july 25

I didn't mean to leave an empty silence.

I didn't mean to lie.

I should've just told the truth. i should've just let it out.

You asked a simple question. What would be wrong with the truth?

Things don't always work out the way they're supposed to...they never do for me

Couldn't you see the through my eyes, they tell the truth, I can't lie with them.

Remind me never to look you in the eye again.

Someone asked if I was happy, incase you're wondering what the above was about. I was slightly taken back by the question. Why should someone care if I'm happy? In the scheme of things it doesn't effect much, if anything at all. I kind of shrugged and decided to lie. I said I was fine. how far from the truth was that? The truth and my answer were in completely different galaxies, never to come in contact with one another. They were parallel lines, never to meet, never to cross.

Why lie you ask? The answer is quite simple...to keep other people happy. Well, to avoid the "what's wrong" and "is there anything i can do" or the "are you mad at me" type responses. If someone says they're fine the majority of the population will nod and smile figuring it's none of their business, and it isn't. I feel so terrible when I lie, but I imagine I'd feel worse if I had told the truth.

In the short term telling the truth would hurt a lot. Although in the long run I would've been better off, for it hurts more when something sits inside of you and festers. I have so many secrets, so many lies, so many smiles that weren't really mine. So where is mine?

If you have my smile, please send me an email, thank you.