Well, tonight is the night. It's Prom Night. And where am I? Why I'm at home, where else would I be? You didn't expect that I'd suddenly get a life did you? I didn't think so.

I feel very left out right now. No one thought to ask me to prom. Not a single guy looked at me and thought "why don't I ask her to prom" or something. Oh right, how could I have forgotten...I'm not good enough. So what if I'm not a size three, is that all a person's worth is measured by these days? I'm not the most popular person in school, I'll admit that but, there are surely other people who notice me, aren't there? Am I really that undesirable, that hideous, that grotesque?

I can't help it, this is the face I was born with. Is it the marks left by the streams of tears? The dark rings around my eyes from getting so little sleep? Is it the glasses, I can get contacts. I shouldn't want to change the way I look just so people will find me desirable, I know that but, it doesn't change anything really. It's just nice to be noticed in a good way once in a while, ya know? To go through life without being pointed at, or giggled at or being the victim of someone's ridicule.

I should be proud of who I am, so why aren't I? Why am I sitting here crying right now? Is all of this over something as little as prom? No! It's years and years of stuff that I keep quietly tucked away where it can't hurt me, or so I hope. It always fails, I know it's destined to but, atleast I don't have to tell anyone...yet. Just keep it all inside and no one has to know. No one, no one knows. No one has to see your tears. No one will know how weak you are.

My last year at highschool is coming to a close and in looking back I wonder why my time hasn't been like in the television shows, the magazines, like anything. No matter how much I was involved these were never to be MY highschool years, they belong to everyone else. They belong to everyone that is at prom right now, those are the people that enjoyed higschool, those are the people with friends. Those are the people I want to be.

Yeah, they may be self-centered, and nothing more than a pretty face but, that's what I want. I want to know what it's like to have someone look at you in an adoring way. They may never find love, but they'll have more chance than someone like I will.

I have this year's yearbook now. I'm thinking about how empty it's going to be, or how filled with the "have fun this summer" messages it will be. Either way I'll be disappointed. I'm considering just not letting anyone sign it to avoid the awkward moment of asking someone to sign my book when I've never actually spent any time with them. It isn't like I have any close friends that I've shared good times with, or exciting times, or even alright times...

All this over prom...