and a new boss….or maybe it’s just the way my life goes sometimes…hahaha.  The same thing happened when I turned 30.  I was working for an office in Texas that was a branch of a big company and we had like 15 people there…that was it.  Whenever it was someone’s birthday, a meeting would be called around 2 o’clock and everyone would go into the conference room for cake and stuff.  My birthday rolls around, and at 2 a meeting is called.  I go strolling into the conference room fully expecting cake and ice cream and for people to sing to me…but instead they were all seated around a big table.  I was a little confused, so I sat down.  At this point the boss actually conducts a meeting that last about an hour, and after he was done, everyone got up and went back to their offices.  I got nothing…not even a “happy birthday”.  Same thing, different year.  So you know what?  The next time they come around asking for me to chip in to by someone a birthday cake, I’ll say “oh, I thought we quit doing that SINCE NO ONE GOT ME ONE!!!”  and sit back down crying and see if they feel sorry for me…hahaha.  But then again, since I’m not one of those Jill Crockpot types I wrote about a few weeks ago, I should expect it.  Those are the types that get to work super-early to decorate someone’s cubicle for their birthday then leave work early because they got there early even though they weren’t WORKING early.  You know those types?  Like the ones who will say “I’m not going to take a lunch so I can leave early” yet they run out and pick up food and bring it back to eat at their desk while shopping online?  They call these a “working lunch”…oh please…working…right.  Or you also have that one group that always goes out to lunch together and stays gone for like 2 hours and no one says a word, yet if you’re 5 minutes late when coming back they expect you to stay 5 minutes longer that day to make up the time.  Here’s something else I’ve noticed in my years in the corporate environment – ever seen the smoker shuffle?  If you see a dude on a smoke break outside, what they usually do is one hand will be in their pocket, they have a faraway look on their face, and they kind of stroll around VERY slowly…it’s like some perverted form of a waltz or something.  Oh the worst is when people bring these nasty leftovers to work and use the microwave for them.  Anything you microwave afterwards stinks of whatever slop it was in that nasty Tupperware container.  Wait, how did I end up on this.  Let’s move on….

Welcome to 2005 sportsfans…the year of the rooster whatever that’s supposed to mean.  And now the holidays have drawn to a close and people can quit acting like they like one another…hahaha.  I noticed a couple of things this past Christmas, one being I hate it when people start talking about “oh Christmas is so commercialized now”.  Gee, really?  I would hear people complaining about it, like it’s just so noble not to get “caught up” in it all and transcend above the gift-giving or whatever.  What cracks me up is the ones who complain about Christmas being too commercialized sure aren’t quitting buying presents for other people.  Yes, we all know there is a commercialization of Christmas…but that’s the way it is…get off your high horse about it.  Another thing that really annoyed me to no end was the ads the week of Christmas on TV with stores having huge sales for all those “last minute gifts”.  Now when I hear the term “last minute gift”, that says to me it’s a gift for someone you really didn’t plan on getting anything for but they got you something so now you have to run out and buy them something.  What it DOESN’T mean is a $300 digital camera.  If you were going to buy something for someone that ran $300, don’t you think it wouldn’t be considered a last minute gift?  “Well, I wasn’t gonna get you something, but I saw this $300 camera yesterday and figured ‘what the heck’”.  A last minute gift to me is something like a calendar or a book, you know around the $10 range maybe.

I’m sure everyone by now has heard about the Tsunami hitting.  Can you imagine the destruction?  Unreal.  Look, I am not going to downplay any of this…however there is something I would like to discuss about it – aid.  Sure, there was all sorts of “America is being too stingy” comments and crap like that as far as aid relief goes, and that’s too easy for me to make fun of so I won’t.  What I would like to say is that I’m a firm believer that you take care of your own before going out of your way for others.  For instance, let’s say you’re broke and your kids are literally starving.  If you get some food, are you gonna give it to someone else that needs it or will you feed your kids?  I would think you’d feed your kids…but maybe that’s just me because I’m CRAZY.  So here we have a country ravaged by a Tsunami with around 150,000 people dead…and again I am NOT belittling it…and MILLIONS are flowing out of the U.S. to help, which is a good thing, but don’t we have a few things going on here we could address with that money?  Ummm…how about a war going on where people are saying our troops don’t have the supplies they need…how about money for that?  How about the families of those soldiers in the National Guard or Army Reserves who are having a very difficult time making ends meet because dad got called up to active duty and had to leave his job?  What about them?  What about setting up some kind of fund to help the families of fallen soldiers who have to try and put their lives back together?  How about a trust fund for the kids of fallen soldiers set up so they can have college money?  Here’s how I see it…America is involved in a war that will last a while.  Any and all money available needs to be spent to help this war and the soldiers’ families.  After that, if there is stuff leftover, ok…send it overseas to help with the Tsunami.  But then again, with these millions pouring in to go overseas, we could really do a lot to help out the poverty problem here in America couldn’t we?  I could think of a TON of things we could do with all that money here in America…like beefing up border security?  Sure, maybe I’m some heartless jerk, but that’s how I see it.  Plus, there is that EXTREMELY cynical side of me that thinks a ton of those contributions going to help overseas will NEVER make it.  For instance, I saw Sandra Bullock donated one million dollars.  I do have to commend her for doing that, but I truly wonder exactly how much of that million will really end up helping.  Someone always has their hand out, and when you have donations like this pouring in, you know someone is lining their pockets.  Remember after 9/11 there were all those bogus organizations taking donations to help out, but the money actually ended up in people’s bank accounts.  I just don’t trust people when they want money…I really don’t.  As an example, a few years after I graduated college, someone from the school called asking for a donation to go towards the general students’ scholarship fund.  I asked them if they could provide me with the proof that every penny I sent in actually was going to be used towards a scholarship I would be more than happy to because I didn’t want any of the money being used for things such as a new room addition on the president of the college’s house.  Could they do it?  Nope.  Did I send them any money?  Nope.  Anyway, I know they need help over in Thialand and all that, but I think there are many other things we could spend money on.

You know what else really annoys me to no end?  When dudes tell me stories of fights they were in.  You know why?  Because I really don’t care and usually think they’re lying.  Everyone likes to make their fight stories more dramatic and I know it’s just bs.  For instance, I was working at Pizza Hut years ago, and there was this guy I worked with who thought he was pretty cool when he wasn’t.  In fact, one time I had mentioned to someone at work I was thinking about quitting smoking (and here I am 12 years later still going…haha) and he comes walking up and offers just some wonderful advice – “hey man, you know how I quit smoking?  Every time I wanted a cigarette I’d just fire me up a bowl…hehehe” with a smug little chuckle.  For those who don’t know, a bowl is slang for a pipe used to smoke dope out of.  You know what?  As far as advice goes that has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.  So now I have established how “cool” he is and will continue the story.  Sometime later…could have been days or weeks…he came up to me and was grimacing in pain holding his side in an obvious attempt for me to go “gee…what is wrong?” and bait me into a conversation.  Since I wouldn’t start the conversation, he decides to.  He asks “man…you ever had cracked ribs?” hoping I would reply with “wow…how did that happen?” and he could go on about something I didn’t care about.  Instead, I replied with “oh yeah, they can really hurt” and walked off to go do something.  See, it drives me nuts when people try to bait me like that and I can smell it coming a MILE away, so this time I decided to have some fun.  Later that night he comes by and says “man…it hurts to even breathe” to which I replied “oh yeah, they can really hurt” and again walked off to go do something.  This obviously wasn’t going how Johnny cool wanted, so he played his trump card.  For some reason, I get people who seem to need my approval for things they do, as if my coolness level is SO high and I just radiate cool that they need to know I think what they do is cool.  Yeah, I could see that..hahaha.  Anyway, dude comes up for one last attempt and really lays it out there for me hoping by mentioning something it would spark my interest and he could go into a wild tale of who knows what.  While still holding his side and grimacing, he says “man…I never dropped so quick in my life when that police nightstick hit me in the ribs”.  So how did I reply?  Did I wonder why a cop hit him and what he did to deserve it?  Nope, I didn’t really care.  I told him the following – “yeah, those things will do that to you” and walked off.  Honestly, why would I care?  First off if a cop whacks you in the ribs then you probably deserved it.  Second, I didn’t want to hear some stupid story dripping with bs ala’ CM Punk about some fight or whatever.  Oh the stories all start the same…some huge showdown of opposing forces full of witty comebacks and tough guy talk.  The other guy ALWAYS seems to throw the first punch which allows the hero (the dude lying to you) to profess his expertise in some basic martial arts whereby he countered the punch and proceeded to wail on the guy….someone always has to pull him off the other dude or he would have killed him…blah blah blah…it’s always the same.  I had some dude the other day giving me a fight story and I think I would have been more interested in watching slugs race across the floor.  And another point they always like to ram home in these bs riddled stories is the one unknown gem of their personality – they’re pretty easy-going, but when they get really mad they can’t be stopped, like the Incredible Hulk or something.  You’ve heard it I’m sure – “I try to avoid fights, I’m pretty easy-going, but the guy wouldn’t leave it alone so I told him he’d be sorry if he kept pushing me, he did, and I snapped…for some reason when I get in a fight I will keep going until I kill the guy…thankfully someone was there to pull me off of him”.  Uh huh, whatever loser.

What’s the deal with this movie “Elektra”?  I don’t understand the point.  The trailer should say “look at the life of Elektra before she dies in ‘Daredevil’”.  Obviously she wasn’t that great of a superhero if she gets whacked in “Daredevil”, right?  So why are they making a movie showing the origins of a superhero we know dies later on?  Stupid Hollywood.  I just honestly can’t believe that there are people watching the trailer for that crapfest and thinking “wow..I’m there opening night”.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Now I used to like Jennifer Garner until someone clued me in about her wicked ways, but even if I didn’t know that I would still NEVER shell out one penny for this movie.  I honestly have a feeling it could replace “The Chronicles of Riddick” as one of the worst movies of all time.

And now for the first jackass of the year.  First off, it’s common knowledge I hate going to the theater…I love movies but hate the theater.  It really takes a movie of some magnitude to get me to go put up with the crowds there…heck, one person being in the theater with me is annoying enough because they always laugh or cough or distract me somehow.  If something I really want to see is coming out, I refuse to go opening night due to all the morons that will be there.  Well obviously I have found my complete opposite of this behavior.  The next Star Wars movie opens in May, and yes I do want to see it, but I am not about to even think about going until it’s been out for a week or two.  I don’t feel like standing in line with idiots trying to imitate Darth Vader’s breathing and all that crap…or the ones who dress up like characters.  It was bad enough at that dumb Riddick movie (I had free passes otherwise would have NEVER gone) seeing one loser dressed up like Vin Diesel, I can’t imagine opening night at Star Wars.  Anyway, this person in Seattle has already got his place in line…22 weeks away from the opening of the movie.  What an idiot.  Someone who is going to give up 22 weeks of his life to be first in line should not be allowed to reproduce and corrupt another human with his DNA.  Camping out for a movie, what a moron.  So here you go….the jackass of the week goes to