Last night I went to bed surprisingly early. Normally if I'm in bed by 2 or 3 I'm doing fairly well but. last night I went to lie down to watch "student bodies" at about 10:30 I think and before the show ended I was sound asleep. All was well, until my sleep was rudely interupted at 9:30am...Julie needed me to come into work because Theresa had called in sick. I do need the money so I jumped at the chance to snatch up another 5 hours, or about 36 dollars. It may seem like a little but, a little goes a long way...supposedly. I truely hate working there, and I simply cannot wait until summer when I probably won't be working there very much, if at all. I ahve my job from last summer again, working in the warehouse. I know it doesn't sound great but, it's much better than the grocery store and atleast I don't get bitched at by everyone at the warehouse. I also make better money at the warehouse, big incentive!

Basically I don't think I'm even remotely pretty, or attractive or cute...or anything like that. So, when people tell me that I am I get very angry with them because I hate being lied to. Them telling me I'm pretty or whatever is lying, I don't see it, therefore they must be lying. Some of you may find fault in my logic but, if you knew how i feel than maybe you'll understand. If they can see me as being pretty why can't I?? Because I'm not pretty and they're lying to me, that is my only logic and believe me, it does make perfect sense. I would really love to be pretty. Maybe I'll be happier if I was pretty? Maybe I'll think I'm pretty and become stuck up and unbearable? Maybe if I'm pretty I'll get an ego? Maybe I'll like myself if I was pretty? So, to make things easier in the future don't tell me I'm pretty because I'm not. Most of you are probably laughing, "her, pretty, she wishes." AND I DO!

I found one of those friendship bracelets today, the ones you make with embroidery floss by knotting. It was half done so I finished it, and started making another one. I forgot the things I used to do to keep busy? happy? I wish I could go back sometimes just to see what I was like when I was happy, what it was like to feel like that almost all of the time. Quitting basketball was one of my biggest mistakes ever!!! I can see that now but, then I thought it was the best thing for me. In certain ways I suppose it was, in others I can see it as one of the mistakes that will stay with me forever. It may seem superficial and dumb to everyone else but, you shouldn't give up on something you love, not like I did.

Arthur introduced me to a band called SpiderBait, who are very cool. I really like the track Calypso and think that everyone should rush out and nab it now!