What is wrong with me?? Bouncing around everywhere, smiling at people...could this still be Katie?? Is it some cheap imposter?? Is it drugs...heh no there aren't any drugs. Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure I'm doing this on my own. I can honestly say that I'm feeling a little better about myself inside, which is what I wanted all along. It's slightly hard to believe that all it was going to take was for me to sit down with myself and tell myself to do things - seems crazy! Not to say that everything has been solved but, I'm smiling...it's been so long since I've smiled simply because I felt like smiling. Another thing which seems strange to me as that since I've decided to change my ways a few of my friends have suddenly become very down and harsh on themselves. I think I see a little of myself in them, I was probably too absorbed in my own wallowing to even notice. I'm sorry to any friends whom I may have neglected during all these years, the ones I still have, and the ones I don't...I'm sorry. Of course there are no guarantees that I'll never go back to the way I felt, or feel but, I can only try to better my life everyday, right?

Why is it that everytime I sit in the dentists chair I listen to the same words "This isn't going to hurt one bit," or some variation. Do they really think that after 19 years I haven't learned that it's going to hurt no matter what they say? I can stand and even quite like getting needles in my arms, it just feels neat but, in my mouth...there's just something wrong with that - and it hurts like hell! So, I went into the dentist today to get a chipped tooth repaired, and what gets whipped out as soon as I settle into the chair but the needle!!! So, after about an hour of poking, prodding, head shaking drilling, etc I was finally on my way...or atleast most of my body was, I think I left the left side of my face on his floor and it later found me on its own. For about 4 or more hours I could finally start trying to feed myself, which was a huge disaster. Everything landed on my lap, or the floor...eventually I just gave up.

My rio is still not working so, I'm asking Chris (the guy who dropped it on concrete) for $250...that isn't unreasonable, is it? I'm going through withdrawl, I have no good tapes so theres no sense using my walkman. My portable CD player is older than most things that I own, and it drains batteries like theres no tomorrow. I WANT MY RIO BACK!!! I'm really considering getting a VAIO from sony, just because it looks so damn cool even though it'll run me about $400 cdn.