I have this thing with sleeping with people, I really like it. I don't mean sex, by any stretch of any imagination. I mean just sleeping with someone, having someone to hold while I sleep. There's something about falling asleep to someone's heartbeat that makes me feel safe, if even for a little while.
It's been ages since I've had someone to sleep with. Infact I probably couldn't recallanytime before this past month. I think Tim was the last one and before that Jason (two people you've probably never heard of). I missed that feeling so much.
There has been problems of course with this in the past. Sometimes it gets interpreted the wrong way by one of the parties, and I'm never the misunderstandee (new word, rah!). Weel, it has been misunderstood on two occasions now. ...
A while back a friend introduced me to his other friend, Kelly. I don't know what it was about Kelly, but it was something. One night a bunch of us had gone out to the fed (on campus club) and we ended up back at my place a few of us (excluding Kelly) were a little intoxicated. Anyways, we were watching a movie, which one i can't recall, in my room and everyone had left except for Kelly. So, Kelly and I got to talking and the thing about my sleeping with people had come up in conversation.
I fell asleep shortly after as did he, on completely different ends of the bed. Somehow when I woke up there I was curled up beside him. After that it was just sort of a regular thing for a few nights in a row. He would come over to sleep.
He knew my intentions and I knew his, or so i thought.
The one day he said something that really disturbed me. You see Kelly has a girlfriend, but he said he liked me (i think he was crazy for even considering me anyways). He apparently wanted a purely physical relationship while he was still with his girlfriend, which of course i denied. Then somehow the whole thing got twisted so that it appeared that I wanted him like that.
Y'see I just want someone to sleep with. Right now I have no other purpose for a relationship. Other than I can't find someone to sleep with without getting involved with them.
so what is a girl supposed to do?
Eventually I'd like something else, the while kit and caboodle, the love the romance and all that gushy stuff, but for now all i want is someone to sleep with. Am I asking too much?
If i was secure enough with myself and my body I'm sure that somewhere down the line a purely phsyical relationship might be attractive, but not right now, not with someone that is taken(ever).
I guess for now I'll ahve to settle for sleeping alone. Unless anyone has an offer...hmmm...nawh no one would sleep with me unless I paid them.
