Oh yeah, it's on...war has been declared. Here's what's going on - Last Thursday morning I wake up like any other weekday and go into the garage to let the dogs out. I open the garage door, and as usual both Vick and Jessi are all excited...but I noticed something. There was a dead bird on the floor. Me being my neurotic self started thinking bird flu was taking over every air molecule in the garage, so I went in and grabbed a plastic bag, put it over my hand, and threw it away in the outside trashcan. I have no idea which dog killed it, and don't care because it's just nature at work. Well, it seems SOMEONE didn't dig that too much. I get home after work Thursday night, and while checking the mail a bird swoops down and is literally flapping its wings so close to me I could feel it on my back. I turn around to swat it away and it flies off to sit in one of my trees. I was like "what the heck???"...and then I started walking to my front door...this same bird dive-bombed and hit me in the back. I turn around to swat it, and it's now sitting in a high branch near my front door eyeballing me. I'm not making this up. I just thought it was weird and went inside. Friday morning I leave my house and walk out to my car, only to get dive-bombed again. This same friggin' bird is flying all around me like a bee. And when I got home...yep...it was waiting. I got out of my car and was walking to my front door and it buzzes me again, and perches itself in the same branch just looking at me. I forgot about it and didn't really even think about again until Saturday. Why? Because when I left the house to go run some errands, this friggin bird flew right at me again. I turned around to swat it, but it had already flown into a nearby tree. And when I got home and was carrying groceries out of the car into the house, it was CONSTANTLY dive-bombing me. It would always sit on that same branch and watch me as I went into the house. I'm serious...I'm not making this up. This is one of the most screwed up things I've had happen....a stupid bird trying to terrorize me in my own yard. Now I have no idea if that dead bird has anything to do with it, but it is a weird coincidence. When I went to close the storm door, I was looking at it, and it was looking at me. I said "ok, you want a fight? You got it!" This is my house...my yard...and no stupid bird is going to come into my yard and start telling me what's what. So it's on...time to start dropping some plates on dat ass BIATCH! Oh, because it can fly it thinks it has me? Please...I'll peel that cap back, chop up that body and deep six it in a river! It doesn't know I'm old school gangsta...put on my hat and hood and get in attack mode! If that dead bird was a homie and you gotta strike to take this turf...it ain't gonna happen! Awww yeah! This is MY house BIATCH! You don't come into my yard and tell me what time it is...that's when brothers get swept up FOOL! Got a gap in it's teeth so my gat's gotsta fit! If it wants to get old school like we used to do bizness back in the day, then I'm down!
I swear though, it is the weirdest thing having this stupid bird dive-bombing me like it is. The really bad part is that when it gets near, I could just whack it, but I'd actually feel bad. I just know that I'd see some nest it's trying to protect and then would try to go to sleep knowing that little baby birds are going to starve to death. Like when I was 15 and had my learner's permit...one night my dad let me drive when we went to the store for something, and on the way back I hit a squirrel. My dad started going "Wow, I bet there's going to be some hungry baby squirrels tonight...that was probably the mother who was going out to get food for her kids". Gee, thanks dad...hahaha. Although I did get to say that to a guy I used to work with who also hit a squirrel. My car broke down and he was given me a ride home from work one night. Now this guy was such an eco-freak/animal lover that he was a vegetarian and looked at animals as more important than people. Nice guy, just a little whacked in the head. So he's giving me a ride home one night and *thump*...he nails a squirrel. He SLAMS on the brakes yelling "NO! NO! NO!" He gets out of the car and yep, it's dead. He gets back in and is visibly shaken up. So what did I do? Oh yeah, I was a prick...I started in with the same stuff my dad did - "Man...I hope that wasn't the mother trying to find food for her kids" and he starts going "Do you think it was???" in a complete panic. I said, "Who knows, I just hope not, otherwise that one death will lead to several others when those kids go hungry". Now this guy literally started talking like he should turn the car around and see if we could find the baby squirrels. Yeah, the joke backfired. Thankfully I was able to just keep saying over and over that I was joking and it wasn't like the thing had a grocery bag of walnuts...but he was really at the point of turning the car around to search all over the planet for some baby squirrels. What a nut. Get it? Nut? HAHAHAHAHA! Ok, that was lame.
To switch topics drastically, if you've read my stuff for a while, then you know for the last two years I've gone to the horror convention that takes place every Spring. Well it was going on this weekend, and guess what, I didn't go. It was going to have the same people there from before who I've already met, but Andrew Bryniarski (Leatherface), Tony Todd (Candyman) and Tom Savini (Special fx guru) were going to be there. For some reason, I had a gut feeling to not bother...and my gut rarely lies to me because it always knows when I need a good pizza fix. Saturday rolls around and I didn't go...instead I went and bought some cool movies and hunted for a gift for my mom. Later that day, Don called me about the convention. As well as being the outstanding guitarist for NoiseCult, he's been filling in as the bass player for The Creeping Cruds. The Cruds were going to be playing the convention, and he told me all about it. First off, he didn't see Bryniarski or Todd anywhere. Second, and I know all the guys charge for autographs, but what he told me about Savini was ridiculous. The last couple of times there would be some items I would bring to get signed, and for those who didn't bring anything, the dudes had photos and posters and stuff you could buy to get signed. He told me that Savini had a sign up stating that you HAD to buy something from his table if you wanted an autograph even if you brought something. I would have been pissed. I can understand some of the guys charging for autographs because some of them only have one cult hit under their belts, but someone like Savini who has worked on MANY movies in one form or another making people buy something is ridiculous. Personally, I think some people would be flattered enough that fans wanted to meet them and be cool about it. But whatever...he just really went down a notch in my book. It's like the athletes who charge for autographs when they're not at a convention...what jerks. The only thing I regret about not going was that I didn't see Tiffany Shepis in person. I've met her before, but to know that this city was graced by her stunning babeness this weekend made Nashville the place to be for a couple of days...even just to catch a glimpse. Ah...no woman is worth THAT much praise...but she is pretty hot. It's just like Silent Bob said towards the end of "Clerks" - "There's millions of fine looking women in the world dude, but not all of them bring you lasagna for lunch, most of them just cheat on you". Amen brother. In fact, one of these days I should write something up about my experiences with this whole online dating thing. Granted it's been quite a while since I met anyone through it because not only am I picky as crap, but the whole process got old. Exchange some emails, talk on the phone a few times, think you have enough in common to meet in person, end up spending a crapload of money on a night out thinking you both are having a good time, and then never hear from them again...hahaha. But it just all goes back to my stance on how cowardly people can act when it comes to other people. For example, I talked to this one girl, we meet one day, everything goes well, so we make plans for another night. We go out...have a great time...I suggest getting together again and she's all for it. So the day we're going to go out comes, and I call her that afternoon and never get a call back. I got an email that night from her apologizing, saying she fell asleep and blah blah blah. Now I can dismiss things like that. I know people have hectic schedules and things happen, so I give her the benefit of the doubt and respond by asking her to meet again for lunch that week. A couple of days go by and I don't hear anything. That was that...all I heard from her again was in an email telling me she's been busy. Yeah...riiiight. The weird thing was I ran into her at a store a couple of weeks later and she was acting like everything was cool...like we were old friends or something. I asked her what's been going on...my tactful way of saying "what the hell?" and got the "oh I've been busy with this and that and..." whatever. I'm not about to get into it with someone while looking for a cool movie or videogame...it's not worth it. That's pretty much why I'm done with putting forth any effort at all. I've got WAY too many things that are really cool in my life to get dragged down with anyone's games and bs. Plus, I beat myself up over the money I've wasted all these times knowing how many cool horror movies or videogames I could have bought...hahaha...and that's serious! Ok, maybe next time I'll share more stories...and I've got a ton. That's why this year I I'm doing my own thing, and the only reason I'll go out anymore is if someone like Jill Wagner comes knocking on my door because her car broke down in front of my house, she hears Black Sabbath playing and comments on how much she loves them, and sees I'm playing "Marvel - Ultimate Alliance" on my Xbox 360 and starts in on how cool Deadpool is and how The Hulk could kick anyone's ass. Maybe then I'll at least consider it...maybe.
But what I really don't get are liberals. I was walking to get some food during lunch today, and I saw a car with some stickers that read "Re-elect Al Gore"...and another that had a picture of Earth and said "Thank you Al" whatever in the hell that means, and another that said "I'm for the separation of church and hate". Yeah, the typical witty liberal bullshit. Separation of church and hate...oh wow...I'm so offended. The only thing that offends me about a sticker like that is that there is someone that stupid driving on the roads putting my life in jeopardy. Now, what I want to know is this - Why is it that hardcore liberals LOVE to scream about their right to free speech and expression, yet are the first ones to cry, whine, and sue when someone wants to pray before a football game. It's ok to burn the American Flag, want Bush and his family dead, take photos of a crucifix in urine, and hate the soldiers who are defending freedom, but God forbid someone say that Islam is evil or mention God in school. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time I checked Christians weren't cutting the heads off of infidels. So what's this about the separation of church and hate? Oh yeah...I forgot...us evil Christians don't want to see gay marriage legal. My, how evil we all are. Maybe if Christians started beheading everyone that disagreed with them we'd get some support and sympathy...after all it's just freedom of expression, right? If it's ok with the Muslims to slice a few throats, then hey, we should all be given a pass according to the liberal logic. Hardcore liberals are just nuts...plain and simple. They have no moral core to them at all. Facts and logic don't mean anything. They champion global warming thinking it's the end of the world while a bunch of cockroaches in the middle east would LOVE to set off a nuke here. It's more important to use bio-diesel fuel than to exterminate the vermin that want to kill me, my family, and destroy my way of life. Man I wish Bush hadn't turned out to be such a wimp. He really is.
And you know what else in the news ticked me off? Did you see the video of the old man getting beat up? Yeah, some dude who's like 90 was getting punched in the face while being car-jacked and several people just stood there and watched...all captured on some surveillance camera. I was LIVID! That video shows exactly what I despise in people - cowardice and selfishness. Those people who just stood there and watched were either too afraid to do the right thing or just didn't care because it really didn't affect them. How in the heck could five people sit there while watching some old man get beat up??? Oh I know, someone might be thinking "Well Bo, what if that guy had a gun?" If you see the video, the dude who was the criminal scumbag was too busy with both hands attacking the old man to be holding a gun, and if he had one, he seemed unaware of the others who were watching so they could have EASILY rushed the guy. So now you might be thinking "Oh it's easy to second-guess, but maybe you would have been too shocked to know what to do" and I would call you a liar. About the only time I might be too shocked to know what to do is if some half-man, half-reptile creature smashed through my window in the middle of the night, sprouted wings and started shooting lightning bolts from his reptilian fingertips. I might have a wee bit of a panic attack then. But I have a gun near my bed, and would have no problem blasting some intruder in the kneecaps so I could beat the crap out of him for a while before I call the cops, and I would have ZERO pity on the person. How in the hell could several people just stand there and watch some old man get beat up??? I really don't get it. When I talk about people being cowards, this is a prime example. And generally I have found that the people I have run across in my life who are extremely egotistical are cowards, and that's usually because they've never had to struggle and fight for something, and generally only think of themselves...which means they aren't willing to sacrifice to achieve anything. Bah...whatever. Sometimes the way people act when they know better just completely disgusts me. I'm not perfect by any means, but I know if I saw some old man getting beat up I would have no problem jumping into the situation and doing everything I could to pummel the attacker. Those people who just stood by are a disgrace.
Well I'll be MIA for several days. My band NoiseCult locks ourselves in the studio for a few days this week to record our 3rd CD! Trust me...it will be a full onslaught of metal baby! Yes, we still carry the torch...hahaha. Stay tuned...new songs will be ready shortly!