Today just didn't turn out the way I had planned. I went in early to class because Mrs. Leitch had asked me to come sit in on a discussion. Mrs. Leitch is the Staff Advisor for the Yearbook at our school. You probably don't know that I left the yearbook staff mid-year on bad terms with everyone and things, from my point of view, never quite came back together after I left. Anyways, the principal of our school was supposed to lead this discussion, only she never showed up leaving me in a room full of people I didn't want to be anywhere near for over an hour. Apparently this discussion has been moved to tomorrow and shortened to only 15 minutes, unfortunately for the principal she doesn't realize that nothing can be solved in 15 minutes with these people.

I'm expected to go to a lunch with all 20 of these people next Friday. I don't have anything to say to them, I'll just smile and nod and hope it goes by quickly.

I suppose I still have some sour grapes about the way things happened before, as I didn't exactly leave on the best of terms.

The perfect example is the bus pull. It was my idea from the start but, she was the editor and wanted to present it to administration as well as other groups in the school. I know I'm not the best speaker but, I know how to put together a pretty good proposal, not some half-ass 10 minute "oops, I forgot about this" job. It made me angry when my idea didn't fly, not because it failed but rather because I hadn't had the chance to make it go where I wanted it to. I am a much better student than she is, even though we were at one point really close friends I still hold it against her.

It isn't fair that I was in there all those mornings, and she didn't show up until class. It isn't fair that my lunch hours were spent trying to get the accounts to be as they should be, and not using double accounting. It isn't fair that she didn't have any leadership skills and I did, yet I wasn't allowed to lead.

I'll admit my only being "Assistant Editor" was entirely my fault. Mrs. Leitch even said I'd make a great editor but, from the start I didn't want to have that much responsibility. It turns out that I had all the responsibility but none of the credit. I finally got fed up with it all, and decided I'd had enough.

Enough of the constant fighting within the editors and within the entire staff.

Enough of the responsibility, having everyone turn to me when something was to be done.

Enough of it all! So, I left Yearbook for good. Or so I thought. Mrs. Leitch must've wanted me back. After I'd gone through all the trouble of changing my courses just to get out of yearbook the next semester I found Yearbook back on my schedule right where it was before. I was furious, I couldn't believe she would do something like this after I'd talked with her and explained myself time and time again. Maybe I should've stopped being so stubborn and just given it a second chance or something, but my mind was set...I was leaving!

For some reason lately I can't help but think that people are watching me. I just want to slink away and not be looked at but, it seems everyone finds a reason to stare at me or so I think. You know how you can feel eyes on you, constantly, only it's not a good feeling. It's not a feeling of adoration, it's more of a feeling of...errr being an outcast. Like people who stare and point as if you can't see them, only I never see them.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. Probably you say?!! Then again maybe I'm not, maybe I'm the perfect example of what not to do with your teenage years. Mom says in twenty years I'll look back on all the good times I had, but I haven't had any good times that stand out as being truely "teenage" in nature. I've never done anything CRAZY, never gone to non-stop parties, never been to a bush party, never done drugs, never stolen anything - except that one cashew when I was seven and I got caught.