Well, Matthew and Arianna came to see me today which, was definately a treat. I think we had a decent time. We went to Barrie and shopped a bit, ate and chatted. It wasn't anything particularily special but, it was nice to meet matt and see ari again. I bought some stuff, with my mom's money. I got another pair of black mod-robes (mostly for work), some CD-R's, candy, the Finger Eleven cd, and some kernels popcorn. oh yeah, I forgot about the food i ate...a smoothie, fries & gravy and a Pepsi. We went back to my house before they had to leave, and Coco seemed to enjoy matt's company greatly.

Okay so maybe this day wasn't as eventful as i thought but, it's been so long since I've gone out anywhere. It's been so long since anyone's hugged me. It's been so long since I've left the house other than for school or work. I thought I might cry when they left - not because they were leaving so much as I didn't want to be alone. that probably sounds bad, like I didn't really enjoy their company and that I was just using them to fullfill my needs. Well, that is a part of friendship but, it was sincerely nice having them around (even though one of them let a stinky in my room). I forgot that feeling, the one you get when you're around people and you goto being alone. The scary feeling. The lonely feeling. The feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, the place your lonliness hides when people are there to take it away.

I'm probably just going through one of my "stages." Anyone who knows me well should know generally what I'm talking about, if not, wait and you'll see for yourself. I just get in what some people call "moods" but we'll see what "mood" I fall into this time around. It usually passes within a few days and the self-wallowing ends but, sometimes it doesn't seem to ever end. I just hope I will be able to cope with all of this next year, and the year after and after that. Right now, my goal is to get through today, then tomorrow, just taking it one day at a time. I think that's all i really can do.