Today I decided I wasn't going to do anything productive.  Ever have those kinds of days?  I didn't want to start my car, get on the phone, clean the house...nothing.  All I wanted to do was sit in my favorite recliner, watch movies, play some videogames, and play with the dogs.  It was kind of like a mental day off...I didn't want to even have to think much about anything.  So I started off my day watching the new Fantastic Four animated DVD and it rocked.  They fought Dr. Doom, The Mole Man, and even The Hulk has an appearance which always kicks ass because him and The Thing always fight.  After it ended, I was trying to figure out what to watch next because I went shopping yesterday and had some online rentals laying around I hadn't had a chance to check out yet.  While trying to decide, and honestly not wanting to get out of the chair because I was feeling that lazy, I switched my TV input to the Direct TV tuner.  Last night when I cut everything off, I guess I was watching something on HBO because that's what channel was on.  I have no clue why it was on HBO, oh wait...yes I do.  I watched ESPN Classic earlier where they had a two hour show on Rocky Marciano talking about how badass he was (only heavyweight to go 49-0...and even had 43 KO's).  Then I watched that UFC reality show on Spike TV...more on that in a few.  And then I was hoping boxing was on HBO, so I checked it out...no boxing was on...so some live Pantera went in the DVD player.  Anyway, when I turned the tuner input on there was a movie with Sandra Bullock.  Now she isn't some goddess of beauty, but I've always found her attractive, and was wondering what the movie was.  I click the info button and it was some movie called "Cabin By The Lake"...I think that was it...co-starring Hollywood's worst actor who somehow lands big roles - Keanu Reeves.  I swear, that dude must have incriminating photos of top execs because I can't figure out how in the heck he ever gets a movie role.  So I check out the description and it says something resembling time-travel or the past meeting the future or whatever, so I didn't bother reading the rest...I figured I would check it out.  I had no idea what awaited me.  There was no Terminator going back in time to kill the mother of the unborn John Conner who would lead a rebellion, there was no H.G. Wells chasing Jack the Ripper through modern day San Francisco....there wasn't even Marty McFly chasing to make sure his parents kissed at the school dance so he would exist.  It was nothing but a bunch of dumb love letters left in a mailbox that he could get in the past and that she could get in present day.  Now I start watching this, and am baffled by how nonchalant both people are dealing with leaving love notes that travel through time.  Seriously, neither one of them had any trouble accepting this was going on.  I was praying for futuristic robots to somehow appear to deliver the lover letter and blow stuff up...but it never happened.  What's sad is because I was so troubled by their acceptance of this love letter traveling through time concept...I kept watching.  And of course after a while, I had seen too much to just turn it off.  Oh man was it pathetic.  He writes her to meet him at some restaurant two years in the future, which to her would be modern day and he never shows.  The reason? She finds out he died before that time.  So what does she do?  She puts a note in the mailbox saying "don't be at this place on this day" so he avoids it and his truck drives up while she's sitting there weeping thinking he's dead or whatever...it was sickening.  I could not believe I actually spent 90 minutes of my life watching this crap.  I felt so dirty afterwards, like I had betrayed all that is manhood...so I bolted out of the chair and put in the movie "Killzone" which deals with a Hong Kong crime boss, cops, and some excellent martial arts scenes.  It was at that moment I pledged to myself that no matter how lazy I'm feeling I will put the footrest of the recliner down to avoid complete crap like I subjected myself to.  Is that not one of the dumbest ideas for a movie ever???  Two people fall in love by leaving notes in some mailbox that somehow enables the recipient to not be bound to any laws of the space-time continuum.  If someone is going to make a movie involving any sort of time travel, there has to be something with cyborgs or an aircraft carrier back before Pearl Harbor (The Final Countdown) at the very least.  "Back To the Future" can get a pass because the story was great, although a cyborg or two wouldn't have hurt.

I mentioned that UFC show, and I think it's called "The Ultimate Fighter".  Anyway, much like the boxing show I love called "The Contender", it's a bunch of dudes going through an elimination process to win a UFC contract.  I always forget it's on, so last night was the first night I've ever watched it, and I kinda wish I hadn't.  There were a few guys on there who always walked around with an attitude of "I'll kick your ass anytime, anywhere" and it was like watching a bunch of drunk frat boys.  Now I am by no means some guy who has trained in martial arts all my life with a respect for the traditions and all that kind of stuff, but the people I've known over the course of my life who have trained don't have that attitude.  In the classes I take, I have yet to meet anyone with an attitude.  Generally you don't have to worry about a guy who shoots his mouth off acting like a tough guy.  The ones you have to avoid are the ones who do everything they can not to fight...because usually they won't fight because they know they can rip you apart and really don't want to.  I will say I love a boxer or UFC fighter who is confident with a touch of arrogance, but I really don't respect guys who act like a drunk frat boy looking for a fight and trying to sound like a tough guy.  That's also why I hate listening to anyone's stories about fights they got in, because I instantly think they're lying about it to make themselves sound tougher than they really are.  Hahaha...I just remembered a story for many years ago.  Back in college I was working at Pizza Hut, and this dude who thought he was really cool came up to me and said "man....it hurts to breathe" while he was holding his ribs.  I kept working and said something like "yeah...you look a little uncomfortable" while not making eye contact because I KNEW some fight story was coming up.  So he says "yeah dude....you ever had cracked ribs?  This hurts"...so I tell him "Oh yeah, they do hurt but it will heal" hoping he would shut up.  Basically he was hoping I would go "Wow, you're in pain?  You have cracked ribs?  Please...oh PLEASE tell me the interesting saga of how all this came about!" but I didn't want to give him the chance because I honestly didn't care and knew I would be fed some tale of machismo I wouldn't believe anyway.  Well, he walked away because he could tell I wasn't going to listen...but that didn't stop him.  Later he came up and said "man I tell you what, I never dropped so quick in my life when that cop hit me with his nightstick".  Oh jeez...now a nightstick and police were going to be a part of his story...so what did I say?  "Yeah, a nightstick will do that to you..." and left it at that.  Thankfully he got the hint....hahaha.  A friend of mine who was working with me overheard it all and later was like "man that was cold...this guy was dying to tell you some story and you just blew it off".  Yep, I sure did.  I have only been in a couple of fights in my life, and they were all when I was in school.  Basically a few pushes, a couple of punches, it gets broken up.  I do everything I can not to fight someone because it's ridiculous.  Yes, I'm taking mixed martial arts, but it isn't so I can learn to kick some guy's ass, it's just the challenge of it I love.  Plus, it doesn't hurt knowing what I've learned...haha.  At least these classes are taking away that fear of getting hit.  For example, in my last class I got to be the punching bag.  We divided up with the advanced students in one area, and the rest of us in another.  Because I was the closest to the instructor's size, I got to be used in demonstrations.  We were going to work on jabs followed by kicks.  So I hold a glove out and he throws a jab and then a Thai kick (which uses the shin) and I raise my knee up to block it.  We do that a few times, but even at half-speed his kicks were so strong I was getting knocked a little off balance.  So, the next several times I just stood their in the fighting position.  Now when he threw kicks, they connected right on my thigh.  And of course this was displayed multiple times.  Seriously, this guy's technique and everything was so good that even going at half speed it stung.  After I got home and my leg started to stiffen up, it was really throbbing...but I didn't care.  No, this isn't me saying "man I'm so tough I can take all sorts of pain" and all that, but it was cool to the extent that it let me know that not only did I have an awesome training session, but at the same time, getting hit multiple times didn't kill me...it will heal and get better.  And what's the biggest fear about fighting?  Yep, the pain...and if that fear can be overcome then it's a HUGE advantage.  This class is one of the best things I've ever done.  I've dropped about 10 pounds over the last several weeks and added muscle, my endurance has really grown, and my overall speed when punching and kicking has greatly improved...all in about a two month period.  And all this leads me to the next topic - quitting smoking.

Yes, sometime soon I'm going to try it for a third time.  I remember the last time I quit, my endurance and energy when working out seemed to double.  I slept better, I had more energy, basically a ton of positive results.  So why did I start again?  The first time I quit back in the summer of 2002, I lasted about 6 weeks before I would sometimes bum a smoke from someone.  I did this for a couple of months, and then a friend of mine said "man, if you're going to keep bumming cigarettes, then would you just please go buy a pack?" so I did.  The next time I quit in January of 2003, I went 6 weeks.  One night I was playing a videogame and reached to my shirt pocket for a cigarette.  When I realized I didn't have any, I started to cry.  Yes, unreal isn't it?  I did...I honestly felt like I had lost my spouse and for some reason turned to her to tell her something only to remember she was dead.  I literally started to cry, and over the next 30 minutes or so I felt like my best friend was gone.  I know this sounds completely bizarre, but if you've never smoked I can't expect you to understand.  So I got in my car, drove to the store, and bought a pack of cigarettes.  When I lit that first one, it was honestly like my best friend was back in my life.  Oh yeah, it's quite sad, but that's how it affected me.  I haven't made any attempt to quit since then because I know how rough it's going to be, and I'm not ready to put myself through that emotional roller-coaster.  Yes, me not quitting is being ruled by fear and that REALLY pisses me off.  There are so many positive physical benefits, I can't even begin to name them all.  Mentally it just beat me down the last two times.  But yeah, I'm getting ready to quit.  When...I don't know...but I'm getting mentally ready.  It has nothing to do with me craving nicotine...it's all habit.  The nicotine is out of your body in about 72 hours, so if you can go a week then in theory you should be able to make it.  Sadly, so much of my routine is wrapped up in smoking.  I get up and let the dogs out and smoke outside.  I smoke right before I take a shower in the morning.  I have two on the way to work, and I know when to light the last one up to give me time to finish it before I get to the office.  This is just an example of the behavior pattern...and maybe if I start changing up that pattern, it will work this time.  I really don't know.  Another thing that pisses me off is that I have put myself in a position to let a behavior dictate SO much of my life.  I know some people can just decide to quit and that's it.  Sadly I'm like George Costanza of "Seinfeld" and obsess on things...so in trying to quit I would only think about quitting and not be able to distract myself to NOT think about it.  I'll figure something out.

Ok, all of the above stuff was written last night but I was too lazy to post it.  I'm sure you've heard by now about the shootings at VA Tech.  At this time, officials claim they have the identity of the shooter but won't release it.  I wonder why honestly.  Man, my thoughts on this whole thing are so scattered it isn't funny.  What is it now, 32 dead?  This is insane.  I'll really be interested to see how this all unfolds as far as who the shooter was and what was going on, as I'm sure many others will as well.  Now I'm just thinking out loud here, so if I say something that offends people, then oh well.  First, I want to know if this guy was a Muslim and/or he was in the country legally.  I know that's a horrible thing to say, but it was the first thought that hit me when I heard the story.  And I wasn't alone because at work people were talking about it, and many of them wondered if the shooter was a Muslim.  After all, we had the D.C. snipers who were Muslim and did the killings as their way of contributing to jihad.  I just don't want all this swept under the rug without knowing the truth.  I'll never forget when the Columbine shootings went down, and instantly the media hit us over the head with stories of how these kids played the game "Doom", loved the movie "The Matrix", and listened to Marilyn Manson.  That's why I loved the Chris Rock special I saw when he was talking about it and said "everyone wants to say the games made them do it...everyone wants to say the movies made them do it...everyone wants to say the music made them do it...but whatever happened to just being crazy?  Can someone not just be crazy anymore???" and I have to agree.  I've played "Doom" for MANY hours...I have watched "The Matrix" multiple times, and I have even listened to Marilyn Manson...yet I never shot a bunch of people.  Many of us have had thoughts of injuring someone who wronged us, but we never followed through on it because the difference between having a thought about it and actually doing it is a HUGE chasm.  This is why I hate the insanity plea, because to me you honestly have to be insane to kill someone outside of war or self-defense...so to me they're all insane to a degree and therefore that defense means nothing.  Psychopaths, sociopaths, whatever...they're all nuts.  Ok, I'm getting off on a tangent.  What has me so perplexed here is why is there so little information?  The news has stated the shooter is dead.  Why hasn't a name been revealed or any other details?  How long does it take to scan fingerprints?  How about checking the dead guy's back pocket for a wallet with an ID in it?  I don't know...something weird is up with this...that's just my gut feeling.  It's crap like this that made me a gun owner.  My home has a three-tier security system.  I have an alarm, I have a gun, and I have Vick...my 110 pound German Shepherd.  And as Vick has grown (he'll be 4 next month) he has become more of a guard dog than I ever thought.  I'll be sitting in the garage with him scratching his ears or giving him a cookie, and if he senses someone he doesn't know being anywhere near my yard, he runs to the fence and goes ballistic.  He has become more protective and more territorial as the years have gone on...and I'm thankful for that....because that's what I was hoping he'd become.  That's why German Shepherds rule.  But that has nothing to do with this this shooting, sorry for rambling.  Even though I have no ties to this whatsoever, I find myself getting wrapped up emotionally in these kinds of tragedies more than I probably should.  I think the reason is that I have such a hard time hearing about people who are capable of pure evil...and that's what it is.  Ok, I'm done.  If I don't stop now, I'll be up all night thinking about this.