july 30

There's this emptiness, a huge void inside of me. i try to fill it day after day after day, each day with something new. most days i try to fill it with food, when i am full would that not mean that the void was gone?

where is the void? why does it exist? what can i do to make it go away?

people have said that i should see someone professional to help me deal with my "problems". to me this would mean admitting to everyone that something was wrong. i understand that people already know, but this would be different. i would ahve to admit, openly, to my parents that something is wrong with me, that i'm not perfect, that i'm not their dream come true.

so, what do i do? i eat! most times i can't stop myself. i ignore that full feeling a lot. sometimes after my binge i participate in a little purging, lovely isn't it. then there are the times that i refuse to eat, and i feel guilty after every bite.

end of my self pity