I was all set this week to see something that has happened only twice in history, first in 1980 and the next time in 1998.  This past Sunday, history was supposed to take place…supposed to…but it didn’t and it’s all my fault.  Yes, I take full responsibility.  Not only did me beloved Atlanta Falcons lose this week and therefore they didn’t lock up the division title for the third time ever…but they got killed 27-0.  How is it my fault?  Very simple – I ate Hot Pockets.  Now you might be asking “how in the heck does eating Hot Pockets cause a team to lose so badly?” and that would be a fair question, so I will explain.  I enjoy a hearty meal when I sit down to watch The Falcons play each week as any football fan would.  The meal of choice?  Two grilled chicken sandwiches with lettuce and cheese on honey wheat bread, a bag of sour cream and onion Sun Chips, and an ample supply of Diet Coke.  The first time I deviated from this meal was the Sunday I decided to use French bread instead of honey wheat, and you know what happened?  Atlanta lost their first game of the year to Detroit.  The next week I immediately went back to the honey wheat and Atlanta was back on their winning streak and all was right with the world.  Several weeks go by and it’s gameday.  I quickly take stock of my supplies (which I usually do the night before) and noticed that I had no potato chips at all.  Kickoff was coming up so time was a factor.  I couldn’t afford a long line at the grocery store, so I hit the convenience store on the corner.  No Sun Chips…just the typical Lays and Ruffles…and not even sour cream and onion.  Instead of going to the grocery store and doing the right thing, I opted for a bag of Dorito’s.  Now this may really be hard to believe…but I actually felt bad for not getting Sun Chips and had a real bad feeling about the upcoming game against Kansas City.  I kept telling myself “dude…it doesn’t matter…nothing you do has any impact on the game at all” and laughed at my own stupidity.  I wasn’t laughing long though as Kansas City decimated Atlanta 56-10.  The next week I made sure I had Sun Chips and the winning started again.  As the weeks went on I would laugh at myself for thinking that and deviance of my gametime meal meant Atlanta would lose and was lulled into a state of safety.  I got soft and dropped my guard as time went on, but I still stuck with the same meal as a slight precaution…until this past weekend.  I went grocery shopping Thursday night as I usually do, and Kroger’s had a special on Hot Pockets (which I have this weird weakness for yet rarely eat them).  I loaded up on them and decided that I would feast on those while watching Atlanta win their division.  While checking out, I actually had a nagging feeling that I was jinxing the team by not eating the usual meal…but again tried to dismiss it…laughing at my stupidity….but that feeling was there.  Sunday morning rolls around and I’m microwaving a bunch of Hot Pockets trying to time it all perfect.  Another little tradition is that I must be seated and take my first bite as soon as kickoff happens.  I’m ready, everything is set, kickoff ensues and I start munching away.  I told my friend Jason when he got there that if Atlanta lost, it was my fault because I forsook my usual gametime meal.  Oh we laughed at my foolishness…but only for a while.  Atlanta lost…and lost bad 27-0.  It is all my fault…for real.  Next week I will go with the meal that works and not deviate one bit.  Three meal deviations and three losses.  Am I crazy?  Well, actually yes…but not when it comes to the eerie coincidence you see here.  You think that’s weird.  Years ago I had a ritual where I took a big Falcons cup and would fill it with Diet Coke.  The Diet Coke represented the life-force of the opposing team and by drinking it out of the Falcons cup, the other teams will to win would be sapped from them.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t and I think that had to do with the position I was sitting in at the time.  To this day, I still clutch my Falcons football pillow during the course of the game…but none of that mojo will work if I deviate from the meal.  Yes, the meal is the glue holding it all together.  It’s just like when I would buy jerseys.  Every time I bought a Falcons jersey, something bad would happen to that player.  In 1993  I buy a Deion Sanders jersey and he leaves the team two weeks later, in 1994 I bought a Chris Doleman jersey and he missed several games with an injured foot.  In 1995 I bought a Jeff George jersey and he’s kicked off the team after three weeks.  In 1999 I got a Jessie Tuggle Jersey and the next year he missed most with a knee injury and ended up retiring.  And last year I bought a new Michael Vick jersey, and he breaks his leg two weeks later.  Needless to say I didn’t buy one this year…but I have to remember this: two grilled chicken sandwiches with cheese and lettuce on honey wheat bread with a bag of sour cream and onion Sun Chips and an ample supply of Diet Coke.  Along with this comes making sure I have my jersey on 1 hour before the game along with my hat, I have to hold the football pillow the entire game, and I have to be seated and take my first bite right at kickoff.  This also includes a talk with my dog Vick about the upcoming game and what needs to happen for a win.  While all these things are important, without the right food none of it matters.

Speaking of food (can I segue or what??),  did you see the outrage over this new burger from Hardee’s?  Ok, let me back up a second…I have called myself the king of segues before.  I believe they are crucial when telling stories or relaying thoughts and I believe I truly excel at them.  Considering every thought in my head throughout a day links together like one gigantic run-on sentence I find this easy.  Serious, I could start thinking about which shirt I’m going to wear that morning and 10 minutes later I’m remembering when I was 14 years old and eating a Butterfinger on a hot July afternoon…and somehow every thought in between those two linked together seamlessly.  That’s why when I used to watch Brent Musburger, the host of NFL Today on CBS years ago, I would find his segues extremely entertaining.  For instance, here’s a sample – “So the Dallas Cowboys fall to Denver by a score of 20 to 17….and speaking of the Miami Dolphins…”.  Of course I shouldn’t expect much from some broadcaster in his mid 50’s with the personality of a doorknob when he greeted MC Hammer in the broadcast booth with a “Hammer…my man…what’s happening?”.  Quite amusing.  Anyway, back to the burger.  Hardee’s has some new thing called a monster burger which contains 2 patties, each weighing in at 1/3 of a pound.  The burger is 1,420 calories and has 107 grams of fat.  And now I read articles where people are up in arms over this, one person even whining about Hardee’s not being a responsible food chain because of the fat content of this burger being sold  at a time when American’s suffer from obesity and heart disease and blah blah blah.  You know what I say?  Way to go Hardee’s!  I don’t need a fast food chain selling me healthy stuff, I really don’t.  Why do I go to McDonald’s or Burger King or Hardee’s or Wendy’s or wherever?  TO EAT GOOD TASTING JUNK FOOD!  Who are fast food places trying to kid by offering health food???  Give me a break.  Fast food is about greasy burgers and fries…always has been and darn it I am a stickler for tradition.  If I want to eat a burger with that much fat and calories, I should be able to.  I mean seriously, people don’t normally live off this stuff…and if they do then I have one thing to say – oh well.  I love the fact that I can go into a place and basically buy a heart attack on a bun.  Sometimes we have to have those little guilty pleasures to keep life a little fun.  Where is the friggin harm in a monster burger once in a while???  Not being a responsible fast food chain…that is laughable.  If fast food chains were responsible, they would just close down with the junk you get there…but isn’t it tasty junk?  I do believe it is.

See, I have this theory…allow me to explain it because I think it makes just way too much sense.  Have you ever wondered why it seems over the last 10 or fifteen years, we keep reading more and more bizarre stories involving people and them just doing things that make no sense whatsoever?  Not only is it strange to me someone would be all offended that there is a monster burger, but for instance here recently, there were two guys arrested for dumping dirt in a public park….can you believe that?  These guys dug up dirt around part of the foundation of one of their houses and needed to get rid of it.  They take it to a nearby park…dump it and actually rake it out to make it look good so they wouldn’t just be leaving a pile of dirt.  What happens?  They get arrested!  What idiot would arrest two guys for dumping some dirt and even taking the time to rake it out???  There is a severe lack of common sense by people nowadays, and sadly, it’s being encouraged.  You see car commercials with some insane stunt on it, or the truck commercial where it gets dropped out of the sky and drives off and there will be the disclaimer on screen with “professional driver…do not attempt” or “do not drop trucks from severe heights” or whatever…you know the ol’ “please do not try this at home” thing.  These disclaimers are done by companies to keep them from getting sued by idiots who would try this stuff, but in doing so, they make the rest of the world suffer by not allowing morons to kill themselves off…what I refer to as “natural selection”.  By not discouraging idiots from attempting things they see in commercials or shows, we allow them to permeate into society and we all suffer for their stupidity.  Like that person in front of you on the road going 30 in a 70 zone…or the one who is in front of you at an intersection NOT in the turn lane, and when the light turns green realizes they need to be in the turn lane so they sit there like a moron holding everyone up?  Or…here’s one of my favorite examples of stupidity…I heard an interview with a councilman for the city of Denver the other day talking about the controversy surrounding their “Parade of Lights” parade.  This is an annual parade they do in Denver just before Christmas and one of the floats even has Santa on it.  Now if you go to a parade just before Christmas and see a float with Santa…wouldn’t you kinda think to yourself “oh, this is a Christmas parade”.  I would too…but that just makes too much sense.  There was a church wanting to enter a float that said “Merry Christmas” on it and it wasn’t allowed.  Why?  Because it said “Merry Christmas”.  Yeah, that’s not a typo…the float said “Merry Christmas” and the city council didn’t want a float in with any “religious” messages to it.  Oh it gets better.  There is a float in it from some group called like “the two spirits society” or something like that that pays homage to…get this…the holiness of gay and lesbian American Indians.  I wish I was making this up.  So the city council doesn’t want any floats with religious connotations, yet we can all bask in the holiness of gay Indians???  Is their god that dude from the Village People that dressed like an Indian?  When this idiot councilman was asked what the purpose of the parade was, he basically stated it was to celebrate this time of year…then started to trail off.  The interviewer said “And what do we celebrate, could it be Christmas???” to which moron replied “ummm…well…there’s a lot of things going on because people get time off from work”.  That guy was such an idiot.  You see, I bet when this guy was like 15, he saw an add with some crazy stunt on TV and was all set to see if he could do it until “professional stuntman, do not try this at home” appeared on the screen.  If that disclaimer had never appeared the guy would have done something stupid and possibly maimed himself and therefore couldn’t be some idiot city council guy allowing a “gay Indians are holy” float and not a float that says “Merry Christmas” in what is basically a Christmas parade.  Natural selection can be a beautiful thing – the weaker of the species are weeded out, and as long as we try to keep idiots from being the idiots they are, we will all suffer.  Seriously, what is so bad about Christmas anyway that would get someone so offended?  Let’s say you don’t believe in God or anything, is the theme of the holiday just so appalling?  Is the premise of giving and helping and peace such a terrible thing?  You know what, if Christmas offends you then go to work on December 25th if you’re not supposed to and just shut up.

Remember last week when I mentioned about the school choir that couldn’t sing Christmas songs this year?  I was telling that to a friend of mine so he tries to give me another point of view, which is fruitless, but I listened.  He asked me how I would feel if in this choir was a Jewish kid and broke into a song to the tune of a Christmas carol with lyrics like “my savior hasn’t come”.  He asked “wouldn’t you be offended?” and tried to explain that if one group can do it then all should.  You know what I said?  That’s a load of bs.  See, America traditionally celebrates Christmas and has for a while.  That’s the way it is.  Don’t like it?  Deal with it.  Just like Jules in “Pulp Fiction” stated “you don’t go into your friend’s house and start telling him what’s what”, you don’t come into this country and start telling us how to run things.  And that doesn’t just go for people coming in from another country…it applies to people already here as well.  I’m sick of it…I’m sick of American tradition and what I value being sacrificed because one person got offended over something.  They start screaming about having beliefs rammed down their throats, and at the same time are ramming their beliefs down my throat.  Remember when that dude sued to get “under God” taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance?  How that made it as far as it did in court is beyond me…what a waste of time and taxpayer’s money.  Newsflash…the majority of Americans DO believe in God…deal with it.  I’m sick of things being rearranged to accommodate one person so they won’t be offended.  Oh, my FAVORITE is now these stories coming out about people getting felt up while going through airport screening.  I don’t get it…some 50 year old white housewife has to remove her shirt and have her boobs felt, meanwhile the sweaty Arab in a trenchcoat in the middle of July just walks right in.  See if they were to stop the Arab, well then security would be guilty of racial profiling and a lawsuit might be slapped on the airline.  Racial profiling???  I would hope we WOULD do this.  After all…I don’t recall seeing pictures of 50 year old white housewives as any of the terrorists who hit us on 9/11…do you?  Seems to me they were all middle eastern.  I am honestly afraid that because there is a fear that an Arab might get offended if searched at the airport, that another attack could occur in some way.  It boggles my mind to compromise national security to protect someone’s “feelings”.

All the stuff you just read was written last night, and for some reason I held off posting it because I wanted one more thing to wrap it all up.  The news I got today was not what I was wanting to write about, but will.

And now for a true bum-out period.  I love listening to Pantera…I truly do.  I don’t know if there is any band that can get my blood going the way they do when I throw on a CD.  I think “Vulgar Display of Power” is a masterpiece.  Pantera had a weird way of mixing sheer brutality with an almost commercial sound.  Not really “radio friendly”, but I think the combination of killer song structure and huge, memorable riffs was what did it.  Guitarist Dimebag Darrell wrote some of the most incredible riffs ever in metal.  Songs like “I’m Broken”, “Cemetery Gates”, “This Love”, “Mouth For War”, and “5 Minutes Alone” are truly metal classics and they aren’t even that old.  Dimebag had a very unique talent in playing blistering riffs one second, and extremely melodic stuff the next.  Bottom line, the guy was a hell of a guitar player.  Even though their final album was a little weak compared to the others, I was pretty bummed when I heard Pantera split up…Phil Anselmo forming Down and Superjoint Ritual, while Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul formed Damageplan.  I wasn’t as much into Damageplan, mainly due to the lack of intensity vocal-wise compared to Phil Anselmo.  I got up this morning and cut the news on where I heard about a shooting in Ohio at a club.  Sucked, but I didn’t think much of it.  Next report was that a metal band was playing there…but I figured it was a local Columbus, Ohio band.  Good Morning America starts, and they lead off with the story and mention the band playing was Damageplan and that guitarist Dimebag Darrell had been shot.  They also mentioned three people were dead but never said he was one of them so I figured he was just wounded, as bizarre as even that was.  As I was driving to work I was thinking about it knowing I would check the internet as soon as I got there to see what was going on.  I got to work and someone asked me “hey, did you hear about that guitar player getting killed?”.  I was like “he’s dead?!?!?” and instantly got online to start reading stories.  Well…it was true…Dimebag Darrell was shot several times point blank during the middle of Damageplan’s opening song.  Just unreal….absolutely unreal.  His brother, Vinnie Paul, was shot also but was just wounded from what I read.  And sadly, there were others killed at the show too.  It’s just kind of surreal when you hear news like that.  From what I gather, some dude went to the Damageplan show and was so pissed about Pantera breaking up, he decided to shoot people.  When the band started, this guy got on stage and opened fire.  What can I even really say about such a messed up event?  Look, I don't want to sit here and act like one of those fans that goes into a deep depression when a musician dies because they felt at one with the person and all that crap as if they were best friends with the musician like people did when John Lennon died (and I am not belittling anyone dying here), but one thing I've learned about being a heavy metal fan is that the fans all these years is that there is a sort of camaraderie among the fans and bands as well.  Metal fans are some of the most passionate and rabid fans you will meet.  Not only do they like the songs, but they want to dig the band as people because a lot of us who truly love metal feel that the only difference between us and the guys onstage is that they had the balls to go for broke and truly pursue their love...and we as fans deeply admire that.  I know, it may sound corny or whatever but it's true.  It's not about just being in a band and playing a few gigs...it is life to these guys who truly excel.  Pantera was one of the rare bands that came along and made people go "man...this stuff is amazing"...and they came along at a time when metal was dying in the mainstream, but yet instead of taking a safe route and playing up to the flavor of the month, they did what they wanted and got more brutal with each release...and fans loved it.  I truly believe that real success and longevity is when you do what you truly love, and when other people really dig it, you have something special.  Pantera did that, and Dimebag Darrell was a huge reason for that.  You know, as I sit here and think about what happened last night to him, it goes to show that none of us have any clue when our time is up.  Who would think that being in a band and going out on stage to play a gig would result in getting shot several times point-blank by some psycho?  Again, follow your dreams...pursue the desires of your heart like a wildfire.  Why play it safe?  If you're gonna go tomorrow, don't you want to know you at least pursued one dream?  And even if that pursuit ends in a way you didn't want it to...at least you tried!  How many people just go day to day and have sacrificed every dream they ever had and settled?  Don't ever settle...don't live safe and predictable lives...don't.  If something is really weighing on your heart then pursue it and give it a chance because you never know when the day will come that there won't be anymore chances.  Don't live with regret...that's the worst thing you can do.  If you fail, you can hold your head up high because you tried.  Yeah...I'm probably getting a little out there...I just want people to get the most out of life.  Trust me, I lived MANY years not doing that, but since that day came I made a decision to go after what I wanted I can honestly say I have no regrets.  Sure, I've had times where things didn't work out the way I wanted but I gave it a shot...tons better then what iffing everything to death.  Alright...that's it for this week.