I haven't updated in a while, and I was going good there for a while. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and pouting to do much of anything. Sometimes I'm so pitiful, it sickens me. I know I shouldn't feel so down all the time, and really I do try to make myself happy but, sometimes this is harder than it may look. Some people ask "what reason do you have to be unhappy" and most times it's not as easy as just finding a simple reason. Sometimes i have no reason to be unhappy. It's strange, yet it is my life.

16 days and counting....Prom 2000!! Okay, so I'm not going and I'll be missing a lot of fun but, why is that such a big deal? I don't want to buy an expensive dress, pay for an expensive ticket to sit in a hall and mingle, drink, dance, and have my picture taken with people that I rarely associate with. I don't have the money to go spend on a dress, though I'm sure I could be creative and find something relatively cheap. I don't want to spend $85 on a ticket, that is a lot of money. I don't really like to drink, I've only been actually drunk on about 3 occasions and it's also costly for booze. I must be the least photogenic person on this planet, I hate having my picture taken fullstop....Or maybe I should stop making excuses for myself??? I am bitter, for a number of reasons. Maybe I don't really want to be there but, a part of me does. I'm jealous of everyone else being able to just fit right in. All of them are running around giddily, buying their tickets talking about dress colours and tux's. Then there's me....just sitting there. I ahve no dress to talk about, no date to discuss with, no limo coming to pick me up...no nothing. I even looked at dresses for a while, online and in stores, knowing I wouldn't buy them, knowing they wouldn't look any good on me but, still I looked at them. In vain I suppose, half wishing that maybe someone might ask me, then I might have a reason to even begin to look at all the lovely dresses. Alas, no one asked me. Probably my own fault, I've said since last year that I didn't want to go, it was like a defense thing, didn't want to say I wanted to go and have no one wanting to take me. That's lame, yeah it is. Seeing as now, I don't even have any friends I can't ask one of them to go...so, I'm stuck at home that night...again...just like always. Back to the dress problem...I don't wear them, I can't walk in them, sit in them, let alone dance in them. I also don't look very nice in them. Any dress that I might be able to find that might be suitable for prom would also definately be a showcase of my scars, which none of you know about. I'm not exactly proud of my scars, and I don't want to show them off to all of my peers either. I'm insecure enough about my body without having people point, or stare. So, basically I'm just bitter about not being able to goto Prom, well, technically I could go...but, I never will get to go......ever.....